Haven!

We may think we know who we are marrying - but do we really KNOW the family they come from? In-laws can be one of the most layered and unspoken dynamics in marriage. When two people say “I do,” they aren’t just joining lives, they’re also stepping into entire family ecosystems with their own histories, expectations, rhythms, and quirks. Sometimes that looks like open arms and instant belonging, and other times it feels more like walking on eggshells, navigating conflict, or figuring out how to honor your family of origin without dishonoring your partner. In this episode I’m joined by my friend Brittany, who I gained as a friend in-law since I have known her husband Josh since childhood! She also joined her husband’s family long before their wedding day and had years to “date” her in-laws before becoming their daughter-in-law. Her story contrasts with my own, where engagement was met with tension, boundaries had to be redefined, and later healing came through honest late-night conversations on the couch. Threaded through our convo are bigger questions every couple faces: How do you set healthy boundaries without burning bridges? How do you make peace with what may never change? And how do you stay grounded in love when the dynamics feel complicated? Whether your story looks more like Brittany’s, mine, or somewhere in between, this episode is an honest look at the beauty and the challenges of “marrying the family too.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are You A Good Dad? This one’s been sitting with me for a while. I often hear moms wondering aloud, “Am I a good mom?” And what the parenting experts say is that the moms who even ask that question are usually the ones who care enough to be doing a pretty great job. But when it comes to dads... it’s different. I don’t hear that same level of wondering or reflection as often. With fatherhood - how can you tell if you’re a good dad?  And are you even able to label yourself as that or do you have to wait until your kids are adults and they’re ultimately the ones to answer that question? I’m joined by someone I’ve wanted to bring on the podcast for over a year - Albert Aquino. He’s an intentional father, a steady husband, and one of the men I genuinely believe makes the world better just by the way he lives. Albert and I talk about what shapes men into fathers. Where do dads today get their blueprint for parenting? Are they drawing from strong role models, or starting from scratch? We both reflect on the examples in our own families - my dad and Albert’s experience growing up - and how those legacies influence the way we parent now. In this episode we talk about : 👨‍👧 What it really means to be a “good dad"? 🧠 Where men get their wisdom about fatherhood 💼 Recognizing the “provider mode” trap ❤️ Cultivating emotional closeness at home We actually yapped so much that we went way overtime and had to make it a two-parter... So, for this week - enjoy Part 1 of this conversation! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we explore the emotional complexity of sustaining friendship from girlhood into adulthood. What happens when life pulls you and your closest childhood friends in different directions? From cross-country moves to evolving values, distance, and even unspoken grief over friendships that fade without a fight. I’m joined by my lifelong friend Rachel Clark (technically Passantino but in my heart she's always a Clark girl!!) and we talk about our 30+ year friendship, including moments of drifting apart, reconnecting, and learning to recognize the difference between a seasonal friend and a soul-deep one. We also respond to listener questions covering everything from ghosting after a baby, jealousy between life stages, dating someone your friends hate, how to grieve a quiet friendship breakup, and what to do when you're always the one reaching out. This episode is for anyone wondering: Can a friendship evolve without ending? How do you know when to hold on or when to let go? What does it take to disagree and still stay close? You’ll also get to watch us stretch and fold my sourdough mid-convo, because I recently found this hobby and it's taken over my personality. I hope this conversation is as fresh and nourishing as the delicious bread rising on my counter. ENJOY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We hear a lot about toxic masculinity — in viral clips, cultural commentary, and even our personal lives. But it got me wondering: Can femininity become toxic too? If masculinity becomes harmful when it’s distorted or out of balance, could the same be true for traits we associate with femininity? In this episode, I’m joined by Abby (whose recent take on Proverbs 31 made me revisit a chapter that reminded me of my AIM screen name I had at 11 years old @proverbs31rox) and my longtime friend Mariah, a wise voice and always a good hang. Together, we explore the concept of “toxic femininity”: What does it mean? Why is it hard to name? And where have we seen it play out — in our lives, our culture, and our relationships? From complicity with the male gaze to the passive-aggressive dynamics we sometimes chalk up to “girl drama,” we talk candidly about the behaviors that might reflect femininity gone off course. Plus, we share stories (yes, even about gossip), question cultural norms, and ask: What does healthy, grounded femininity actually look like? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #1 topic request I’ve received on this podcast has been marriage. So we're bringing back a favorite: my two-part series with none other than the LOML — Aaron Weits, my husband of nearly 12 years, lover for 17, and best friend for 20. I realized I have a lot of new listeners who may not have heard this gem from Season 1 so we're doing something new & special called "Memory Mondays" where I'll pull something out of the archive to repost! Together, Aaron & I officiated multiple weddings and walked couples through pre-marital counseling using a curriculum we developed over several years. In this series, we break down the core topics every couple should talk about — whether you're just starting out or deep into the journey. Part 1: Conflict, Communication & Expectations We get honest about the real stuff: What do you do when you disagree? How do you break the cycle of scorekeeping? What boundaries help you fight fair? Part 2: Money & Sex Yes, we really go there. What's your earliest money memory—and how is it affecting your relationship? Why bartering for sex doesn’t work The “no with an appointment” strategy and the importance of agreed-upon parameters Aaron shares so much wisdom in this series, and our hope is simple: We want you to have great marriages. May these conversations spark something good for you and those you love. 🎧 Revisit the series and share with someone who could use a little (free) marriage counseling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Can marriages even last anymore?” “It’s just a piece of paper.” “Why even get married at all?” These are the questions I hear all the time. And honestly? I get it. In this episode, I’m diving into the real, raw, and often unspoken fears my generation carries about marriage. As a millennial, I’m part of a demographic where only 44% of us are married—compared to 81% of previous generations. Many of us are delaying marriage, pushing back against it, or opting out completely. And I don’t think it’s because we’re selfish or afraid of commitment—I think it’s because we’re scared. We’ve seen it fall apart. We haven’t been given a model. We don’t have a blueprint. But I’m here to tell you: just because we haven’t been taught doesn’t mean we can’t learn. I share my personal story—getting engaged at 20, navigating marriage without a roadmap, facing the pain of my parents’ divorce right as I was stepping into commitment myself, and what it’s looked like to build something lasting with my husband Aaron over the past 12 years. From dry weddings and Disney cruise honeymoons to therapy before engagement, learning to navigate conflict, and remodeling our marriage through life’s biggest changes—this episode is a reflection on what it really means to build a lifelong partnership. Whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in between—this one’s for you. Because maybe, just maybe, the foundation we’ve been longing for is still possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It’s the kind of shift you can’t fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we’re diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood. We’re talking about: 🍼 Why having kids in the 21st century feels like a luxury 🧠 The mental load of parenting and how it affects the way you show up for your kids ⚖️ The duality of loving parenthood while also missing who you were before Plus, listener submissions on what they wish they had known—because honestly, why did no one tell us this before we got pregnant?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many things you can’t fully understand about marriage until you’re in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We’re talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin. In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who’s been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship. We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship. Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Season 3!!!!! This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships. So with as our first topic... let’s get into some conflict. What’s your favorite fight you’ve ever had? How do you win an argument? What happens in your body during an argument? And the real question—what’s the best part of a fight? In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them. Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments. You can’t control your partner’s words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection? Join us as we share what we’ve learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I get to sit down with two of my favorite voices in the parenting space, Sissy Goff and David Thomas. Sissy wrote The Worry-Free Parent and Raising Worry-Free Girls, and David wrote Raising Emotionally Strong Boys. Their books have been such a gift to me in my own friend circle / mom book club, and this conversation felt like talking to two friends. Instead of piling on more “fix your kid” advice, it reminds us that the best gift we can give our kids is our own emotional health. We talk about how our regulation becomes their regulation, how to stop worry loops before they spill over, and how to resist that urge to swoop in and rescue (so hard, right?). They share so many practical tools for caring for our own minds and hearts so we can model resilience for our kids. We also get into what it looks like to notice our child’s unique temperament without projecting our fears, and simple ways to coach kids through big feelings - naming emotions, breathing, coping strategies, and even letting them do the “scary thing” without overstepping. Faith threads through the conversation too, reminding us that God equips us for the hard things He’s writing into our family’s story. Plus, I brought in your questions - everything from bedtime battles and grandparent POV to school drop off resiliency. And at the very end, I asked them something I think every overwhelmed parent needs to hear: if you’re maxed out and running on empty, what’s one small, doable thing you can try today to move toward being a little more worry-free? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In part two of my conversation with my friend Albert, we go deeper into what being a “good dad” truly means to him as shares the small but powerful & super intentional ways he stays connected to his family throughout each season. In this episode we talk about: 💬 How you can define a “good dad” 🤗 Why he never lets go first in a hug with his daughter 📸 The meaning behind taking a photo when his son holds his hand 💍 How respecting his wife shapes his fatherhood 🪞 Modeling the kind of relationships he hopes his kids will seek This part of the conversation was extended into a two-parter on the spot because we just kept talking so long on the topic!! By the end, I had cornered him into committing to come back for another round, because I know we’ve only scratched the surface of his wisdom here. ENJOY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable and practical follow-up to our pregnancy episode, I’m joined again by Tess to unpack everything we wish we knew before entering the wild, beautiful, disorienting season of postpartum—also known as the 4th trimester. Postpartum isn’t just “after having a baby.” It’s its own stage of life. And it deserves its own conversation. We talk about what no one tells you about preparing for the hospital, what to pack (for you, your partner, and baby), setting boundaries around visitors, and how to emotionally prep for those first few foggy days. You’ll hear both our birth stories in full, plus: What a lactation consultant really helps with Intrusive thoughts Identity shifts and how long it actually took to feel like ourselves again We also get honest about relationships, friendship expectations after birth, and what it looked like to be mentally fragile while also doing something incredibly strong. If you're navigating new motherhood (or walking with someone who is), this episode is here to be a soft landing and a real talk resource. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know when you're actually ready to have kids? And once you are… why does no one tell you how complicated, emotional, vulnerable and confusing the road to pregnancy can be? In this episode we’re kicking off a two-part series starting with "What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Pregnant" and Part 1 is all about the season before baby. (Part 2 will be What I Wish I Knew Before I was Postpartum... an entirely different beast.) From ovulation apps and acupuncture, to the heartbreak of waiting—and the advice I got from a friend after it took me a long time to conceive —we’re talking through all the layers of trying to bring life into the world. We’ll dive into the shock of the first trimester (why are the appointments so far apart?!), baby gear overload, the emotional whiplash of gender disappointment, and the honest truth that even when you’re thrilled to be pregnant… you might still grieve the “just us” era of your relationship. Plus, we’re answering your questions: — How do you deal with first trimester anxiety? — How can partners help with your hormones? — What’s overrated on the baby registry? — And how do you emotionally and physically prepare for the birth part (😅)? Whether you're trying to conceive, newly pregnant, or just curious about what this season really feels like, we’re talking about the messy middle of hope, hormones, and holding space for all the feels. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout?  I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it’s not “have you experienced burnout” it’s “what did it look like?” When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I’m giving something my all and things don’t seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted... So it’s not only a question of "how did I get here?" It’s also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?" My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it’s about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy.  Some of my favorite quotes from the book... “Burnout is the body’s way of crying out for us to pay attention. It’s the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through” “Whether we’re self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.” “When you’re drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Accurate Is A Mother’s Intuition? A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids.  Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it? I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That’s Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power.  How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)? But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding?  We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of the Haven! podcast book club, I sit down with author Erwin Raphael McManus to dive into his latest book, The 7 Frequencies of Communication, and explore how these frequencies show up in our everyday lives. Are you a Maven, a Seer, a Commander, a Professor, a Healer, a Challenger, or a Motivator? Discovering your unique frequency can unlock your potential and transform how you connect with others. Erwin graciously joined us for a live Q&A with my listeners, where we tackled real-life applications of these frequencies. The conversation began as my own personal therapy session (imagine a Commander married to a Maven—opposites definitely attract!) and unfolded into a rich discussion on self-talk, parenting, conflict resolution, and navigating contrasting perspectives. Whether you’re new to this concept or already curious about communication styles, this episode is for anyone who wants to be heard, understood, and impactful in how they relate to the world around them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sister relationships can be very... tricky Like, I would give my sister my kidney but not my phone charger - what is that?? I was recently watching the Netflix Series "Nobody Wants This" and I thought it portrayed the complicated relationship with both humor and warmth. One scene that grabbed me was where the protagonist (played by Kristen Bell) is at a dinner party and it comes up in conversation that she has a sister. She then is asked the #1 follow-up question every sister gets in that scenario "Oh, are you two close?" Her response was the best answer I've heard yet which was "Oh yeah, she's my best friend and my worst enemy" which to me summarizes the dynamics perfectly. This episode is immediately following a previous one titled "How to brainwash your kids into being best friends" so I thought it would be the perfect dove-tail to bring in my OWN sister, Clancy, and we chat more about the complex world of sisterhood. If you have a sister, I hope you find our discussion both humorous and warm - if you do NOT have a sister, take this opportunity to have a peak into the convoluted world of SISTERS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brainwashing Your Kids Into Being Best Friends? Growing up my brother, sister & I had some knock-down drag-out gnarly flights… so now that I have two little ones I am verrrrry interested in how to mitigate that ahead of time.  It seems sibling rivalry is not only normalized but it’s perceived as inevitable and beyond evolutionary control.  Most advice out there isn’t really even on how to navigate it while they’re children but primarily hoping “when you get older you’ll grow out of it and end up being best friends, just wait!” But what about those 20+ years in-between when they seem to be at each other’s throats?? I brought in someone who is an expert on this subject in my eyes - I have seen my cousins play together, stick up for one another, and truly call each other their best friends - so when I asked my aunt @mariacoleman “how did you do that??” a few years ago I was shocked by her answer… “Oh, I brainwashed them into loving each other” 😏 Tune into the episode to hear what she means by that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Preschool Moms...I have done a few episodes on this topic as it’s my current phase of life having a 3yr old and a 5yr old! Previously in this series I've talked with friends about how to connect with other parents which can be tricky with kids crawling all over us and interrupting every few sentences. Plus even meeting people can be hard as the quick hallway passing makes it hard focus. Yet, we typically are all on the birthday circuit seeing one another at 8 different fall birthday parties. We also discussed the dilemma of whether or not we should be putting our kids’ faces online without their consent and the lasting impacts of that still being a bit uncertain. As we were even getting in the discussions I got the well deserved critique of “why is it preschool moms when dads are involved now too?” Hello. How sexist of me! SO I wanted to bring in someone I know is a very hands on and involved dad to talk a bit about what it's like for our counterparts when it comes to this unique window of parenthood. Welcome Andres Figueroa as we talk about his POV as a dad to two kids under the age of 4. We chat about the unique role of dads in a kids' life and how important it can be. In this phase of life my husband and I are also constantly sending parenting memes to each other so Andres & I pull up a few popular ones and discuss what makes them resonate so deeply with us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices