Haven!

The #1 topic request I’ve received on this podcast has been marriage. So we're bringing back a favorite: my two-part series with none other than the LOML — Aaron Weits, my husband of nearly 12 years, lover for 17, and best friend for 20. I realized I have a lot of new listeners who may not have heard this gem from Season 1 so we're doing something new & special called "Memory Mondays" where I'll pull something out of the archive to repost! Together, Aaron & I officiated multiple weddings and walked couples through pre-marital counseling using a curriculum we developed over several years. In this series, we break down the core topics every couple should talk about — whether you're just starting out or deep into the journey. Part 1: Conflict, Communication & Expectations We get honest about the real stuff: What do you do when you disagree? How do you break the cycle of scorekeeping? What boundaries help you fight fair? Part 2: Money & Sex Yes, we really go there. What's your earliest money memory—and how is it affecting your relationship? Why bartering for sex doesn’t work The “no with an appointment” strategy and the importance of agreed-upon parameters Aaron shares so much wisdom in this series, and our hope is simple: We want you to have great marriages. May these conversations spark something good for you and those you love. 🎧 Revisit the series and share with someone who could use a little (free) marriage counseling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Can marriages even last anymore?” “It’s just a piece of paper.” “Why even get married at all?” These are the questions I hear all the time. And honestly? I get it. In this episode, I’m diving into the real, raw, and often unspoken fears my generation carries about marriage. As a millennial, I’m part of a demographic where only 44% of us are married—compared to 81% of previous generations. Many of us are delaying marriage, pushing back against it, or opting out completely. And I don’t think it’s because we’re selfish or afraid of commitment—I think it’s because we’re scared. We’ve seen it fall apart. We haven’t been given a model. We don’t have a blueprint. But I’m here to tell you: just because we haven’t been taught doesn’t mean we can’t learn. I share my personal story—getting engaged at 20, navigating marriage without a roadmap, facing the pain of my parents’ divorce right as I was stepping into commitment myself, and what it’s looked like to build something lasting with my husband Aaron over the past 12 years. From dry weddings and Disney cruise honeymoons to therapy before engagement, learning to navigate conflict, and remodeling our marriage through life’s biggest changes—this episode is a reflection on what it really means to build a lifelong partnership. Whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in between—this one’s for you. Because maybe, just maybe, the foundation we’ve been longing for is still possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It’s the kind of shift you can’t fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we’re diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood. We’re talking about: 🍼 Why having kids in the 21st century feels like a luxury 🧠 The mental load of parenting and how it affects the way you show up for your kids ⚖️ The duality of loving parenthood while also missing who you were before Plus, listener submissions on what they wish they had known—because honestly, why did no one tell us this before we got pregnant?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many things you can’t fully understand about marriage until you’re in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We’re talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin. In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who’s been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship. We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship. Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Season 3!!!!! This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships. So with as our first topic... let’s get into some conflict. What’s your favorite fight you’ve ever had? How do you win an argument? What happens in your body during an argument? And the real question—what’s the best part of a fight? In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them. Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments. You can’t control your partner’s words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection? Join us as we share what we’ve learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout?  I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it’s not “have you experienced burnout” it’s “what did it look like?” When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I’m giving something my all and things don’t seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted... So it’s not only a question of "how did I get here?" It’s also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?" My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it’s about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy.  Some of my favorite quotes from the book... “Burnout is the body’s way of crying out for us to pay attention. It’s the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through” “Whether we’re self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.” “When you’re drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Accurate Is A Mother’s Intuition? A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids.  Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it? I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That’s Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power.  How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)? But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding?  We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of the Haven! podcast book club, I sit down with author Erwin Raphael McManus to dive into his latest book, The 7 Frequencies of Communication, and explore how these frequencies show up in our everyday lives. Are you a Maven, a Seer, a Commander, a Professor, a Healer, a Challenger, or a Motivator? Discovering your unique frequency can unlock your potential and transform how you connect with others. Erwin graciously joined us for a live Q&A with my listeners, where we tackled real-life applications of these frequencies. The conversation began as my own personal therapy session (imagine a Commander married to a Maven—opposites definitely attract!) and unfolded into a rich discussion on self-talk, parenting, conflict resolution, and navigating contrasting perspectives. Whether you’re new to this concept or already curious about communication styles, this episode is for anyone who wants to be heard, understood, and impactful in how they relate to the world around them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sister relationships can be very... tricky Like, I would give my sister my kidney but not my phone charger - what is that?? I was recently watching the Netflix Series "Nobody Wants This" and I thought it portrayed the complicated relationship with both humor and warmth. One scene that grabbed me was where the protagonist (played by Kristen Bell) is at a dinner party and it comes up in conversation that she has a sister. She then is asked the #1 follow-up question every sister gets in that scenario "Oh, are you two close?" Her response was the best answer I've heard yet which was "Oh yeah, she's my best friend and my worst enemy" which to me summarizes the dynamics perfectly. This episode is immediately following a previous one titled "How to brainwash your kids into being best friends" so I thought it would be the perfect dove-tail to bring in my OWN sister, Clancy, and we chat more about the complex world of sisterhood. If you have a sister, I hope you find our discussion both humorous and warm - if you do NOT have a sister, take this opportunity to have a peak into the convoluted world of SISTERS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brainwashing Your Kids Into Being Best Friends? Growing up my brother, sister & I had some knock-down drag-out gnarly flights… so now that I have two little ones I am verrrrry interested in how to mitigate that ahead of time.  It seems sibling rivalry is not only normalized but it’s perceived as inevitable and beyond evolutionary control.  Most advice out there isn’t really even on how to navigate it while they’re children but primarily hoping “when you get older you’ll grow out of it and end up being best friends, just wait!” But what about those 20+ years in-between when they seem to be at each other’s throats?? I brought in someone who is an expert on this subject in my eyes - I have seen my cousins play together, stick up for one another, and truly call each other their best friends - so when I asked my aunt @mariacoleman “how did you do that??” a few years ago I was shocked by her answer… “Oh, I brainwashed them into loving each other” 😏 Tune into the episode to hear what she means by that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Preschool Moms...I have done a few episodes on this topic as it’s my current phase of life having a 3yr old and a 5yr old! Previously in this series I've talked with friends about how to connect with other parents which can be tricky with kids crawling all over us and interrupting every few sentences. Plus even meeting people can be hard as the quick hallway passing makes it hard focus. Yet, we typically are all on the birthday circuit seeing one another at 8 different fall birthday parties. We also discussed the dilemma of whether or not we should be putting our kids’ faces online without their consent and the lasting impacts of that still being a bit uncertain. As we were even getting in the discussions I got the well deserved critique of “why is it preschool moms when dads are involved now too?” Hello. How sexist of me! SO I wanted to bring in someone I know is a very hands on and involved dad to talk a bit about what it's like for our counterparts when it comes to this unique window of parenthood. Welcome Andres Figueroa as we talk about his POV as a dad to two kids under the age of 4. We chat about the unique role of dads in a kids' life and how important it can be. In this phase of life my husband and I are also constantly sending parenting memes to each other so Andres & I pull up a few popular ones and discuss what makes them resonate so deeply with us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve all been there…  Someone comes up and says “Oh my gosh, I love your pants, they’re so cute!” Then we all the sudden feel awkward.  Sometimes we’ll say something like “Ah! Thanks yes I got them on sale only $10!” Or maybe along the lines of “These pants? Thanks just trying to distract from how I haven’t had a pedicure in 3 months.” Or we say anything except a plain “Thank you.”  I realized this a few months back when in a group setting and this topic came up - we went around the room and each answered “what do you do or how do you feel when someone gives you a compliment?” - most everyone admitted to feeling super weird and not knowing what to do next. But why is that??? Are we afraid to take in the compliment and become conceited?  Or do we actually not believe what they’re saying? Perhaps it’s because we don’t trust the person saying it? I wanted to dive a bit more into why compliments seem to make most of us cringe SO I asked one of my friends who was in that group (👋🏻 Robbie Aholoka) to come join me on the pod to talk about it more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bringing back a crowd favorite to the pod… my mom @lisawhelchel! She & I debated back and forth about what topic should we cover together and when we couldn’t land on one we chose to let the fates decide! I threw up a question box on my Instagram Q&A and you guys delivered with some fascinating prompts Ya lobbed a few easy ones like ”who was your first celebrity crush?” and “what quality do you admire most in another individual” Sprinkling in some medium-spicy - “If you had a warning label what would it say?” and “what is the sound that drives you crazy?” Then turning on the heat with a few like asking “am I the black sheep of the family?” and talking about an activity/experience we have shared as adults that would have sounded impossible to me as a kid. Tune in to the full episode to hear our responses.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s your favorite…. An Aaron! Takeover What does it mean to “live the dream”? Most people might say… 💰 Financial security  💼 Career Fulfillment ⛳️ Freedom 🏥 Health 🏆 Personal Accomplishments ☮️ Contentment Dreams create hope And hope leads us to the future I think being able to dream together is one of the most important things we can do But not just dreaming… we need to act on them Together we discuss as a couple… How do you build shared dreams?  How do they evolve over time?  Have you ever had a dream die? What happened? How do you straddle contentment and ambition?  What current dreams are you working toward? What are our dreams for our family? But my favorite one he asked… “What dream are we living right now?” I always love it when @aaronweits is the guest as we just follow his train of thought - and let’s just say he takes it all over the place, haha Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Social Media + Kids = ??? We are the first generation to really have to wrestle with this as we were the ones in jr. high / high school when social media even came about to give us access to each other 24/7. We were so naive throwing Facebook albums with 80 pictures from one night out and didn't really think about any lasting impacts as at the time it felt like it was just to your own inner circle. Since then it’s grown into this ginormous beast and we now know the internet is forever... So, as we have kids, it’s a parent's real decision on whether or not you’re going to put your kids online or not.  We don’t know enough about what the impact of that will be for them to have their childhood on display. They can’t consent but do we consent for them?  We may act as their proxy, but eventually we also have to decide what age do we give them access to it themselves? It’s a topic I have with girlfriends of a “should we, should we not” so I wanted to bring in two other preschool moms and get their takes. One of my friends, Nia Sanchez Booko, is literally on a reality television show with her family & her twin daughters star as the baby in "Young Sheldon" while another friend, Lauren Mulenos, throws emojis on her children when posting on her stories. I brought them both in to share their POV as we try to determine what's right for our respective families. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Affair-proofing your marriage... hefty topic. I don't think people go into their marriage thinking "one day I'm going to screw this all up, break any ounce of trust we built, and shatter my spouse's heart" - and yet, it happens. Aaron & I have seen it enough times to develop a very healthy fear of it. We've adapted the mindset of "it can happen to anyone, even us" and have adapted our behaviors accordingly. Some highlights we talk about in this episode: It's not just defense, it's offense Set your boundaries up of what you will/won't do in advance Gauge your own satisfaction level What is your need / lack either in partnership or a gaping hole in yourself? Brokenness causes affairs, not a lack of sex - so where am I broken? Ultimately a heart issue - we can have all the protocols but if you want to hide from me, you will. It’s your heart that needs to be addressed. It would be so much easier to be superhuman and never give anyone else a second glance. Plus it can feel so uncomfortable to have these types of conversations with your partner because saying the truth can hurt their feelings - but, wouldn't you rather give them the opportunity to actually fully know you vs just the parts of them you deem "acceptable"? Remove shame by bringing your brokenness into the light and you may just find that it loses its power when you do that too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Communication can be tough - especially when you have to deliver some difficult feedback. Kim Scott is a well-known figure in the business world, particularly for her work on management and leadership. Her background includes roles at major tech companies like Google and Apple, where she was involved in building and managing teams.  She wrote the book "Radical Candor: How to be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity" which breaks down what it looks like to both care personally and challenge directly landing you in the sweet spot of radical candor. But what are some of the other quadrants we can fall into? Do you slip into ruinous empathy which happens when you care a lot but never challenge? (Picture EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! from the Lego movie) Are you known at the office for your obnoxious aggression which isn't showing your invested in the other person but you're absolutely going full-force on the challenging? (Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada, anyone?) Or are you manipulatively insincere where you're not really emotionally involved at all or speaking up? (Office Space: "I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday...mmmk?") Our first ever Haven! book club read the book to discuss it together last month and had the privilege of the author herself joining to answer our questions. Kim graciously answered our questions and I think you'll enjoy what she has to say! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Becoming a mom can rock your world - all the sudden you're thrust into this entirely new chapter of your life where it's all consuming, entirely life-altering, and wholly identity changing to say the least. Somehow time moves so slowly (on a loop of feed, diaper, sleep, repeat) and yet quickly at the same time (they're already sitting up??) For me, I felt strangely united with every single woman who came before me who had entered this journey, but also weirdly isolated because it was entirely new to me and no one knew exactly what I was going through. Community and connection were my saving grace. But, it can be so hard to make friends who are in this similar phase of life with you - especially because the main question can be "is the fact that we have similar aged children all we have in common?" I bring in a fellow mom, Kim Craven (known to all the kids as Kimmie!), that I met at our kids' preschool. She is the queen of organizing a group text event and currently we are both experiencing so many firsts together - our first born children entering school, first time navigating kids squabbling in class, etc. I plan to make this topic a limited recurring series where I bring in other preschool parents as we discuss this unique phase of life! Although, even if you don't have preschool kids, I think what we talk about is pretty universal - how do you put yourself out there and make new friends? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Could you imagine being 12 years old at your first week of dance practice after being cast for the New Mickey Mouse Club - feeling so thrilled to be there, a little nervous but filled with anticipation - and the first thing the choreographer says as they comes over to you in your leotard is to pat your belly and say "Got a little gut on there don't you, girly? Gonna have to get rid of that..." Yeah. That happened to my mom. How would you not begin to have some body image issues after that? I bring her in for a heartfelt discussion about the uphill battle it can be to have a healthy relationship to your body. Whether it was a dance teacher, TV commercial, or magazine ad targeted to inform you of your inadequacy it seems that society has been conditioning us to hate our bodies from multiple angles. Yet, the concept of body neutrality - basically the act of taking a neutral stance toward your body both emotionally and physically - seems to be more difficult to implement as we are swimming upstream. The ability to not support the hatred towards your body's “limitations” but simply being at peace with your body is easier said than done, yet I do think there is a path forward. My mom was really brave to experience share her journey with this throughout her life and also raising two young women with the intention to NOT have that be our inner monologue. Join us as we discuss the power our bodies possess, far beyond what they even look like. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices