Claim OwnershipConversations from the Heart
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© 2024 Conversations from the Heart
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Listen to live mini-coaching moments focused on helping people connect with themselves and others by speaking their truth with kindness and compassion, and listening through new filters. Get new scripts for stuck situations, hear new ways of responding to old relationship dynamics and get guidance on how to approach these situations with empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication strategies. Here, we emphasize understanding both one's own needs and the needs of others, creating safe spaces for vulnerable conversations, and finding ways to express oneself authentically while respecting others' boundaries.
64 Episodes
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It can be incredibly painful when we find ourselves in relationships where we long for deeper authentic connection but can't seem to elicit that desire in others.In this episode, we discuss:1:11 How can I connect with someone who can't work won't talk about his feelings?8:13 If someone is unhappy, that must mean something is wrong, right?12:11 How our agenda is often an obstacle to authentic connection19:42 How can I find closure with my ex-best friend?23:46 I wa...
It's easy to let our thoughts sink into the "shoulds" that have been programmed into us:"I should be able to handle this: other people say it's easy.""He should be able to get ready and go to school by himself - he's old enough now.""I should have paid my taxes weeks ago - why does this feel so hard?"However, running our lives on "shoulds" often robs us of the joy and creative life-energy that is our human divine right, and robs us of our need for choice fulness. In this episode, w...
When we want to stay in relationship with people who have hurt us, it's important for us to figure out a way to connect with them in a way that keeps us open hearted and also protected.But how, exactly, can we show up open heartedly in ways that also protect us and keep us safe? That's where open hearted and loving boundaries come in. In this episode we explore:1:00 How can I make the implicit explicit?12:00 It takes discipline to focus on what's working16:13 I f...
We've all been well trained in the rules of the game we all know. We've been taught to be dutiful children, loving siblings, tolerant friends.But when some of us realize that we've outgrown the status quo, it can feel like an act of rebellion and revolution as we transform the rules of a system that no longer works for us in search for a more authentic way of life.At the very beginning of this episode, I walk through my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart, a tool designed to ...
Love cannot be ordered up. Care cannot be demanded. If we want certain people to love us, or care about us, is there anything we can do to make that more likely? This episode explores various relational moves across three scenarios that might help to inspire more care for ourselves from other people. We discuss:1:36 The stove is broken. How can I inspire my partner to care about this?5:25 The two levels in every conversation: Tactical and Relational9:43...
We may be interested in living an authentic, honest life.Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean those we're closest to are interested in doing the same thing.The easiest way to encourage those around us to show up authentically is by ensuring we make that experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them.In this episode, we discuss:2:31 My daughter rescinded her dinner invitation and my feelings were hurt, and I pretended it was fine when I was actually really hurt.13:34 ...
Navigating relationships with difficult family members can sometimes be a Herculean task.This episode highlights four main strategies for walking the path of authentic communication with family members who can be hard to connect with:1. Practicing the art of translating judgments into feelings and needs.2. Maintaining deep connection with ourselves. 3. Locating the conversation in the present and not the past.4. Melting defensiveness by creating enough internal ca...
Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort. Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.In this week's conversation we discuss:1.01 Find information on my upcoming offerings: Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness3:16 "My usual MO would be to run .." ...
This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.We explore:1:59 I don't feel like I belong anywhere5:50 Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame7:19 Belonging to Yourself12:05 The role of reverence14:03 How do I handle passive aggressive comments?25:20 We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic26:43 Make the implicit explicit34:28 My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts ...
This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship: with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves.We explore:1:18 The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered. How can I help myself and them?4:12 How to ground observations in micro moments13:11 I wanted care and I didn't receive it. How can I talk about this with no accusations?31:05 A scr...
This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work. She asks: "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racially hostile behaviour’ from colleagues and supervisors. For context, I am black/African. I also jus...
It's a common - if painful - dynamic: we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain. In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question: "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"Highlights include:2:50 If all I get is blame, why should I even t...
It can be so difficult to know what to say next. Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios. We discuss:1:06 "Please tell me you love me, dad."8:54 "I'm sorry, but you're fired."15:47 "I want to stay. Do you want that, too?"29:16 "Dear child, this is my boundary."— Thank you for tuning in. Remember...
What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it? Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds? It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews are colliding. On this week's podcast, we tackle the hard work of connecting - with friends, w...
As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are. Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word.On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous systems of others, including:4:24 How can someone be verbally aggressive and still profess love?12:59 ...
Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way? In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better. On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious.1:51 My friend is dismissive when I try to talk about my body.15:24 Our bodies have often been used as tools of...
It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first. After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.Want to experience this with a real life example? Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:3:31 When identifying fee...
Do you find yourself plotting out how you're going to respond to someone even while they're still talking to you?We all do this.And it never works well. Not for any of us.Upleveling our listening skills is one of the most important upgrades we can make for our relationships. Today's episode is rich with ideas of where to focus during a conversation in order to create an experience that fosters intimacy and connection for both parties.We discuss:1:20 I'm defensive and I jump...
In this week's mini-episode, we delve into the needs that can be met when our family steps up to contribute to our lives in meaningful, important ways, and the loneliness and grief that can occur when they are no longer willing to help.We discover:2:53 My brother-in-law doesn't want to help me anymore and my feelings are hurt7:30 A script for checking things out 11:27 Ways to honor freedom and choice— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified wh...
Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent, and enforcing rules is not coercion.In this week's episode, we unpack a professor's desire to limit coercion and violence in her classroom and her desire to create a tight container that supports and respects participant sharing.We consider:2:52 Can mandatory attendance be in line with nonviolence?10:52 How can I create a tight container nonviolently?11:46 Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent.— Thank...
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