The Unburdened Leader

We’re better together. We need community. We need the collective.We hear these ideas and believe in their truth. But when so many of us grew up learning that we’re supposed to do it all on our own, letting go of individualism takes a lot of conscious unlearning.An individualist lens on leadership tells us that when things go wrong, we’re both the source of the problem and responsible for the solution. We get stretched thin. We people please. We overfunction and overachieve, and still it never feels like we’re doing enough.Shifting to a systemic lens on leadership, one that asks what the whole system needs and who else belongs in the conversation, is the difficult work we need to do in order to embrace the collective not just in heart and mind, but in action.My guest today speaks to the challenges of navigating systems that still reward hyper-individualism and the need to build real trust in others and our communities through his poems, essays, and artwork with deep conviction and clarity. I am so excited for you to listen to our conversation.David Gate is a poet, writer and visual artist who hails from London, UK and now resides in the mists of the ancient Blue Ridge Mountains in Asheville, North Carolina.His work centers around care for the individual (heart, mind, body & soul) and the nurture of community (culture, the earth &  environment, the dignity of others and spiritual communities).Listen to the full episode to hear:How the emotional distance and perspective of being in his 40s has shifted the lens of David’s writingWhy true caring for each other is an act of rebellion in our hyper-individualist cultureHow a filter of care influences the choices David makes, both in the big picture and the day-to-dayHow having experienced financial precarity can shift how people relate to their resources and communitiesHow the process of writing and editing A Rebellion of Care helped David rediscover the power of writing essaysThe experience that helped David detach the practices of faith from the leadership norms that exist in many churchesLearn more about David Gate:davidgatepoet.comInstagram: @davidgatepoetA Rebellion of Care on SubstackA Rebellion of CareLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Reclaiming My Theology PodcastAbsalom, Absalom! William FaulknerLet the Poets Govern: A Declaration of Freedom, Camonghne FelixFather John Misty - The PayoffAndorHouse of the DragonMasters of the UniverseHe-Man and the Masters of the UniverseJoker: Folie à DeuxChapters:(00:39) - Introduction (06:42) - Reevaluating Inherited Culture (09:47) - Unlearning Evangelicalism (12:43) - Finding Emotional Stability (14:15) - Power and American Evangelicalism (16:22) - Why Care Is Rebellion (19:35) - Defining Care In Practice (22:34) - Mutual Aid And Money Fears (27:20) - Work Myth And Poverty Proximity (30:33) - Writing Process And Clarity (34:40) - Seattle Church Breakthrough (39:34) - Relationship with Privilege (41:31) - Servant Leadership Redefined (43:23) - Rapid Fire Questions (51:59) - Where to Connect (53:12) - Closing Thoughts

No matter how much we’d like it to be true, we can’t think our way into changing.We have so much information, language, and so many tools to help us understand what makes us tick right at our fingertips. And who doesn’t love a quiz, a personality test, a self-help book, or (ahem) a podcast that helps us make sense of ourselves and others in our personal and professional lives?Whether it’s Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, your Enneagram, or your astrological chart, you probably have years’ worth of exposure to various categories, frameworks, and language to call on. And yet, you still feel like a stranger to yourself in the moments that matter most.Because we can’t intellectualize our way through change. We have to feel it. We have to do it.This is where trauma-informed leadership work actually lives, not in collecting more language for what's wrong with you or others, but in helping you recognize the echoes of your own story that are still running the show, and developing the skills to help you take action and choose differently.Today’s guest has spent her career studying people, the soul, and how we relate to ourselves and others. But in writing her most recent book, she found she had to dig deeper into her own story and start to really live the work herself. And when she started living things differently, she realized there was no looking back.Dr. Alison Cook is a therapist, psychologist of religion, bestselling author, and host of the top-ranked The Best of You podcast. Widely recognized for her ability to bridge faith and psychology in a way that is both deeply practical and spiritually alive, Dr. Alison has spent over two decades helping people move from feeling disconnected to feeling secure, grounded, and loved. Her books, including Boundaries for Your Soul and The Best of You, have sold over 150,000 copies. She and her husband, Joe, are the parents of two adult children and call the mountains of Wyoming home.Listen to the full episode to hear: How Alison navigated the personal and professional anxieties raised as she brought her own story into her new bookWhy revisiting her adolescence was a deeply vulnerable but necessary piece of learning to notice her inner bids for connectionHow minimizing our everyday wounds impacts us individually and as a cultureWhy doing the inner work of witnessing yourself is part of getting your needs met in the outside worldWhy self-awareness and conscious choice matter when it comes to engaging our controllers and escape hatchesHow developing trust in her fundamental belovedness gives Alison the security to be accountable to the people in her lifeLearn more about Dr. Alison Cook:WebsiteThe Best of You PodcastInstagram: @dralisoncookFacebook: @dralisoncookThe Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn't Come EasyLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:FootlooseIrvin D. YalomDopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, Anna Lembke MDInto the Quiet: Following Jesus in a World of Noise, John Mark ComerTaylor Swift - The Fate of OpheliaPretty in PinkChapters:(00:43) - Introduction (09:46) - Belonging to Our Story (15:53) - Anticipating the Costs (19:28) - Rage Journaling and Attachment Wounds (30:01) - Inner Work and Right Sized Needs (34:22) - Controller Parts Explained (40:22) - Recognize, Return, and Divine Love (43:58) - Leadership Without Othering (48:46) - Inner Life Shapes Leadership (51:25) - Rapid Fire Questions (55:30) - Where to Connect (56:14) - Closing Thoughts

What does connection mean to you? How do you know when you're feeling connected?Connection is foundational to building trust, and trust is an essential quality that any team or relationship needs to grow.Yet in many relationships, both personally and professionally, we tolerate disconnection. We miss the early signals of missed deadlines, the subtle cues of quiet resentment, and the team that’s compliant and even productive, but not engaged.  Until disconnection creates the distrust, the dis-ease, and the erosion of psychological safety that, left unchecked, hijacks even the strongest relationships, teams, and organizations.Leaders and their teams need to not only learn to identify markers of disconnection early, but to also develop the skills to repair it. The goal isn’t a team that never ruptures. It’s a team that knows how to reconnect.That’s why I’m so excited to talk with my guest today about her work that integrates well-being science, positive psychology, and systems-level leadership to help organizations uncover what it takes to build connected, thriving teams where well-being and high performance can truly coexist.Jamie Shapiro, PhD, is a Keynote Speaker, Master Certified Executive Coach, organizational psychologist, researcher and the CEO of Connected EC. Jamie’s approach blends science, strategy, and lived leadership experience to her work with CEOs and executive teams navigating growth, complexity, and cultural transformation.Jamie is the author of Brilliant: Be the Leader Who Shines Brightly Without Burning Out and Connected Culture: The New Science for Thriving Teams and Cultures. She is also the founder of the Leader and Organization Vitality (LOV) Center, a research institute that advances the science of leadership vitality, culture, and performance and bridges the gap between research and real-world practice.Listen to the full episode to hear: How Jamie’s personal experience with cycles of burnout in the corporate world informs her research and coaching practiceThe physical, mental, and emotional impacts of trust and connection on teamsWhy Jamie’s model for thriving teams has trust, care, and connection at its coreWhat corporate culture consistently gets wrong about candid communication and the number one way to improve itWhat we can learn from chickens about building high-performing teamsHow psychological safety and connection positively drive performanceLearn more about Jamie Shapiro:Connected ECConnect on LinkedInBrilliant: Be The Leader Who Shines Brightly Without Burning OutConnected Culture: The New Science for Thriving Teams and CulturesLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Links The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené BrownLoneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, John T Cacioppo and William PatrickThe Neuroscience of Trust, Paul J. Zak | Harvard Business ReviewThe Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth, Amy C. EdmondsonRight Use of Power InstituteShaping Power for Good: Wayfinding to Right Relationship, Amanda AguileraSuper-Chicken ModelJust One Word: The Surprisingly Simple Method to Discover Your Purpose and Unleash Your Power, Erin WeedILLENIUMOff CampusVoicemails for IsabelleSixteen CandlesChapters:(00:22) - Introduction (07:33) - New Book and Career Pivot (11:33) - Support Systems (13:38) - Burnout to Vitality Research (16:10) - Trust Fuels Team Energy (21:29) - Connection Model and Accountability (24:36) - Defining candid communication (27:59) - Psychological Safety Reframed (30:00) - Listening and Power Dynamics (32:58) - High Performer Chicken Study (37:46) - From Doing To Being (41:21) - Safety Versus Accountability Myth (48:30) - Defining Leadership (49:52) - Quick Fire Questions (55:51) - How to Connect (56:35) - Closing Thoughts

When the stakes rise and more is on the line, everything about visibility shifts –– what it means, what it costs, and what it asks of you.And if you ever experienced bullying, relational trauma, betrayal, or abuse, visibility can be more than just awkward or uncomfortable. Unprocessed echoes of those burdens can make the past feel like it is happening in the present.We have to do the work of building more trust within, getting clear on who and what really matters, and learning to follow our values even when we do not know the results.As my guest today reminded me, when we go silent, we may feel safe, but our voices are not out there, and others will step in to define the direction of conversations and the topics that matter most to us.Showing up and letting people see and hear you isn’t always easy, but with practice and courage, we can reshape the narratives we carry about ourselves and our visibility.Mike Ganino works with professional speakers, keynote speakers, and executives to help them create transformative speaking experiences worthy of standing ovations. As a keynote director with a background as an actor, writer, director, producer, hospitality executive, and corporate trainer, Mike learned to view storytelling and performance from the audience’s perspective and uses these insights and experiences to help his clients develop talks and performances that go beyond just wowing the audience to truly transform their thinking.Listen to the full episode to hear:How a fourth-grade substitute teacher showed Mike the power of making people feel seenWhy getting comfortable with visibility requires us to address the relational wounds that have kept us quietWhat we can learn from actors about the choices we make as we show up and interact with othersWhy developing as a speaker is a physical practice before it’s an intellectual practiceTwo essential elements for telling an effective storyHow fears of losing status and being misunderstood keeps us from showing up for ourselves and others Learn more about Mike Ganino:https://mikeganino.com/Instagram: @mikeganinoFacebook: @mikeganinoConnect on LinkedInMake a Scene: Storytelling, Stage Presence, and the Art of Being Unforgettable in Every SpotlightLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Face: A Natural History, Daniel McNeillAriana GrandeE.T. the Extra-TerrestrialChapters:(00:43) - Introduction (08:36) - Fourth Grade Lessons (13:28) - Healing Through Visibility (16:59) - Safe Reps on Video (21:40) - Authenticity vs Performance (25:29) - Questioning the 'new and fresh' (28:59) - Top Visibility Blocks (31:24) - Gendered Speaking Habits (37:36) - Storytelling For an Integrated Life (41:05) - Status Loss and Feedback (45:45) - Who you take notes from matters (49:56) - Inner Child And Leadership (50:51) - Defining Leadership (52:00) - Embracing the Complexities (53:56) - Rapid Fire (58:05) - Making Connections (59:00) - Closing Thoughts

A lot of people feel like they know who they're supposed to be, how they're supposed to show up, and what they're supposed to value, and they assume those things come from themselves instead of external influences. But we all have internalized beliefs and expectations from others, our culture, and the systems we live in. It takes a beat, sometimes a long one, to get clear on who you actually are and what is actually important to you. It requires building the kind of deep self-trust that allows you to act from your values even when the world is suggesting otherwise.And if you carry relational wounds or other interpersonal or socio-cultural burdens, those experiences can slow down or block your capacity to deepen self-trust, trust in others, grow in courage, and fully inhabit your whole story. That is not a character flaw. It is a developmental reality.My guest today models what becomes possible when you stop performing the version of yourself the world approved of and start trusting yourself and leading from that space. She is building a career and a creative practice rooted in self-trust and values alignment, and she is far from done.MILCK, born Connie K. Lim, is a self-proclaimed gentle rebel whose artistry and advocacy is fueled by her music. Her breakout anthem “Quiet” became a global sensation, championing women’s rights and resonating with movements around the globe. MILCK has collaborated with notable artists such as John Legend, Natasha Bedingfield, Phillipa Soo, Ani DiFranco, Aloe Blacc, and LeAnn Rimes, blending soulful melodies with poignant, socially conscious lyrics. Beyond the recording industry, MILCK is expanding her creative reach into musical theater, advocacy, and mentorship; MILCK and artists Sam Chanse, Jess Mcleod, and AG have partnered with La Jolla Playhouse to develop The Family Album, an award-winning seriocomedy musical. Inspired by MILCK's life journey, the musical explores themes of healing and family.Listen to the full episode to hear:How “Quiet” began as a means to process her own story and turned into an anthemHow personal, creative, and therapeutic supports came together to help Connie find her truth and her voice and connect with audiencesThe discouragement of her dreams Connie received as a kid and why her younger self is delighted with her nowHow working on The Family Album has been healing for Connie and her familyDeveloping the confidence and self-trust to push boundaries and be an emotional bridgeHow the all-female creative team behind The Family Album musical came togetherLearn more about MILCK:WebsiteInstagram: @milckmusicMILCK on BandcampGet tickets to The Family AlbumLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Childhood and Society, Erik H EriksonIn Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life, Robert KeganRoxy Music - AvalonCouples TherapyTears For FearsChapters:(00:37) - Introduction (07:35) - Meet Connie Kim aka MILCK (13:36) - Quiet - Origins and Cost (18:22) - Therapy and Support Mirrors (20:55) - Musical Beginnings (25:31) - Younger Self and Healing (29:14) - Turning Life Into A Musical (32:36) - Fighting to Stay Connected to Family (37:15) - Pushing Boundaries for Healing and Growing (41:19) - Conflict and the Wisdom of the Past (46:12) - Family Album Origin Story (55:35) - Opening Night Emotions (57:29) - Defining Leadership (58:48) - Quick Fire Questions (01:02:55) - How to Connect (01:04:34) - Closing Thoughts