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The Cult I Left Behind
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Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
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In this episode, Amanda and Kyle share their transformative experience during a recent trip to Denmark, contrasting it with Amanda's upbringing in a high-pressure religious environment and subsequent military service. Amanda discusses how the slower pace and quieter, more relaxed culture of Denmark allowed her to feel truly relaxed and safe for the first time in her life. They explore the cultural differences they observed, including the emphasis on work-life balance and the importance of bei...
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into the process of deconstruction—what it is, why it happens, and how it unfolds across different areas of life. From faith and identity to relationships and worldviews, they explore the key domains of deconstruction and the challenges that come with questioning deeply held beliefs. Whether you're in the middle of your own deconstruction journey or just curious about what it entails, this conversation offers insight and validation. Send us text! Pl...
Some big life changes are on the horizon, and Amanda and Kyle share a bit about their next steps as a family. They also dive into listener questions, discussing the most effective therapy approaches Amanda has found, how the cult handled cases of incest, and its stance on queer folks. It’s a raw and thought-provoking conversation—one you won’t want to miss. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show
In this episode, we sit down with Nate, an IBLP/ATI cult survivor and trauma survivor, to unpack the deeply ingrained conditioning we experienced growing up in the cult. From childhood grooming and the loss of personal identity to the twisted teachings that framed God’s love as something to be earned, we explore the ways the cult set us up for harm. Nate shares his personal journey of launching into adulthood without the tools to navigate the real world, the challenges of healing from childho...
When we think about keeping kids safe from predators, we often imagine dangers lurking in the shadows—but the reality is much harder to face. Most abuse is committed by people close to the family, making prevention both challenging and deeply personal. In this episode, Amanda shares practical, real-world strategies for protecting kids from sexual predators, setting clear boundaries, and creating open lines of communication that empower children to speak up. Send us text! Please note thi...
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle tackle listener questions surrounding the impact of purity culture and sexual trauma. They dive into Sadia’s poignant voicemail, discussing how rigid purity culture affects perspectives on sex and consent, and dissect the harmful black-and-white thinking that can follow. Amanda shares personal insights into breaking free from self-blame and replacing toxic family voices in your head with healing ones. They also respond to a touching message from Naomi, a fello...
What happens when you escape a world built on control, fear, and secrecy? How do you begin to heal after a life of indoctrination? This week, we're joined by Daniella Mestyanek Young, author, TEDx speaker, and cult survivor, to dive deep into the harrowing and inspiring journey of leaving a cult—and finding yourself on the other side. Daniella's website: https://uncultureyourself.com/ Buy Daniella's book: https://uncultureyourself.com/pages/book Instagram: @daniellamyoung_ Facebook: @Daniell...
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle are joined by Marian, a sexual health and pleasure educator, for a powerful conversation about breaking cycles of shame and stigma. Marian shares her positive experience growing up in a family where vulnerability, honesty, and support were the norm when it came to tough topics like sex. Together, they explore the stark contrast between Marian’s upbringing and Amanda’s experience in the oppressive purity culture of the cult. They dive into what it means to pass...
Amanda and Kyle reflect on an incredible year of connection and growth and share their heartfelt gratitude for the listeners who’ve supported the show. From messages and comments to thoughtful questions, your voices have made this journey meaningful. Amanda and Kyle also drop some news about exciting episodes coming in January to kick off the new year! As the holiday season approaches, Amanda shares a gentle reminder to prioritize emotional safety, mental health, and self-compassion. The podc...
Amanda shares a pivotal moment from her childhood: being made to apologize to the person who raped her. She and Kyle discuss the circumstances that led to this event, the family and cult factors at play, and how the experience continues to affect Amanda today. Together, they explore the long-term implications of spiritual manipulation and abuse. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show
In this heartfelt and personal episode, Amanda opens up about the unexpected role the musical Wicked played in her journey of leaving the IBLP cult and rediscovering herself. From its powerful themes of challenging authority to embracing individuality, Amanda shares how the story of Elphaba’s courage and defiance resonated deeply during her deconstruction and healing process. With raw vulnerability, she recounts the moments when Wicked’s music and lyrics felt like a lifeline, inspiring her to...
Amanda finally shares some of her dating history post-cult, pre-Kyle. Stories include the Taco Bell incident (Kyle's favorite), trad-wife-seeking encounters, insurance scammers, and that one time Amanda asked a guy out (see social media for the whole story). Also, as a public health professional, Amanda is very proud of how she handled the sexual aspect of her dating history. ;) Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show
Join us for a quick Thanksgiving episode and special announcement! Kyle shares his family's special Thanksgiving meal tradition and Amanda shares some memories of Thanksgivings from her childhood. For all of our listeners with tough family situations this holiday season, we send you love and a reminder that you are worthy, your boundaries are important, and you always have community here with us. Happy Thanksgiving! Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way com...
Amanda and Kyle respond to listener questions about head coverings, cult practices around the Sabbath, if Amanda thinks her boldness and intelligence caused her to be targeted for abuse as she grew up in the IBLP cult, and how Amanda thinks sexual abuse against one of her brothers would have been handled versus how it was handled for her as a girl. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show
What do Cabbage Patch Kids and the 2024 election in the US have in common? A lot, as it turns out. This episode was recorded in response to a poll posted on social media asking listeners to share topics they would like to hear in an episode. Amanda and Kyle discuss correlations between Bill Gothard and Trump/Vance. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show
Kyle is in the hot seat sharing his background in the Christian church, his thoughts about purity culture as a young adult, and the way he handled sex and relationships as someone who attended Baptist church. Amanda learns a shocking revelation about Kyle's past. Kyle shares his deconstruction story and his eventual departure from Christianity. Jump in the comments and convince Kyle to share photos of his high school hairstyle on our social media channel. Send us text! Please note ...
Amanda shares her deconstruction journey, which began a decade ago when she was a worship leader for a church. That was awkward. She talks through attending seminary after Bible college and her process of realizing there were aspects of Christianity and religion that were irreconcilable with logic, in her opinion. Kyle accidentally lands in the hot seat when revealing parts of his deconstruction experience, so more to come on this topic for sure! Send us text! Please note this platform ...
Following up on the marriage purposes series, Amanda and Kyle share their non-courtship story that basically ignored all of Bill's relationship guidelines. However, Kyle almost followed purity culture with room for the Holy Spirit for a whole lotta dates. Amanda will never let him live it down. They compare Bill's marriage principles to the insights of an actual therapist who, you know, is trained in these matters, and Kyle reports on the results of travel-enforced abstinence--in ca...
Amanda flies solo for another episode. This time, she shares about her journey out of a very checked out or dissociative state and home to her own body, mind, and emotions. Amanda went on this journey as she left the cult and began abuse recovery, and also more recently. She shares the ups and downs of the process, including the discomfort of checking back into your own life and becoming aware of issues that exist there as well as the joy of getting to know yourself for the first time. In the...
Amanda and Kyle are joined by a special guest! Skye's story caught our attention right away—her mother, the owner of an adult toy business, sent her to a fundamentalist Christian elementary school WAIT WHAT?! The part about her mom’s business is a great story and will make you chuckle, but unfortunately, this school is also where Skye first experienced grooming. It was also at this school, at just seven years old, she was told Satan was living in her heart, sparking a deconstruction journey t...
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I wonder if the discouraging of non-relative adoption has anything to do with a fear of being found out. The long invasive process of home studies, and evaluations by officials might have spooked Bill. He may have thought it wasn't worth outsider "interference" when bio babies don't have that risk/cost. He probably didn't even think of what happens to orphaned kids.