I Wish You Knew

He was CIO at Dell managing a billion and a half dollar budget. And he could not tell if he was valued more than the piece of furniture he was sitting in. Most people are living with that same feeling without knowing what it is. Adam Lane Smith sits down with John R. Miles, author of The Mattering Effect, to break down why the question “do I even matter?” is driving a global crisis and what it takes to build a life where your presence is felt rather than performed. 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes:  https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22 What you will learn in this video: 1- Why loneliness burnout and depression are not separate problems but symptoms of the same root cause  2- Why mattering is social immunity and what happens when it disappears  3- Why insecure attachment trains people to believe they are only worth what they produce  4- The four stepping stones from internal worth to impact and why most people never get past the first  5- Why belonging and mattering are completely different and why confusing them keeps people stuck  6- What it means to build a life where your presence changes the room 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/20 Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ John R Miles Socials:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles/ ,  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m , https://x.com/John_RMiles , LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/ ,  Website: https://johnrmhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/iles.com/ 

Stress has gone down by almost every historical measure. Suffering has gone up. Those turn out to be different things. In this episode, attachment expert Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Kheriaty to ask why despair is rising in a culture organized around comfort, what the attempt to eliminate all discomfort has cost, and what ordinary people can do for someone struggling. The conversation covers the research on loneliness and risk, why intervention works more often than people assume, and why small acts of attention matter more than they look like they should. If you’re struggling, please reach out. In the US and Canada, call or text 988. In the UK and Ireland, call 116 123. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists services by country. Private Coaching, Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/16iwyk 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/16iwyk In this episode you will learn:  1- Why reduced external stress has not produced reduced suffering  2- What deaths of despair are, and what has happened to the numbers since 1999  3- Why solitude and loneliness are not the same thing  4- The three reasons religious practice shows up as protective in the research  5- What people who survived a crisis later said about it  6- Why hopelessness predicts risk better than severity of illness does  7- Why more clinicians alone cannot solve a problem rooted in isolation  8- The paradox: how trying to eliminate all discomfort produces more suffering  9- Why addiction is that paradox in its clearest form  10- How joy and suffering can occupy the same moment  11- Three concrete things to do, and a gratitude practice with unusually strong evidence behind it Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center Connect with me on your second preferred platform:  📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro  𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith  📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/  🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam

She had 7000 comments on a single matchmaking post. Thirty of those people are now married. Six babies have been born. And it all started because she asked one question: what if I just tried to help? Adam Lane Smith sits down with Emily and Daniel Hussem, co-founders of Sacred Spark, a Catholic dating app, to break down why finding a spouse has never been harder, what the collapse of friend and family networks has done to an entire generation of people who desperately want marriage, and what is actually working to bring good people together. 🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/8iwyk 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/8iwyk In this episode you will learn:  1- How couples used to meet, and what replaced it  2- Why friends have stopped introducing each other, and what that costs  3- What thirty marriages from a single matchmaking post says about unmet demand  4- Why a dating app's business model works against the outcome its users want  5- The difference between being ready to date and wanting to be  6- Why so many faith communities make marriage sound like an endurance test  7- What the research actually says about married life, and where the stereotypes come from  8- A hundred years of family networks breaking down, traced decade by decade  9- What leading and being led looks like in a marriage where both people are secure  10- Why brotherhood and sisterhood take pressure off a marriage rather than competing with it  11- Red flags compared with personal triggers, and the only way to tell them apart  12- Why "I don't feel a spark" after four months is usually about something else Emily Wilson Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc.   Emily Wilson Hussem is an internationally recognized Catholic speaker and author who shares her faith both online and at events around the globe. Emily has written 7 books, including the #1 Christian bestseller Sincerely, Stoneheart: Unmask the Enemy's Lies, Find the Truth That Sets You Free.   Daniel Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc.   Daniel Hussem is a husband, father of three, and a passionate Catholic with over a decade of experience in marketing, product strategy, and technology from the tech-startup world. Daniel holds a Master's degree in Business & Economics from Tilburg University in the Netherlands. Connect with me on your second preferred platform:  📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro  𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith  📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/  🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Links: https://www.youtube.com/@emwilss  https://www.instagram.com/emwilss  https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielhussem/?isSelfProfile=false   

Everyone said it could not work. Two avoidant people in the same relationship. Two people wired to pull back, protect themselves, and disappear the moment things get close. And then Carly and Mel proved everyone wrong. Adam Lane Smith sits down with couple Carly Randall and Mel Shingleton, two self-proclaimed avoidants, for a live coaching session that answers the question everyone in the comments has been asking: can two avoidant people actually build something real together? 🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/1 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/1 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social In this episode you will learn: 1- Why two avoidant people create a specific kind of relationship dynamic that looks fine on the surface and quietly starves underneath  2- Why avoidant people are not afraid of commitment they are afraid of the cost of being truly known  3- What emotional permanence is and why avoidant people struggle to hold onto the relationship when the other person is not in the room  4- Why the avoidant nervous system spikes when intimacy grows instead of relaxing into it  5- What context is and why it is the single most important currency two avoidant people have with each other  6- Why quarterly relationship check ins work better for avoidant couples than constant emotional processing  7- What it actually looks like when two avoidant people start doing the work in real time  8- The one thing avoidant partners need to say to each other that most of them never say Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam

We have talked about masculinity and manhood on this show before. Today is the mature version of that conversation, going back to the oldest teachings we have. In this episode, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith sits down with His Eminence Metropolitan Jonah, retired primate of the Orthodox Church in America, rector of St. Herman's Church and Abbot of St. Demetrios Monastery, for a conversation about what forms a man.  💬  Ready to work with me? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/24 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/24 In this episode you will learn: 1- Why so many young men have no working model of a man, and what that costs them 2 - What it looks like for a father to nurture, and why the word gets mocked online 3 - Why a father's role with a son and with a daughter cannot be filled by anyone else 4- The distinction between servant leadership and authority that serves itself 5 - Why male friendship has thinned out, and the Russian word for the friend who is your other self 6- Why a marriage cannot carry every burden both people bring home 7 - The third way between swallowing every feeling and collapsing into all of them 8 - What asceticism actually asks of you, and why self-control is a threshold of maturity 9 - The nous, the two aspects of the mind, and what the Western tradition left behind 10 - Why responsibility without shame is the mature form of all of this Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Metropolitan Jonah was born James Paffhausen in Chicago to a German American Episcopalian family, and was raised in Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Diego. While studying at the University of California, he discovered the Russian Orthodox Church and was received into the faith in 1978 at age 19. After completing his BA in Anthropology at UC Santa Cruz, he attended St. Vladimir's Seminary, earning both a Master of Divinity and a Master of Theology in Dogmatics. He later worked in real estate finance and for the OCA Diocese of the West, and resumed doctoral studies in theology at Berkeley before traveling to Russia in 1993, where he became a novice at Valaam Monastery. Upon returning to the United States, he was ordained a hierodeacon and then a hieromonk in 1994, serving St. Mary Magdalene Mission in Merced, California, and helping to establish several new missions.