Own Your Pleasure

In this episode,  sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell joins host Whitni Miller to unpack why desire and libido are not the same, why mismatched sexual interest can emerge even in loving relationships, and how context shapes what makes sex meaningful. They explore the emotional needs beneath wanting sex and offer practical ways for couples, especially queer women, to talk about desire, consent, and experimentation without needing everything figured out first. Cyndi Darnell is a sex and relationship therapist, somatic sexologist, educator, and author based in New York City. Her work sits at the intersection of sexuality, relationships, embodiment, and emotional intimacy. Cyndi helps people understand the often complicated relationship between desire, connection, identity, and the body. She works with individuals and couples navigating low desire, mismatched libido, sexual anxiety, relationship challenges, and the many ways intimacy can change over time. Her approach is somatic, curious, sex-positive, and relationship-centered. Rather than treating sexuality as a problem to be fixed, Cyndi sees sex and intimacy as skills that can be explored, learned, and developed. Her work makes space for diverse relationship structures and identities, including queer relationships, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and kink. She is the author of Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire, and her work focuses on helping people move beyond shame, obligation, and outdated ideas about what relationships and sex are “supposed” to look like. Cyndi offers therapy, counseling, education, and online programs through her website. Learn More about Cyndi:http://www.cyndidarnell.com   Follow Cyndi:IG- @cyndi_darnell YouTube - @cyndi_darnellTikTok @cyndi_darnellFB @cyndidarnellpage Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode, Whitni and Béa discuss emotional outsourcing a bit more, boundaries, self-trust, and mindful practices to enhance relationships and personal growth. They share practical tips on meditation, setting boundaries, and embracing authenticity to foster healthier connections. Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the bestselling "End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcoming Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (Hachette Balance, 2025) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy. She is the host of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, holds a Masters degree in Public Health from Boston University School of Public Health and a BA in Latin American Studies from Oberlin College. Born in Mar del Plata, Argentina, Béa grew up in the great state of Rhode Island. She has been working in health & wellness for over 20 years and lives with her wife, Billey Albina and their handsome all-black cat Wade Elizabeth. Learn More about Béa:https://beatrizalbina.com/   Follow Béa:IG- @beatrizvictoriaalbinanp YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@beavictoriaalbina Podcast - Feminist Wellness https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminist-wellness/id1454980022  Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller and Béa discuss the concept of emotional outsourcing, where individuals seek their sense of safety, belonging, and worth from external sources rather than within themselves. They explore the implications of enmeshment and codependency, the importance of somatic practices in fostering self-awareness, and the necessity of authentic communication in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the need for curiosity, consent, and the establishment of safe spaces for meaningful dialogue, ultimately guiding listeners towards building healthier connections and understanding their own needs. Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the bestselling "End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcoming Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (Hachette Balance, 2025) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy. She is the host of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, holds a Masters degree in Public Health from Boston University School of Public Health and a BA in Latin American Studies from Oberlin College. Born in Mar del Plata, Argentina, Béa grew up in the great state of Rhode Island. She has been working in health & wellness for over 20 years and lives with her wife, Billey Albina and their handsome all-black cat Wade Elizabeth. Learn More about Béa:https://beatrizalbina.com/   Follow Béa:IG- @beatrizvictoriaalbinanp YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@beavictoriaalbina Podcast - Feminist Wellness https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminist-wellness/id1454980022  Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Whitni and Erin continue their conversation getting into the complexities of lesbian relationships, while discussing the dynamics of libido and sexual compatibility. They explore societal expectations, personal experiences, and the importance of communication in fostering intimacy and desire. The discussion highlights the challenges faced by individuals in navigating their sexual identities and relationships, emphasizing the need for open dialogue and understanding. Learn More about The Lesbian Peep Show Podcast: https://thelesbianpeepshow.com Follow Erin Brown: ALL Platforms - @iamerinbrown Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

This month Whitni talks with Erin Brown, a public sociologist and host of the Lesbian Peep Show podcast. They delve into the concept of 'lesbian bed death,' exploring its origins, implications, and the societal narratives surrounding sexual desire in lesbian relationships. They discuss the historical context of feminist sex wars, the impact of shame on women's sexual autonomy, and the importance of curiosity in understanding one's desires. The conversation emphasizes the need for open dialogue about sexual expression and the complexities of intimacy in relationships. Learn More about The Lesbian Peep Show Podcast: https://thelesbianpeepshow.com Follow Erin Brown: ALL Platforms - @iamerinbrown Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves