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The Dynamics Of Everyday Life
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The Dynamics Of Everyday Life

Author: Julia Rogers

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Welcome to The Dynamics of Everyday Life, where we're setting off on an incredible journey into the realm of psychodynamic theory with me, Julia Rogers.

I'm here to take the seemingly complex concepts of psychology and break them down into digestible, relatable bits that can apply to our daily lives.

Together, we'll uncover the mysteries of our inner selves, navigate the intricacies of human relationships, and discover the keys to personal happiness.
21 Episodes
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Diane never looks up

Diane never looks up

2024-07-0909:23

In this episode I am exploring why we might be consciously – or unconsciously – avoiding looking in certain areas of our lives.  It won’t surprise you to learn that we will be delving back into the world of defence mechanisms.  What you might not be expecting is a nod to Melanie Klein, as well as our usual check in with Freud.My mother’s home decor gets a mention too!  Have a listen and see how this all comes together.Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.45) What might be going on for us?(2.28) Melanie Klein(4.59) Repetition complusion(6.50) Diane might be comfortable in her routineSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Sense and Sensibility

Sense and Sensibility

2024-07-0220:53

Following on from a previous episode on sibling rivalry I’m delighted to introduce my next guest to the show, Natasha Rose.  As well as being an accomplished and celebrated businesswoman in a traditionally male industry (construction) Natasha is also a talented amateur actress.Natasha is starring in an upcoming version of the Jane Austen classic, Sense and Sensibility, which highlights the challenges we all face when putting other people’s needs before our own.  Austen’s Elinor and Marianne beautifully portray the family dynamics that can play out in these scenarios and the impact that these can have on how we feel.  Natasha and I discuss what might be going on here, particularly for her character, Elinor.  There’s also some defence mechanism spotting too.To catch Natasha and the rest of the cast in this fabulous performance you can find out more and buy tickets at https://tolethorpe.co.uk.Here are the highlights of this episode:(4.53) Say what you feel(7.15) “I require so much”(11.38) Defence mechanisms in overdrive(12.35) RationalisationSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Tomorrow never dies

Tomorrow never dies

2024-06-2510:32

We all know that feeling of “I’ll do it tomorrow” whilst being fully aware that we won’t do it tomorrow, or even the next day.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Are we just making our lives harder for no reason? In this episode as well as meeting our old friends rationalisation and denial we are also welcoming back the repetition compulsion.  And James Bond and Stan Wawrinka get a mention too!  What’s not to enjoy?Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.42) Procrastination makes us uncomfortable(3.06) Rationalisation(5.38) A false sense of tomorrow(6.38) Repetition compulsionSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
What about Arabella?

What about Arabella?

2024-06-1810:15

Sibling rivalry isn’t just something that we leave at home, only to be brought out again at family events and Christmas.  The way that we learn to be in the sibling dynamic can have a profound impact on how we relate to people as we grow and develop in life.  Sibling rivalry can exist for only children too.In this episode we are not just picking up our defence mechanism bingo cards again, we are having a think about Oedipus and the Murray brothers, whilst taking a trip to Cromer beach.  It’s a packed show!Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.14) What about Arabella?(2.25) Sibling rivalry in our everyday lives(3.18) The Oedipus Complex(6.08) Defence mechanism bingoSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Power takes on many shapes and forms.  There is the power wielded over us by those who govern us and those who hold an authoritarian role in our lives, and there is our own personal power.  The power that is unique to us, and yet this is the one that we are often not in touch with or find it hard to hold on to.  In this episode we are picking up our defence mechanism bingo cards again and bringing Dick Dastardly and Matthew Hussey in to illustrate a couple of points.  What’s not to enjoy?Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.12) Projection(4.43) “What do you want?”(6.44) Projective Identification(8.22) Dick Dastardly and Matthew HusseySign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
There are many different reasons as to why we can’t leave a relationship, friendship or situation.  And so many times we beat ourselves up for not being strong enough.  Maybe we feel we lack confidence.  But what if it’s actually our minds trying to protect us?  What if it’s something that’s – ironically - trying to keep us safe?In this week’s episode I consider what might be going on for us when this is happening, and how we can give ourselves some grace.  And what song will be going round your head by the end of it?  The Communards “I never can say goodbye”? Or will it be a Kylie classic?Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.40) A Kylie classic(2.57) Anna Freud(3.09) Denial(4.46) Rationalisation(6.11) IntellectualisationSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Is it ok to say that?

Is it ok to say that?

2024-05-2809:58

How often do we say something and then worry that we have said the wrong thing?  Often we will then run this over and over in our minds, thinking about if we have upset other people or what we could have said instead.  We can tie ourselves up in knots about a particular conversation or event, frequently catastrophising about what people now think about us or if we have damaged our friendship.In this episode I explore why this universal tendency occurs, how we can become more aware of it and what we can do to help ourselves in this situation.  We also have a moment on a plane with Charlton Heston too!Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.55) Anxiety neurosis(3.36) Conversion hysteria(5.16) Psychical working over(6.21) Repetition compulsion(6.51) Playing back responses from our earlier livesSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
I’m excited to welcome my next guest to the show today; Dr Jill McGarry.  Jill is a Clinical Psychologist with 28 years of NHS experience in psychological support for people with mental health issues.  She has built up a wealth of knowledge and experience at improving sleep for several client groups, including setting up a reasonable adjustment sleep apnoea clinic for Greater Manchester. Currently Jill runs a private practice for improving sleep whilst working part time in the psychology department at Manchester’s NHS Sleep Service. Over the past two years Jill has carried out numerous sleep awareness courses for wellbeing teams in NHS trusts and ICBs; schools/ college forums; fitness/ yoga/mindfulness coaches; counselling organisations; medical staff; care and respite home managers; leadership and management coaches; private organisations (property developer and bakery); organisations with nightshift workers.  Recently Jill has advised Baywater and NHS England on a project to develop materials for people with sleep apnoea and trained Clinical Psychologist and psychotherapists for Counselling Foundation, Take A Seat and in Dubai for PILL.  Throughout this work Jill has supported many people who have had sleep problems as they go from exhausted to energised. Jill and I are going to be talking about all things sleep related, and how this huge part of our lives can impact our health and our wellbeing – and how we feel about ourselves.   We also touch on what might be going on for us unconsciously in our sleep, in our dreams.  So sit back and enjoy, and hopefully look forward to some better nights’ sleep afterwards!You can get in touch with Jill at:info@sleepbetterdoctor.co.ukwww.sleepbetterdoctor.co.ukLinkedIn: Dr Jill McGarrymobile no: 07768068070Here are the highlights for this episode:(4.10) 1 Big B and 3 tiny Ts(21.21) Timing when you have coffee(29.36) Sleep debt(30.20) The importance of naps(36.34) Teenagers and sleep(42.48) DreamsSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
No is a small word, so we often think we need to add extra words after it, to make a complete sentence.  But this just isn’t true.  “No” is a sentence in itself.  We often tie ourselves up in knots trying to explain our no, which defeats the point, as the clarity becomes diluted.  In this episode I’m exploring why we often feel the need to justify our “no” and what we can do to stick to our decisions.  There’s also a bit of a Bond theme running through this episode too – can you spot all of the references?Here are the highlights for this episode:(0.45) People pleasing(1.29) Sean and Roger’s weekend plans(4.16) Rationalisation(6.20) Looking for chinks in the wall(8.30) Invitation for this weekSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
We all know the days when we take a deep breath and metaphorically put on our armour.  It’s not fun.  But why are we doing this?  What’s happening when we feel like we need to defend ourselves against people, situations or the world in general?  In this episode I’m exploring why we might be reaching for our shields and what steps we can take to learn how to look after ourselves better, so we aren’t dragging that armour around with us!Here are the highlights for this episode:(1.06) Freud or Jung?(1.32) Freud and Defence(5.15) Freud and Jung’s “bromance”(6.02) Jung and the persona(8.53) Invitation for this weekSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Pain is something that all of us will go through at some point in our lives, and for some of us it will be chronic.  However, this isn’t talked about very much and most people will rely on painkillers and what their healthcare provider tells them to do.  This might work – and it might not, and can leave us feeling bewildered and alone in what steps to take next. In today’s episode I welcome chronic pain expert, Narinder Sheena, to share her experience of living with and working through chronic pain.  There’s lots to learn from Narinder’s story.  She speaks with warmth and encouragement that chronic pain doesn’t have to be with us for life.  To connect with Narinder you can find her at www.mapcoach.co.uk and at Narinder Sheena on LinkedIn.Here are the highlights for this episode:(1.35) Freud’s concept of somatic compliance(5.10) Having the belief in the power to heal yourself(7.08) The brain needs to know what the problem is(15.37) How to soothe your nervous system(22.35) How do you bring yourself back?Sign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Don’t go to the DIY store for milk.  Seems simple doesn’t it?  If only it was as easy as it sounds.  In this episode I’m exploring why we will often look to get our needs met in places and people that aren’t right for us, and the corresponding upset that this can cause.  Fortunately we don’t have to be destined to stay on this roundabout forever.  Have a listen and find out what’s happening when we are looking in the wrong place, and equally, what we can do about it.Here are the highlights for this episode:(1.21) Going to the DIY store for milk(3.23) The ego and the defence mechanisms being activated(5.54) Back at defence mechanism bingo(6.50) How can we stop looking for our needs to be met in the wrong place?(8.17) Metaphorically being back at the DIY storeSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Oops, I did it again

Oops, I did it again

2024-04-1610:18

Why do we do things over and over again, even though we tell ourselves that we are going to do things differently?  Why is it so hard to make changes that we know we want to make?  In this episode I dive into another of Freud’s concepts; the compulsion to repeat.  By looking at the theory and applying it to what we are doing in our own lives we can start to get a bit more of that elusive control back.  And there’s a nod to Cabaret and Depeche Mode too – what’s not to like?Here are the highlights for this episode:(1.30) Einstein’s definition of insanity(3.18) Return of the repressed(3.55) The reality principle(5.11) The compulsion to repeat is a way of gaining mastery(8.50) Let’s give ourselves some graceSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Today I’m thinking about a moment that many of us will have experienced and would most likely rather forget – that of being the last one to be picked for a team in our PE classes.  It seems to be something that hasn’t been left behind, despite our best efforts.  I’m interested in what the reasons for this might be.  Why do we still worry about if we are going to be chosen by other people?Here are the highlights for this episode:(1.00) If our school days aren’t the best days of our lives it’s no bad thing (2.35) Revisiting Freud’s Group Psychology and the Analysis of the Ego (3.13) What part do you play in a group? (5.46) Andy Murray at Wimbledon’s impact on a group (7.40) What do we do about this? (9.47) We don’t see us as other people see usSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
In this episode, we tackle the daunting topic of redundancy after 50, with my guest Tom Parkin, who shares his journey from a stable career to an unexpected redundancy at 51. Tom's story is not just about the struggles, but also the resilience and value experience brings, offering hope and strategies for those in similar situations. Join us as we uncover how an apparent setback can lead to new beginnings and affirm that life’s potential doesn’t diminish with age.I’m really excited to share this episode, featuring my first-ever guest with you today. Here are the highlights: (2:24) Career, redundancy, and an unexpected turn of events(7:06) Ageism in the workplace(12:35) Career transition and COVID-19 impact(16:46) Unemployment and job search challenges(27:29) Returning to work after a long absence(32:42) Career rediscovery and job search strategiesSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Are there people in your life that you struggle to get along with? Maybe you find yourself questioning who you are in the relationship. There are many factors that can affect our friendships and in this episode I want us to look at one of the biggest ones, transference! I’ll help you understand why we project the things we don't like on other people and how we can manage this so that we get the best out of our relationships.  Here are the highlights(01:18) Transference!(03:52) How do we spot it?(05:21) Examples of positive transference.(06:41) The impact of transference.(07:36) Things that we can do about it.Sign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
School plays an important role in helping us find people with similar interests. It also provides us with enough time to build great friendships. But when it's over and we enter the real world, it can be challenging to find and maintain friends.Today, we’re exploring ways to cultivate meaningful friendships as adults and how to identify potential obstacles.Here are the highlights from this episode:(02:24) Having a shared interest can really help.(03:36) Repetition helps us feel safe.(04:35) We have more power and choice over what we do.(06:26) We have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime.(07:59) The expectations that we place on people.Sign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Covid changed the world in many ways, including how we work.Remote working has become popular but as much as it has its benefits, it also has its downsides. We’re spending more time in a virtual world which can affect our bodies and mind. Today's episode will help get us to reflect on remote working and find out if it’s really good for us!Here are the highlights from this episode:(04:03) The risk of becoming completely isolated.(04:31) People can make up stories and narratives about us.(06:32) Denial can abound whilst we are working on our own.(07:54) We have nowhere to leave our anxiety.Sign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Welcome back to The Dynamics of Everyday Life, where we delve into the art and science of maintaining relationships. This episode shines a light on our very own defence mechanisms. From the comfort of our everyday friendships, to the challenge of navigating stormy relational seas in metaphorical high heels and a bikini, we're exploring the common thread in all our relationships: ourselves. Join us as we unpack how our unconscious mind, with all of its defence mechanisms, plays a pivotal role in either bridging or building barriers between us and others. Ready to dive deep? Let's unravel the mysteries of our minds together.Here are the highlights: (1:24) Maintaining relationships and self-awareness(2:18) Unconscious defence mechanisms in relationships(5:59) Common psychological defence mechanisms(7:28) Self-awareness and copingSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
Who Are You Really?

Who Are You Really?

2024-03-1209:02

Welcome to episode one of The Dynamics of Everyday Life, where we’re diving into the world of the unconscious.In this episode, we’re peeling back the layers of our identity, exploring the hidden drivers of our behaviours and reactions. With a dash of humour and heaps of insights, we uncover the secrets Freud and Jung left behind, shedding light on how the unseen parts of our psyche shape our everyday lives. Get ready to unravel the mysteries of the self. Here are the highlights: (1:05) Identity, emotions and psychology(2:38) Freud's impact on psychology and societal views(3:02) The conscious, preconscious and unconscious mind(7:02) Unconscious mind's impact on behaviour and self-awarenessSign Up for your free Resource Sheet HEREConnect with Julia:Website LinkedInInstagram
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