SIP with Summers

What happens when your relationship looks perfectly fine from the outside, but inside, you feel disconnected, unfulfilled, or like you’re simply going through the motions?In this episode of SIP with Summers, Jennifer sits down with transformation coach and speaker Sandra Wood for an honest conversation about performative relationships, roommate marriages, sexual desire, body confidence, and the hard conversations that can lead to deeper intimacy.Sandra shares her own experience of spending 20 years in a marriage where intimacy never went as deep as she needed. She talks about realizing that she was often more focused on creating a good sexual experience for her partner than understanding her own desires, needs, and pleasure.Jennifer and Sandra explore how easy it is for couples to slip into autopilot. Careers, children, stress, responsibilities, changing bodies, and simply doing life together can slowly turn romantic partners into really efficient roommates.But that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.They talk about getting curious instead of critical, reconnecting with yourself before expecting your partner to fix the disconnect, and learning how to actually say what you want, emotionally and sexually.In this episode:• What a “performative relationship” actually looks like• How couples accidentally fall into a roommate marriage• Why women can lose touch with their own desires and pleasure• The connection between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy• Why knowing your own body matters before expecting a partner to know it• How stress, menopause, body image, and life changes can affect desire• What happens when you love your partner but still feel deeply unfulfilled• How to start a difficult conversation about sex without blame or shame• What to do when sexual compatibility or attraction becomes a concern• Why intimacy requires vulnerability and sometimes uncomfortable conversations• Why women’s energy, including sexual energy, is not “too much”Sandra also offers a simple place to begin when you know something isn’t working: instead of leading with what your partner is doing wrong, start with what you’ve been noticing and feeling.Sometimes the first step is simply saying, “I’ve been thinking about us and our sexual relationship…” and opening the door.Sandra Wood is a transformation coach and speaker who helps smart, capable, high-functioning women stop managing everyone else’s lives and start inhabiting their own.Her work is informed by her own midlife transformation, including cancer at 40, divorce after a 20-year marriage, single parenting, rebuilding her career, and ultimately discovering a very different experience of emotional and sexual intimacy.Want some clarity about where you are, what you want, and what may be keeping you stuck?Sandra invites SIP with Summers listeners to book a free 30-minute clarity call. It’s a no-pressure conversation designed to help you get honest about where you are right now and identify what your next step might look like.Visit sandrawood.coach to learn more and book your free clarity call.And remember: you are allowed to ask for what you need, take up space, explore what feels good, and create intimacy that feels authentic instead of performative.If this episode made you think of someone, send it to her. And don’t forget to follow SIP with Summers, leave a review, and keep having the conversations that break shame and silence around sex, intimacy, relationships, and pleasure.Connect with Jennifer:@theselfmadedivawww.SummersofLove.com

What if your sexual prime isn't behind you, but still ahead of you?This week on SIP with Summers, I'm joined by life and intimacy coach Linda Landon, creator of the Ignite Method and author of Pleasure Past Fifty.Linda's own sexual awakening didn't happen in her 20s or 30s. It began in her 50s, after decades of shame, disconnection from her body, and believing she was "frigid." Through tantra, pleasure practices, Human Design, and learning how to truly receive, Linda discovered an entirely different relationship with her body and sexuality. We talk about why menopause doesn't mean the end of great sex, how our cultural ideas about arousal can get in the way of pleasure, and why women can experience incredible sexual awakenings later in life. We also explore responsive desire, whole-body pleasure, getting out of your head and back into your body, and why pleasure doesn't have to be centered around orgasm. Then we dive into Human Design and what it might reveal about the way you experience desire, sexual energy, emotions, communication, and relationships. Linda explains Generators, Projectors, open and defined energy centers, and how understanding your own design and your partner's can create more compassion for the ways you're different. And of course, Linda reads my Human Design chart during the episode. Apparently I'm a highly empathic Generator with Sacral Authority, a LOT of openness in my chart, and an energy that's here to wake people up. Honestly, a few things about my life suddenly made a whole lot more sense. 😂 One of the most important reminders from our conversation is that Human Design isn't a compatibility test. Your chart doesn't determine whether a relationship will succeed or fail. Instead, Linda sees it as a tool for understanding yourself, taking responsibility for your own needs, and better understanding how your partner moves through the world. And when it comes to aging? Linda's message is one I absolutely love: more years can mean more wisdom, more joy, more authenticity, more connection, and yes, more pleasure. Our biggest takeaway? Pleasure is your birthright. 💗🎁 Linda's Free GiftCurious about your own Human Design?Linda is offering SIP with Summers listeners a free chapter from Pleasure Past Fifty. Chapter 5 explores how understanding your Human Design can transform the way you understand yourself and your relationships.The chapter also includes a link where you can receive a free individualized Human Design Bodygraph.Get your free Human Design chapter + BodygraphYou can also learn more about Linda, her coaching, and Pleasure Past Fifty at Ignite Your Joy.If this episode made you rethink what's possible for your sex life as you age, send it to a friend who needs the reminder that the best might still be ahead. 🔥Follow SIP with Summers for more honest conversations about sex, intimacy, pleasure, menopause, relationships, and all the things we're usually told not to talk about.Connect with [email protected]

What happens when the person you love starts to feel more like a roommate than a lover?This week on SIP with Summers, I’m joined by sex and intimacy coach, bestselling author, and founder of Passionate Intimacy Retreats Xanet Pailet for a candid conversation about why desire disappears in long-term relationships and, more importantly, what couples can actually do to bring it back.Xanet knows this subject personally. After spending 26 years in a sexless marriage, she left both her marriage and her career as a healthcare attorney at 50 and began a completely new chapter. Today, she helps couples rebuild the emotional, physical, and erotic connection that can quietly disappear after years together.We talk about why a lack of sex is often a symptom of something deeper, how unresolved resentment and emotional disconnection affect desire, and why your "low libido" may not be the whole story. We also get into responsive desire, the importance of nonsexual touch, why being wet doesn't necessarily mean you're ready for penetration, mismatched expectations around sex, and why scheduling intimacy might actually be sexier than you think.Xanet also shares why emotional safety is such an important foundation for great sex and how simple practices like eye gazing, intentional touch, and getting curious about your partner again can begin rebuilding connection.And because this is SIP with Summers, we also talk about clitorises, vibrators, menopause, bad sex, and why sometimes the fastest route back to desire is simply making sex something you actually want to have.In this episode, we talk about:Why couples can become great roommates but stop feeling like loversXanet's experience in a 26-year sexless marriageWhy desire often goes underground instead of simply disappearingEmotional safety and its connection to sexual desireHow unresolved conflict and resentment affect intimacyResponsive vs. spontaneous desireWhy nonsexual touch mattersHow to start talking about a disconnected sex lifeWhether scheduling sex actually worksSex and intimacy during perimenopause and menopauseEye gazing and other practices for rebuilding connectionHow to make intimacy intentional, playful, and pleasurable againNot sure what you actually need to feel connected?Take Xanet's free Intimacy Equation Quiz. It's a quick 3-minute quiz designed to help you identify your unique intimacy formula and give couples an easier way to start conversations that can otherwise feel pretty damn awkward.You'll receive your results immediately, plus a follow-up explaining how your intimacy type interacts with others and additional resources for creating deeper connection.Take the quiz:https://howtoimprovemylovellife.comXanet and I also put together the Passion & Play Kit, designed to help couples get out of routine and explore touch, sensation, anticipation, and play together.The kit includes a blindfold and feather tickler, aromatherapy massage oil, a sensory glove, and fur handcuffs. Consider it your permission slip to stop doing the same three things you've been doing for years. 😉Get the Passion & Play Kit:https://summersoflove.com/products/passion-and-play-kitUse code XANET for a special listener discount.Because desire isn't necessarily gone. Sometimes it just needs the right conditions, a little curiosity, and an invitation to come back. ❤️

What happens when your desire starts telling you a completely different story than the life you've built?Sarah Rutledge Fischer came out as a lesbian at 44 after nearly 20 years in a straight-appearing marriage. But her realization didn't happen overnight. For years, Sarah had quietly questioned her sexuality, pushed those thoughts aside, and continued doing what so many women are taught to do: take care of everyone else, follow the expected path, and ignore what her own body was trying to tell her.In this episode of SIP with Summers, Sarah joins Jennifer to talk about coming out later in life, compulsory heterosexuality, divorce, sexual desire, body connection, and what happens when women finally give themselves permission to ask, What do I actually want?Sarah shares how isolation during the pandemic gave her enough quiet to begin noticing the difference between recognizing that a man was attractive and actually feeling attraction in her body. We talk about why so many women reach their 30s, 40s, and beyond before questioning their sexuality, and how being raised to be a "good girl," people-pleasing, religious conditioning, and compulsory heterosexuality can disconnect women from their own desires.And yes, we talk about sex.Sarah describes experiencing a "second adolescence" after coming out, discovering a completely different relationship with pleasure, and realizing that sex doesn't have to follow the heteronormative script of penetration → orgasm → done. We also get into her now-famous toe-curling moment when she discovered that butterflies, desire, and yes, literally curling your toes over someone you're attracted to are very real.We also tackle one of the hardest questions for women questioning their marriage:What if he's a good man... but this still isn't the life you want?Sarah shares why loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you're meant to remain married to them, how her own divorce led her to become a mediator and divorce coach, and why leaving a marriage doesn't automatically mean destroying a family.In this episode, we talk about:• Coming out as a lesbian later in life• Questioning your sexuality in your 30s, 40s, and beyond• "Am I a lesbian?" and why that question can feel so terrifying• Compulsory heterosexuality and the pressure women feel to be chosen by men• Learning to recognize desire in your body• People-pleasing and losing connection with your own wants• Leaving a marriage when your husband is a "good man"• Divorce, identity shifts, and starting over in midlife• Sarah's experience of a second adolescence after coming out• Lesbian sex and stepping outside traditional sexual scripts• Taking orgasm off the pedestal and focusing on pleasure• Why your best sex may still be ahead of you after 40Whether you're questioning your sexuality, questioning your marriage, rediscovering your body, or simply realizing that the life you've built doesn't completely fit anymore, this conversation is an invitation to get curious about the quiet voice inside you instead of immediately shutting it down.Because pleasure is information. Desire is information. And your body may be telling you something worth listening to.Connect with Sarah:Thresholds Mediation https://thresholdsmediation.com/listenersFind her on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @ThresholdsMediationSarah also has a special coaching offer for podcast listeners at thresholdsmediation.com/podcast.Want to explore your own relationship with pleasure, desire, intimacy, or sexuality in midlife?Jennifer Marie Summers is a Board-Certified Sexologist, Certified Sex Coach, and Menopause Health Coach helping women reconnect with their bodies, their pleasure, and themselves.Visit SummersofLove.com to learn more about coaching, events, products, and everything happening in the Summers of Love universe.And if this episode made you think of someone, send it to her.

What happens when one person wants sex more than the other?Mismatched desire is one of the most common struggles couples face, but the problem may not actually be how often you're having sex. It may be what happens when desire, rejection, pressure, fear, and keeping score start taking over the relationship.In this episode of SIP with Summers, Jennifer sits down with Dr. Lori Davis, a board-certified Family Nurse Practitioner and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor who specializes in mismatched desire and brings together the medical, somatic, and relational sides of sexual health.We talk about the “sex clock,” that invisible countdown that starts after you have sex: How long has it been? When are we doing it again? Is my partner going to initiate? Are we becoming a sexless couple?And once that clock starts ticking, both partners can feel it.Dr. Lori explains why the lower-desire partner can begin to experience sex as pressure or obligation, while the higher-desire partner may experience rejection, anxiety, urgency, or fear about what a lack of sex means for the relationship.We also get into:• Why mismatched desire is normal, and why it causes so much suffering for some couples• What people misunderstand about “high” and “low” desire• Why pressure usually creates the opposite of desire• How your nervous system can affect your ability to access pleasure• The difference between feeling safe and feeling regulated• Why your automatic “ugh, not tonight” response might be worth getting curious about• How to talk about sex without having the conversation in the bedroom• What happens when women are the higher-desire partner• Why there is no magic number for how often couples “should” have sex• Betty Martin's Wheel of Consent and the surprisingly powerful Three Minute Game• How asking “How would you like me to touch you right now?” can completely change the conversation• How couples can stop treating each other as the problem and start working together against the dynamicAnd yes, we also discuss why a really good back scratch might deserve to be considered practically orgasmic.If your sex life has started feeling like pressure, rejection, obligation, or another thing you need to manage, this conversation is an invitation to stop keeping score and start getting curious.Your desire isn't a performance review. Your partner isn't the enemy. And intimacy is about a whole lot more than how many times you've had sex this month.🎙️ Guest: Dr. Lori DavisBoard-Certified Family Nurse Practitioner + AASECT Certified Sex CounselorWebsite: https://dr-loridavis.com/coachingGo here to learn more about how to work with Dr. Lori around sex and intimacy, and book a free one on one consult.💋 Connect with Jennifer:SummersofLove.com@theselfmadedivaIf this episode made you think of your partner, send it to them. Sometimes sharing a podcast is a whole lot easier than starting with, “We need to talk about our sex life.”