The Coffin Club

With another victory obtained, the legend of Yegg Battalion cements itself in earnest. Sixty-Nine gathers the faithful. Deck sells out but in a cool way. Sparky appeals to a higher power. Pleather asserts her own authority and punishments. Everyone's problems are solved forever! https://thecoffin.club

[RECORDING STARTS] what's GOOD you fucking SCRUB welcome to BITCH CITY population YOU! YEAH! Fucking get some you weak-ass chinless FUCK. How the fuck did they let you in if your scrub ass can't land a fucking headshot, did you join the TEF so you can just fondle a gun and pretend it's your big fucking boner? Fucking idiot. Dominated your ass like we're back on fucking Spielberg, how the fuck do you keep losing so fucking much. Lucky fucking you, they're transferring me over to Y so I gotta stop whipping your ass for the glory of Terra and go do some REAL fucking work. They're gonna promote me and make a fucking statue of me dry-humping you while you struggle to jungle. Idiot. It's been real fun but let me give you some advice: fuck yourself and die, Paintball. Caveman OUT! [audio of Trooper playing guitar, song unknown] [RECORDING ENDS] https://thecoffin.club

The chosen saviors of Okamura receive their just rewards. Pleather denies centrism. Deck abuses her authority. Sixty-Nine entertains a proposal. Sparky's just going through it, man. Everyone gets to see the rigorous and thorough process of mission planning. https://thecoffin.club

Why was the sky promised to me? Why is it so far away? I sang as a child. I don't now. The flight of words upon the air, wet emotion pouring from my breath, I always pretend it meant something. Childhood forever. Young forever. A scream preserved in clearest amber. Hands around my throat and I'm not a child. I pray to dream that I am an animal. My deepest wish is to be a bird. But I was a beast of earth and dust, A horse lead astray by wandering eyes, On the edge of yet another drop. And the Captain begged that I fly. https://thecoffin.club

What's a great way to center yourselves after massive troop losses and horrors beneath the ice of an alien planet? Team-building! Wild Filibuster, Perfect Smoke, My Favorite Hope and Handsome Tropic have a lovely day of frolic, athletics, leisure and mandatory attendance with Yegg Batallion's First Inaugural Horse Race & Athletics Competition. Horses do their best now and are preparing. Everybody, please listen warmly until it is ready. https://thecoffin.club

Please See Database For Attached Incident File https://thecoffin.club

In the face of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, Yegg Battalion is rewarded with medals, promotions and responsibilities. Pleather experiences being Ratatouille'd. Sixty-Nine gets a glow-up. Sparky fights a toxic custody battle. Deck seeks tech support. Everyone lift, we can move this couch on three. https://thecoffin.club

IN A SUNDERED LAND Rated 10 for dark themes, violence, sexual content and anti-Terra sentiment. 163 minutes "In A Sundered Land" is the latest biographical drama directed by Jonathan Sweetman starring Liam DiFrancesco, Margaret Landeskog, Brianna Nordberg, Nasir al-Bukhari and Bigg Chanse. Set in District 8 in the first year of Unification, a governmental functionary (DiFrancesco) discovers a smuggling ring meant to empower a rising demagogue (Chanse) and his mission of secession. Complicating things are a firebrand journalist (Nordberg), a trauma doctor struggling to stretch supplies (Landeskog) and the uncomfortable history the functionary's husband (al-Bukhari) has with the land. Received the 17th annual Acclaim Award for Best Actor (DiFrancesco), Best Supporting Actress (Landeskog), Best Costumes and Best Song ("Mother's Land, Where My Spirit Lies", performed by al-Bukhari, arranged and orchestrated by Noel Valencia's Instrumental Orchestra). https://thecoffin.club

In the wake of the last mission, Yegg Squadron deals with what they've experienced the best way they know how: by ignoring it. Sparky gives orders. Sixty-Nine learns how her faith is actually practiced. Pleather vows to never be caught wrong-footed again. Deck learns the true meaning of want. Everyone shares their burger opinions https://thecoffin.club

DAILY CONFIRMATIONS My ears are beautiful, pointed and pristine. My eyes are becoming more clear and skilled. I am already immortal. I have already conquered this feat. This makes me closer to perfect every day. I harmonize with the song of creation. I do not have nightmares. I do not need to listen to the dread. I do not wake up remembering my dreams. I do not flinch at phantom pains. This was an alibi. Every day I practice makes me closer to walking on water. I have no urge to bare my soul to others. I am above them. They are slaves to death. I am psychic. I do not need to masturbate. My patience is infinite. My will is eternal. I do not remember my death. My eyes are turning more purple every day. https://thecoffin.club

The Troopers celebrate the success over Planet Cameron. Sixty Nine mourns the dead. Pleather makes a new friend. Deck hits the books. Sparky learns the letter of the law. Everyone learns how hard it is to clean up after the dead. https://thecoffin.club

My love, Thank you for embarking on this grand adventure with me. They drill us on tactics and weapons and all I can do is think of your face, of coming home to you and your home-cooked meals, of the two of us spending another night together. Your company has been an anchor; it's a small place in the machine but it's ours, a cold drink after a hot day. I'm sorry I can't tell you this in person. I'm sorry I have to leave this message for you to wake up to it. I couldn't bear to tell you when our first mission would be, and that time has come after all these years of traveling together. I think you knew I was hiding it from you, and I'm sorry I was, but I couldn't bear to see you sad. We'll see each other again and I'll make it up to you. I promise. Forever faithful, forever yours,Hoover https://thecoffin.club

Finalized Details for Test #18 Six (6) Specimens prepared for experimentation/implantation Twelve (12) Subjects prepared for testing Grounds cleared and maintained for testing Oversight Staff: Director, Intern Backup Staff: 9th Infantry Unit Main Objective: run Scenario #44 with Specimen 6, full conditioning protocol engaged after implantation, monitor outcome. Secondary Objective: contain all Specimens and Subjects to grounds. Tertiary Objective: recruit useful personnel if applicable. Director's note: Specimen 6 is not to be underestimated. She is an intricate piece of engineering that can be conditioned, but the devil is oft in the details. Control may be exerted or lessened as needed but collateral damage/creative interpretation of the protocol conditioning will occur regardless of our intentions. Stay alert. Stay prepared. Stay armed. Faith protects but action saves. https://thecoffin.club

My mother was a drop of blood. My father was a knife. I thank you for this blessed meal And new purpose in life. Tonight I am your humble guest, I hope you understand, They compel me to prove my worth With Father in my hand. I ask of you to take up arms, I beg of you to try. I want to show you all I've got, Whoever dies will die. https://thecoffin.club

Things come to a head for the Monstrous Misfits in an explosive series finale. Miracle stands strong and demonstrates their power. The Assembly makes a new friend. Presto shoots his shot. Melody goes for one last drive. Everyone makes memories that will last for the rest of the school year. https://thecoffin.club

The Student Body Part Seven: Outnumbered and outgunned, the Monstrous Misfits are forced to plan on the fly. The Assembly listens to hearts and minds. Presto calls to action. Miracle gets the last laugh. Melody tips the scales just so. The chance for everyone who learn who killed them threatens to go up in smoke. https://thecoffin.club

The Monstrous Misfits get to boogie down. Presto wrestles with family, politics and decisions. Melody dances around answering questions. Miracle spreads the world around. The Assembly isn't mad at you, we promise. Everyone makes Jess miserable with their NPC name suggestions. https://thecoffin.club

The Monstrous Misfits attend the Zauberpanzer match (or compete in it, in Melody's case). Thank God the Assembly is only watching the game, controlling it. Miracle joins in the roar of the crowd. Melody tries to channel PANZERGEIST! to minimize casualties and get answers. Presto does some important reading and draws some fun conclusions. Everyone's going to go get pizza after the game is done whether or not their house wins. https://thecoffin.club

Jess caught COVID so instead we played a one-shot of Himbo Treasure Hunt. Our Brave 'Bos embark on a quest to find the buried treasure of famous NASCAR driver Big Bill McClaren in order to save their local gym in Surf City USA from being turned into condos. Are they good at solving mysteries and looking for clues? Heavens no. Will they try anyway? Absolutely. For more information about characters, visit https://thecoffin.club

The Monstrous Misfits prepare for the homecoming game and following dance. Presto lays out their hopes and dreams. The Assembly tinkers with tinctures. Melody becomes a team player. Miracle learns what is and isn't comedy. Everyone gets down at the get-down that is tank waltzing to such classics as Hussar Dance. https://thecoffin.club