The Healing Trauma Podcast

In this replay episode host Monique Koven speaks with self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff about applying self-compassion to complex and developmental trauma. Neff explains how tender care and fierce boundary-setting work together, shares practical grounding and self-compassion exercises, and discusses why painful reactions during practice can be normal.Resources mentioned Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B0dnu4r2aFierce Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B04aiCdBaMindful Self-Compassion — the program Kristin Neff co-developed with Chris Germer https://link.amazon/B04ilXsbtCenter for Mindful Self-Compassionselfcompassion.orgwww.thehealingtraumapodcast.com Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this rerelease conversation, returning guest therapist & author Deb Dana answers your questions. Deb delves into the Polyvagal Theory, explaining its significance in understanding the autonomic nervous system and its impact on our daily experiences. She discusses the hierarchy of the nervous system, the importance of co-regulation, and the process of befriending one's nervous system. The conversation also addresses the challenges of building capacity in a reactive system, practicing regulating tools, and navigating anxiety. She also emphasizes the need for safe connections and the role of attachment and boundaries in our relationships, providing insights into how to reshape our nervous systems for better emotional health.takeawaysPolyvagal Theory helps us understand our autonomic nervous system.The autonomic nervous system has a hierarchy of responses.Ventral state is where we experience wellbeing.Co-regulation is essential for survival and thriving.Befriending your nervous system is a process of gathering information.Building capacity in a reactive system takes time and patience.Practicing regulating tools is crucial for emotional health.Listening to your nervous system is key to understanding your needs.Safe connections are vital for healing and growth.Attachment styles influence our relationships and boundaries.Deb Dana's Books & Resources:Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/3GSm8LjPolyvagal Practices: Anchoring the Self in Safety https://amzn.to/4515qBjThe Nervous System Workbook: Practical Exercises to Ease Anxiety, Find Safety, and Come Home to Yourself Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/4mdNzOwPolyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm and Change https://amzn.to/3TZkw5mPolyvagal Exercises for Therapists and Clients: 50 Client-Centered Practices https://amzn.to/4lYl4ochttps://www.rhythmofregulation.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need.Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after traumaThe conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective rolesMonique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to helpJenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take overA practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and needJenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stressThe episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformativeMonique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolationHealthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative partsJenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healingJenna's books:Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsvMove Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this mini episode, host Monique Koven explores the profound impact of attachment trauma, especially from caregivers who are frightening or unreliable. She discusses how these early experiences shape our nervous system, influence our relationships, and how understanding these patterns can foster self-compassion and healing. Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

All New Episode With Dr. Lindsay GibsonYou Can Be The Mother You Needed : In this brand new episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson shares her groundbreaking approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding emotional maturity in children and how to foster it. Monique and Lindsay explore the dynamics of emotional immaturity, how past traumas affect parenting styles, and practical mindsets that nurture resilient, emotionally aware kids.About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.What you'll discover in this conversation:The core differences between emotionally mature and immature parentschildhood trauma and early attachment influence parentingThe concept of emotional needs: contact, soothing, proximityThe significance of seeing children as real inside with their own inner worldsThe importance of protective parenting and setting a safe emotional foundationThe seven mindsets that underpin emotionally intelligent parentingStrategies to help children develop internal representations of their worldHow to respond to children's behavior as a form of communicationThe role of empathy and sensitivity in emotional developmentPractical ways to show children they are understood, safe, and valuedOrder Lindsay Gibson's new book "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child ;https://amzn.to/3SBLySEWatch The Full Episode https://youtu.be/c0iuE9szrJA?si=F8uuxa5B6lw-RdRL Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy