The Imperfects

Do you feel the type of exhaustion that just doesn’t go away, even after a few good nights of sleep? Do you feel yourself becoming emotionally distant from your kids to protect yourself from huge emotions? Have you noticed that you’re feeling less joy from parenting moment? You might be in parental burnout. This episode isn’t about judgement, at all. Rather, we welcome you to an episode of the Imperfects which aims to make you feel seen, less guilty, less alone, as we’re joined by the very special two guests, Missy Higgins and Dr Emily Musgrove. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 10,100 + others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ We touch on the difference between depression and parental burnout, the risk factors of parental burnout, the perfect mother myth, and how to deal with perfectionistic tendencies. There SO MANY helpful things in this episode, and stories from Hugh, Josh, Missy and Em to make you feel like a good enough parent. Chapters 00:00:00 TRAILER 00:01:34 Missy returns: singer, songwriter and single parent 00:05:20 Hugh's Burnout: When Everything Felt Impossible 00:08:14 Defining Parental Burnout: It's Not About Your Kids 00:12:58 Depression vs Burnout: How to Tell the Difference 00:23:35 The Shock of Parenthood: Nobody Told Us It Would Be Like This 00:29:06 My Cortisol is Where?! 00:33:44 Escape Fantasies 00:36:27 Our Parents Had It Easier: Tennis, Newspapers & Benign Neglect 00:40:13 Perfectionism: The Biggest Risk Factor for Burnout 00:46:13 The Chicken Nugget Meltdown: When Missy Snapped 00:49:59 The Perfect Mother Myth: Intensive Motherhood Ideology 00:52:34 Mental load, resentment + your partner 00:58:55 Single Parenting & Separation: Missy's Experience 01:09:52 Asking for Help: Why It's So Hard & Why We Must 01:13:48 Rest is productive! 01:24:07 Dropping your standards: becoming a good enough parent 01:30:12 A Little More Imperfects 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hugh van Cuylenburg - This Is Burnout - https://bit.ly/4yXsUEB Missy Higgins - Quitting Music, Depression & Connection - https://bit.ly/4eetAhh The Vulnerabilitea House - Missy Higgins - https://bit.ly/4Ai1sm5 Zoë Foster Blake - Perimenopause, ADHD & Everything That Helped with Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4iqLS1d Dr Louise Newson - Maybe It’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4ekisQ1 Dr Lousie Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/4kznVWU Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby … New Brain … Matrescence. - https://bit.ly/4jTko5B Maggie Dent - ‘Good Enough’ Parenting is Good Enough - https://bit.ly/4sFhFyO Chrissie Swan - Honesty - https://bit.ly/4yWmgOJ How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/4f7g4fB 📚Things to research Parental Burnout Assessment by Isabelle Roskam, Moira Mikolajczak & Maria-Elena Brianda - https://bit.ly/4sGktvL Vivek Murphy’s Advisory on Parental Stress - https://bit.ly/48DLeaM The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, by Sharon Hays - https://bit.ly/4z1nXus The Child, The Family, and the Outside World, by Donald Winnicott - https://bit.ly/3X7fE2H 📺 Things to watch Girls - https://bit.ly/4BGo413 🩷For More Missy GET TICKETS HERE - https://www.missyhiggins.com Listen to A Complicated Truth here, https://bit.ly/4ztZoY8 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Have we ruined the art of being a beginner? 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ With guest host Hamish Blake, we welcome back friend (family?) of the show James van Cuylenburg to expertly guide us through beginners’ mindset: what is it, how can we harness it, and what is the best way to model it for our kids? In a time where kids are wanting to be the GOAT of a sport they learnt about yesterday, we’re winding back the clock to reframe the anger and frustration of trying a new skill, and to learn just how great persistence is for our identity. James leads us through why we avoid discomfort, the role of dopamine and reward, and when to allow ourselves to quit something. This episode contains lots of helpful advice for anyone wanting to adopt a beginners’ mindset, and embrace ‘friction maxing’ as their next expedition into embracing discomfort. Chapters 00:00:00 The Beginner's Mindset 00:01:32 Childhood Choir Days & The Pressure to Be the GOAT 00:10:32 Frictionless Society: The Dopamine Problem 00:22:08 Friction Maxxing: Inviting Discomfort Back In 00:27:49 Process Over Product: Finding Joy in the Journey 00:33:51 Persistence vs Endurance: The Art of Sticking With It 00:49:20 The Zone of Proximal Development: The 5% Rule 00:53:03 When Kids Get Angry: Co-Regulation & Small Wins 00:56:22 Shame vs Motivation: The Choir Director's Mistake 00:59:13 James Van Cuylenburg's New TV Show & Final Thoughts 🫖If you liked this episode, you might also love James van Cuylenburg - Love Your Wonky Bricks - https://bit.ly/3VZ1O26 James van Cuylenburg - What’s Your Relationship Status - https://bit.ly/4jFdIrF Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/4jKDwCQ Dr Emily - You’re Full of Grit - https://bit.ly/3ULXe6W Nedd Brockman - The Man, The Myth, The Neddgend - https://bit.ly/4ilxYvX The Academy of Imperfection - Dr Billy Garvey, Paediatrician - https://bit.ly/4Bpwmdn Dr Billy Garvey - From Boyz II Men - https://bit.ly/4zpm6QQ 📺 Things to watch Unskilled Adult - https://bit.ly/4dYgJQi 🎧 Things to listen to You’re A Good Kid - https://bit.ly/4z9u1Sp 📚Research to research Gretchen Rubin’s work on process over product - https://bit.ly/4z6UTCu Angela Duckworth’s work on grit - https://bit.ly/3WAhuJf 🚲 Things to check out Blue Derby Pods Ride - https://bit.ly/4irThwd Engage 1 on 1 Psychology - https://bit.ly/3Wev2dg 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship. Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining. Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout. We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with. Chapters 00:00:00 – TRAILER 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load) 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it? 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough” 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4 📚Things to read Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5 Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0 Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo 📺 Things to watch Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4 🂱 Things to do Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK 💝 Breast Cancer Support Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338 Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

In the end, Matt Nable wished his brother would give in. Motor neurone disease had taken everything, except his brother’s will to live. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,000+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Joining us in the studio today is writer, actor, boxer, and former rugby league player, Matt Nable. Recognisable for playing infamous tough guys on screen (Arrow, Underbelly, The Dry), Matt’s experience of loss and mental ill health has starkly redefined what he believes it is to ‘be a man’. Using the analogy of a ‘double edged sword’, Matt explains his experience with bipolar and hypomania, and how those periods have lead to the best, and worst, decisions of his life. Matt is incredibly generous in sharing his experience of biological melancholia depression, and explores with Josh just how quickly everything can seem to unravel. Matt speaks about the immense grief he carries for his brother who passed away MND, and how he was able to move through this grief to find purpose and compassion. *Content Warning: today's episode includes a discussion about psilocybin. In Australia, psilocybin is a controlled substance. Outside of authorised clinical settings, its use, possession and supply are illegal. This episode is not medical advice, and we're not encouraging or endorsing illegal drug use. Psilocybin can carry serious risks, particularly when taken without professional screening and supervision. Our guest's experience is their own and won't be typical of everyone's. This episode also mentions suicide. If you're struggling with grief or your mental health, please speak with your GP or a mental health professional. 🚨If you, or someone you know, are experiencing suicidal thoughts call lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000. Chapters 00:00:00 – TRAILER 00:02:48 – Childhood shapes who we are 00:03:40 – What does it really mean to be tough? 00:07:38 – Why Matt doesn’t think he is a tough man 00:09:21 – Redefining Masculinity, and Rejecting the Manosphere 00:12:00 – Letting Go of Ego 00:13:34 – Losing his brother to MND 00:20:40 – A Psilocybin Retreat for Grief: Matt’s Experience 00:23:08 – Meeting his younger self 00:24:09 – Reaching Acceptance 00:28:34 – Figuring out what really matters 00:35:12 – A brother’s love: Hugh & Josh reflect 00:38:55 – Finding humour in grief 00:40:34 – A Parent’s Grief vs a Sibling’s Grief 00:41:30 – The Meaning of Matt’s Tattoos 00:42:10 – Bipolar II + Melancholic Depression Diagnosis 00:43:46 – Hypomania: The Double-Edged Sword 00:46:52 – Matt’s rise to fame 00:51:10 – Bipolar vs Depression: The Crash, Exhaustion + Regret 00:52:34 – Sitting with someone in the dark 00:54:08 – The Quicksand of Men’s Mental Health 00:56:02 – Standing on the Edge: Josh’s Story 00:58:01 – Finding Joy in the Small Moments 01:01:29 – Writing as an Anchor Point 01:07:29 – Why men need to be vulnerable 01:07:59 – Journaling Club “How would you like to be remembered?” Some other great resources are below Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 📚Things to read Mire, by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4hYglT0 Other books by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4dI1uut 📺 Things to watch The Final Winter - https://bit.ly/4s3EYSC Things to donate to Fight MND - https://fightmnd.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. Trailer footage sourced from Mr Inbetween.

This is not your mother’s perimenopause. 💌 To join our journaling club, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Joined by guest host Zoë Foster Blake, and Dr Fatima Khan, we’re diving head first into perimenopause: the what, the why, and the how-the-f**k to deal with it. Typically beginning in your late 30’s, and in your brain of all places, perimenopause symptoms include heightened anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbances, brain fog … all things that make you feel further and further away from your best self. Beginning 5 -7 years BEFORE your last menstrual period, perimenopause can coincide with postpartum, the most important presentation of your career to date, and the uncovering of neurodivergence, which may have been painstakingly masked until this shift in hormones. With the expertise of Dr Fatima, and the lived experience of Zoë, we hope this episode makes you feel seen, less alone, and ready to have THAT conversation with your GP. Chapters 00:00:00 The Truth of Perimenopause [TRAILER] 00:01:09 The Meet Cute of Zoe Foster Blake and Dr Fatima Khan 00:06:55 Is this Perimenopause? Early Signs + Symptoms 00:07:41 Zoe’s Perimenopause Journey: No Sleep, Anxiety, Rage, Repeat. 00:09:56 Volcanic Rage, Explained 00:14:59 What Doctor’s Miss: Misdiagnosis + Antidepressants 00:15:57 Why Your Husband Is Breathing Too Loud 00:20:18 Perimenopause Mental Health Screening 00:21:25 Debunking the “You’re Too Young” Myth 00:23:43 Is it Anxiety? Depression? Perimenopause? 00:25:26 The Pill, The Mirena + The Modern Woman in Peri 00:30:44 Loosing Yourself in Peri: Brain Fog + Dementia Fears 00:32:10 The Importance of Testosterone 00:36:00 HRT Myths: Re-educating a generation 00:39:04 A Script for a Script: What to say to your GP 00:41:12 Perimenopause Is a Multi-Organ Syndrome 00:46:09 High Achieving Women + Peri = Shame 00:46:47 When Perimenopause Unmasks Your ADHD 00:54:26 Trauma Reactivation in Perimenopause 00:57:17 Pills + Skills: Why HRT Alone Isn’t Enough 00:58:41 The Longevity of It All 01:00:30 Nutrition 📚Things to read Group Chat, by Zoë Foster Blake - https://bit.ly/4efqR70 Hormone Health is Mental Health, by Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4j6G2Ts 💻Things to check out Australasian Menopause Society - menopause.org.au Meno-D questionnaire - https://bit.ly/3Toj3sN Zela Wellbeing - https://bit.ly/4ARGFXu 🎧Imperfects episodes for MORE on hormones Zoë Foster Blake - Zero Lucks Given - https://bit.ly/4y8xwHx Dr Louise Newson - Maybe it’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4i7xM3F Dr Louise Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/47ya9w2 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.