Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse

It’s difficult to find common ground when you disagree with someone politically. Instead of taking the time to really listen to each other, we get caught up in arguments and proving our points. Too often, this leads us to focus on what divides us instead of what unities us. In this special episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse the New Jersey Senate Minority Leader, Anthony M. Bucco, spoke about the importance of bipartisanship as it relates to domestic violence. Since domestic violence is an issue that impacts all people, with no regard to their political affiliation, it requires a unified front to end abuse.  Content:(0:00) Introduction(2:17) Why Domestic Violence Should Matter to Republicansand Democrats (3:11) Conservative Values & Ending Domestic Violence (4:46) Polarization, Politics, & Abuse (7:08) Domestic Violence Legislation (11:02) A Message About Abuse (15:58) A Message from the New Jersey Coalition to EndDomestic Violence (19:55) About JBWS & Resources Resources:Find more resources about restraining orders: ⁠jbws.org/resourcesIf you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

We’re not used to thinking about fighting with our partner in a healthy way, but it is possible to have fights with your partner, rooted in respect, that bring you closer together.  This episode explores:How to fight in a healthier way Signs of unhealthy fighting How to effectively take a break from arguments Feeling emotions versus acting on those emotionsChanging patterns of fights and arguments Tips to regulate your emotions, body, and mindAnd so much more!CONTENT:(0:00) Introduction (1:36) The Benefit of Disagreements (4:29) What is Healthy Fighting? (6:35) Elements of a Healthy Fight (10:49) Example of a Healthy Argument(14:58) Don't Try To Make Your Partner Feel Bad(20:17) Signs an Argument Is Becoming Unhealthy(21:34) How to Effectively Take a Break From Arguing (24:17) Change Takes Time, Don't Rush It(29:15) How To Take A Break, Step by Step (35:29) Feeling Emotions Versus Acting on Emotions(38:32) Regulating Physical, Emotional, and Mental Energy(45:57) Accountability and Behavior Change(48:06) Signs of Abuse in Arguments(53:04) About JBWS & ResourcesResources: If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris or Passaic County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

What are restraining orders? What can you get a restraining order for? Who can apply for a restraining order? What does the restraining order process look like? In this episode, we explore all facets of restraining orders. We cover the difference between a temporary restraining order and a final restraining order, the difference between a civil restraint and a restraining order, answer frequently asked questions and much more. Please note, this information applies to New Jersey law. If you are in another state or country it may be different. CONTENT:(0:00) Introduction (2:38) What is a Restraining Order? (4:37) Temporary vs. Final Restraining Orders(8:22) What is a Predicate Act? (9:58) Burden of Proof (12:13) What is Involved in Obtaining a Restraining Order(15:22) How Do You Get A Restraining Order?(18:43) What Can You Get A Restraining Order For? (23:30) Civil Restraint vs. Restraining Order(27:09) Advice for Seeking a Restraining Order(34:31) Prior Acts of Domestic Violence (37:12) FAQs (41:11) Violating a Restraining Order(43:20) Will the Defendant Know I Filed? (45:23) About JBWS & Resources Resources:Find more resources about restraining orders: ⁠jbws.org/resources If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Have you ever felt like you couldn't say no to someone? Were you ever encouraged to just give in to avoid embarrassing someone asking you on a date? Why do we prioritize the feelings of the person asking someone out and disregard the comfort of the person being asked? In this episode, we discuss why it’s so hard for us to say no and the importance of accepting no. Resources:⁠Learn how to express concern for people experiencing jbws.org/resources If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠ If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠ If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

How can you tell if a person is naturally passionate and expresses their affection through big displays of love versus someone who is using love bombing to gain power and control? In this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Danielle Graddick explains the signs of love bombing, how it differs from loving relationships, and how love bombing intersects with domestic violence.  Content: (0:00) Introduction (1:35) Defining Love Bombing (3:00) Why is Love Bombing a Problem? (4:15) What is the Effect of Love Bombing? (7:57) Can Love Bombing Happen at Any Age?(8:52) Love Bombing and The Cycle of Violence (10:27) A Personal Experience with Love Bombing (14:17) Romantic Gestures vs. Love Bombing(20:04) Love Bombing and Social Media(24:44) Love Bombing, Abuse, and Isolation (26:53) Love Bombing? Or Genuine Interest? (30:00) About JBWS and Resources  Resources:If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ jbws.org/services If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Love. Hope. Fear. These are the emotions that victims of abuse typically experience throughout the cycle of violence. There are three main phases: Tension Building, Explosion, and Loving & Contrite. In the tension building phase, victims may notice their partner's mood changes, their posture alters, or their tone shifts. This could make them feel like they're walking on eggshells until an explosion occurs. In the explosion phase, abuse escalates. Shouting gets louder, threats become more severe, and physical assault may occur. After the explosion phase, the person causing harm may promise to never hurt their partner again. They may apologize, start to act like they did in the beginning of the relationship, and be loving - until the cycle continues. CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction (2:20) Tension Building (7:34) Explosion (12:55) Loving and Contrite (18:35) Is it Abuse Without the Cycle of Violence?(20:18) Does Abuse Stop in the Loving and Contrite Phase? (26:23) About JBWS & Resources About JBWS & Resources The Cycle of Violence If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services.If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv.⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you ever have a right to tell your partner what they can and can’t do? Is it ever okay to threaten to leave a relationship if the other person doesn’t change a behavior you don’t like? Where is the line between communicating needs and exerting control over your partner? Power and control is at the heart of unhealthy relationships, but it’s not always easy to recognize. This episode analyzes all aspects of power and control so listeners can begin to recognize these signs in their relationships or their loved ones relationships. CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction (01:51) What Is Power and Control? (5:25) Coercion and Threats (10:02) Control & Threatening to Leave (12:31) Intimidation(22:23) Emotional Abuse (27:08) The Cycle of Violence (28:17) Isolation (35:05) Denying, Minimizing, and Blaming (42:54) Using Children to Maintain Control(45:32) Status Abuse(48:43) Financial Abuse (53:54) Equality in Relationships (54:46) Physical and Sexual Violence (55:58) Putting It All Together (1:00:28) About JBWS & Resources Power and Control Wheel Equality WheelWhat Does Emotional Abuse Look and Feel Like? Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you consider consent when brushing your hand against someone's back at the bar? Do you think about it before hugging someone who is in tears? Too often, we only think about consent in regards to sexual activity, but it's something we should consider daily.In this episode of Unsilenced, Maria Lagattuta explores:What consent looks like in all relationshipsHow victims of abuse frequently don't have much consent in their relationshipsHow nonconsensual activities can negatively impact victims of abuseHow people cannot consent to activities that could kill them, such as choking during sexAnd how people can practice noticing when something feels consensual to themCONTENT:(0:00) Introduction(1:30) Is Consent Always Sexual? (2:45) Nonsexual Forms of Consent(6:06) Emotional Consent(8:01) What Consent Does and Doesn't Look Like(10:00) The Lack of No Doesn't Mean Yes(11:23) Arousal Doesn't Mean Always Imply Consent (12:45) How Is Consent Used in Power and Control? (19:57) Learning to Recognize Consent in Yourself (21:53) Victims Don't Consent to Abuse (26:15) Can Choking During Sex Be Consensual? (34:46) Consent in Daily Life (40:29) About JBWS & Resources Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Imagine a woman who has endured emotional, physical, or sexual abuse for years. Her husband has isolated her from family and friends, restricted her finances, and harms her every day. If this woman then physically hurts her partner – is she seen as abusive? Dr. Lisa Young Larance is a pioneer in the field of antiviolence intervention with extensive experience working with women who have used abuse in their relationships. On this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Young Larance examines:The issue with the victim-offender binaryExplains why programs designed for men who have used abuse will not work for women due to differences in socializationOffers insight into how society perceives victims of abuse who harm their partners And answers the question “Can Women Be Abusive?” Content: (0:00) Introduction (2:02) Avoiding Stereotypes and History(10:36) Why Programs for Men Won’t Work for Women(15:44) The Issue with the Victim Offender Binary(17:11) The “Lifetime” Victim(18:51) Fear vs. Dread(22:58) What is Coercive Control?(27:36) Women’s Socialization Vs. Men’s Socialization (29:07) Mandatory Arrest Laws(31:50) How Society Views Women Who Fight Back(36:07) Can Women Be Abusive? (39:18) About JBWS & Resources Find Dr. Young Larance's Book: Broken: Women’s Stories of Intimate and Institutional Harm and Repair by Dr. Lisa Young Larance Resources and Additional Information: ⁠Is Your Relationship Healthy? ⁠National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233).JBWS' 24-Hour Helpline: 1.877.782.2873 Support for those using abuse: jbws.org/jcnv *Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Abuse among teens can look different than our typical understanding of domestic violence. In this episode, Maddie Hahn, the manager of JBWS’ Dating Abuse Prevention Program, answers many questions about dating abuse for both teenagers and their parents or guardians. This episode covers: Location sharing, the expectation of constant communication, how we can model healthy relationships for teenagers, how bullies mimic dynamics of power and control we see in abuse, the importance of maintaining our relationship armor, and more. Maddie explains how parents or guardians can casually promote healthy relationships by encouraging discussions about media and pop culture. When these discussions do arise, Maddie offers suggestions on dos and donts for navigating the conversation.  Content: (0:00) Introduction (2:10) Can Abuse Happen In Teen Relationships?(7:48) Location Sharing (12:52) Constant Texting(16:50) Maintaining Relationship Armor(20:11) Warning Signs of Abuse (24:27) Dos and Donts for Talking to Teens about Relationships(31:27) Modeling Healthy Relationships (32:53) Bullies Use Power and Control(35:09) The Harm in Downplaying Teen Relationships(38:01) How Breaking Up Could Be Dangerous(40:18) Closing Remarks (43:22) About JBWS & Services Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Did you know that teenagers can experience dating abuse? Before reaching adulthood, 1 in 3 teenagers will experience some form of abuse by their partner. In this episode of Unsilenced, Shari Genser, Esq. will discuss what legal protections are in place for teenaged victims of abuse why victims sometimes drop restraining orders, how difficult it may be for teenagers to come forward about sexual abuse, and much more. *Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal advice.Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Handling the legal system can be difficult for victims of domestic violence. In this episode Shari Genser, Esq. offers insight into:Restraining orders and court processesThe difference between domestic violence and dating abuseThe role of power and control in abusive relationships*Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal advice.Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

It is critical to consider race when talking about domestic violence because there are unique barriers that Black victims face. Tamu King, CEO & Founder of The Changed Mind joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to talk about how: The "Strong Black Woman" stereotype feeds into the dehumanization of Black women and makes it harder for them to leave abusive relationships There is a stigma associated with domestic violence in the Black community that discourages victims from being honest about what they're experiencing This prejudicial belief that Black women are aggressive or angry makes them reluctant to involve law enforcement due to fear of being victimized themselves ⁠Find Tamu King's podcast here.⁠Content of the Podcast:(0:00) Introduction(05:27 ) Belief Black Women are Aggressive (10:25) Strong Black Woman Stereotype (16:04) Racism and Black Victims (22:06) Response to "I Don't See Color" (26:00) Stigma Associated with Domestic Violence (28:49) Breaking Through The Silence(35:26) Leaving Can Be Dangerous(42:11) About JBWS & Services Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Would seeing a cup of coffee terrify you? What if it was made exactly how you like it from that new café you just found? What if you found the cup of coffee in your car, still warm, with a nickname you haven’t used in years scrawled on the side? Julia Holtemeyer of the Stalking Awareness, Prevention and Resource Center (SPARC) joins this episode of Unsilenced to: Explore what constitutes stalking Share real-life examples of stalking - demonstrating why context is imperative to understanding the severity of threats Explain how dangerous stalking can be in an intimate partner relationship Contents:(0:00) Introduction (01:42) Definition of stalking(07:10) Retroactive fear(08:42) Examples of Stalking(09:13) Fear of a Coffee Cup (11:37) Fear of Flower Delivery(12:56) Fear of a Bottle Cap(14:02) Social and Professional Costs (15:28) Why Do People Stalk? (21:34) Stalking and Mental Health Issues(24:11) Stalking and Intimate Partner Relationships(30:50) About JBWS & Services About JBWS and Services:If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services.If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv. ⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris ABOUT SPARC:SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center) is a federally funded project providing education and resources about the crime of stalking. SPARC aims to enhance the response to stalking by educating the professionals tasked with keeping stalking victims safe and holding offenders accountable. To stay up-to-date on SPARC’s resources and offerings, follow us on social media (Facebook, Instagram, X/Twitter) @FollowUsLegally and/or subscribe to our quarterly newsletter. SPARC does not provide direct services to victims. We recommend that stalking victims work with a local victim advocate, and the Victim Connect hotline can help connect victims with one. Local victim advocates can help plan for safety, discuss legal options, and connect victims with additional services. Victim Connect can be contacted at https://victimconnect.org/ for online messaging and information, and by phone at 1-855-484-2846. Local domestic violence and sexual assault support services/organizations often work with stalking victims/survivors, even when those victimizations are not part of the stalking. Unfortunately, there are no hotlines and few support service organizations that specifically work with victims/survivors of stalking.The list below includes specific resources mentioned in the podcast and links to learn more about stalking: Short videos on a variety of topics around stalking, including the SLII framework, how stalking and DV intersect, and media portrayals of stalking Specific questions to help identify stalking SLII behaviors More information about how movies and TV portray stalking Dive deeper and learn more about stalking by watching/listening to a recorded webinar training Resources to help support loved ones being stalked  Guides, checklists, tools for professionals supporting stalking victims and holding offenders accountable (victim service providers, law enforcement, prosecutors, judges, corrections, campus professionals, and more) Sample log to help track stalking incidents Considerations for safety planning with stalking victims Free, online risk assessment tool for stalking Learn more about technology safety and privacy, including safety tips, information, and privacy strategies for survivors

Do you have questions about domestic violence that you want to ask but aren't sure if you should? A show on Netflix called You Can't Ask That encouraged people to anonymously ask victims taboo questions about domestic violence. JBWS volunteer Ninna Roco joins this episode of Unsilenced to discuss these controversial questions and provide insight into the dynamics of abuse. Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

"I don't like the way I've been treating my partner." To end domestic violence, we must normalize reflecting on our behavior and admitting when we make mistakes. Abusing your partner is a choice and there are tools, skills, programs, and services that can help people prevent these behaviors. Mary Jane McCarthy, JBWS' Professional Training Manager, joins this episode of Unsilenced to discuss societal perceptions about anger, coping methods for people using abuse, and how we must change the narrative around domestic violence.Content:(0:00) Introduction (2:20) Feeling Angry vs. Feeling Sad(4:29) Time Outs And Accountability Planning (10:14) Abuse Intervention Programs Keep Families Safer (15:08) Admitting When You Have Used Abuse(19:01) Home Should Be Peaceful(21:04) Not Tolerating Abusive Behavior (24:06) About JBWS & ResourcesResources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Why do people abuse their partners or family members? What could cause a person to inflict harm on people they love? These are questions that anyone familiar with domestic violence has likely contemplated at some point. However, there is no universal answer to these questions. Not all people who use abuse have the same life experiences. Some may be mimicking the dynamic of their parents while others may believe they must be in control to avoid being controlled. Sometimes people use abuse in their relationships because their belief systems allow it or because it benefits them in some way. Mary Jane McCarthy joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to discuss this question.Content:(0:00) Introduction(1:16) What Is The Jersey Center For Non-Violence(3:45) Why We Don't Use The Term "Abuser"(6:19) What Causes Someone To Abuse Their Partner? (12:53) Perceptions of People Who Use Abuse(16:48) Abuse and Remorse (21:54) Does Abuse Intervention Work?(33:08) Feeling Strong Emotions (34:50) About JBWS & ResourcesResources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Suicide. It’s a topic that many people are hesitant to discuss. They may worry that broaching the subject might give someone the idea to end their life or they may choose to stay silent because they simply don’t know how to talk about it. But suicide is a real risk, particularly for those struggling with domestic violence. Jessica Testa, LAC,  a counselor at JBWS, joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to explore the relationship between mental health issues and abuse, how to support someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, and the stigma around mental health issues. Contents of the Podcast:(0:00) Introduction (01:33) Abuse and Mental Health Issues(05:13) Power and Control Wheel(06:56) Domestic Violence Is a Risk factor for Suicide(10:31) Is It Okay To Talk About Suicide? (14:28) Shame and Mental Health Issues(17:39) Expressing Concern for a Suicidal Person(21:46) Ask If They're Considering Suicide (23:25) Levels of Suicidality(25:56) Protective Factors (30:20) Weaponizing Suicide in Abuse(37:21) About JBWS & Services *Please note, talking about suicide is not going to put a thought in someone’s head that isn’t already there. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. This episode discusses suicidal thoughts, dying my suicide, and other mental health issues, please consider if you're in a place to hear this content before listening. Find the Power and Control Wheel.About JBWS and Services: Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Twenty years ago, The Notebook debuted in theaters and people fell in love with the passionate, enduring relationship between Noah and Allie. Their intense, all-consuming devotion to each other shaped a generation's perception of true love. But is this a good thing or does it romanticize abusive behavior ? Should we find it sweet that he wrote daily letters to her for a year without receiving a reply? Is it romantic that he built a house for her, years after they broke up? Or do we just find it beautiful because Allie wanted to be with Noah? But what if she rejected him, what would their lives become? Mary Jane McCarthy, the professional training manager at JBWS, joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to discuss why these behaviors are problematic, the difference between obsession and love, and how media could damage a person's idea of what's healthy in a relationship. Content: (0:00) Introduction Resources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

The holidays can be an isolating, scary time for people experiencing abuse. Time off from work, the increase in substance use, financial strain, and the pressure to make happy holiday memories create a perfect storm for abuse. Robin Hughes, manager of JBWS' Crisis Response Team, joins this episode of Unsilenced to explore why abuse may escalate during the holidays and how to support a loved one that may be experiencing abuse. Content:(0:00) Introduction(1:39) Escalation of Abuse & Decrease In Calls For Help(7:32) Stressors That Contribute To Abuse(11:06) Alcohol Does Not Cause Abuse(15:00) Why "Getting It Right" Won't Stop The Abuse(18:13) Advice For People Experiencing Abuse (22:13) Safety Planning(24:50) The Isolation of Abuse During Holidays (29:18) About JBWS & ResourcesResources:Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris