The cult.ture podcast

Carlos Castaneda promised a different reality. What happened to the people who believed him? Writer and artist Ru Marshall joins Derek to discuss American Trickster: The Hidden Lives of Carlos Castaneda, the result of nearly two decades spent investigating one of the counterculture’s most influential and controversial figures. From The Teachings of Don Juan to the secretive inner circle that formed around its author, we explore how Castaneda built his mythology and how academic credibility, compelling storytelling, and the desire to believe helped sustain it. Marshall discusses the women known as his “witches,” the promises behind his Tensegrity movement practice, and the troubling disappearance of five women following his death. Along the way, we examine the disputed origins of his teachings, his influence on popular culture, and how the promise of spiritual freedom can become a means of control. A conversation about charisma, deception, and the difficult work of questioning the stories we want to be true. Connect with Ru Marshall rmarshallstudio.com Instagram Amazon   Books, films, and music from the conversation A Separate Reality: A Novel — Ru Marshall The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge — Carlos Castaneda Amy Wallace’s memoir, Sorcerer’s Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda Fitzcarraldo — film Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter — Joni Mitchell Joyce Carol Oates * James Frey * Harold Garfinkel * Walter Goldschmidt * Timothy Leary * Bob Dylan Lobsang Rampa * Helena Blavatsky * Neville Goddard * Richard de Mille  * John Lennon Federico Fellini * Friedrich Nietzsche * Max Weber   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶 Disclaimer: The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  

What happens when the people who teach you about love make that love conditional? In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Terry Wayne Carpenter, a former Jehovah’s Witness, artist, novelist, and former sports journalist, to explore his journey through religious control, family estrangement, and rebuilding a life on his own terms. Terry shares his experiences with judicial committees as a teenager, the lasting impact of shunning, and how becoming a father changed his understanding of unconditional love. We discuss how high-control groups use language to shape reality and how storytelling can help us reclaim our identities. We also explore his debut novel, The Basket Weaver, a story of young love set in the Arkansas Ozarks in 1975. Drawing on experiences familiar to many former Jehovah’s Witnesses, Terry explains why he chose fiction over memoir and why he wanted to write a story that leaves room for hope. An honest conversation about belonging, boundaries, creativity, and finding peace after leaving a world that once defined everything.   Connect with Terry TerryWayneCarpenter.com Instagram: @theterrywayne Where to find The Basket Weaver Amazon Barnes & Noble Walmart   Tattered Cover, Denver Book Society,  Goodreads  Books referenced — Amazon links The Basket Weaver — Terry Wayne Carpenter Uncultured: A Memoir — Daniella Mestyanek Young 1984 — George Orwell Crisis of Conscience — Raymond Franz Infinite Jest — David Foster Wallace Gravity’s Rainbow — Thomas Pynchon Underworld — Don DeLillo The Autumn of the Patriarch — Gabriel García Márquez The Four Loves — C. S. Lewis   Religious texts and publications mentioned New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures The Quran, mentioned briefly. The Watchtower and Awake!, including bound volumes. Film and other screen references The Children Act — Amazon. This is likely the unnamed film Terry describes involving Stanley Tucci, a court case, and a blood transfusion. Fallout — Amazon. A television series referenced during the discussion about leaving a sheltered environment. Kintsugi — an anime project by Sean Miller, mentioned in the conversation.   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer: The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  

What happens when you leave a high-control religion—but keep living by the rules it taught you? This week, I’m joined by Melissa Duge Spiers, author of Holy Disobedience, for an honest conversation about growing up as a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist, leaving at 18, and realizing decades later how much of that upbringing she still carried. We compare notes from our Adventist and Jehovah’s Witness childhoods: end-times fear, strict rules, purity culture, and learning to obey before learning to trust yourself. Melissa opens up about painful family secrets, her account of her father’s abuse, and how she sees the conditioning of her childhood reflected in her adult relationships. We also talk about speaking out, finding community, and making peace with the possibility that the people who hurt you may never give you the answers you need. There’s humor, some hard truths, and a reminder that leaving can be the beginning of the work.   Connect with Melissa Duge Spiers Book: HOLY DISOBEDIENCE: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows ExSDA TikTok: @the.glory.whole ExSDA Instagram: @the.glory.whole Personal Instagram: @melissadugespiers_writer   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶   Disclaimer: The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.        

Leaving a high-control religion may end your participation but it doesn’t immediately undo the identity, fear, shame, and expectations it placed inside you. In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Audra Phelps, a former Mormon and coach who helps women, particularly mothers, rebuild their lives after leaving the LDS Church. Raised in a strict Mormon household, Audra grew up with a prescribed identity and a clear roadmap for what it meant to be a faithful woman, wife, and mother. After more than a decade of questioning, international travel gave her the physical and emotional distance to see her religious upbringing differently. In 2015, a church policy affecting LGBTQ+ families became her breaking point. She removed her temple garments, looked at herself in the mirror, and said the words she had struggled for years to say: “I am not Mormon.” Audra and Derek discuss the difference between leaving and recovering, grieving without regretting your decision, rebuilding trust in yourself, setting boundaries, navigating marriage, and learning to parent without relying on an external religious authority. They also explore what it means to break generational cycles and change the emotional inheritance passed down to your children. SPECIAL OFFER FOR CULT.TURE LISTENERS Audra is offering podcast listeners 50% off their first individual coaching session. This offer is open to any woman navigating a faith transition after leaving a high-control organization—not only former Mormons. Learn more about one-on-one coaching and book a free consultation with Audra: https://mamaaudra.com/oneonone Mention “PODCAST” during your consultation to receive the discount.     Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer: The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  

This is a different conversation... Devin Fish spent much of his life hiding what he was carrying. Raised amid poverty, instability, addiction, and repeated moves, Devin entered the U.S. Army looking for direction. Over nearly a decade of service as both a cavalry scout and career counselor he learned resilience, but he also absorbed the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness. Behind that armor were the death of his mother, unresolved family trauma, isolation, online exploitation, blackmail, and a mental health crisis that ultimately brought him to the hospital. In this episode of cult.ture, Devin joins Derek and Trent to discuss the experiences behind his book, Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book. Together, they explore military culture, masculinity, coercive online tactics, parental addiction, grief, faith, self-hatred, and what can happen when someone finally allows others to see what they have been hiding. Devin’s story is a reminder that asking for help is not weakness and that the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become the end of your story. Follow Devin on Facebook Buy Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book on Amazon   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer: The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.