Roots and Attachment Podcast

Has Modern Feminism Gone Too Far? Rethinking Motherhood, Femininity, and What It Means to Be an Empowered WomanWhat happens when the movement that fought for women’s freedom starts defining what an empowered woman is supposed to look like? A personal reflection on modern feminism, traditional motherhood, marriage, femininity, faith, and the freedom to choose a different kind of life.I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a woman lately. What it means to be fulfilled, what it means to be successful, what it means to be independent, and what it actually means to be empowered.And honestly, some of my beliefs are changing.Since taking maternity leave, I’ve found myself in a very different season of life. For most of my adult life, I’ve been a career-driven woman. I’ve built businesses, pursued education, developed a professional identity, and spent years working toward goals that I genuinely valued. I was proud of those accomplishments, and I still am.But now, I’m primarily at home raising my daughters, caring for my family, and navigating a version of motherhood that looks very different from the life I was living before.And something interesting has happened.I’ve started questioning some of the beliefs I held about womanhood, feminism, traditional gender roles, and what it means to live an empowered life.I’ve identified as a feminist for most of my adult life. But lately, I’ve been wondering whether modern feminism has, in some ways, swung so far in the opposite direction that it’s started creating some of the very problems it originally set out to solve.Not feminism as a whole. I’m not suggesting women should go backward, give up their rights, or return to a time when their choices were dictated by men or society.But I do think there’s a conversation worth having about what happens when a movement designed to expand women’s choices begins creating a new set of expectations about which choices are acceptable.The Pendulum Effect: When Progress Becomes OvercorrectionThere’s a concept in psychology, economics, and systems thinking that describes how an effort to correct an imbalance can sometimes overshoot its intended goal.It’s often described as the pendulum effect or overcorrection.Think about it this way: When something has been pushed too far in one direction, we naturally work to correct it. But sometimes, instead of finding balance, we swing so far in the opposite direction that we create a different imbalance.I wonder if we’re seeing some of that in modern feminism.Historically, women had limited opportunities and autonomy. They were often expected to marry, have children, maintain a household, and depend financially on their husbands. Their access to education, careers, financial independence, and personal freedom was restricted.Feminism challenged those limitations, and much of that progress was incredibly important.Women fought for the right to vote, pursue education, enter the workforce, own property, make decisions about their bodies, and have lives beyond the roles society had prescribed for them.Those freedoms matter.But I wonder if, somewhere along the way, we’ve started confusing freedom with a particular version of independence.The expectation now can sometimes look like this: An empowered woman should have a career, be financially independent, prioritize herself, be sexually liberated, avoid relying too heavily on a man, and never allow motherhood or marriage to define her.And if she chooses something different?Well, that choice can sometimes be viewed as regressive, outdated, or a sign that she hasn’t fully embraced her independence.But isn’t that just another set of expectations?We fought for women to have choices. Have we really created more freedom if we’re still judging women for making choices that don’t align with the prevailing cultural narrative?Sexual Liberation: Have We Just Replaced One Expectation With Another?Take sexual liberation, for example.For generations, women were shamed for their sexuality. They were told how to dress, how to behave, who they could sleep with, and what made them respectable.Challenging that was necessary. Women shouldn’t be controlled, shamed, or defined by their sexual history.But I wonder if we’ve sometimes swung so far in the opposite direction that we’ve created a new expectation.In certain corners of modern culture, sexual liberation has become synonymous with casual sex, sleeping around, having no strings attached, and being completely detached from emotional connection.And somehow, that can become associated with confidence, independence, and empowerment.But what if a woman doesn’t want that?What if she values commitment, monogamy, emotional intimacy, and sex within a loving relationship? Does that make her less liberated? Less confident? Less empowered?And there’s another question I think is worth asking: Who actually benefits when sexual freedom is framed primarily around having fewer boundaries, fewer expectations, and fewer commitments?I’m not suggesting women shouldn’t have sexual autonomy. Quite the opposite.But I do think we should be able to have an honest conversation about the difference between having the freedom to make sexual choices and feeling culturally pressured to embrace a particular kind of sexual behavior.We went from telling women they shouldn’t be sexual to sometimes creating a culture where they feel they have to prove how sexually liberated they are.That’s an interesting contradiction.When Putting Yourself First Becomes the Ultimate Form of EmpowermentThis one really gets me.For generations, women were expected to sacrifice themselves for everyone else. Their needs came last. Their identities were often wrapped entirely around being a wife, mother, caregiver, and homemaker.And rightfully, we started challenging that.Women deserve boundaries. They deserve identities outside of their relationships. They deserve opportunities, autonomy, and the ability to advocate for themselves.But I think we’ve sometimes swung to the other extreme.Now, compromise can be interpreted as losing yourself. Sacrifice can be interpreted as weakness. Prioritizing your marriage or your children can be viewed as giving up your independence.We’ve become so focused on not losing ourselves in relationships that we sometimes forget that relationships require us to give of ourselves.Marriage requires compromise. Parenting requires sacrifice. Loving someone means occasionally putting their needs ahead of your own.That doesn’t automatically mean you’re being oppressed, manipulated, or losing your identity.There’s a difference between choosing to give of yourself because you love someone and being expected to abandon yourself because you have no other choice.There’s a difference between self-sacrifice and self-abandonment.And I think we’ve lost some of that nuance.Healthy relationships require both autonomy and interdependence. We need to be able to stand on our own, but we also need to be able to depend on other people.Needing someone isn’t inherently weakness. Allowing yourself to be loved, supported, cared for, and sometimes provided for doesn’t make you less capable.We’re relational creatures. We’re not necessarily healthier because we need each other less.Why Being a Traditional Wife Is Suddenly CounterculturalI think the modern trad wife movement is a particularly interesting example of this pendulum effect.Think about how far we’ve come.There was a time when women had very little choice but to marry, have children, maintain a home, and depend financially on a husband.For my grandmother, that was largely the expectation. There were far fewer opportunities available to women, and traditional family roles were often prescribed rather than freely chosen.Feminism challenged that, and women fought hard to have options beyond those traditional roles.But now, look at where we are culturally.Being a traditional wife, wanting to stay home with your children, prioritizing your marriage, emb… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rootsandattachment.substack.com

Why does the partner of someone with narcissistic traits sometimes start acting like them?Many adult children and former partners of narcissistic family systems describe the same confusing experience: over time, the other parent—or partner—begins to sound, think, and behave more like the narcissistic person. They defend the same stories, minimize the same harm, and sometimes become emotionally unsafe themselves.Why does this happen?In this episode of the Roots & Attachment Podcast, Erika explores several psychological theories that may help explain this phenomenon, including:* Narcissistic traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)* Family Systems Theory* Shared Reality Theory* Confirmation Bias* Cognitive Dissonance* Betrayal Trauma* Why entire families can organize around one distorted version of realityThis isn’t about blaming the “other” parent. It’s about understanding the powerful psychological and relational forces that can shape perception over years or even decades.Whether you grew up with narcissistic parents, are healing from a toxic relationship, or simply want a deeper understanding of attachment and family dynamics, this episode offers research-based insights to help make sense of experiences that often leave people questioning their own reality.Resources🌿 Learn more about therapy, workshops, courses, and resources:https://www.DenverAttachmentCounseling.com📖 Get Erika’s workbook, Making Therapy WorkIf you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit from it. Every share helps more people understand attachment, trauma, and healthier relationships. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rootsandattachment.substack.com

Why does an unanswered text feel devastating? Why can criticism feel unbearable? Why do some people struggle to trust, ask for help, or feel safe in relationships—even when they desperately want connection?In this episode of the Roots & Attachment Podcast, we’re exploring the hidden impact of Complex PTSD (CPTSD) and how early relationships shape the way our nervous systems experience the world.Using the metaphor of the lone wolf, you’ll learn why humans were never designed to heal in isolation, how childhood trauma and emotional neglect become wired into our biology, and why so many of the patterns we call “personality” are actually brilliant survival strategies.We’ll cover:* The evolutionary need for connection and co-regulation* The difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD* How emotional neglect can be just as impactful as overt abuse* Emotional flashbacks and why your body reacts before your mind understands* The childhood beliefs that quietly shape adult relationships* Why healing happens through safe, consistent relationships* How therapists, friends, partners—and even animals—can help your nervous system learn that connection is safe againIf you’ve ever thought, “Nothing that bad happened to me, so why do I struggle so much?” this episode is for you.If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could benefit from hearing it. Every share helps more people understand trauma, attachment, and the path toward healing.Remember: We are wounded in relationships, and we heal in relationships.www.denverattachmentcounseling.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rootsandattachment.substack.com

Why do you always feel like the responsible one? Or the fixer? Maybe you’re the one who keeps everyone laughing, disappears into the background, or somehow always ends up being blamed.These patterns aren’t random. They often begin in childhood.In this episode of the Roots & Attachment Podcast, we’re exploring the hidden roles children take on in dysfunctional families and how those survival strategies quietly shape our adult relationships, careers, and sense of self.We’ll talk about:* Why these roles develop in the first place* The Hero, Scapegoat, Caretaker, Parentified Child, Lost Child, and Mascot* How these roles show up in adulthood* Why what once protected you may now be keeping you stuck* How awareness is the first step toward creating healthier, more secure relationshipsThe goal isn’t to judge the role you played—it’s to understand it with compassion. Because those roles helped you survive. But you don’t have to keep living from survival mode.If you’ve ever wondered why you struggle to ask for help, feel responsible for everyone else, avoid conflict, or have trouble letting people really know you, this episode is for you.Learn more about therapy groups, courses, and resources at DenverAttachmentCounseling.com.If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rootsandattachment.substack.com

Attachment styles shape how we love, argue, pull away, cling, shut down, or stay silent in relationships—but most people don’t realize they formed long before adulthood.In this episode of Roots & Attachment, Denver trauma therapist Erika Baum, LPCC, breaks down how attachment styles develop, why they exist, and why they are not personality traits or character flaws.Through a relatable story and nervous-system-based explanation, you’ll learn how early caregiving experiences wire the brain for connection, protection, and survival—and why these patterns still show up in adult relationships today.This episode is for you if:* You’ve ever wondered “Why do I react this way in relationships?”* You struggle with closeness, conflict, or emotional vulnerability* You identify with anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns* You want to heal attachment wounds without shame or self-blameWhat You’ll Learn in This Episode* What attachment styles actually are (and what they’re not)* How attachment patterns form in early childhood* Why babies “borrow” nervous systems from caregivers* The real purpose of anxious and avoidant attachment styles* Why attachment styles are survival strategies—not flaws* How early adaptations show up in adult relationships* Why healing attachment isn’t about fixing yourself* How attachment patterns can change over timeKey TakeawayYour attachment style isn’t who you are.It’s what worked when you had no better options.And anything learned for survival can be gently updated.About the HostErika Baum, MA, LPCC, NCC is an attachment-focused trauma therapist based in Denver, Colorado. She specializes in treating relational trauma, C-PTSD, and attachment wounds using EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), mindfulness, and nervous-system-based approaches.Learn more about Erika’s work, therapy intensives, and attachment-focused resources at:👉 https://www.denverattachmentcounseling.com/Relevant Keywordsattachment stylesanxious attachmentavoidant attachmentfearful avoidant attachmentsecure attachmentattachment traumachildhood traumanervous system regulationtrauma therapy DenverEMDR therapy DenverIFS therapyrelationships and attachmenthealing attachment woundsRoots and Attachment podcast This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rootsandattachment.substack.com