Mothercentered

"We need some version of hospice for new moms." —Jessica SorciOn this short episode I'm sharing about witnessing my mother-in-law's recent death and how much it reminded me of birth. Hospice showed up for my mother-in-law with medicine, equipment, support, and comfort care during an incredibly tender transition. I couldn’t believe how much they offered and that it was all free of charge.New motherhood is a version of similar vulnerability. New moms are in transition, they are fragile, they need care and support and someone thinking about their comfort. None of that is provided through social services.Reflections on when I came home from giving birth and how alone and forgotten I felt.We have created an entire system of care for the dying in this country. We know how to do it. We pour resources into it. And yet we leave new mothers alone in their homes with a newborn and a recovering body.There is a huge miss in how we care for new moms. We have normalized isolation and unsupported vulnerability at the very moment women most need to be held.My book When Good Moms Feel Bad is available everywhere you buy books.For more information and to join the community go to momparts.com

"I don't want to say no because that causes disconnection, right? So my parts are like don't say no. So I'm going to say this pretend yes with all this resentment which causes even more disconnection." —Tammy SollenbergerOn this episode we're talking about the struggle to say no with Tammy Sollenberger.Caretaking parts automatically accommodate and say yes, even when it doesn't serve us. We were raised as little girls to be nice and listen, and those parts are still here protecting us from disconnection.The paradox: we say yes to avoid disconnection, but a pretend yes with resentment underneath creates even more disconnection. Our kids can feel the incongruence.Resentment is a compromise between authenticity and caretaking. It's what happens when we say yes but mean no, using passive-aggressiveness to signal our real feelings without actually expressing them.Disempowerment keeps us from expressing our authentic truth. The grief of not being able to show up as ourselves, even when we know who we are and what we want.Coming back to center is a practice. Taking a breath, pausing, and returning to yourself creates space to hear what you actually want, not just what everyone else needs from you.Tammy Sollenberger: https://tammysollenberger.comMy book When Good Moms Feel Bad is available everywhere you buy books.For more information and to join the community go to momparts.com

"The blamer is protecting the feeling of being unloved. In my system, to be loved, you have to get it right. And I'm undoing that conditioning, but it's still there." - Hannah EnrightOn this episode we're talking about Blamer Parts with Hannah Enright.The Blamer is here to manage shame. It kicks shame away by projecting it onto someone else, especially when things don't go to plan with kids or in attachment relationships. It's a lightning-quick reactive response.The Blamer often originates in childhood when we experienced a lot of pointing out flaws and deficit focus, not positive feedback. This creates a part that believes you have to get it right to be loved.Slowing it down enough to unblend from the Blamer is key, because it becomes such an automatic reaction. It's not a thoughtful response.When the Blamer activates, it’s experiencing a threat to connection with an attachment figure. Your nervous system is in fight or flight, protecting against being unloved.You can be wrong and still be lovable. In fact, you're going to make mistakes and get things wrong. There's an opportunity now to communicate to the child inside: it's safe, you're loved anyway.Hannah Enright is a clinical social worker with over 20 years of experience working with women in support of reproductive and maternal mental health, as well as providing clinical services for children and families in community settings and private practice. She is certified in EMDR and the Safe and Sound Protocol, and has studied IFS, Polyvagal theory and somatic practices as complementary modalities.My book When Good Moms Feel Bad is available everywhere you buy books.For more information and to join the community go to momparts.com

"To think about what our ancestors have been through. The fact that we are even here, in our body, is a miracle." —Sara PutneyOn this episode we're talking about adoption, abandonment and belonging with Sara Putney.Adoption creates a disconnection from belonging. The need to understand where we come from runs deep, and motherhood often prompts us to explore lineages of abandonmentWhen moms show up in motherhood without enough resources, without a sense of belonging or safety: how do we help them get what they need?Receptivity is medicine, and it runs directly against the self-sacrifice that comes with patriarchal motherhood, where we've been taught to give endlesslySomatic breathwork journeys help us understand our core wounds and our innate wellness while reconnecting us with the miracle of existenceComing back into our bodies means returning to the wisdom that's always been there. When we're seeking belonging outside ourselves, our bodies can bring us homeSara Putney, Body-led Prosperity Professional http://remotheringmamas.comMy book When Good Moms Feel Bad is available everywhere you buy books.For more information and to join the community go to momparts.com

"What I notice when I'm not kind of helicoptering—the relationship between my son and I is so much better. He appreciates the fact that I trust him." —Karen McWilliamOn this episode we're talking about Controlling Mom Parts as well as mothering teenagers with Karen McWilliam.Your Controller is trying to preserve your identity as a good mom by managing your child's successThe Controller works overtime because it's protecting parts of you that feel like you aren't good enoughKids know when we're not genuinely seeing them—they feel our lack of trust and create distanceThe paradox of good parenting: your reward for doing it well is that they leave and don't need you anymoreKaren is a trained IFSI (Internal Family Systems Institute) Level 2 Practitioner, IFIO (Couples Counsellor) and is a Canadian Certified Perinatal Mental Health Practitioner (CC-PMH), Canadian Certified Birth & Reproductive Trauma Practitioner (CC-BRT), and Canadian Certified Perinatal Grief & Loss Practitioner (CC-PGL). She has been in private practice for over 20 years as a certified Birth & Postpartum Doula and specializes in supporting birthing families who have experienced trauma in their previous birth journeys and/or VBAC/HBACs. Connect with her at [email protected] book When Good Moms Feel Bad is available everywhere you buy books.For more information and to join the community go to momparts.com