Erotic Reclamation

When was the last time you approached your own body like your perfect lover would? Without expectation, and instead with curiosity and reverence?In this episode, we sit down with Kendra Cunov — one of our earliest and most formative teachers in sovereignty, boundaries, and embodiment — for a conversation about self-pleasure as a foundational practice, not a fallback. Because the truth is, your partnered sex life will only ever be as good as your intimate relationship with yourself.We also get into:Finding pleasure when you’re feeling numb or frustrated, by asking yourself “if I were my own perfect lover…”Meeting your changing body with curiosity to keep your erotic life alivePracticing consent with your own body: feeling for the yes before you touchHow orgasm can be both a healing force and a creative one — Kendra's story of birth, postpartum, and returning to her bodyHow to start your self-pleasure practice when you have literally no idea what you want and only have 10 minutes a day. Finally, we have a discussion about the intrinsic link between pleasure and presence. Because pleasure brings us fully, deeply into our sensory experience and the present moment. So, erotic practice is inherently a practice of presence — one that isn't limited to the bedroom. You can access it anywhere by asking yourself this simple question: What would bring me 2% more pleasure right now?"If you want to learn more about Kendra and her work, you can do so at https://kendracunov.com/ ***The Temple of Yes ~ October, 2026Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat.Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes!https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes***Chapter Timestamps0:00 – Meet Kendra Cunov: teacher of sovereignty, communication, and embodiment5:35 – How erotic energy and self-pleasure have been a huge part of Kendra’s path as a mother 9:46 – Allowing yourself to be surprised by your pleasure and your body, rather than sure it (is supposed to) work a certain way13:22 – Finding your pathway back to your body after something big has changed it — whether birth, trauma, or just time17:01 – Why pleasure is an access point to presence (because presence is the only place the erotic actually lives)20:19 – Meeting your changing body with curiosity is what keeps your erotic life alive28:18 –Your sex with your partner will only ever be as good as your sex with yourself — self-pleasure is the foundation, not the consolation prize31:16 – How to actually start a self-pleasure practice: "if I were my own perfect lover right now…?" 34:40 – How and why to practice consent with your own body, and what you discover when you slow down enough to actually feel the yes44:38 – There are no failed experiments: how to meet yourself with curiosity when something doesn't feel good instead of deciding you did it wrong50:35 – The pleasure question you can ask yourself: What would bring you 2% more pleasure right now? ***Podcasts to listen to next:Over 60 and More Erotic than Everhttps://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/over-50-and-more-erotic-than-ever https://youtu.be/fwsW9YAsIRM What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sexhttps://youtu.be/47XGuTUlFSk?si=rVqwdBkfwJCDcpKp Foreplay and Precarehttps://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/foreplay-and-precare https://youtu.be/bhqt4s9mDwE ***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What happens when a man who spent his whole life being the calm, steady, safe one discovers there's a part of himself he's been burying, the part that has desires, that wants to ravish, that doesn’t want to be so careful? In this episode, we sit down with Dennis Hull — former Fortune 50 corporate director, grounding and confidence coach, and tantra practitioner — to talk about the skills necessary for deep intimacy, especially from a masculine perspective: - Being able to take rejection as invitation to look in the mirror, rather than personal criticism- The important distinction between desire and expectation that holds space for possibility and mysteryHow some men's work teaches strategy and manipulation, rather than authenticity - What surrendering and receiving requires from someone who's wired to give and protect- The ways men judge themselves for having emotions, and how Stoicism has been misunderstoodFinally, Dennis shares the moment his suppressed primal energy finally appeared after a lifetime of keeping it locked down, and the counterintuitive path he found to making his primal masculine energy more relational — through his feminine qualities.If you want to learn more about Dennis Hull and his work, you can do so here:Website: dennishull.comInstagram: @itsdennishull Email: [email protected] ***The Temple of Yes ~ October, 2026Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat.Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes!https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes***Chapter Timestamps0:00 – Meet Dennis Hull: Grounding & confidence coach, voice actor, and tantra practitioner7:51 – Dennis’s definition of tantra: weaving. It’s about coming back to a sense of wholeness, applying spiritual consciousness to “real life”11:25 – Relationships are mirrors, and learning to tell the difference between what's yours to own and what isn't14:04 – Speaking a desire is one thing, but being able to actually receive it when someone says yes is a completely different skill18:45 – Many men learn to “play the game” of seduction or polarity, when what we need to learn is how to do the dance with authenticity23:08 – The art of being rejected: understanding it’s an opportunity to reflect, but not a verdict on your worth27:51 – Desire and expectation are not the same thing — and expectation actually limits what's possible between two people34:28 – Dennis's erotic reclamation: realizing that the primal, ravenous, powerful part of him wasn’t gone, just buried42:05 – The counterintuitive path to primal masculine energy: slow down, attune more, and invest in your feminine qualities49:45 – Sometimes a man just wants to be nurtured, and accepting these different feelings and cravings is part of the process54:00 – "I cannot help you deal with emotions you keep judging yourself for having" — on feelings, shame, and what stoicism actually means56:17 – Dennis reads an original poem about desire, connection, and co-creation***Podcasts to watch next:The Bedroom is the Dojo https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-bedroom-is-the-dojo What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sexThe Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

If you ever feel like you have to contort yourself, mold yourself, people-please or perform to be loved, this one is for you.When we believe love requires this of us, we get really good at compromising ourselves, our needs, our values, and our desires, while prioritizing those of others. But the more you do that, the less of you that you are revealing to your partner. So even when someone is in front of you, wanting to love you, fully choosing you, they can't actually meet you. They can't love you well, because they don’t really know you. They know some masked, performed, contorted version of you. In this solo episode, Nicholette gets honest about the pattern that shaped most of her relationships: self-abandonment disguised as love. She shares how she broke that cycle, what happened when she finally stopped filtering her desires through other people's eyes, and how meeting herself first is what made it possible to build a relationship where she's fully seen, fully known, and fully loved.***LOVING WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELFhttps://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself If you’re ready to gain the clarity and sovereignty that will help you build the relationship of your dreams, but could use some guidance, sign up for the Loving Without Losing Yourself workshop. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 13th at 11am PT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 2 hours, Nicholette will help you to turn your focus away from What are they going to do? and back toward What is true for me? Through solo journaling and embodiment practices, you’ll:- Identify what nourishes you and what drains you in relationship, sex and intimacy.- Explore what you’re consciously willing to give up, and what costs too much to compromise on.- Touch the fear, shame, anger, loneliness or hurt that can make it difficult to own what you want.- Practice claiming a desire, need or boundary for yourself without dimming it.It’s $49 per person, but you’ll find a 50% discount code at the end of the episode ;).Find all the deets here: https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself ***Chapter Timestamps0:00 – The pattern of minimizing your needs out of fear of abandonment.1:49  – What self-abandonment looks like in relationships (because it can be subtle)5:21 – Nicholette’s personal story: she had all the relational “skills”, but none of them were helpful because she wasn’t being honest about what she really wanted and needed. 7:14 – If you find it hard to ask for what you want, look at the feelings underneath. 11:03 – Before anyone can meet you, you have to know what "met" even means for you12:28 – What two people can co-create when neither one is willing to disappear14:21 – An invitation (and 50% discount!) for the Loving Without Losing Yourself virtual workshop, where you’ll be guided through the process of meeting yourself, so you can be met the way you desire.https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself ***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Three problems that seem unrelated but are actually the same thing: your sex life is on repeat, someone's always complaining about what's missing, and when one of you asks for something different, the other spirals. Underneath all three is the same gap: you don't have a way to bring new desires into your relationship that feels safe, clear, and actually brings you closer.In this solo episode, Kari breaks down why these patterns develop, the subtle shifts that unlock stagnated relationship dynamics, and a framework that makes bringing new desires to your relationship feel fun and connective, rather than scary or like criticism. She also makes the case that this framework isn't just for sex: it works for any moment in a relationship where someone wants to bring something new or vulnerable to their partner.***DATE NIGHT, REIMINAGINEDhttps://www.karikinkead.com/date-nightAnd if you’re intrigued by this framework but still nervous about trying it, sign up for Kari’s workshop: Date Night, Reimagined. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 12th at 7pm CT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 90 minutes, Kari will not just teach you the framework, but guide you through the process of bringing a new desire to your partner and actually experimenting with it. (We’ll be starting with platonic desires, so you can get comfortable with the process before diving into spicier stuff.)It’s only $29 per couple, and $14 if you’re coming solo, because your partner being out of town (or a daydream), doesn’t mean you don’t want to learn the skills for epic intimacy!Find all the deets here: https://www.karikinkead.com/date-night***Chapter Timestamps0:00 – Three problems in your relationship that are actually the same problem.1:49 – Why your sex life went on repeat, and the first step to breaking out of the rut.3:31 – How to turn a complaint into a desire your partner will actually enjoy hearing and can work with.6:11 – When our partner asking for something different makes us worry we’re not “good enough”, and how to not take new desires personally.8:02 – The recipe for changing things: new desires are an expectation, not a surprise; you have regularly scheduled convos about new desires; you have a framework for experimenting with new desires.10:35 – The framework: North Star, shared reality, pre-care, desires, boundaries, aftercare.17:29 – What the Date Night, Reimagined workshop will be like. 19:05 – This framework isn't just for new intimate desires, it's for anything vulnerable.***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Most people treat sex as something that happens in its own lane: a release, a recreation, separate from the rest of life. But actually, intentionally improving your sex life — learning to claim your desires, hear rejection without collapsing, negotiate disagreements, stay present during intensity, and repair after hurt — improves every other aspect of your life.…because working with erotic energy goes straight to the source. It’s the place where most of us carry the deepest wounds, the most baggage, and the least amount of honesty, and therefore have the most to gain:- When you learn to hold high sensation in your body without shutting down, you can show up when your parent is sick, your kid is melting down, the deal is falling apart.- When you learn to clearly name what you want in bed without apologizing for it, you can more directly go after what you want in life.- When you learn to sit with your partner’s “no” without making it mean something about you, rejection stops being sometimes you’re afraid of and controlled by.In this episode, we break down five specific ways that sex and erotic energy build the capacity for you to show up in the rest of your life with courage, sovereignty, integrity, self-worth, and open-heartedness.***Temple of Yes:Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat.Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes!https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes***Chapter Timestamps0:00 — What we're talking about today: five ways improving your sex life makes the rest of your life better2:14 — Why sex is the perfect “backdoor” into self-development5:01 — 1) Desire: how letting yourself want what you actually want (and getting specific about it) empowers you to build a more fulfilling life10:52 — 2) Vulnerability: the delicious way intimacy trains you to hold high sensation in your body and stay heart-connected when things get intense, so you can show up for the moments and people that matter in your life19:36 — You're already focused and composed at work, what if you could bring that same mastery into your intimate relationship?21:04 — 3) Negotiation: navigating yes’s, no’s, and conflicting desires in intimacy, relationship, family dynamics, business, etc, while staying connected to your self-worth and your care for the person in front of you28:46 — 4) Vitality: how sex helps you build a relationship with your own vitality, and clarifies where in the rest of your life giving and receiving aren’t in balance38:11 — 5) Freedom: learning to find excitement and possibility within limitation, instead of needing to escape your life, your responsibilities, your loved ones to feel alive43:27 — Sorting for danger vs sorting for possibility: how reps in the bedroom rewire your mental orientation towards life49:38 — Join us at The Temple of Yes: an immersive weekend to practice all of this with support and direct feedback***Podcasts to watch next:I Want Something My Partner Doesn’t… Now What? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/i-want-something-my-partner-doesnt When Intimacy Is Frictiony and You’re Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre The Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com