Come & Glow

Know Yourself, Have Better Sex: What Dolly Parton & Gloria Steinem Taught Us About DesireWhat could Dolly Parton and Gloria Steinem possibly teach us about having better sex?In this special episode of Come & Glow, Lilly and Tolly pay tribute to two feminist icons who changed culture in completely different ways. Gloria said the thing out loud. Dolly wrapped it in rhinestones, big hair and a joke, and got everyone to come along with her.But the more we talked about what made these women so extraordinary, the more we kept coming back to the same thing: they knew who they were.And maybe that's more connected to great sex than we realize.Because what happens to your sexuality when you stop performing the person you're supposed to be? When you develop a life, friendships, desires and identity that exist outside your romantic relationship? When you actually learn what you like?In this episode:Why it took us decades to realize Dolly Parton might have been playing four-dimensional chess the entire timeDolly's particular brand of feminism: big boobs, big hair, sex work, 9 to 5 and refusing to make herself more “respectable”Dolly and Gloria Steinem as two completely different—but surprisingly complementary—models of feminismWhat Gloria's undercover experience as a Playboy Bunny exposed about the difference between sexual empowerment and sexual performanceDolly's famously private marriage—and why “he gives me my freedom” might be one of the sexiest descriptions of a relationshipThe difference between being sexual for someone else and actually owning your sexualityWhy masturbation might be one of our first opportunities to figure out what we actually likeHow to get out of a masturbation rut (yes, you can have one)Why knowing yourself sexually can make partnered sex so much betterThe problem with treating your romantic partner as your entire emotional universeWhy we need friends we can actually talk to about sexIs it okay to occasionally have sexual thoughts about your friends?Why having a sexual thought doesn't mean you need to label it, repress it or act on itThe surprising connection between friendship, community and better sexWhy “you have to love yourself before someone else can love you” might not actually be trueHow the ways we were (or weren't) seen growing up can follow us into our adult relationshipsAuthenticity vs. performance - and what happens to sex when you're playing a role instead of inhabiting yourselfPlus: mindful masturbation, jerk-off instructions, Dollywood, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, male-female friendship, and Tolly's hot take that humanists are better in bedMaybe better sex doesn't start with learning a new technique.Maybe it starts with becoming more yourself.

"If you're saying yes and you mean no, you're just screwing yourself”Everyone says communication is the key to better sex. Great. But…what does that actually look like when you're naked, vulnerable, worried about hurting someone's feelings, or not even sure what you want?In this episode of Come & Glow, Lilly and Tolly take sexual communication out of theory and into three very real situations: duty sex (having sex because you feel like you should), navigating initiation and rejection, and realizing mid-sex that whatever you're doing just isn't working.Because sexual communication isn't simply about talking more. It's about knowing yourself, paying attention to your partner, and—maybe most importantly—creating a relationship where both people can tell the truth.In this episode:Why “just communicate” is pretty useless advice—and why so few of us have actually been shown what good sexual communication looks likeDuty sex: why we say yes to sex we don't really want, and what obligation, validation, and emotional caretaking have to do with itThe difference between consent and actually wanting to be thereWhy honoring a “no” may matter more to your future sex life than getting a “yes”The initiation/rejection loop—and why “Why doesn't my partner want me?” may be the wrong questionWhat we're really asking for when we want our partner to initiateSpontaneous vs. responsive desire, and what happens when two very different desire styles collideThe surprisingly useful 1–10 trick for talking about how open you are to sex without forcing a yes/no answerWhat to do when you're already having sex and realize you're just…not that into itWhy “I don't know what I want, but this isn't working” is still communicationThe case for nonlinear sex: slowing down, stopping, changing course—and letting go of the idea that sex has to keep escalating toward a finish lineWhy losing your arousal (or your erection) doesn't have to mean the sex is overHow much sexual communication happens without words—and whether we should be better at noticing itWhen horniness becomes your partner's responsibilityPorn, masturbation, mutual masturbation, and all the ways desire can exist without requiring your partner to fulfill itAnd the bigger question underneath all three scenarios: Are you someone your partner can actually tell the truth to?

Why Do We Celebrate Boss Moms But Not Horny Moms?Can you be a deeply sexual person and a great mom at the same time?Lilly and Tolly think the answer is an emphatic yes, and they're prepared to argue it loudly and unapologetically.In this episode of Come & Glow, they tackle one of the last major taboos around female sexuality: the idea that motherhood and desire are somehow incompatible.Why are we comfortable celebrating ambitious moms, career moms, and "super moms" — but still uncomfortable with mothers who want pleasure, intimacy, eroticism, and identities that extend beyond caregiving?Lilly and Tolly explore how pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, parenting, and the mental load of motherhood reshape our relationships with our bodies and our desires and why reclaiming sexuality can be an important part of reclaiming ourselves.Because becoming a mother shouldn't require disappearing as a woman.In this episode:Whether motherhood and sexuality are actually in conflict or whether culture simply tells us they are.Feeling touched out, overstimulated, and disconnected from your body after becoming a parent.The difference between losing your sex life and losing your sexuality.Whether sexuality is inherently selfish, and whether that's actually a good thing.Carl Jung, resentment, and the "unlived life of the parent."Why many women feel pressure to become endlessly self-sacrificing after having children.Cardi B, Rihanna, and the celebrity moms creating new cultural scripts for motherhood and desire.The difference between duty sex and self-actualizing sex.Responsive desire, intentional intimacy, and reconnecting with pleasure after kids.How to model healthy conversations about bodies, consent, and boundaries for children.Why community, chosen family, and villages matter more than ever for modern parents.Plus: Lilly and Tolly ask what might be the defining question of the episode:Why do we celebrate boss moms, but not horny moms?Maybe it's time for a new archetype entirely: not the self-sacrificing mother, not the "cool mom," not the virgin and not the vixen.Just a whole person who happens to be a mom.

Women Don't Have a Desire ProblemFor decades, women have been told some version of the same story:You're too much - too stressed, too busy, too hormonal, too complicated.Maybe you just have a low libido?But what if women don't have a desire problem at all?What if we've simply inherited a version of sex, relationships, and culture that was never really designed with female pleasure in mind?This week, Lilly and Tolly dive into one of the biggest myths in sexuality: the idea that women are naturally less sexual than men. From the surprisingly recent mapping of the clitoris to the emotional labor of modern relationships, they explore why so many women feel disconnected from desire and why the answer may have far less to do with hormones than we've been led to believe.Along the way, they discuss hockey romance shows, Nicole Kidman's unforgettable orgasm scene in Babygirl, the weirdness of female pleasure on television, copyright law drama involving drag queen environmentalist Patty Gonia, and why "taking more time" might be the single best piece of sex advice anyone can give.In This EpisodeWhy Female Orgasms Still Look Fake on TVThe difference between depicting female pleasure and understanding itWhy Off Campus felt emotionally safe but sexually sanitizedWhat Babygirl gets so right about desire, awkwardness, and powerWhy women don't just want permission to orgasm—we want permission to be weird.The Female Gaze Is Stranger Than We AdmitWhy sexual energy is often messy, animalistic, and a little uglyThe difference between "hot" and "authentic"Why female pleasure often gets sanitized even by women creatorsThe cultural discomfort around women taking up erotic space.The Female Libido MythWhy so many women think they have low desireAre women broken, or have we been set up to fail?The orgasm gap, education gap, and empathy gapWhy the clitoris wasn't fully mapped until 2009.The Things Nobody Taught Us About Women's BodiesThe internal structure of the clitoris and why it mattersWhy arousal is more than "finding the clit"What female erections are and why they're importantWhy so many women have spent years having sex before they were physically ready for it.Emotional Labor Is Not an AphrodisiacWhy caretaking can crush desireThe emotional custodianship many women inherit in relationshipsMotherhood, burnout, and losing your sense of selfWhy feeling supported changes what happens in the bedroom.Midlife Women Are Leading a Sexual RevolutionWhy women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are changing the conversationMenopause, pleasure, and reclaiming sexualityThe surprising fact about the clitoris after menopauseWhy sexual energy isn't the same thing as reproduction.The Best Sex Advice We HaveTake more time.Pay more attention.That's it. That's the list.

The 5 Things Women Are Missing in Their Sex LivesLilly's "villain origin story" started when she realized she'd spent nearly a decade having sex without orgasming, and that mainstream porn wasn't helping solve the problems she was actually experiencing.So what are women missing?Drawing from afterglow customer research, surveys, Reddit, and years spent talking to women about sex, Lilly and Tolly unpack the five biggest gaps showing up in women's sex lives...and why they're about so much more than technique.From the orgasm gap and communication breakdowns to stress, body confidence, and the universal desire to feel wanted, this episode explores what actually creates great sex: emotional safety, presence, self-awareness, and authentic connection.Plus: Lilly introduces afterglow's new Aura Framework - a new way to understand desire based not on acts or labels, but on the emotional experiences we're actually craving.In This EpisodeThe Five Biggest Things Women Say They're Missing1. The Orgasm GapWhy the orgasm gap isn't just about anatomyThe surprising difference between solo and partnered pleasureWhy caring may matter more than techniqueThe emotional impact of feeling like your pleasure matters—or doesn't2. Communication BreakdownsWhy talking about sex can feel terrifying—even in long-term relationshipsThe importance of emotional safety and true consentHow "no" can actually deepen trust and intimacyWhy great lovers pay attention, not just perform3. Body Knowledge & Body ConfidenceWhy self-education is one of the sexiest things you can doThe difference between body ignorance and body insecurityHow self-awareness shapes sexual confidenceWhy knowing what you want changes everything4. Stress & PresenceWhy stress is one of the biggest inhibitors of desireSexuality, survival mode, and Maslow's hierarchy of needsThe surprising relationship between playfulness and desireHow nervous system regulation changes intimacy5. Feeling DesiredWhy almost everyone wants to feel lusted afterThe psychology of feeling wantedWhy chemistry isn't about conventional attractivenessThe difference between being attractive and feeling desiredPlus: Introducing the afterglow Aura FrameworkLilly shares afterglow's new framework for understanding desire through four emotional dimensions:Authenticity: raw ↔ idealizedPresence: embodied ↔ objectifiedCommunication: implicit ↔ explicitConnection: tender ↔ wildTogether, these dimensions create your unique erotic "Aura"—because what turns us on isn't just what happens, but how it feels.We Also Discuss:Why self-awareness may be the sexiest trait of allDating apps vs. real-life chemistryWhy younger people are returning to in-person datingChemistry versus erotic compatibilityWhy emotional dynamics matter more than specific actsFavorite TakeawaysGreat sex starts with feeling safe, seen, and desired.Self-awareness is one of the sexiest qualities a person can have.Desire isn't just physical—it's emotional, relational, and deeply contextual.The best lovers aren't mind readers; they're attentive, curious, and willing to communicate.Understanding what you want is the first step toward getting it.