Divorce Actually

Is there a right way to parent through divorce? Guest expert Dr. Katrina Gisbert-Tay is a medical doctor, a certified parenting coach, executive wellbeing coach, and somatic practitioner based in Singapore. She's also a mother of three. In this conversation, we get into why "right vs. wrong" is the wrong frame for parenting through divorce, the real difference between guilt and shame, why your kids can read your nervous system before you say a word, and the exact practice she gives her clients to stay grounded when things get hard, even at 2am.// CHAPTERS0:00 Open0:06 Series recap + Dr. Katrina intro1:46 Katrina welcomed — is there a right way and a wrong way?2:23 Conscious vs. unconscious parenting (the real distinction)5:09 "The boring way" — turning down the heat, being grounded6:36 Presence vs. hours spent (the 10-hours-checking-email test)7:34 Kids can read your nervous system8:28 Same thing shows up in leaders (the CEO example)9:04 Callback: the stepmom/stepdaughter episodes9:41 Teenagers still need presence — it's a 2-year-old tantrum in a bigger body11:31 Holding teenagers differently — wider boundaries, same belonging12:20 It always traces back to childhood13:52 Your best isn't the same as their best15:22 How a parent builds self-awareness15:59 The overwhelm that shows up in divorce coaching17:22 Getting grounded before you make decisions — "stuck in the mud"18:43 Why you need a village (and why it's harder to find than you think)20:56 The trap of "best parent, best leader, best at everything"21:31 The 1% shift — base camp, not Everest22:26 Slow down to go fast24:24 Guilt vs. shame — the real difference26:22 Forgiveness isn't about the other person27:56 "Suffering is optional"29:13 On track / off track — replacing right vs. wrong30:37 Living by design vs. living by drift32:59 How to stay anchored when hurdles come up33:47 What a somatic anchor actually is36:00 The 2am text test38:16 The framework: Attention, Awareness, Acceptance, Action39:31 Close// RESOURCES🔥 Learn how you can achieve an Amicable Divorce with my free workshop: https://divorceatelier.com/amicable-workshop🔥 Parenting and Co-Parenting with Iman: https://divorceatelier.com/parenting-sessions➤ HELP OTHERS SUBSCRIBE WITH THIS LINK: https://www.youtube.com/@UCUD7Hg4M01ZYVGTc7vuHv1g // OTHER VIDEOS TO CHECK OUTMY DAUGHTER IS ONLY HOME HALF THE TIME➤ https://youtu.be/vPMQSLZiGy8?si=buNeKcZZQzIT6LuU I AM A CHILD OF DIVORCE➤ https://youtu.be/nVDvJY2Yll8?si=5oaEnkF7FmqxhkipIMAN on DR KAT's podcast UNPOLISHED WISDOM➤ https://youtu.be/kMN3t8ynnmA?si=ZwiqeBmOzDJHkP17About Iman:Iman Ibrahim spent 19 years as a family lawyer in Singapore and England & Wales before founding The Divorce Atelier where she helps people navigate divorce with the decision-making, negotiation, and communication frameworks that actually move you forward. She's a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, parenting coach and mediator, and hosts Divorce, Actually.Let's connectIman Ibrahim https://www.instagram.com/theimanibrahim/Dr Katrina Gisbert-Tay https://www.instagram.com/drkatrinagisberttay/Unpolished Wisdom https://www.youtube.com/@UCr45C7Ny_yzwYMYH69-R4ZQ // DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not legal advice, and listening to it does not create a coach-client, lawyer-client, or therapeutic relationship. Divorce law and process vary by jurisdiction — nothing here substitutes for advice from a lawyer licensed where you live, or support from a licensed mental health professional. Dr Kat's views are her own.KEYWORDS emotional regulation divorce, co-parenting regulation, self-regulation parenting, nervous system divorce, guilt vs shame parenting, conscious parenting divorce, somatic parentingHashtags: #DivorceActually #CoParenting #EmotionalRegulation #ConsciousParenting #DivorceCoach #SomaticHealing #parentingthroughdivorce

Her parents split when she was 7. Got back together when she was 10. Split again when she was 15. And by 18, she'd gone from only child to the oldest of three brand-new step-siblings.My guest today is Denyse - a lawyer, commissioner for oaths, notary public, and a dear friend of mine. But today she's not here as a legal expert. She's here as someone who actually lived the thing so many of my divorcing clients worry about: what happens to the child. We talk through every age her family changed shape, what she understood at each one, and what she only understands now, looking back.This episode pairs with The Stepmother Side: Two Homes, One Family — two different women, two different vantage points on what it takes to blend one.00:00 Intro: Divorce, Actually01:43 Welcome, Denyse03:18 The First Split, Age Seven04:50 Dad Remarries: A New Blended Family07:32 The Weight of Being Called "Broken"09:36 Three New Step-siblings, One Complicated Family11:52 "That's Not Broken. That's Blended."13:55 Was She Relieved When Her Parents Divorced?15:41 The Double Standard for Mothers Who Leave21:45 A Childhood Conversation About Love24:29 Caught in the Middle: A Turning Point26:05 Reconciliation, Then a Second Split28:15 The Guilt She Carried as a Teenager30:16 Finding Support Outside the Family32:01 Becoming the Oldest of Three, Overnight34:40 Learning to Navigate a New Stepmother38:39 What She'd Tell Her Younger Self40:58 The Surprise Question43:06 Closing Thoughts// RESOURCES🔥 Learn how you can achieve an Amicable Divorce with my free workshop: https://divorceatelier.com/amicable-workshop🔥 Parenting Coaching with Iman: https://divorceatelier.com/parenting-sessions➤ HELP OTHERS SUBSCRIBE WITH THIS LINK: https://www.youtube.com/@UCUD7Hg4M01ZYVGTc7vuHv1g // OTHER VIDEOS TO CHECK OUTMY DAUGHTER IS ONLY HOME HALF THE TIME➤ https://youtu.be/vPMQSLZiGy8PARENTING EXPERT'S DO'S and DON'TS➤ Coming soon.... About Iman:Iman Ibrahim spent 19 years as a family lawyer in Singapore and England & Wales before founding The Divorce Atelier where she helps people navigate divorce with the decision-making, negotiation, and communication frameworks that actually move you forward. She's a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, parenting coach and mediator, and hosts Divorce, Actually.Let's connectIman Ibrahim https://www.instagram.com/theimanibrahim/Denyse Yeo https://www.linkedin.com/in/denyse-yeo-3044aa7/// DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not legal advice, and listening to it does not create a coach-client, lawyer-client, or therapeutic relationship. Divorce law and process vary by jurisdiction — nothing here substitutes for advice from a lawyer licensed where you live, or support from a licensed mental health professional. Paula's views are her own.KEYWORDS child of divorce, blended family, stepfamily, growing up after divorce, divorce and children, remarriage and stepchildren

One of her children is only there half of the time.In this episode, I'm sitting down with Paula, founder of Kakuaa Coaching, who's living the exact thing she coaches as stepmother to her husband's daughter, and mother to the two boys they share, all under one roof. We talk about what she and her husband negotiated before they ever blended their household, how they make decisions once you're actually living it, and what it's really like when one of your kids is only home half the time.Paula doesn't pretend this is easy or that she's "got it figured out" - she's refreshingly honest that there's no finish line here, just an ongoing, evolving negotiation. If you're blending a family, married into one, or just trying to understand what it takes to co-parent well across two households, this conversation is worth your full attention.This episode pairs with The Child of Divorce Story: Two Divorces, a Blended Family — a different vantage point on what it takes to blend one.// CHAPTERS00:00 – What Nobody Tells You About Blending a Family01:46 – Meet Paula: Stepmother, Mother, Coach02:01 – A Week in a Blended Household03:52 – What They Negotiated Before Blending06:09 – Aligning as Co-Parents (and With the Other Household)08:09 – The Parallel to an Amicable Divorce10:56 – "Going Back to Beige": Staying Neutral12:48 – The Thing They Didn't Plan For: Her Own Voice16:21 – Boundaries: What "Within Reason" Actually Means19:42 – Keeping Consistency Across Two Households22:10 – Is There Ever a "We've Got This" Moment?23:56 – Becoming One of Five24:49 – Helping Her Sons Understand Two Homes28:59 – Household Rules: What Has to Match, What Doesn't32:08 – The Boundary Paula Set for Herself34:24 – Advice to Her First-Year Self35:19 – Where to Find Paula36:20 – Closing Thoughts// RESOURCES🔥 Learn how you can achieve an Amicable Divorce with my free workshop: https://divorceatelier.com/amicable-workshop🔥 "Two Homes" by Claire Masurel, the children's book Paula used to explain two-household life to her son: https://amzn.to/4hoZDgj➤ HELP OTHERS SUBSCRIBE WITH THIS LINK: https://www.youtube.com/@UCUD7Hg4M01ZYVGTc7vuHv1g // OTHER VIDEOS TO CHECK OUTCHILD OF DIVORCE, THEN A STEPDAUGHTER➤ https://youtu.be/nVDvJY2Yll8PARENTING EXPERT'S DO'S and DON'TS➤ Coming soon.... About Iman:Iman Ibrahim spent 19 years as a family lawyer in Singapore and England & Wales before founding The Divorce Atelier where she helps people navigate divorce with the decision-making, negotiation, and communication frameworks that actually move you forward. She's a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, parenting coach and mediator, and hosts Divorce, Actually.Let's connectIman Ibrahim https://www.instagram.com/theimanibrahim/Paula Dellocchio https://www.instagram.com/kakuaa_coaching/Kakua Coaching https://www.kakuaacoaching.com/// DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not legal advice, and listening to it does not create a coach-client, lawyer-client, or therapeutic relationship. Divorce law and process vary by jurisdiction — nothing here substitutes for advice from a lawyer licensed where you live, or support from a licensed mental health professional. Paula's views are her own.Keywords:blended family, stepmother, co-parenting, blending a family, second marriage parenting, stepparent role, 50/50 custody, blended household rules, sibling dynamics blended family, divorce coach, family law, Divorce Actually podcast, Iman Ibrahim, Paula Dellocchio, Kakuaa Coaching

Don't shoot the messenger they say. Nobody mentions what happens when the messenger is a trained lawyer, but not trained for this.Raeza Ibrahim is a civil and commercial litigator, and an accredited mediator but strictly commercial and civil disputes. Family law is a territory he's never trained in and actively avoids.Yet more than once, friends going through divorce have asked him to stand in the middle anyway, simply because they are friends. Today he's talking about what happened when his professional toolkit met unfamiliar, deeply personal terrain, and what does/doesn't translate. I also bring my own perspective as a former family lawyer and mediator.We talk through what works, and what doesn't, and the question everyone should ask first, is this friendship-ending?Take the Divorce Readiness Diagnostic https://imanibrahim.kit.com/divorce-diagnosticWhat You'll Learn- The difference between conflict calming and conflict resolution — and why the second is the harder skill to learn- The "three hats" method he built for managing two emotionally raw people without losing his own neutrality- Why the first thing he tried — sitting both people in a room and asking them to just talk — backfired immediately, and what he did instead- Why putting requests in writing changed the entire dynamic, and how a strict word limit forced clarity- The custody spreadsheet story — why he built a formula, and why he deliberately only built it to last four months- What made him step back from one mediation entirely, and the three real reasons behind it- Why free mediation removes the pressure that makes paid mediation move faster- What to actually look for in the person you ask to stand in the middle — official or not- Why the real first question isn't "will this work," it's "is it friendship-ending"0:00 Intro: "Don't Shoot the Messenger"1:15 Welcome, Raeza1:24 How He Got Pulled Into the Role2:18 Wait — You're Both Accredited Mediators3:13 The Hardest Buttons: Kids, Time, Money4:06 Conflict Calming vs. Conflict Resolution6:12 Trial and Error: What Works for One Doesn't Work for All8:16 A Minefield: What Anyone Considering This Role Should Know9:12 The Unnatural Skill of Staying Neutral10:23 The Three Hats Method13:56 It's Never Just One Issue14:44 Friend Mediator vs. Paid Mediator: What Changes16:15 Why Face-to-Face Backfired18:02 Getting It in Writing20:58 The Custody Spreadsheet Story24:55 When He Stepped Back — and Why28:05 Communication Is the Common Thread29:18 Free vs. Paid: Why "Free" Changes Behaviour31:01 The Couple He Couldn't Fully Help33:05 Is It Friendship-Ending?34:44 What to Look for in Your Person in the Middle35:54 What He Needs From the People He's Helping38:44 Even in a Fought Divorce, This Still Matters41:06 Outro: Communication Remains the KeyKeywords: amicable divorce, mutual agreement divorce, divorce by mutual agreement, divorce mediation, uncontested divorce, divorce without conflict, co-parenting after divorce, how to have an amicable divorce, divorce settlement process, divorce coach, family law, Divorce Actually podcast, Iman Ibrahim, Singapore mediator, divorce mediatorAbout Iman:Iman Ibrahim spent 19 years as a family lawyer in Singapore and England & Wales before founding The Divorce Atelier where she helps people navigate divorce with the decision-making, negotiation, and communication frameworks that actually move you forward. She's a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and mediator, and hosts Divorce, Actually.Divorce Atelier https://divorceatelier.comIman Ibrahim https://www.instagram.com/theimanibrahim/Raeza ibrahim https://www.linkedin.com/in/raezaibrahim/

Not sure where to start untangling your own situation? Take the free Divorce Readiness Diagnostic https://imanibrahim.kit.com/divorce-diagnosticEveryone says they want an amicable divorce. Most people mean it but they just don't always appreciate what it actually requires. In this episode, Franklin shares his side of a real neutral-agreement divorce: no court battle, no drawn-out fight over terms. Iman talks with him about what it actually took to hold to that standard, even in the moments where it would've been easier not to. This is part one of a two-part series; her side of the same story is live now.Keywords:amicable divorce, divorce by mutual agreement, divorce mediation, uncontested divorce, divorce without conflict, co-parenting after divorce, how to have an amicable divorce, divorce settlement process, divorce coach, family law, Divorce Actually podcast, Iman IbrahimAbout Iman:Iman Ibrahim spent 19 years as a family lawyer in Singapore and England before founding The Divorce Atelier, where she helps people navigate divorce with the decision-making, negotiation, and communication frameworks that actually move you forward. She's a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and mediator, and hosts Divorce, Actually.Divorce Atelier https://divorceatelier.com/Iman Ibrahim  https://www.instagram.com/theimanibrahim/Franklin Pennell  https://www.instagram.com/remedy.pt/