Nice One Cyril

FOUR-P & KULUOne’s out for a month. One might be back. Possibly. Maybe. Could be. Spurs medical updates: now available in horoscope form.ARE WE STILL SCARRED?Andy Robertson thinks so. We’ve got ten new players and got rid of 44, though, so presumably there’s more going on than collective football PTSD.LANKSHEAR & MIKEYGoals for the kids, more evidence that Lankshear’s departure looks increasingly odd — and that Mikey Moore might be preferable to Tel and Mudryk.ARCHIBALD AT 70Steve Archibald is seventy. Julie looks back at a Spurs legend.ROB WHITE AT THE HALL OF FAMERob was there representing his dad. We get the inside look. SPURS PLAYERS WE’D FORGOTTENPienaar. Routledge. Konchesky. Yedlin. Pletikosa. And, somehow, Kulusevski.CATS OR DOGS?Robertson’s a dog. Kinsky, Udogie and Xavi are cats. We have absolutely no scientific evidence for any of this.THE OPTA APOCALYPSE18th. Forty-three points. Apparently the supercomputer has been drinking.With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Rob White & Kev Acott

ROCK BOTTOM - we started there alphabetically, now we’ve earned it.LIVERPOOL - more shots, more possession, more chances. Guess what.VILLA - well at least we broke our duck in a lost cause, but that’s 48 games without winning after conceding first. We’re allergic to setbacks.WHERE ARE THE GOALS? - Dom has disappeared. Will January be too late?RDZ - fragile team, criticism of individuals. What could possibly go wrong?101 & OTHER NONSENSESpurs Twitter loses its mind, Robertson gets threatened with violence, Kulusevski is somehow “back” again, and someone finds a good-looking man in a twatty shop.INTERNATIONAL BREAK - who isn't coming back injured?With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Barry GrahamCOYS THFC

No goals. Again. But hey, we didn’t concede. Paul Merson called Everton our cup final - we'll take a cup final in September, right?Tonali silky? More woolly. Injuries. Natch. Even PPPP is crocked. Thirty-minute Spurs. RDZ says that’s all we’ve currently got in the tank. Savio vs his teammates. Plus RDZ having a public pop at Tel. Team spirit is clearly thriving.RDZ OUT? Tactics outdated? Predictable? Blames everyone else. Or… maybe give him five minutes before we sack him.Richy stays. For now. Bergvall gets a new contract. Liverpool await. Villa - will they turn up as 1970 Brazil?ROOM 101And - can 34 more 0–0s keep us up?With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie BarnacleCOYS THFC

60% possession, eleven shots, not a single one on target. We’ve brought in ten players but still lack a guy who can stick it in the onion bag. Mudryk isn’t ready. Tonali isn’t ready. Solanke isn’t ready. Udogie isn’t ready. Nobody’s ready. Except Richy, who's ready to catch a plane to Saudi Arabia.We pick through the latest Spurs nonsense, ponder the new arrivals, lamengt the ones we've lost, and ask whether this is a tactical masterplan or just another elaborate way of making supporting Spurs unnecessarily difficult.Plus Room 101, VAR, missed chances, medical advice and 'bunker mentality'.With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Dave BradshawCOYS THFC

A routine win. Yes, really, even if it was against the Charlton youth team. Sávio played twenty brilliant minutes, scored, and immediately crocked himself. Mikey scored a banger and earned a loan to Köln.Then...Newcastle . Archie at right-back, PPP on the wing. We looked all right until we conceded. Plus ca change. RDZ says the mentality and environment have to change.Transfers & Space Travel Mathys Tel took a free-kick that's still orbiting the Sun. Meanwhile, Richarlison, who loves Everton, doesn't want to join...Everton. Big Kev Danso leaving hurts. Enter Tosin. And Mudryk.Julie is here to pay a proper tribute to the great Cyril Knowles on the 35th anniversary of his passing. Plus stupid tweets and Room 101.With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie Barnacle.COYS THFC Spurs