Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser

EPISODE SUMMARY In this powerful solo episode, the speaker marks six years since leaving an abusive "cult of one" relationship. They share raw memories of being spit on, having clothing bleached, and receiving threats, while crediting a friend named Natalie for witnessing the abuse and helping validate reality during intense self-gaslighting. The episode offers practical advice such as recording conversations with abusive people to counter "word salad" and circular manipulation. It also explores symbolic and therapeutic outlets for healing, including running in a wedding dress to reject cultural fantasy narratives and throwing plates with names off a cliff to release anger. The speaker discusses extreme harassment by an ex, prioritizing their child's safety by encouraging him to stay with his stable father, and explains how narcissists quickly replace partners — often targeting those who "don't know any better" or viewing strong people as "sport." The episode emphasizes that the abuse is never about the victim and encourages becoming "ungroomable" through strong boundaries, stable finances, supportive friends, hobbies, and a solid career. Healing is framed as rebellion, and peace as revolution. KEY TOPICS DISCUSSED Escaping the Cult of One Natalie Bears Witness Recording the Gaslighting Wedding Dress Myth and Fantasy vs Reality Therapeutic Release Rituals Stalking and Survival Stories Protecting Your Child How Narcissists Replace You Ungroomable Boundaries Peace Is Revolution TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Escaping the Cult 00:29 - Natalie Bears Witness 01:01 - Record the Gaslighting 01:31 - Wedding Dress Myth 01:56 - Fantasy vs Reality 02:18 - Therapeutic Release Rituals 02:38 - Stalking and Survival Stories 03:05 - Protecting Your Child 03:22 - How Narcissists Replace You 04:07 - Ungroomable Boundaries 04:24 - Peace Is Revolution CONTENT WARNINGS This episode contains discussions of: Narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, physical threats, emotional manipulation, stalking/harassment, parental decisions in abusive situations, and intense personal trauma. RESOURCES Connect with Vanessa Reiser: Instagram: @vanessareiserlcsw Patreon: For exclusive bonus content and deeper discussions Disclaimer: This podcast is for mature audiences and is not a substitute for therapy, legal, or medical advice. Guest opinions are their own and don't necessarily reflect those of the host or affiliated platforms. Produced by Vanessa Reiser and music by Alex Productions "Once Upon a Time". #NarcissisticAbuseWithVanessaReiser #VanessaReiser #TellATherapist #NarcissisticAbuse #HealingAfterAbuse #NoContact #RadicalHealing #SixYearsFree  

From Coercive Control to Justice: A Survivor's Story and Warning Signs Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser EPISODE SUMMARY In this powerful survivor story, a woman shares her harrowing experience of coercive control and abuse that began in 2015 when, at age 26, she entered a fast-moving relationship with a 49-year-old man. What started with intense love bombing and future-faking quickly escalated into severe control over her clothing, finances, car access, and identity, followed by physical and psychological abuse, self-harm, and a suicide attempt. With help from a friend, she fled to Australia, later trained as a counselor, became a certified narcissistic abuse specialist, and returned to the UK. In 2022, her abuser was sentenced to 19 months in prison for coercive control and given a restraining order. She kept extensive evidence, including threats. She now emphasizes the importance of believing victims, the real danger of leaving, and issues a strong warning about strangulation; often minimized online; as a major red flag and precursor to femicide. Her abuser was later convicted again for non-fatal strangulation with another victim. KEY TOPICS DISCUSSED Love Bombing and Future-Faking Control Over Clothing, Finances, and Identity Breaking Point and Escape Justice and Keeping Evidence Why We Stay: Trauma Bonds Helping Survivors Heal Strangulation as a Warning Sign Normalization of Strangulation Online Today TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Trapped And Doubting 00:26 - Love Bombing Begins 01:04 - Control Takes Over 01:33 - Breaking Point And Escape 02:09 - Justice And Evidence 02:31 - Why We Stay: Trauma Bonds 03:05 - Helping Survivors Heal 03:33 - Strangulation Warning Signs 04:39 - Normalization Online Today CONTENT WARNINGS This episode contains discussions of: Coercive control, narcissistic abuse, love bombing, financial abuse, physical violence, strangulation, self-harm, suicide attempt, and femicide risk. RESOURCES Connect with Vanessa Reiser: Instagram: @vanessareiserlcsw Patreon: For exclusive bonus content and deeper discussions Disclaimer: This podcast is for mature audiences and is not a substitute for therapy, legal, or medical advice. Guest opinions are their own and don't necessarily reflect those of the host or affiliated platforms. Produced by Vanessa Reiser and music by Alex Productions "Once Upon a Time". #NarcissisticAbuseWithVanessaReiser #VanessaReiser #TellATherapist #CoerciveControl #NarcissisticAbuse #StrangulationWarning #SurvivorStory #BelieveVictims  

Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser Guest: Dave and I talk about the Sarma Melngailis episode! EPISODE SUMMARY In this powerful episode, Vanessa Reiser sits down with Dave to talk about Sarma Melngailis, the celebrated chef and restaurateur who built a New York City culinary empire with her acclaimed vegan restaurant Pure Food and Wine. Behind the glamour, Sarma endured years of hidden psychological torment, financial exploitation, isolation, gaslighting, trauma bonding, and coercive control from her abuser, Anthony Strangis. What began as intense love-bombing and shared fantasies spiraled into manipulation tied to her beloved dog Leon, promises of immortality, and a fabricated reality that led to fraud, public humiliation, prison time, and the unraveling of her career and identity. Sarma shares her raw journey of breaking free, the challenges of reclaiming her narrative amid media misrepresentation (like Netflix's Bad Vegan), and the long road to healing from profound betrayal. Her story highlights how charm, money, and public perception can trap even the most accomplished victims in abusive dynamics that function like a one-on-one cult. KEY TOPICS DISCUSSED Sarma's Hidden Abuse The secret psychological torment behind her successful public life Weaponizing Love and Fantasy Love-bombing, future faking, and exploitation of deep vulnerabilities like her bond with dog Leon Interview Vibes and Triggers Contrasting clinical interviewing with casual conversation; how certain topics trigger survivors Netflix Fallout and Distrust Public misrepresentation in media portrayals and how they worsen harm and distrust Alex Jones and Denial Broader patterns of denial (e.g., Alex Jones on Sandy Hook) and the dangers of misinformation Radical Acceptance of Reality Coming to terms with a "world is fucked" truth while refusing to stay silent Truth Is Binary The clarity that truth is absolute, not subjective, in abusive dynamics Isolation After Leaving Losing friends, the cult-like aftermath, and rebuilding after escape Renaissance of Truth Tellers Hope for more survivors speaking out amid social media filters, grifts, and misinformation Kids and Dark Internet Concerns about children encountering disturbing content like Epstein files and related claims TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Sarma's Hidden Abuse 00:27 Interview Vibes and Triggers 01:20 Weaponizing Love and Fantasy 02:15 Netflix Fallout and Distrust 02:40 Alex Jones and Denial 03:16 Radical Acceptance of Reality 03:30 Truth Is Binary 03:46 Isolation After Leaving 04:00 Renaissance of Truth Tellers 04:25 Kids and Dark Internet RESOURCES Sarma Melngailis' Book: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo (available on Amazon and major retailers) Connect with Sarma: Instagram: @sarmamelngailis TikTok: @sarmamelngailis Linktree: linktr.ee/sarmamelngailis Connect with Vanessa Reiser: Instagram: @vanessareiserlcsw Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser (link in bio) Patreon: For exclusive bonus content CONTENT WARNINGS This episode contains discussions of: Narcissistic abuse and coercive control Psychological manipulation and gaslighting Financial exploitation and fraud Trauma bonding Public shaming and media misrepresentation Cult-like dynamics in one-on-one relationships Misinformation and denialism Concerns about children's exposure to dark online content QUOTES TO REMEMBER (Adapted from discussion themes) "The charm and fantasy they sell can trap you deeper than any chains—until you see the reality." — Sarma Melngailis (paraphrased insight) "Truth is binary. There's no gray area when it comes to abuse." — Vanessa Reiser "We're in a renaissance of truth-tellers—survivors are breaking the silence despite the filters and grifts." — From the recap Disclaimer: This podcast is for mature audiences and is not a substitute for therapy, legal, or medical advice. Guest opinions are their own and don't necessarily reflect those of the host or affiliated platforms. Produced by Vanessa Reiser and music by Alex Productions "Once Upon a Time". #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CoerciveControl #CultAwareness #SurvivingNarcissists #SarmaMelngailis #BadVegan #TraumaBonding #EmotionalAbuse #HealingJourney

Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser Guest: Sarma Melngailis Episode Summary In this raw and powerful episode, host Vanessa Reiser, licensed therapist and author, sits down with Sarma Melngailis — the trailblazing vegan chef and entrepreneur behind Pure Food and Wine who became the subject of Netflix's 2022 docuseries Bad Vegan. Sarma opens up about the psychological manipulation, coercive control, and media distortion she endured, and how her 2025 memoir, The Girl with the Duck Tattoo, reclaims her truth. Topics Covered Sarma's background: from Wall Street to Wharton to the French Culinary Institute and founding New York's first upscale raw vegan restaurant How she was targeted by Anthony Strangis (referred to as "Mr. Fox"), who entered her life through a false identity during a period of vulnerability The role of Alec Baldwin's Twitter connection in lending Mr. Fox false credibility How the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan re-traumatized abuse survivors by manipulating its audience — mirroring the gaslighting tactics of abusers The pattern of narcissists and predators targeting successful, accomplished women — and why How predators exploit spirituality, future faking, and manufactured "destiny" narratives to destabilize their victims The Epstein connection: how even powerful men are not immune to manipulation and cult-like attachment Sarma's late-in-life autism diagnosis and how unrecognized vulnerabilities can be exploited The criminal justice system's failure to recognize coercive control — and how the post–#MeToo landscape may have changed her outcome Life after incarceration at Rikers Island, ongoing re-traumatization, and the long road to healing The healing power of storytelling, journaling, and the process of writing her memoir Practical advice: gray rocking, safely recording interactions, and reclaiming power while still in a toxic situation Why survivors who've lived through abuse are more willing and able to face these dark stories — and what that says about healing About the Guest Sarma Melngailis is the founder of Pure Food and Wine and One Lucky Duck, author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo (2025), and the subject of Netflix's Bad Vegan. She is working on a new documentary that tells the true story behind the headlines. Book: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo — available on Amazon and at thegirlwiththaducktattoo.com (signed copies available) Audiobook: Released March 19th, narrated by Sarma with exclusive bonus content Website: sarmaraw.com Instagram: Active and responsive to DMs Key Quotes "It took getting arrested to set me free." — Sarma Melngailis "He wormed into my brain and grabbed hold of something. It wasn't love — it was a sickening, cultish attachment." — Sarma Melngailis "His motivation was to maximally destroy me." — Sarma Melngailis "Those of us who've been through this have the lens to understand it — and that's part of the healing." — Sarma Melngailis Resources & Links 📚 The Girl with the Duck Tattoo by Sarma Melngailis — thegirlwiththaducktattoo.com 🌐 sarmaraw.com — Sarma's writing and blog 📸 Instagram: Search Sarma Melngailis 🎙️ Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser — Follow/subscribe on your podcast platform 💬 Support the show on Patreon | Follow on Instagram or YouTube: @VanessaReiserLCSW Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of psychological abuse, coercive control, financial fraud, incarceration, and trauma. It is intended for mature audiences. Guest opinions are their own. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, legal, or medical advice.

Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser — "Unpacking Rachel Bernstein: Cults, Narcissism & the Cultic Family System" In this episode, Vanessa and co-host Dave break down their conversation with cult expert and therapist Rachel Bernstein, connecting the dots between cult dynamics and narcissistic abuse. Topics covered: Cults come in all shapes and sizes — from Scientology and NXIVM to cultic family systems hiding in plain sight Sarcasm as microaggression — how "death by a thousand cuts" through backhanded compliments and passive aggression causes long-term damage, often without conscious intent The cycle of normalized abuse — how toxic communication patterns pass through generations, and what it means to be a cycle breaker Financial control as a cult tactic — how narcissistic parents (and cults like Scientology) use money to keep people trapped and "in check" No contact with toxic family — why it's not a TikTok trend, and how toxic parents out themselves in comment sections Societal clichés that protect abusers — "blood is thicker than water," "honor thy mother and father," and how narcissists weaponize these to maintain control Wealth and dysfunction — why high-income families and "perfect" social media images often hide the most dysfunction The gender divide in dating — why women are opting out of relationships, the stagnation of men in the dating world, arrested development, and the manosphere Accountability and evolution — why admitting you were wrong is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have Vanessa's personal journey — from "cult of one" (toxic relationship) to helping others heal, and why she's starting to openly say "I was in a cult" Nostalgia and tech — how social media disconnects people and why going back to basics matters for kids and adults alike Destigmatizing cult survivorship — the overlap between cult recovery and narcissistic abuse recovery: trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, deprogramming, and finding yourself again TIME STAMPS: 00:00 Podcast Introduction 01:17 Rachel Bernstein Preview 01:34 Meet Dave Co Host 02:07 Cult Abuse Realization 03:13 Sarcasm Microaggressions 07:13 Passive Aggression Damage 09:01 Toxic Communication Example 11:33 Financial Control Tactics 12:34 Politics And Narcissism 15:56 No Contact And Cliches 20:37 Dating Apps And Values 27:15 Accountability Is Attractive 28:10 Social Media Backlash 29:01 Bots and Trolls 30:40 Dating Divide Today 32:08 Men Need to Evolve 37:15 Role Models and Therapy 40:36 What Women Want Now 42:39 High Value Myth 44:34 Back to Real Connection 46:42 Nostalgia and Old Tech 51:54 Destigmatizing Cult Trauma 55:52 Closing and Resources   Key takeaways: Passive aggression is one of the most dangerous abuse tactics because it moves slowly and flies under the radar Narcissistic abuse doesn't only happen in romantic relationships — it shows up in families, finances, religion, and politics Recovery from a cult and recovery from narcissistic abuse require the same tools: deprogramming, rebuilding identity, and understanding mind control The political landscape (Trump, the manosphere, dating apps) mirrors the same coercive control patterns seen in abusive relationships