The Sensual Sisterhood Podcast

Content note: this episode includes a discussion of sexual violence (not in detail). You've texted "home safe?" after a perfectly good night out. You've said sorry to a man who walked into you. You've picked the quieter dress because you were going alone. None of it felt like a decision. It's just what you do. We call it the safety tax: small, automatic payments women make every day. Some of them really do keep you safe. Some of them just keep you small. And the part nobody talks about is that you're paying it in bed too. In this episode: - The habit most of us picked up around 12 and never put down - What a first date looks like when Barbara is running it - The question Barbara asks women who froze on a bad date - Why you can't be on watch and turned on at the same time Start here 👇 Join The Sensual Sisterhood (free), where we keep this conversation going: 👉 https://www.skool.com/be-marvelus/about Meet her 👇 OH FUCK, THERE SHE IS, a one-hour on-demand experience: 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/there-she-is Go deeper 👇 FUCK YES, a 12-week live group experience for women ready to feel wildly alive in their own lives. 22 seats. First to Know women get the first shot at them on December 1, two days before applications open to everyone. 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/fuck-yes-first-to-know/ If anything here stirs something up: RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline is open 24/7 at 800-656-HOPE (4673) and rainn.org. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 The safety tax 00:58 A note before we start 01:18 What you do without thinking 03:50 It starts around 12 04:27 First dates and the offensive player 07:04 Won't share his last name? Red flag. 08:33 At 24 vs. at 54 09:58 Your image or your inner peace? 11:20 Scanning for exits 13:20 When the headlines keep coming 18:28 Where else you pay the tax 20:26 Walking home alone after the concert 23:09 When safe starts to mean small 29:54 Performing vigilance in the bedroom 32:02 Vigilance or arousal: only one gets the shift 33:13 Rapid fire: who is it protecting? 37:47 Comfort vs. safety 38:30 One tax to stop paying this week 40:42 Keep the protection, stop paying the tax 41:35 Stop pretending men don't know 44:40 Where's your empathy?

You stopped believing the rules years ago. Don't be too available. Don't be too sexual. Don't be that kind of woman. You'd argue against every one of them over dinner. And then you stand in front of the closet and change your outfit because of who'll be there. Not the men. The women. Being a good girl got you real things: respect, belonging, a reputation you're proud of. Marta and Barbara ask the harder question. What happens when the deal that built your life starts costing you the life you actually want? In this episode: - The impossible instruction most of us got as girls, and what it did to our bodies - Why you never had to be called a slut to learn the lesson - What being a good girl actually got Barbara (it's not what she was promised) - The midlife rules that replaced "don't be easy" - Why the opposite of a good girl is not a bad girl Start here 👇 Join The Sensual Sisterhood (free), where women talk about this every week: 👉 https://www.skool.com/be-marvelus/about Meet her 👇 OH FUCK, THERE SHE IS, a one-hour on-demand experience: 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/there-she-is Go deeper 👇 FUCK YES, a 12-week live group experience for women ready to feel wildly alive in their own lives. 22 seats. First to Know women get the first shot at them on December 1, two days before applications open to everyone. 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/fuck-yes-first-to-know/ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 You've been a very good girl 01:20 The first time you learned the rules 02:24 Be desirable, but don't desire 03:59 The inner policewoman 05:01 You didn't have to be called a slut 06:25 What being a good girl actually got you 08:30 A great deal for 20 years, a terrible deal now 09:45 The opposite of a good girl 12:09 What we mean when we say slut 13:30 The rules you still follow 15:02 Wearing a ring for someone else's wife 17:17 When another woman gets to be free 19:36 Do women get freer as they age? 23:25 At 20, don't be easy. At 50, have some dignity. 25:27 Reclaiming the word slut 27:14 Find your flavor 30:59 Good girl or bad girl is a false choice 33:01 Keep it, break it or rewrite it 39:41 Make sure the rule was yours to begin with 40:32 Choosing or performing? 42:19 Notice one moment of self-editing 43:43 What's actually on the other side

You tell someone you love something true about what you want. Nothing outrageous. And for about three seconds their face does something you didn't expect. They're not judging you, exactly. They're recalibrating. And before you've even decided to, you hear yourself start explaining, softening, walking it back. You'd tell anyone you stopped caring what people think years ago. So why does that moment still land so hard? Marta and Barbara go straight at the part of "what will people think" that smart, self-aware women rarely see in themselves. In this episode: - Why fantastic boundaries won't protect you from your own reputation - The question underneath "what will people think," and why it's more uncomfortable - What happens in the three seconds after someone sees a side of you they didn't expect - Who's really doing the judging (it may not be them) - What to do when the people who love you genuinely don't like your choice - The line between choosing privacy and hiding - Something Marta says she has never told anyone - A practice for letting a desire be true before you do anything about it Start here 👇 Join The Sensual Sisterhood (free), where women say what they actually want out loud and get celebrated for it: 👉 https://www.skool.com/be-marvelus/about Meet her 👇 OH FUCK, THERE SHE IS, a one-hour on-demand experience: 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/there-she-is Go deeper 👇 Be first to know when FUCK YES opens: https://bemarvelus.com/fuck-yes-first-to-know/ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Who will they think I am? 01:04 Do we actually care what people think? 02:20 Trapped by your own reputation 03:57 Wanting something that doesn't fit who you are 08:06 The first lie is the one you tell yourself 10:25 "I don't want to want this" 12:58 Getting ready to be ready 15:43 When you say it out loud and their face changes 17:19 They're updating their file on you 19:25 Freedom is surviving three seconds 20:26 Who gets to hear your desires 22:17 Maybe you're the one judging her 26:06 Why a woman who trusts herself is dangerous 29:44 When the people you love don't like your choice 32:16 Their opinion is real. It's not the deciding vote. 36:13 The fantasy Marta never told anyone 37:56 Privacy vs. hiding 41:58 How to start without blowing up your life 45:07 A practice: what do you want that you "shouldn't"? 47:34 Whose face shows up first? 51:34 You can't be free and control everyone's interpretation 54:07 You're allowed to become new information

Your body is clearly on board. You are clearly not. Or the reverse: you've wanted him all day, the moment finally arrives, and your body just doesn't show up. Either way, the interrogation starts. Which signal is the real one? What does this say about me? About him? About my age? Most of us were handed a very simple rulebook for this, and it has been quietly wrong the entire time. Marta and Barbara take it apart. In this episode: - The name for the thing nobody explained to you - What being tickled has to do with consent - Why a physical response can't answer the question we keep asking it - The story midlife women tell about dryness, and why it's usually the wrong story - Barbara's royal table, and what pussy pacing protects - How Marta and Barbara each know when they actually want something - Five pieces of bad sex mythology, destroyed in about thirty seconds each Care note: part of this conversation touches on the body responding during experiences that weren't wanted. Listen when you have room for it. Start here 👇 Join The Sensual Sisterhood (free): 👉 https://www.skool.com/be-marvelus/about Meet her 👇 OH FUCK, THERE SHE IS, a one-hour on-demand experience: 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/there-she-is   💎 FUCK YES · JANUARY 2027 Twelve weeks, live, for the accomplished woman whose life works better than it feels. Not a course. A room where you stop negotiating your desire down and start living as her. 22 seats. First to Know gets early access December 1, two days before applications open to anyone else. 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/fuck-yes-first-to-know/   Related episode 👇 Ep. 40, Consent Is the Dirty Talk: How to Ask for What You Want in Bed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kTvmsyT_E8 TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Which one of me is lying? 01:12 What we grew up believing arousal meant 02:31 Separating sensation from meaning 05:19 When your body and your mind don't match 08:53 Arousal non-concordance, defined 11:02 When your body responds to something you didn't want 12:29 The speed of his orgasm vs. pussy pacing 14:32 A reflex is not a confession 15:00 Your body can hold more than one truth 18:22 The flip: you want it, your body doesn't show up 21:05 Midlife, dryness, and the meaning we make 24:17 How do you actually know you want something? 27:57 If it's not a fuck yes, it's a no 30:13 Rapid-fire myth busting 34:26 Your body gives you data. You give the answer. 35:38 Pussy pacing gives truth time to arrive

You know that 'no' is a complete sentence. So you say it. Then you watch her face fall. And before you've decided anything, you're backpedaling, explaining, offering to help after all, doing whatever it takes to make that look go away. You've done the therapy. You've read the books. You could name the pattern in your sleep. And you did it anyway. So what's actually missing when you already know better? We have a theory, and it isn't another book. (Yes, we see the irony of saying that on a podcast.) In this episode: - The real reason understanding a pattern doesn't stop it - Why "no is a complete sentence" is only half the skill -What Barbara realized after years of "knowing" she was worthy - The five moments Marta watches for in herself and her clients - Where even very self-aware women get stuck - The one-week experiment Marta and Barbara are each taking on  START HERE👇  Join The Sensual Sisterhood (free): 👉 https://www.skool.com/be-marvelus/about     💎 FUCK YES · JANUARY 2027 Twelve weeks, live, for the accomplished woman whose life works better than it feels. Not a course. A room where you stop negotiating your desire down and start living as her. 22 seats. First to Know gets early access December 1, two days before applications open to anyone else. 👉 https://bemarvelus.com/fuck-yes-first-to-know/     TIMESTAMPS 00:00 You know better and you did it anyway 01:27 The endless search for the next book or program 01:59 Intellectualizing the feelings you don't want to feel 04:02 Looking for the solution outside yourself 05:21 Understanding something vs. living it 06:18 Getting the mind obedient to the body 07:54 "I know I'm worthy. I didn't feel it." 09:09 Affirmations your body doesn't buy 09:52 Where it shows up: no, compliments, help, impractical wants 11:25 Why "practice" makes you reach for a clipboard 12:46 A messy rep still counts 14:12 Feel, want, receive, express, choose 16:09 Where women get stuck 17:18 Hours on the mat 21:44 Pick one practice for seven days 23:07 The reps Marta and Barbara are choosing