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You accept responsibility for what you did. You're sorry that you hurt your spouse. You want to put things back together. Not just like it was before but better.  The hurt you see in their eyes hurts you. At times their pain explodes in anger. Sometimes toward you; sometimes toward other things.  You asked your spouse to forgive you. You told them how sorry you are that it happened. Yet your mate isn't reacting as you had hoped. Maybe they said that they can't forgive what you did. Maybe they haven't made a decision but their actions lead you to believe that when they do it isn't going to be good. Is there something you can do? Are there magic words? Actions? Will you have to live like this for years to come? Or are you already thinking that if they can't forgive, you can't stay because the pain you feel is too great? You don't want to live with a person in perpetual misery. Or everlasting anger. You accept that there are consequences to what you did but you don't feel that you can stay in the marriage only to be punished day after day. If you want your spouse to forgive you and move past where you are now, in this program Dr. Joe Beam explains what to do and what NOT to do. Dr. Beam also takes live calls about other relationship issues or advice you wish to ask about. This program begins at 12:30 p.m. Central Time on Monday, August 3, here on BlogTalkRadio. You can also find it live (as well as recorded previous programs and hundreds more marriage and relationship videos) at YouTube.com/MarriageHelper. Call the program live at 657-383-0812. When you hear an answer, press 1 to be put in the queue to speak with Dr. Beam.  Be sure to check out more videos, audios, articles, and other resources for relationships at www.MarriageHelper.com.
Your spouse left you for another person. But now the affair partner is gone. You thought that they were the problem. You expected your spouse to try to make amends with you. To come back sorry for what they had done.  Instead, your mate has indicated little to no interest in restoring a relationship with you or trying to rescue your marriage.  Why? Is it you? Are you so unlovely and unlovable that they have no desire to be with you ever again? Is it your mate? Have they become so selfish or hardened toward you that they won't ever care about you again? It's quite a blow to your self-esteem. The hope you had for reconciliation is fading quickly into cynical resignation that what was will never be again. Is there hope? Can someone explain what's happening? Give you direction for maybe making it work? In this program, Dr. Joe Beam explains why spouses don't come back right away. He gives you an understanding of what's happening and how to use that knowledge to your advantage. He gives you the pathway to overcome the problem and eventually rebuild the marriage. Dr. Beam also takes live calls about other relationship issues or advice you wish to ask about. This program begins at 12:30 p.m. Central Time on Monday, July 27 here on BlogTalkRadio. You can also find it live (as well as recorded previous programs and hundreds more marriage and relationship videos) at YouTube.com/MarriageHelper. Call the program live at 657-383-0812. When you hear an answer, press 1 to be put in the queue to speak with Dr. Beam.  Be sure to check out more videos, audios, articles, and other resources for relationships at www.MarriageHelper.com.
Your spouse cheated on you. Now they're back. Say they want to make the marriage work. You want to get beyond the pain, to have a better marriage than it was before. At times you think you're well on your way. Sometimes you think you'll never heal. Although you're trying to get past it and make your marriage good again, you hurt. Some days more than others. You find yourself reliving the lies, the devastating sense of loss, the violation of your trust.  What do you do? End it and go your own way? Swallow the pain and do the best you can? Or find a way to heal your relationship and your heart. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam explains a pathway to healing from the deep hurt caused by your spouse's infidelity and deception. It takes time but you can find peace during the progress. If you don't progress, you'll live in pain much longer. That pain may lead to some very poor decisions or actions.  Dr. Beam also takes live calls about dealing with healing from the pain your spouse's actions caused you, as well as other relationship issues or advice you wish to ask about. This program begins at 12:30 p.m. Central Time on Monday, July 20 here on BlogTalkRadio. You can also find it live (as well as recorded previous programs and hundreds more marriage and relationship videos) at YouTube.com/MarriageHelper. Call the program live at 657-383-0812. When you hear an answer, press 1 to be put in the queue to speak with Dr. Beam.  Be sure to check out more videos, audios, articles, and other resources for relationships at www.MarriageHelper.com.
Marriage in trouble? Love your spouse? Looking for solutions to save your marriage? If so, do NOT do the wrong thing that so many people do. The very things they do to salvage the relationship become the very things that help destroy it. In this live call-in program, Relationship Radio host Dr. Joe Beam explains which efforts to rescue your marriage work and, more importantly, which ones DON'T work. Our organization hears these words regularly, "I knew what I was doing was pushing my spouse away, but didn't understand why or how." In his work with couples in crisis over the last 26 years, Dr. Beam has guided thousands to understand why focusing on saving their marriage was the wrong thing to do and what they should be doing instead. In this program, he spends the first section explaining what you shouldn't do and what to do instead if you desire restoring your marriage and having a loving home again. Then, he takes live callers for the remainder of the program to answer your questions about your marriage. This program begins at 12:30 p.m. Central Time on Monday, July 6 here on BlogTalkRadio. You can also find it live (as well as recorded previous programs and hundreds more marriage and relationship videos) at YouTube.com/MarriageHelper. Call the program live at 657-383-0812. When you hear an answer, press 1 to be put in the queue to speak with Dr. Beam.  Be sure to check out more videos, audios, articles, and other resources for relationships at www.MarriageHelper.com.
You've heard it phrased in various ways. "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours forever. If they don't come back, they never were yours." What a ridiculous idea! Maybe it originated with someone trying to help a friend feel better after her lover left her. Or perhaps it started with some guy trying to find a way to feel that it wasn't his fault that his relationship ended. It's wrong. No matter where it began or who says it. We've worked with thousands of couples where one wanted away from the other, denied loving their spouse (or used the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bomb), or even were convinced that they love someone else. Even when it appeared all hope was gone, we've witnessed the majority of these couples who asked us to help turn things around be in love with each other again. Of course, no one seeks help if they follow that dumb idea of "let them go so that maybe they'll come back." Think like that and it IS over. In this program, Dr. Beam takes the first few minutes to explain WHY you should stand for your marriage rather than passively allowing it to end. He also explains WHAT to do that has the best likelihood of rescuing your lost love. For the remainder of the program, he answers questions from those who call in during the live show. It airs live on BlogTalkRadio, and on at www.YouTube.com/MarriageHelper on Monday, December 9, from 12:30 p.m. to 1:30 p.m. Central Time. You can watch or listen later to the recorded version, of course. To ask Dr. Beam your question, call 657-383-0812 during the live show. When you hear the answer, press the number 1 on your phone to get into the queue. For more about relationships, subscribe free to our YouTube channel mentioned above. Also, go to our website at www.MarriageHelper.com.
On today's live show, Dr. Joe Beam speaks with callers about the following questions:  “My husband told me he has an emotional block against me, and he does not have interest in saving the marriage and wants a divorce. I just found out I have cancer, and I want him to leave the house while I deal with getting better. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome the emotional block? If I ask him to leave, am I giving up any chance of saving the marriage?”“My wife is considering coming back, but she does not want to just come back because it is comfortable. How can I be patient while waiting for her to decide?”“My wife told me she is done. I am making trip to visit her for my son’s graduation (which is also her birthday and our anniversary). I am wanting to give her a gift. Is it ok to give her a present?”“My wife has had two affairs in the past three years. We have four children together. How can I save the marriage?”
On today's live show, Dr. Joe Beam speaks with callers about the following questions:  “My wife left me for our children’s music teacher. She is in another country. She is vilifying me. How do I save my marriage?”“Coming out of the end of a midlife crisis with limerence involved. How do I save my marriage?”“My husband of 25 years left me. He filed for legal separation. Is intervention a good option to bring him to talk?”“My husband had an affair after being married for 28 years. We haven’t talked in a long time. I want to share my heart. What do I do?”“My wife left me for my best friend after 8 years of marriage. Would you suggest that I stay in SMART contact or interfere with SMART contact to try to get her to attend the workshop?”“My husband is having an emotional affair with a coworker. He is confused on what to do. What should I do?” You’ll also hear about: SMART ContactPush behaviors
On this episode of Marriage Helper Live, you’ll hear Dr. Joe Beam along with one of our Client Representatives respond to the following: “How does the valley work? How long does it last?” Signs of movement in the valley “Does the valley apply to other circumstances?” Dr. Joe Beam & Amber Nickle discuss a common question: “Is my spouse’s affair partner who they were actually meant to be with?” “I asked my husband if I could stay at his home while I wait to move into my apartment. He’s staying at his parent’s house until I move out. How can I initiate S.M.A.R.T. contact with him for him to stay at the house with me?” “We just filed for divorce. Should I still fight if I’m unsure?” “My wife feels like it’s too late to save our marriage, and she thinks I will never change. What should I do?” “How can I prove that she can trust me again after I’ve lied to her?” Other topics include: Limerence The Role of Client Representatives at Marriage Helper The #1 reason behind why you work on your PIES The grief process in relationships Self-esteem & the influence of others
The Perils of Marriage Counseling and why you may want to rethink choosing a counselor...Should I talk to my husband when he is asking to talk to me?Should I keep inviting my husband over if he is still in an affair?How do I convince my husband to get marriage help?Is my marriage too far gone?My wife filed for divorce. I have 21 days to respond. What do I do?   Live Caller Q&A With Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Holmes. Call in and ask us a question about your marriage!
Live Caller Q&A With Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Holmes In this podcast, Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Holmes address these topics: “If my husband has rejected going to the Marriage Helper workshop once how do I bring it back up to him again and suggest that we attend?”“My wife asked me for a divorce. I need to set boundaries. How do I do that without driving her away?”“Our divorce was finalized last month. He is living with the other woman. What can I do other than PIES to reconcile the marriage because we do not live near each other?”“How do I help from being controlled if I feel codependent?”“How do I handle when my husband says he is praying for the other woman that broke up with him to come back? He believes that God has spoken to him and is going to bring her back to him even though he knows that God does not break up marriages to start new relationships.”“I have a job offer in the city where my separated spouse is staying. If I take the job and move there will that be a PUSH behavior?”“My husbands keeps vacillating between wanting me and his affair partner. He has chosen me in the past, but then he went back to her. How do I get him back on my side again?”
We fight for marriages. All marriages. No matter what has happened. BUT sometimes they end. Actually, sometimes they should end. We realize that sounds as if it is in opposition to our mission. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam explains when it is not. We offer many resources on MarriageHelper.com to help save marriages. We provide online courses for the spouse who wishes to save the marriage when the other doesn't. We post many podcasts that address relationship problems and provide valuable, life-altering information. Our weekend intensive, Marriage Helper 911, has an amazing success rate. Even though the vast majority of couples who attend have one spouse who has NO desire to save the marriage (usually they come to get a deal in the divorce), three out of four couples who go through the workshop actually turn their crisis marriages around and make it good again. Yet... Some marriages end.  If you suffer in a marriage - whether you are the one who wants out or the one who wishes to save it - you've asked yourself countless times... "When is enough, enough?" "When do I stop trying?"  "How can I know when it's best to end it?" Dr. Joe Beam gives you the points to consider when making those decisions. What's important. What's selfish. How to find the peace you need in your heart. Although Dr. Beam cannot tell you the exact moment...actually he won't tell you what you must do; instead he teaches the principles, makes them clear, and then leaves it to you to decide...in this program you can find the answer as to whether to fight for your marriage or end it. And if the decision is to fight, where to find the right help.
When Dr. Tennov introduced the concept in the 1970s, it was mostly rejected. We encounter marriage counselors who have never heard of it. But the research is solid. PhD's including anthropologists and biologists and more study it, even having brain scans that teach us much about it. It's called limerence. It is a state of being "madly in love' to the point that it becomes obsessive and affects the way a person feels, acts, and thinks. It is powerful. It can be beautiful. It often is destructive. If you search the internet for the word, you'll find many sites discussing it. Unfortunately, some of those are by people who read an article or two - maybe even Tennov's book from back in the day - and think themselves knowledgeable. Some confidently cite things about limerence that Tennov said that we now know by further research not to be the case. Therefore, be careful with what you read on the internet about it. It may lead you to some very wrong conclusions...and those to very wrong actions. Our knowledge of limerence comes not only from continuing to examine scholarly research, but from the hundreds of thousands of people who have been through workshops, courses, and seminars developed by Dr. Joe Beam. We carefully observe people in our 911 workshops for marriages in crisis who are in limerence. We have done before and after scientific profiles on many. We have in-depth dialogue with others. We have found that limerence has three phases......and that limerence ends......always. In this program, Dr. Beam discusses the three phases of limerence. He explains what happens within the limerent during each. He explains shy some who end limerence don't go back to their lives as before...and how to help overcome limerence.
Can every troubled marriage be saved? We believe nearly all can. However, not all will.  Sometimes one spouse does all s/he can to save the marriage. They learn, put into practice the right things, make right the things they did wrong, demonstrate remarkable love, patience, and...forgiveness. Yet, the other mate doesn't respond. Maybe it's another person. Maybe a different lifestyle they want to pursue.  Is there a time when the spouse striving to save the marriage should stop trying and accept that no matter what s/he does the marriage will end? Yes. When s/he makes that decision, are their things s/he should understand and do to build a new life that can be fulfilling and happy? Yes. Don't misunderstand, Dr. Beam fights for marriages. He encourages people not to give up easily. He and the amazing team at www.MarriageHelper.com offer many resources to help save marriages...even those that everyone else has given up on...and make those marriages good again. But, sadly, the team knows that some marriages will end. In this program, Dr. Beam shares thoughts about when it's time to move on. To accept that the mate isn't coming back. As an important part of that, he also shares what to understand and put into action that will help heal the heart and open new opportunities for love, fulfillment, and happiness. During the program, you may talk with Dr. Beam by calling 646-378-0424. The program airs live beginning at 9 p.m. Central time on Tuesday, November 1.
Not every relationship or marriage has a major meltdown... But when it happens, how do you put things back together? How do you get past the hurt? The broken trust? The fear that something else is coming...especially when one partner developed a deep emotional relationship with someone else, but has decided to try to make your relationship work again... How does the straying partner get over the emotional connection with that other person? How can s/he learn to love you again...and you learn to love him/her again with the security that your relationship will last a lifetime? There are things to do when reconciling a relationship. There are things NOT to do. There are also "gray" areas where you have to use your wisdom. (Knowing the right principles helps tremendously with this.) In this program Dr. Joe Beam explains why relationships fail and how they can be put back together again. He explains the principles of reconciliation and the specific do's and don'ts that can make or break the process. He addresses both the straying spouse and the standing spouse. Call during the live broadcast if you wish to ask questions or make comments. (Please make your questions or comments about this subject...but Dr. Beam will take other relationship questions as well.) Call 646-378-0424 during the program to listen via your phone. If you wish to speak to Dr. Beam press 1 when you hear the menu. Of course you can listen via your computer or tablet at www.MarriageRadio.com or on BlogTalkRadio.
There is a difference between that feeling of love and being "madly in love."  If you long for that magically amazing love that is the focus of so many  movies, TV shows, and novels, you may indeed experience it...but not forever. Love that is deep and long-lasting isn't an overwhelming ecstasy but something much deeper...something with roots that dig deeply into your heart, your mind, your soul. Yet that "madly in love" feeling is truly amazing when experienced. In the social sciences we have a word for it; limerence. More than just identifying it, researchers dig into it to understand it better...including how long it lasts...and factors that either prevent it, diminish it, or end it. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam explains what he has witnessed in thousands of people "madly in love" and discusses the three phases of limerence he has identified.   If you are "madly in love" this program is for you. You may feel that the intensity of your current emotion for the other person will last forever just as it is now. Dr. Beam explains how it will change, and how understanding that change can help prevent consequences that you don't yet see coming. If you are married to someone who has fallen "madly in love" with another, this program is for you. If you wish to save your marriage but think it impossible because your husband or wife is in limerence with another, Dr. Beam's explanations of limerence, especially understanding the three phases, can guide you in the process of saving your marriage. As he says, "If anything works, this will work." If you wish to speak with Dr. Beam during the program, call 646-378-0424. When you hear the menu, press one to get into the queue. Whether you listen live or later, don't miss this program.
Several crucial questions have come in about how to deal with spouses doing destructive things. In this program, we will deal with questions such as: What do I do if my spouse keeps lying? Are all lies the same? Do I react to all of them the same way? Should I set traps to catch him / her in the lies? How do I know s/he's telling the truth now? S/he claims that all lies are over but I have my doubts. What do I do if my cheating spouse is lying to my kids about what's going on with us? Do I tell them the truth? My mate still lives at home though s/he is involved emotionally with someone else. I'm trying to save the marriage and s/he tells me that if I'll just be patient and let this run its course, everything will be fine? Am I a fool to believe that? Is s/he using me? What do I do? I think my spouse is going through mid-life crisis. S/he is moody, depressed, doesn't communicate. How do I deal with this? My mate says if I stop talking about hour problesm s/he will stay but if I keep bringing things up, s/he's out of here. Yet I can't live with things like they are. Do I shut up? Do I press for answers? When is it time to give an ultimatum? How do I know when it's time to press things or if I'm better off to give a little more space? Dr. Joe Beam will answer these and any other questions that you wish to call live during the program at (646) 378-0424. It will be a lively and informative conversation with real people dealing with real problems.
What is going on in the head/heart of someone "madly in love" with another? Why do they do the things they do? Say the things they say? Make the decisions they make? What if a person is married to one and falls "madly in love" with another? How does that happen? Is it the fault of the spouse they wish to leave? Is there hope to save the marriage? Will s/he divorce the one, marry the other, and live happily ever after? That's that the person believes will happen. However, it's not what's going to happen. They love they believe that no one can understand because no one could ever have felt this way before...is quite common. And, unfortunately for the person in it, it only SEEMS that it will last forever. It won't. It always ends. There's a name for it. It's called limerence. The word was coined by Dorothy Tennov, PhD, in the 1970s. At that time it received little acceptance by counselors. Even today, we find that many marriage counselors and therapists either do not know about it or know very little about it. Current research on it has been done by Helen Fisher, PhD, and her colleagues. (Tennov has passed on.) Their findings are fascinating. So are ours. We have worked with myriads of married people who are in limerence with someone other than their spouses. We've heard the stories...we've witnessed the actions and decisions...and we've seen the consequences. Not good consequences, though the person leaving his / her spouse for another with whom s/he is "madly in love" always fully anticipates that life with the lover will be amazing, fulfilling, and last a lifetime. Nearly all end within 3 years...even the ones that believe it will last forever. In this program Dr. Joe Beam discusses limerence in detail. He also takes your calls live at 646.378.0424
It can be completely overwhelming to know where to start when trying to save your marriage. Where do you start?  What is the most important thing you can do?  What should you do FIRST? Join Kimberly Holmes, the CEO of Marriage Helper, shares how she stopped her marriage from ending in crisis...and teaches you a step by step plan on how to do that in your own marriage. You will leave this podcast with real, implementable steps that you can use when moving forward on how to save your marriage.
What do you do when you've had major problems in your marriage and now want to try to reconcile? It's tougher to accomplish than most people think. It's great when a couple decides to put a marriage back together. However, without a valid understanding of what caused the trouble (and that usually means MUCH more than the final issue that became the focus of the marriage problems), many couples who try to reconcile run headlong into a wall of pain and frustration. For example, if the marriage hit crisis because of an affair, ending the affair doesn't necessarily mean that the underlying issues have been healed. What led to the affair? What weaknesses exist in either spouse? What relationship dynamics helped create the vulnerability? (This isn't to justify something such as an affair; it's to point out that some people think things are now fine because the affair ended BUT THERE ARE STILL ISSUES that haven't been dealt with.) That same principle applies to much more than affairs...it applies to control and domination, selfishness, in-law problems, sexual problems, and much, much more. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam guides you through a process of discovering and dealing with the real issues and then following a proven plan to make reconciliation actually work so that the marriage becomes better after the problem than it was ever before.  Dr. Beam will also take calls with specific questions about reconciliation. The program airs beginning at 9 p.m. Tuesday, April 5. If you wish to Dr. Beam during the program call 646-378-0424.
For many years we've been helping people salvage marriages that appeared absolutely hopeless...not only salvage their marriages but make them good again...most better than they were before. That is why Marriage Helper exists (www.MarriageHelper.com). Our purpose is to help couples in trouble find a new way, see each other in a different light, discover a path to love again. We call it the LovePath. Most of the couples who come to our intensive three-day workshops have one spouse who wishes to save the marriage and one who wants out. Nevertheless, we witness three out of four marriages turn around and not only stay together but learn to love each other again. However, that means that some marriages don't make it. It breaks our hearts for the spouse who wants to save the marriage...for the children who are affected...for the friends and family of both husband and wife. We believe that any marriage can be saved. We encourage people to stand strong when their spouses stray, or are angry, mean, indifferent, cold, or any other of the hosts of hurtful behaviors. But we know that there comes a time to yield to the inevitable, to stop standing and move on with one's life.  The question is: When? How do you know whether to let go or continue to fight for the marriage?  In this program we provide guidelines to consider for all those who think it may be time to stop standing for their marriages. No, there aren't hard and fast rules. However, there are principles and things to consider that can help you make that decision.  This program may give you the strength and motivation to keep on. It may give you the path to peace as you let go. We don't make that decision for you. We show you how to make it for yourself. Call in your comments or questions live during the program at 646-378-0424.
Comments (1)

Snowyotter

Bless Kimberly and Joe and all the people at Marriage Helper. They are keeping me sane during this horrible time.

Sep 25th
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