lovelustfear

The Knife is a weekly true crime podcast from producers Hannah Smith and Patia Eaton. You might remember Hannah as the original host of The Opportunist! The Knife is a show about people who’ve been dropped into a story they didn't start, but are left to finish. In-depth interviews take the listener behind the punchy headlines to hear what really happened from the people who lived it. The Knife reveals the ripple effect of crime. Through empathetic, solution-oriented journalism, Hannah and Patia find the untold stories of people who’ve been touched by crime. Episode description: Patia and Hannah speak with Cassie, who attended a Halloween party at an Oregon State University fraternity in 2008. The night started with costumes, loud music and a crowded basement full of college students. By the end of the night, Cassie was in the ER, holding a bag that contained her bloodstained costume. She soon found herself in a police interview recounting what happened. The state brought charges, and the case went to trial. Cassie’s story is a personal account of navigating the legal system after reporting a rape. She did everything “right" but still faced a long, painful process. Her experience echoes the questions we’ve wrestled with in high-profile campus sexual assault cases: What does justice actually look like?  Links: Apple Podcasts Spotify Instagram

After a traumatic childhood, Jaimee yearned for peace and stability. She found temporary solace in a long-term marriage, but when it ended, she was drawn to a charismatic and charming man. However, beneath his appealing exterior lay a dark reality. As the relationship unfolded, it spiraled into psychological control, emotional and physical abuse. Caught in a dangerous and toxic situation, Jaimee soon found herself in a battle for her life. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:17) next on lovelustfear (01:34) about jaimee (02:45) jaimee’s story (01:04:30) questions & answers (01:14:57) closing thoughts (01:16:14) charity & organizations (01:16:44) submit your story (01:16:55) disclaimer ** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.** quotes “I was in an extremely vulnerable place…I was in a real crossroads in life. My marriage was breaking down. I was very alone. I was lacking this love, lacking attention, lacking validation.” - Jaimee “…he was so hot and cold, so he would be super charismatic and flirty and then all of a sudden would kind of shift and become quite offhand or even slightly rude.” - Jaimee “He called me so many names that night and I was just so taken aback. It's the first time I'd ever seen this side. I was a bitch. I was a slut.” - Jaimee “I was just an absolute mess inside and out. My body was shutting down. I shook all day. I shook all day constantly. I had anxiety attacks constantly.” - Jaimee “…and he locked the car doors and he drove off away from my driveway. And he said, I fooled you. I tricked you.” - Jaimee  “I really thought that he said to me, I'll fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. And I thought, okay, I really am gonna die here.” - Jaimee  “That's seriously, one of the biggest things I've learned is you just, you can't, you can't outrun your trauma. It will catch you at, at some point, unless you, you face it and you deal with it.” - Jaimee  topics | #DysfunctionalFamily #AbusiveRelationship #ChildhoodTrauma #CopingMechanisms #ToxicRelationships #Manipulation #LoveBombing #EmotionalAbuse #Control #AssaultSurvivor #Isolation #MentalHealthMatters #LeavingAbuse #TraumaHealing #SurvivorStory #HealingJourney #SupportSurvivors #EndAbuse #YouAreNotAlone #Resilience music | sounds Lost Place Atmospheres 002  & Just Deep 1 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, Samuel Kamau, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (jaimee) National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

As Lisa rises to fame in the modeling world, her ambition takes her around the globe. What starts as a dream life quickly unravels when she becomes the target of a dangerous sexual predator. Exploited by those in power, she refuses to stay silent, putting herself at risk to uncover the truth and protect others from the same fate. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:44) about lisa (02:40) lisa’s story (36:16) questions & answers (44:39) closing thoughts (46:12) charity & organizations (46:42) submit your story (46:53) disclaimer ** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, human trafficking, and coerion. Please listen with caution.** quotes "I definitely always had this personality where I like to have a voice." - Lisa "As I became a model in my teens, it was like. The mid nineties, right? So we had all these supermodels and every little girl wanted to be a model." - Lisa I've had certain experiences that I always felt like I could handle." - Lisa "His whole demeanor changed. He was definitely very, very different at this point. I felt like I couldn't leave the room." - Lisa "It just changed everything for me and my trust in men for my body, my trust in myself." - Lisa  "They cannot be silenced anymore. That's where the shift is going to change, because when people, yes, are assaulted, they're speaking out where predators have always relied on the fact that all the victims stay silent." - Lisa topics | #Healing #Transparency #Modeling #Identity #Podcasting #Trauma #Empowerment #Predators #Boundaries #SelfDiscovery #Grooming #Assault #Trust #Relationships #SelfPerception #Mentorship #PowerDynamics #EmotionalImpact #Abuse #ModelingIndustry #SpeakingOut #SurvivorStories #Corruption #PersonalGrowth music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, freesound_community, Geoffrey Harvey, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (lisa) https://www.instagram.com/iamlisaphillips/ https://www.youtube.com/@fromnowonpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-now-on/id1766405014 https://open.spotify.com/show/1vOhoPrOkwIyCNApzsBlF8 https://www.tiktok.com/@fromnowonpod https://linktr.ee/fromnowonpod National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

After enduring sexual harassment in her early teens, Lynn turns to older men for comfort as she enters adulthood. She becomes pregnant by an abusive partner, faces the heart-wrenching decision of abortion, and suffers further assault. Despite her longing to heal, she becomes caught in toxic cycles, growing increasingly isolated and trapped. Driven by the need to end the cycle of abuse, she fights to break free. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:24) next on lovelustfear (02:23) about lynn (03:18) lynn’s story (46:04) questions & answers (58:59) closing thoughts (01:00:08) charity & organizations (01:00:38) submit your story (01:00:50) disclaimer ** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical abuse, and abortion. Please listen with caution.** quotes “I developed very fast. I felt like I almost went from being a little girl to being a young woman, who was leered at and gawked at…” - Lynn “They became abusive…you never knew what kind of person you were gonna get with him.” - Lynn “…there's no way that I'm gonna get pregnant. and that's exactly what happened.” - Lynn “A few months later I got a phone call from the father of the baby, from my previous boyfriend, He broke into the house in the middle of the night. He walked into my bedroom, scared the hell out of me. And then in the morning he had left me this incredibly creepy note that said, amongst other things, I just wanted to watch you sleep.” - Lynn “…that was his way of getting me away from everything that I knew, my job, my friends, my hometown, any connection that I had to anyone to get me alone in a new state to isolate me.” - Lynn “I encourage everyone out there who has experienced any type of abuse, whether it be emotional or physical, psychological, sexual, to find a good outlet.” - Lynn “I feel like every time I tell the story, now that I gain a little bit of myself.” - Lynn topics | #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicDynamics #Trust #SelfWorth #AbusiveRelationships #EmotionalManipulation #SexualAssault #ToxicRelationships #RedFlags #Support #Silencing #Fear #Trauma #Reporting #Assault #GenerationalTrauma #Healing #Partner music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, cybercutie, TheoJT, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, Samuel Kamau, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (lynn) National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ Hope Alliance  https://www.hopealliancetx.org/ To assist those whose lives have been affected by family and sexual violence by providing safety, services, and developing partnerships that lead to hope, healing, and prevention. To provide hope of future generations through prevention and be a leader in saving and transforming lives affected by family and sexual violence. End Violence Against Women International https://evawintl.org/ We confront interpersonal violence against adults and adolescents of all genders. We specialize in trauma-informed law enforcement responses—from the first interaction with a victim through the investigation and potential prosecution. Positive outcomes for survivors require everyone working together, so we also champion collaborative practices, with multidisciplinary training for health care providers, prosecutors, advocates, and others who respond to survivors. The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women https://trainingcaw.org/ The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women (NTC) is a state-of-the-art facility in Dallas, Texas that provides year-round training for those addressing violence against women. Leveraging the rich history of the Conference on Crimes Against Women, NTC offers learning opportunities ranging from basic to advanced levels. Additionally, NTC builds community in the region by hosting free events, even those outside its primary focus areas. story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Lauryn’s romance with her movie theater coworker spirals into a toxic cycle of heartbreak, doubt, and obsession, leaving her emotionally crushed but driven to prove her instincts right. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (02:08) about lauryn (03:14) lauryn’s story (31:26) questions & answers (38:49) closing thoughts (39:53) charity & organizations (40:23) submit your story (40:34) disclaimer quotes "...in middle school when girls and boys were starting to pay more attention to each other. And I had crushes, but they were not reciprocated..." - Lauryn “At the time, I was just like, we're going to be together forever. We had talked about it. You're the love of my life. I'm the love of your life.” - Lauryn "He breaks up with me, I'm devastated, I start to move on, he calls me, we get back together, he starts to pull away again." - Lauryn "I'm crying and sobbing, and I wake my parents up. I wake my mom up, and I tell her…I feel like I'm going to die and I will do anything to make this pain stop." - Lauryn "I'm begging him, begging him, please just break it off with me. I can't do this anymore. I know that you're cheating on me. I know something's going on. I feel it. He was like, I know that we've been through a lot, but you have to learn to trust me." - Lauryn “Most people that know me, I guarantee you would be like Lauren would rather eat glass than sit around and let someone disrespect her because it's not who I am. But back then, it was who I was…” - Lauryn topics #romanticmovies #toxicrelationships #heartbreak #infidelityandbetrayal #selfesteemjourney #comingofagestory #emotionalrecovery #lifeafterheartbreak #loveandselfdiscovery #cheatingandrecovery #teenageromance #lovecycles #findingyourself #healingafterheartbreak #toxiclovepatterns #copingwithbreakups #romanticizedlove #boundariesinrelationships #heartbreaktohealing #redefininglove #trust #stability #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (lauryn) Women Deliver https://womendeliver.org An Unwavering Advocate for Girls and Women – Women Deliver We’re a global advocacy organization guided by one end result: that every girl and woman exercises her rights to full bodily autonomy and health. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Allyn meets a captivating man who swiftly declares his love, asks her to be his girlfriend, and proposes. But as their long-distance relationship deepens, she uncovers his lingering connection with an ex, leading her down a dark path of deception. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:40) about allyn (02:38) allyn’s story (56:35) questions & answers (01:01:54) closing thoughts (01:02:40) charity & organizations (01:03:10) submit your story (01:03:21) disclaimer quotes “My criteria was something more serious and committed in hopes of finding my person in marriage and all the things that I had kind of been shown and was striving for in life…” - Allyn “He was all the things that I hadn't experienced in conversations prior with people, and that was something that really drew me in and that I appreciated about him.” - Allyn “Within less than a week, he told me that he loved me. That was right after our first FaceTime, within probably twenty minutes of us getting off the phone. At that same time, he told me that he wanted to have kids with me, couldn't wait for me to be their Mom.” - Allyn “Within two hours, probably two hours of being there, I was with his mom…and his mom was with me and she ended up on the phone, on speaker with someone. And they said, Allyn and, and him are going to be coming by, they're with us now, we'll all be together later or something. And the person said, who's Allyn? Who's that? I can't keep track of them.” - Allyn  “And I leaned down, pull something, and out comes lingerie from under his bed. And I just froze. And I look under there, and there's also a woman's shirt and a purse. And I'm thinking really fast, how do I want to handle this?” - Allyn “...but, in my mind, I was just waiting for, we were waiting for something to happen with his work, we were waiting for a green light on something, and again, he left me in limbo. I just felt like a weird suspended state.” - Allyn topics #datingjourney #onlinedating #datingapps #socialawkwardness #whirlwindromance #commitment #engagement #intertwinedfamilies #engagement #honesty #secret #trust #stability #housing #ex-girlfriend #frustration #gaslighting #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #devastation #anger #remorse #cover-up #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Geoffrey Harvey, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (allyn) Podcast | When Heaven Meets Hell https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-heaven-meets-hell/id1757647021 https://open.spotify.com/show/0Ck1Xm1rqmu8BgEUbZpyfE https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/596cc7d9-1ad4-4777-838a-8680c1b62cf6/when-heaven-meets-hell Instagram https://www.instagram.com/allyn.amerongen/ Allyn Amerongen: Coaching. Speaking. Community. https://doingitdespite.com/ War Party Movement https://warpartymovement.com/ At War Party Movement we're about having "less thunder in the mouth, more lightning in the hand." We are fiercely committed to taking action in breaking cycles of abuse and fundamentally changing the way women are treated, across the country and particularly in Native communities, through our 501(c)3 non-profit War Party Ranch. We provide opportunities for women and girls to create working and life skills that foster independence and self reliance in all aspects of their lives and in all future endeavors. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

After her divorce, Lorraine sought advice from a shaman, who encouraged her to let others take the lead. She started taking dance classes and began dating her partner, who eventually revealed himself to be a manipulative and controlling narcissist, drawing her into a cycle of escalating abuse. **This episode contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, racism, and mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Listener discretion is advised.** chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:58) about lorraine (02:51) lorraine’s story (47:10) questions & answers (49:34) closing thoughts (50:37) charity & organizations (51:07) submit your story (51:17) disclaimer quotes “I decided to take therapy sessions from a shaman. And she said to Lorraine, you have problems being led.” - Lorraine “I always already checking off all the boxes of how could I be the helper in this the Savior in this relationship?” - Lorraine “...she said, it took me eight years to get my life back together after what he did to me. And she said, This man will break you down until you are absolutely nothing.” - Lorraine “I would often lock myself in rooms to get away from him because sometimes things became violent…” - Lorraine “...the Police officer flips open his gun, puts his hand on his gun and says to me, are you resisting arrest? And that's when it hit me. I'm like, Oh my God. I am a black English speaking woman in a French speaking province. I am fucked.” - Lorraine “We keep our head up and we walk strong and we believe in God. And we believe in higher power, and we believe in kindness, and that's what's kept me through.” - Lorraine music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Samuel Kamau, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (lorraine) Go Fund Me Page: https://gofund.me/5bd8a430 Narcissism The Comedy Night:  https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-a-comedy-night Narcissism The Improvised Musical : https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-the-musical-a-fundraising-event Instagram: www.instagram.com/thestarparentpodcast Woman Aware:  https://www.womenaware.ca/ Natalie Bedard better known as NatNat Energy Healing Specialist: Regulating the Nervous System and Relieving Emotional and Mental Pain Through Breathwork Website: www.LiftOneSelf.com IG: Https://instagram.com/liftoneself FB: Https://facebook.com/liftoneself Podcast: https://liftoneself.buzzsprout.com Youtube: https://m.youtube.com/@LiftOneSelfPodcast National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

At seventeen, Terra is captivated by a charismatic classmate who exploits her need for attention, leading them into a troubling cycle of drug abuse and criminal behavior. Terra's physical addiction to him only serves to deepen the toxicity within their relationship. **This episode contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, murder, suicide, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, and drug use. Listener discretion is advised.** chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:42) about terra (02:23) terra’s story (33:25) questions & answers (36:46) closing thoughts (37:43) charity & organizations (38:12) submit your story (38:23) disclaimer quotes “I found myself leaning into the attention whenever I would get it. And then when the attention would stop, I would seek it out.” - Terra “…but then he smoothed things over. He was just so good at explaining everything so good at covering everything up.” - Terra “With him coming into my life with him even bringing the drugs and creating that addiction, it created an addiction in the relationship with him.” - Terra “It made me feel like I had to have my phone on me all the time. I need to answer him right away. I need to, be there for him. And, if I didn't answer that message, then I got punished.” - Terra “I say before you even think about making that comment of ‘she should have left’ or ‘she chose this’ is go and do the research of how hard it is to leave. Go and do the research of what your brain actually looks like when you're in this toxic relationship.” - Terra music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001 - 003) and Neon City by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Cybercutie, AlesiaDavina, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (terra) https://seasonofjustice.org https://www.terranewellsurvival.com National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ I'll Take The Stairs Merch 25% of Sale Proceeds go to Season of Justice! https://www.terranewellsurvival.com/shop/page/2/ Book a 1 on 1 call!  HTTPS://linktr.ee/terranewell  Sign up for the podcasting course!  https://coaching.terranewellsurvival.com August 5th Moving Past Trauma Course  https://coaching.terranewellsurvival.com/moving-past-trauma-5-week-workshop/ Join Terra in Sedona September 13th-16th 2024!  Email Terranewellcoaching@gmail.com  Terra’s 30 Day Trauma Journal https://square.link/u/DvXXYN27  Exclusive Content on Patreon! http://patreon.com/Terrasbaddyclub story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Emma seeks comfort in the arms of a former client whose initial charm and good looks give way to his darker traits, trapping her in escalating emotional turmoil and abuse. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:29) about emma (02:23) emma’s story (28:31) questions & answers (32:40) closing thoughts (33:37) charity & organizations (34:07) submit your story (34:17) disclaimer quotes “All in the same week, I lost a dog, a job, a relationship, and a house. It was just like one of those things where your world is completely turned upside down and you're very vulnerable, right?” - Emma “I run into Ben again, and Ben is somebody that women do see and say, wow, that guy's very attractive. And, we exchanged numbers and decided to go out for drinks one night… within a couple weeks, he had said, I want you to be my girlfriend.” - Emma “He'd always kind of put on this good face for other people and then if there was any sort of stress or something that he perceived as a stress it would set him off.” - Emma “My sense of safety around him, I think I was always aware that the day could be a bad day or like, I hope he's not in a bad mood and anything could really put him in a bad mood.” - Emma “And I said something like, you're really scaring me, and all of a sudden he goes looks at me and he goes ‘you should be scared’ and he puts his foot on the gas like all the way, you know, ninety miles an hour swerving, screeching, whipping around and I'm just absolutely freaking out.” - Emma “I didn't want to give him the power to ruin romantic love for me or the idea of a relationship for me, I wasn't going to do that.” - Emma music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001 & 002) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Franco Gonzalez, Cybercutie, Geoffrey Harvey, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (emma) Kimberly Weeks https://www.thenarcissisticabusecoach.com/ National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

After her marriage is shattered by betrayal, Debra turns to alcohol, descending into addiction. Despite her efforts to maintain sobriety, she becomes entangled in a toxic relationship with an enabler who subjects her to emotional abuse, manipulation, and coercive control. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:38) about debra (02:18) debra’s story (27:03) questions & answers (34:50) closing thoughts (35:36) charity & organizations (36:15) submit your story (36:26) disclaimer quotes “...but the end of that marriage is where I learned to equate chemicals with avoiding pain…alcohol became a problem pretty quickly for me.” - Debra “I just like continued to choose worse and worse partners along the way because I lost my self-respect.” - Debra “So, within record time, I'm like fired from my great job, already have given up the house that I had just re established. And so, at this point, I'm pretty realizing that I'm dependent on him.” - Debra “Anything I told him, any vulnerability I shared with him would become his weapon the next time. It would be whatever he would control me with or, something to make me feel bad about.” - Debra “And the closure will come when you finally see you are enough. Nobody else is going to make you more, you are fine as you are. and it's not something that you can just read a self-help book and get there, but you know, there's people that can help. Help you to see it.” - Debra guest links | debra The Alternative Hair Alchemist | Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/alternative-hair-alchemist-a-podcast-about/id1627588998 music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com/) Other Music and Sound Effects by Cybercutie, Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (debra) National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/niaaa-middle-school/helpful-resources The mission of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism is to generate and disseminate fundamental knowledge about the adverse effects of alcohol on health and well-being, and apply that knowledge to improve diagnosis, prevention, and treatment of alcohol-related problems, including alcohol use disorder, across the lifespan. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Following her divorce, Kenzi returned to her hometown and ventured into online dating, where she developed a promising friendship with romantic potential. However, the situation took a dark turn when Kenzi found herself subjected to his disturbing and abusive behavior. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:42) about kenzi (02:26) kenzi’s story (22:00) questions & answers (29:22) closing thoughts (30:19) charity & organizations (30:49) submit your story (31:00) disclaimer quotes “I started to really realize like, okay, I'm going to have to leave this marriage because if I don't leave this marriage at some point, I'm not so sure I'm going to make it out at all.” - Kenzi “I have got to rebuild my life. And I finally get to this point where I want to start the process of exploring dating.” - Kenzi “And he just looks me dead in the face. And he says, If you're not going or staying the night, I might as well just go ahead and get this over with.” - Kenzi “I'm just like, God, please let me get my shoes on and get the fuck out of here, like, please, just let me get the fuck out of here safe, like, please don't let anything happen to me.” - Kenzi “And what I would tell them is that you have no idea what somebody is going through until you are standing right in their shoes and you're put into the exact same situation. You don't know how you would react. You don't know how you would act. You don't know what you would say.” - Kenzi guest links | kenzi Inside The Case | Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/inside-the-case/id1679471501 Instagram | Kenzi Durbin https://www.instagram.com/thisiskenzi_/ music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Franco Gonzalez, Jan Hill, Alex Wit, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, and TheoJT from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (kenzi) National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Despite longing for love and affection, Kaitlyn becomes caught in a cycle of toxic relationships marked by sexual assault, emotional abuse, and physical violence. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:21) about kaitlyn (02:11) kaitlyn’s story (19:02) questions & answers (23:30) closing thoughts (24:18) charity & organizations (24:48) submit your story (24:59) disclaimer quotes “I thought that it was going to be, like, a romance novel because he painted that picture for me.” - Kaitlyn “We didn't have boundaries. those, between him and I, those didn't exist.” - Kaitlyn “He would wake up and decide that he wanted to be mad at me for something that he dreamt about, and he would take it out on me.” - Kaitlyn “I had to get stripped of everything that I'd ever known. So those basic emotions that we get when we're children. I got stripped down to those emotions. in therapy, it was like, you think you understand guilt but you need to learn just happiness.” - Kaitlyn music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (002-003) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, and TheoJT from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (kaitlyn) Cleveland Rape Crisis Center https://clevelandrapecrisis.org/ Cleveland Rape Crisis Center supports survivors of rape and sexual abuse, promotes healing and prevention and advocates for social change. Futures Without Violence https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/ For more than 30 years, FUTURES has been providing groundbreaking programs, policies, and campaigns that empower individuals and organizations working to end violence against women and children around the world. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Lena, compelled by her strict upbringing, marries a culturally appropriate man who promises to provide for her needs. But after discovering his success and adoration are a facade, she finds herself trapped in a marriage of deception, control, and abuse. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:46) about lena (02:47) lena’s story (33:10) questions & answers (37:59) closing thoughts (38:50) charity & organizations (39:19) submit your story (39:30) disclaimer quotes “I came from a traditional Armenian family. my cultural heritage is from Turkey. my grandparents were both survivors of the Armenian genocide. my parents were first generation, I'm second. And I was raised in a very strict household.” - Lena “My father would say conflicting statements like you can do anything you want to do in life as long as you put your mind to it. Whereas my mother on the other side would say a girl's place is in the home taking care of her family.” - Lena “He took me to the most extravagant Restaurant. he was dressed to the nines, and he got me flowers and gifts, and you're beautiful. You're perfect. I've never imagined myself with anybody so wonderful as you and I think that we could build a future together.” - Lena “It progressively got worse and worse and worse. he started to degrade me, and he got very controlling. He told me what I could wear, how I could wear it. how to wear my makeup, how to wear my hair, And he told me what type of underwear to wear, and if I didn't do it, then there was going to be some form of emotional punishment.” - Lena “And she said, ‘You've got 30 minutes to get your cats in their carriers, get your purse on your back, and get out of the house or I'm going to call the police.’” - Lena “...if you're in a situation where you're dealing with a narcissist and you're married to that, start planning, look for a way out. stash money away, get your jewelry, and hide it. And when the time is right, it's going to present itself and you get the hell out when you know you're supposed to leave and don't look back.” - Lena music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Syouki Takahashi, Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Leigh Robinson, and Alesiadavina from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (lena) The Midnight Mission - TMM (Downtown Los Angeles, CA) https://www.midnightmission.org/ https://www.instagram.com/themidnightmission/ Phone: 1.213.624.9258 The Midnight Mission is the oldest continuously operating human service organization in the Los Angeles region. Centered in the Skid Row area of downtown Los Angeles, The Midnight runs one of the most efficient direct service operations in the country. With only five executive managers throughout its 100-year history, The Midnight has been a consistent beacon of light for those with nowhere else to turn. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Laura reconnects with her grade school sweetheart sparking a wave of nostalgic romance. However, the warmth of their reunion soon fades as she becomes subjected to his abusive and destructive behavior. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:46) about laura (02:46) laura’s story (23:18) questions & answers (26:32) closing thoughts (27:44) charity & organizations (28:14) submit your story (28:25) disclaimer quotes “We went to fifth-grade camp. we were hanging out all the time, and I kind of got one of my crushes, you know, and I guess he did too, and then we ended up connecting…So we were boyfriend and girlfriend.” - Laura “We were joking about how we dated when we were younger and we still had the same sort of sense of humor, and the things that made us get along. I felt a special connection to him.” - Laura “We'd get into arguments and he would. Grab me by my throat and squeeze and choke me and look into my eyes….It was like something else took over him and sometimes I just see him enter a room and he would look like that and I was like, Oh, I better not talk.” - Laura “And, he was in there with a girl and he looked shocked and she didn't, because she didn't know about me, apparently she's just sitting there. I walked up to him and I was like, Oh, hi. And he looked at me like, Oh, And I said to her, hi, I'm his girlfriend.” - Laura “I saw more and more examples of healthy relationships like around me and I started recognizing it and being like this is just I can do better than this…” - Laura “I think that rationalizing is a problem. You can't try to justify other people's behavior. You can't try to rationalize other people's behavior. If you're doing that, there's a problem.” - Laura music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Syouki Takahashi, Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Fae Spencer, and Alesiadavina from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (laura) NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) https://www.nami.org/ NAMI is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. NAMI works to educate, support, advocate, listen and lead to improve the lives of people with mental illness and their loved ones. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Sadie finds herself drawn to a drug-addicted "bad boy" with a criminal past. When her efforts to rehabilitate him fail, her addiction to this abusive and dangerous man threatens to end her career, her family, and her life. chapters (00:00) listen with caution (00:16) next on lovelustfear (01:42) about sadie (02:53) sadie’s story (24:43) questions & answers (29:30) closing thoughts (30:33) charity & organizations (31:03) submit your story (31:14) disclaimer quotes “I was with him for almost fifteen years. And then one day this one thing happened and I felt like something snapped inside of me. Like something died instantly. And I was like, I'm done.” - Sadie “...he was very honest with me about his drug use and he had a pretty extensive, criminal history. And I felt like, because he was honest with me right away and he asked me to hold my judgment I felt like, I can do that.” - Sadie “I went all in on this relationship. I thought he has the potential to be something really, really great. Something that I felt like only I could see. And I thought that I could help him get to that point, and other people were like, no, he's dangerous, he's a bad person.” - Sadie “And then he sent me a text message and it said, you were smart to lock the door.  And I was like,  please just leave, please don't do anything. Will you please just leave? And he said, you let me in the house or I will rip the door off the house. Let me in or I will just tear this door off.” - Sadie “I've had to, forgive myself, recognize, and this is a huge part of being a therapist too, is recognizing that I am a human, just like everyone else, and that I make mistakes just like everyone else, because people think, ‘Oh, a therapist, like you're supposed to have it all together, You're supposed to know how to do everything.'” - Sadie music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Syouki Takahashi, Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Samuel Kamau, and Yevhenii Kovalenko from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (sadie) https://www.cadamn.org/keep-me-safe Keep Me Safe provides a safe and nurturing place for children to visit their non-custodial parents. We strive to provide a positive, healthy, and nurturing environment where children and their caregivers can be assured that supervised parenting time and exchanges will be conflict-free. CADA’s (Committee Against Domestic Violence) mission is to provide safety and support to victims of domestic and sexual violence through education advocacy and shelter. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Jenna is swept off her feet by a charismatic chef and finds herself married within ninety days. But under his charming facade lurks a volatile temper as Jenna becomes the target of his rage, threats, and physical intimidation. chapters listen with caution | 00:00 next on lovelustfear | 00:16 about jenna | 01:20 jenna’s story | 02:12 questions & answers | 21:56 closing thoughts | 25:46 charity & organizations | 27:07 submit your story | 27:36 disclaimer | 27:47 quotes “And I was instantly taken with this man. he was tall, he was really, swarthy, dashing and would speak to me in Spanglish. And so we ended up making out and hanging out all night.” - Jenna “I knew this was moving really fast and I wanted it to I think I just felt so ready I want to get married and this guy was just so passionate and all about me.” - Jenna “...and he was calling me, blowing up my phone saying like, you better come home now or I'll kill myself and you have to deal with the body or I'll kill you if you don't come home.” - Jenna “And so as I was leaving, this woman pulled me aside…And she's like, Jenna, I read your file and this guy's going to try to kill you.” - Jenna “...I'm not going to blame myself because I just didn't have all the information. And then once I did get it, I took action. I knew I had to get out.” - Jenna music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, AlesiaDavina, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, and Yevhenii Kovalenko from Pixabay Crazy Love written by Van Morrison Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (jenna) Peace Over Violence https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/ Peace Over Violence is a nonprofit 501c3, multicultural, community based and volunteer centered organization dedicated to building healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual, domestic and interpersonal violence. To achieve this mission our agency manages five departments delivering the services of Emergency, Intervention, Prevention, Education and Advocacy. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

After tying the knot, Mira finds herself fostering an emotionally immature man-child whose public intoxication, abusive tendencies, threats of suicide, and troubling fixation with firearms put Mira and her daughter's lives at risk. chapters listen with caution | 00:00 next on lovelustfear | 00:16 about mira | 01:17 mira’s story | 02:05 questions & answers | 21:32 closing thoughts | 25:09 charity & organizations | 26:24 submit your story | 26:54 disclaimer | 27:05 quotes “I never really learned how to date in a healthy way. in my twenties, I definitely was part of that more of a big, binge-drinking culture where you went out on Friday night and drank a lot. And so then I'd meet men drinking, and then they turned out to, you know, have alcohol problems.” - Mira “When I started internet dating, I got all those responses, including him. We were first talking, and I took screenshots of those back then because I knew it was not quite right.” - Mira “It was very eye-opening in a lot of ways because in a sense, it was like adopting him as a teenager, really what it felt like because I had taken on all of these responsibilities.” - Mira “And I was afraid he was going to commit suicide. I was afraid he was going to kill us. and he was driving by the house and all this shit and so he had no support system. He's never had any friends.” - Mira “I had to trust my path and I don't do well with that. I like knowing what comes next. So you have to trust that you will be okay and you have to lean on others and come into a space of receiving and acceptance and put that out into the universe.” - Mira ​ music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Geoffrey Harvey, Samuel Kamau, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, AlesiaDavina, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Yevhenii Kovalenko, and TheoJT from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (mira) One Mom’s Battle https://www.onemomsbattle.com/ One Mom’s Battle is the intersection of narcissistic abuse and child custody issues. The mission at One Mom’s Battle is to raise awareness and educate family court professionals on post separation abuse as it relates to co-parenting and the family court system (divorce, paternity and child custody battles). Education on high-conflict individuals and post separation abuse will allow family court professionals (Judges, Commissioners, Magistrates, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys) to recognize the abusive dynamics that play out in the family court system so they can make decisions that are in the best interest of children. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

Gabi's dating life takes a darker turn when she finds herself entangled in a toxic workplace romance with an abusive partner and is forced to conceal his drug addiction and self-destructive tendencies to protect his career. chapters listen with caution | 00:00 next on lovelustfear | 00:17 about gabi | 01:19 gabi’s story | 02:24 questions & answers | 21:15 closing thoughts | 26:24 charity & organizations | 27:41 submit your story | 28:11 disclaimer | 28:22 quotes “I was in my early to mid-twenties, really living my best life in West Hollywood. I was really at an exciting point in my career where it felt like anything was possible.” - Gabi “When I found out that we would be working on a show together, I knew that that was wrong. I was like, I don't want to date someone I work with. That's really problematic.” - Gabi “…there would always be alcohol. He'd always be drinking when I first went to his place. And I'm like, oh, he must, like, have friends over a lot and he must party a lot.” - Gabi “He went from being someone who was so supportive of me and encouraging of me and my career to someone who was telling me I wasn't good enough. I wasn't funny enough. I'll never amount to something.” - Gabi “And he would do things to make that very difficult. Bring different girls every night to the tapings of the show, flaunt that he was dating other people in front of my face. He really went out of his way to make me feel like crap, and to make it really hurt.” - Gabi “That relationship messed me up. That abusive relationship did not look like what I thought abusive relationships looked like.” - Gabi learn more about gabi personal website | https://www.gabiconti.com/ instagram | https://www.instagram.com/itsgabiconti/ tiktok | https://www.tiktok.com/@itsgabiconti twitter | https://twitter.com/itsgabiconti book | https://www.gabiconti.com/book-twenty-guys-you-date-in-your-twenties-by-gabi-conti bad influencer | podcast | https://link.chtbl.com/LdLb8v6u music | sounds Music Attribution: Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres 002 and The Question Is (Quizpackage) by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Piotr Witowski, Alex Wit, cybercutie, Timothy Kulig, AlesiaDavina, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Yevhenii Kovalenko, and Slicebeats from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (gabi) The National Writers Union https://nwu.org/ Protects freelance writers and journalists and is backing the SB988 Bill in California, also known as the "freelance isn't free" bill to protect freelancers.  https://contracosta.news/2024/02/03/senator-wiener-introduces-bill-to-expand-freelance-worker-protections/ National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

When 19-year-old Justine fell for a mature and charming military man, she believed she had found her forever. But the husband she once trusted to protect her became the very person she needed protection from.  chapters listen with caution | 00:00 next on lovelustfear | 00:16 about justine | 01:19 justine’s story | 02:14 questions & answers | 28:20 closing thoughts | 37:00 charity & organizations | 38:00 submit your story | 38:39 disclaimer | 38:40 quotes “This guy came to our house. I had seen a photo of him and my dad, in their, army uniforms. So the very first time I ever met him, I thought he was, like, even better looking.” - Justine “My parents would like very gingerly tell me like, ‘hey, I don't think he's treating you the way you should be treated.’ I just pushed it aside, and thought that, they just didn't know him as well as I did. They're gonna eventually see how wonderful he is.” - Justine “I would be laying in bed in the middle of the night and be like, I'm gonna be a statistic. I'm gonna wake up one morning and he's just gonna decide that he's done with me living.” - Justine “…there had just been so many years of hearing how I was, like, the bad one, I was the bad person, um, and so it took me a long time to, like, break myself of that habit of thinking that I was always in the wrong.” - Justine music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) and Cinematic Suspense Series Episode 004 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Jalal Mansour Amine, AlesiaDavina, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Oleksii Holubiev, and Syouki Takahashi from Pixabay Spacetime by Mountaineer stay aware | follow | share (justine) YWCA of Greater Harrisburg http://www.ywcahbg.org/ National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support! 

In a time before Tinder, Desiree takes the plunge into online dating. She catches the eye of Smitty, a seemingly handsome stranger whose Polaroid profile snapshots obscure his hidden reality. chapters listen with caution | 00:00 next on lovelustfear | 00:16 about desiree | 00:58 desiree’s story | 02:19 questions & answers | 15:41 closing thoughts | 24:28 charity & organizations | 25:30 submit your story | 26:00 disclaimer | 26:11 quotes “So I block him. Even when I would block him, there would be other accounts that I would have to block later. He was all over the place. I mean, I couldn't avoid him.” - Desiree “So my best friend says, give the guy a chance. I don't necessarily trust her instincts, but this time I'm like, maybe I'm wrong.” - Desiree “Now, at this point, we've had a date, we haven't talked about a second date, but in his conversation that we're having, he's already talking like we're a couple.  Oh, I can't wait till you see my home. You're just gonna, you're totally gonna love it. You're gonna make it, it needs a woman's touch and I think you're the woman to do it.” - Desiree “Even if it feels funny, even if you're not sure, even if your friends are going, Oh, why don't you try it? The one thing I've learned in my life is that more times than not, nine times out of ten, when I trust my gut, I'm right every time.” - Desiree music | sounds Music (CC BY 4.0): The Question Is (Quizpackage)  and Just Deep 1 by Sascha Ende Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Other Music and Sound Effects by Jan Hill, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, Geoff Harvey, Yevhenii Kovalenko, and teddy williams from Pixabay stay aware | follow | share (desiree) National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365) Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Text: START to 88788  https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/ story submission information  If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below. submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/ subscription links Chartable https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283 RSS feed https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review. Thank you for your support!