Sabina Rademacher - Love & Relating Snippets

How would it feel to start receiving energy and authentically step into the person you came here to be? How would it feel to create the things your soul wants to fulfil and have them come to you easily? Feminine Energy requires strategy AND energy to really shift. It’s like shining up your true inner compass and honouring what you know is true for you. Becoming magnetic to your life allows you to powerfully step into the person you came here to be, your dharma. MarLisa and I talk about these 3 questions: When we think of being magnetic in relationship what does that mean in relation to ourselves and to partners Feminine Energy has quite a history. I share some of the understandings I have come to see over the past and what I currently see is happening with feminine energy? And I share some daily practices we can do to strengthen our autonomy and self reverence muscles in a world that feels like blaming others is much easier way to not deal with what is really going on Join me in this conversation with MarLisa. 

I had the honour to be interviewed by Neil Wilkins Communications and we talked about how we can make decisions through love not fear, to reframe our lives. In my past, I had extensive experience in empowering leaders across the world, with the tools and techniques to become more self-aware, empathic and confident in their abilities. Nowadays, at the heart of my work,  is the importance of approaching situations and others with heart and love, instead of mind and fear. Neil and I discuss the fear of failure and how the skill of living with love can be taught and at any time in our lives. #leadership #decisions #love #fearless #living #working #fear

Leading Your Life from the Heart! Valeria Teles from Fit For Joy Podcasts interviewed me on the subjects: - Authenticity - Vulnerability - Awareness and Presence - Emotional Mastery - Ability to feel oneself - - Leading Self to be able to lead others - and what is Love? This podcast channel is a quest for well-being, a quest for a meaningful life through the exploration of fundamental truths, enlightening ideas, insights on physical, mental, and spiritual health. The inspiration is Love. The aspiration is to awaken new ways of thinking that can lead us to a new way of being, being well.

Matt is sharing very vulnerably,  I am asking him questions around these topics: · Self-sabotage and mistakes affecting his past marriage · Poor decision in the first place of marriage and he thought he can’t get out of it · Learning from the divorce, the sabotaging behaviour and what doe he bring forward into the new relationship · Communication is the key: Men’s difficulty to communicate: What did you learn about communication? · The importance of Alignment · Taking ownership vs blaming Breaking through these walls to create a better relationships. 

Our unconscious definition of love is the source of all pain, lack of love and of all dramatic experiences we manifest in our life when we actually long for love. When I hit German ground after 40 years being abroad and back to my mother’s home, I heard my inner voice saying: you have still not learnt to be your own number one priority. Unconditionally. It hit me hard inside and it hit home. I had to go deeper and being with my demented mother for almost a year now, gave me a good chance to dig into unhealed wounds. And then one day, I had a realisation: My unconscious definition of love was not the same as my conscious definition of love. What I believed love is. My inner little child had no role model for what unconditional love was. It’s difficult to recognise exactly what our unconscious definition of love is, since even the definition is unconscious – it has accompanied us from our very early days. It arose from the relationship to our caretakers, from the interaction of our parents with each other and towards life, since they were our role models. Our unconscious definition of love is the source of all pain, lack of love and of all dramatic experiences we manifest in our life when we actually long for love. However, I realised, that  In the end,  our unconscious definition of love manifested in our daily life experiences is actually helping us to experience unconditional love. If we would only recognise it! Listen to this podcast to wake up to your unconscious definition of love, which keeps repeating our painful experiences.

What is Love and Intimacy? How do young people define it? How open are young people to their parents about love and sex? Love and sexuality is still such a taboo. Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another. Intimacy is achieved when we become close to someone else and are reassured that we are loved and accepted for who we are. Children usually develop intimacy with parents and peers. As adults, we seek intimacy in close relationships with other adults, friends, family, and with a partner. Intimacy is a close relationship where mutual acceptance, nurturance, and trust are shared at some level. Alexandra Kreis invited me to her podcast Outer Travel - Inner Journey to talk about love and intimacy. I love talking to young people and open their feelings about love and intimacy. My heart's calling is to raise awareness on the necessary conversations about sexuality between parents and their children. And to establish deep trust, openness, and vulnerability between parents and their offspring. In this podcast, I also discuss feminism, masculinity, authentic feelings, and parents’ role to their children about what love and sexuality are or can be. When you encourage conversations about feelings, friendships, and family relationships, it can help your child feel confident to talk about teenage relationships in general. If your child knows what respectful relationships look like in general, they can relate this directly to romantic relationships. Conversations like this hope to make your child feel more comfortable sharing feelings with parents even as they start to get romantically interested in others.  And there’s a lot more direction than this can go: treating other people kindly, breaking up kindly, and respecting other people’s boundaries.

How? Stop pleasing others! Are you concerned of being liked by everyone? Are you worried about what others may think of you? Saying “yes” to all of others people’s requests so they find you cool? That is pleasing! A blueprint protection Survival Strategy learnt as a child to get love, to belong, to feel safe! At what costs? You are living  cut off from your TRUE Self! Your authentic Self! You may never feel heard or seen. That is one cost. Or feeling overwhelm, maybe even taking for granted for. Or even feeling others take advantage of you? The worst scenario is being involved in constant problems and struggles in relationships. All signs of living unauthentically. Step out Step up for yourself ️ Invest in Your Authentic Life! Trust the process. Trust you are able to live life EVEN if: - some people think the way they want about you - so what? - some friends fall away... (wondering if they were true friends anyway) - Not everyone likes you Only true authenticity allows the beauty of deep relating and intimacy. PS If you don’t know what I am talking about or how to get there, reach out to me. Always happy to have a free first chat). 🧡

I am not sorry to make this sharp statement. It’s time we wake up. Over and over I witness women in relationships and marriages where there is hardly any intimacy and if, it is fast. They also know their men watch porn and often they wake up noticing their partner is masturbating. AND they feel bad, guilty: I am not doing it good enough for him,  I am not attractive enough. Do you recognise this? If you do, maybe you have never spoken it out. Most women I speak to, they haven’t ever spoken about this deep pain. It’s breaking my heart over and over again. How can we wake up and get out of this loop of not knowing what real intimacy is? When do we stop making Sexuality a Taboo when it is all over the place, but no-one really dares to speak about it. The most beautiful experience we can have here in 3D form is intimacy in full presence in full body experience and love. The most beautiful journey and yet we have no clue how to get there. Women, we need to wake up to be able to lead men to presence. We owe this to our future generations to come, our children. Wake up to a hidden belief  “to make it best for him”! Men, become conscious of what it does to women, when you enter her being in thoughts, or in fantasies or in any performance issues. AND: Become aware of what porn really does to you. To us! Making love without presence is like a rape. It is so harmful, people can’t even think how harmful it really is. I invite you to wake up to make love with presence, care and deep connection.

Sometimes I can't see in my relationship. I have no idea what to do. It's like standing in the fog touching water. Where does one start and the other ends? As a lover, partner, friend,..... there are moments I can only come back to myself. That is leadership. Self-leadership. It is THAT part of ME which asks me to show up. Can you relate to this? The only way I have found which works for me is Conscious RE- CONNECTION to my innate navigation tools. What do I mean by this?

And then we get so attached to these stories, they not only become our truth, our reality, they start forming our identity. Most of the time, these stories have made us victims in one form or the other. I like to share some of mine so you get the idea of what I am talking about, because we all have our ‘stories’ and we even remember our emotions perfectly. Our stories create our personality. It is absurd that one moment of our life affects us so much. The first story: I was abandoned at age 2 in an orphanage....... Do you recognise a moment in your life you felt alone? Who did you decide to become in this moment and what did you give up in order to live into this story? Find out more here.

Just recently I’ve seen a quote saying: “I am not your free time or your second choice, prioritize me or leave me”. One of the most common causes of friction and arguments in relationships is when one partner does not feel like being a priority. And of course, if “being a priority” is based on the expectations that the other meets your own needs, then this is neediness and manipulation, but not a conscious request for making the relationship a priority. You have heard me speaking about the importance of knowing one own’s needs, values and boundaries. This knowledge is your pillar for love. For self love and for any love relationship. And then if you enter a relationship and you really want it to grow, it needs a third entity:  call it the relationship bubble or what ever,  where both partners make a commitment to. And 2 more important simple aspects which make the relationship feel "being a priority". 

I haven’t created any podcast for a while, since I had to listen deep inside of me. What listener am I really? How do I listen to others? To Myself? The importance of how we listen and its impact, is part of my workshop MAKING TIME AND SPACE FOR LOVE (which you can find on my web page). I usually speak of 3 types: The interrupter: there are 2 versions The attention seeker The Pretenders What impact has my listening style on the other?  And if - in addition - we play out our Drama Triangle roles - where most relationships live in, how can I go deeper learning about my listening? 

May 2021 bring even more awareness in love. During the Germanic Rauhnächte, which means long cold nights, stories formed part of the family gathering. So let me tell you a story: an interesting one: How we bonded over the past thousands of years: Prior to 11.000 years ago - kind of free love without knowing what it meant Property and ownership concept: arranged marriage and its impact 18th century: the romantic marriage resulting in Sigmund Freund's discovery  -  late 19th century, -  the choice of a partner, if it is romantic, is influenced by our unconscious minds more than our rational preferences, meaning we choose a person who is incredibly similar to the ones of our caretakers. Post War II  understanding of dissatisfaction in marriages was based on concept: "You are responsible for my needs" Past 20 years to NOW: CONSCIOUS PARTNERSHIP -  The commitment here is to the needs of the relationship, that third aspect of US. It’s not about YOU, and not about ME, but about the relationship itself, a container for which we both are responsible for and committed to.  The key is: we both make our relationship primary and our needs secondary. In my coaching I don't focus on healing the traumatised child and it’s woundings, but to empower the Healthy Self which is self-aware and accountable for its own emotions and actions. If two people are reliable, empathic and sustainable present with each other, it creates a new emotional safe environment,  where the loving presence replaces old toxic behaviours, and creates a container of joy and connection, which extends further out, supporting others, creating community. May 2021 bring even more awareness in love.

Can we really love the other person unconditionally? Loving their not- so- nice expressions and behaviours? And how much do we get triggered by them?   Or we suddenly feel our inner demon having a go at the person we most love? What is happening here? Find out!

It is a repeating story in heterosexual relationships. Most don’t even dare to speak it up. There is a lot of courage in it to stand up for what you feel you need. However, there are needs and needs. One is, that you are coming from the wish to share your abundance of love with other partners. The second is coming from a belief, you have not lived enough sexual experiences with others. If you are in this place, be aware of the impact and the consequences this decision may bring with it. Don’t just be that child which throws his rattle out of the bed and then cries. Be conscious and don’t hide, less you both have agreed on hiding this topic. The first one, I believe, can be managed if both partners are open to it. It requires feeling and  being your partner’s first priority, deep trust, deep love, conscious communication and clear boundaries and agreements. It can still be tricky in our society, where there is a lot of competition, a “chasing” energy  and not a lot of community support in this subject. I personally also believe, there is a lot of confusion around how to live “polyamorous” or “open” If you experience the second one, then... find out more here

Holding back a truth. Maybe of fear of speaking it out, maybe of fear of consequences…. How to speak our honest truth? Our desires? Our boundaries? Find out more here.

Last Sunday I experienced a huge shock. There was nothing I could do, meditating and breathing would not help me in this moment, I was too shocked, too restless. I could feel my 2nd chakra and my throat chakra were totally blocked. They always go together. What I did was screaming over the empty ocean by sunrise. And then I shook I shook the “hell” out of my body. Until I felt relief. The situation of course has not gone away or changed, but I felt lighter, more grounded, more sure of what I needed next. And I was able just to listen to what my soft animal, my body, needed. I’ve learnt long time ago, that in times of extreme sadness, anger, frustration and uncertainty,  what has helped me most was shaking my body for over 15minutes or screaming into the forest or over the cliffs into the wide ocean. (if you don’t have a forest or ocean around you to scream into, use a pillow). Even though shaking or screaming do not bring immediate clarity of my next steps, I always feel my body gains more clarity. I always feel a huge relief, lighter, less stuck.  And from that place, I am open again to receive the right messages, or creativity. Or maybe I just staying in flow waiting for what comes next, trusting. At least, I did not feel stuck anymore, nor in my mind trying to figuere it all out. And at least, I was taking care of my body to not let these not so nice emotions get stuck in my body and build up that baggage which one day may explode and swamp everything and everyone around me. I have learnt, that this method is deep love. Deep love to MY-Self. All animals do it and  scientifically it's explained what it does to our body. Listen here. 

Can you feel the fear? If the fear rushes in, if it hits me, it can be like a Tsunami wave, it’s huge. My mind is racing with all kinds of possible terrible scenarios about to happen. I feel so vulnerable and low, impotent almost to this raising panic in me. It does not matter if it is fear of abandonment or being hurt, or anything else. I guess, you certainly can  relate to this immense fear. The first time I realised that fear is a monster that I created and at the same time, it is a blessing, - was when I saw the title of the Book: Face the fear and do it anyway. That phrase created curiosity in me to find out more. Maybe you like to find out more as well here.  I trust it helps you.

Do you get lost? I have and I confess I still do sometimes, but I am so grateful to my tools. However, I was like Alice in Wonderland not knowing which road to take.  If I do not know myself, I don't know where to go nor can I express and show myself fully. I can't show who I really am.  And that may keep me in the loop of pretending who I am, to please others and be loved, or to worry constantly what others may think of me.  I need a road map!!!   To navigate my road to relating. I don't have a crystal bowl on my head, where others can look into and say: "Oh, that is how Sabina ticks"... and it won't help them anyway, if I am not clear what my needs and wants are, what my values are and what my boundaries are.  I am the one being responsible to find out: what are my needs and wants? what are my values? what are my boundaries?  Then I know for what I stand up for, how I want to show up. I am stronger and empowered and I can communicate and show others in a clear manner who I am. 

Numbers in divorce rates are breaking records in US especially.  What is there to do? Can we look - and are we willing to look - at our relationship and start to learn to connect in a conscious way? And if not, can we split up in a conscious way?  In this interview with Dr Pat, we look at questions such as:  Is it possible to develop Conscious Relating? and how? What is Conscious Relating in the first place? What is it NOT? The path to stay & grow together is not a destination. It is a path. And in case we do want to split up?  What is the difference between a Conscious Split up vs a separation/ divorce? Many people get a divorce however they don’t let go from each other emotionally for years. Others separate without being divorced and continue to live in disharmony and blame. Conscious Split up is a chance to grow. Conscious separation is a human separation, a healing process.  If we choose this way, we become role models, especially for our children,  for our next generation.  We learn to stay in respect for self and the other.   Find out more here or on my web: www.sabinarademacher.com