Discovertcr! diaries - podcast
tcr! diaries - podcast

tcr! diaries - podcast

Author: tcr!

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The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not.
244 Episodes
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Grace for others

Grace for others

2021-02-23--:--

content: Jan 21, 2018 · podcast: Feb 23, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180121 - Grace for others I would guess there’s been 5-10 relationships I’ve had with people where I've written them off. And I’m not talking about small relationships either. These are like personal relationships that have lasted for years. And I wrote these people off because I had hurt them or they had hurt me and then it just went back-and-forth like some fucked up game of spiteful volleyball. Then usually there came a point where I’d had enough, where I was done with it. It didn’t matter if I would see them every day or not. The relationship was sour as far as I was concerned. Even if they tried to make it better I was like, “Fuck you and your goodwill. That bridge is burnt.” Writing people off has just always been my go-to thing. People don’t change. They generally just keep being the assholes that they’ve always been. So there’s somebody in my life now that I’d written off as well. Too many spiked volleyballs and I was tired of getting hit in the face with synthetic leather by some ass who needed to be right at all costs. Deep down to my toes didn’t care anymore. And I’m sure it was obvious to him. I don’t want to come across as arrogant and say that he was all in the wrong but as far as I’m concerned he was. There’s some dysfunctional humans populating the planet. And plenty of them commit wrong over and over again. Not long back Sara gave me the seeds of seeing him as a human, faults and all. But I wasn’t there yet. I was holding on to my hurt and frustration because I wasn’t done with it. We were still on opposite sides of the net and I hate sand in my sandals. We can’t force acceptance. It comes on its own. Generally after I’m finished processing and have washed my feet. So in my interactions with him in the here-and-now I can see that he’s trying to be a better person, get beyond his own shortcomings, his own downfalls and the like. Being who I am, or who I can be, up until this point I was like “good for you” with all the mental sarcasm you can imagine. I’m suspicious by default, been burned^10 by the man holding flowers the day after he smacked you with a switch. Minor tangent that plays a part in all of this: I’ve been keeping all of my email since 2002. I like history. I like nostalgia. And I’ve had some powerful, healing conversation over that medium. For whatever reason yesterday I was reading an email Jimi sent me in 2012. It said something along the lines of his missing ingredient had been forgiveness. I’ve written about forgiveness before. It’s no secret that it’s powerful medicine for the sick, salted soul. I can come across as all holy and spiritual…but make no mistake, I haven’t mastered anything. After learning how intolerant I can be I’m sure the monks would kick me out before nightfall. Alexa, play Somewhat Damaged by NIN. Volume a billion. Okay, so here’s the real story... Yesterday, early evening the written-off guy left me a voicemail. I listened to it and immediately went into “I’m not taking time to even knowledge this” mode. Silent, bitter disgust in all its glory. But then this morning what Jimi had wrote via email was still lingering in my thoughts. It struck a chord this time. Unlike it did back in 2012. So earlier today, without putting too much thought into it because I think way too much, I sent my antagonist a follow up email. I answered his questions and even made a little joke. On the weekend. When I usually like my alone time to be all about me and my pursuits. Grace has been gifted to me by the cosmos. Numerous times. I believe it’d be good for me to regift as well. And now I feel good, feel spiritual, feel burdenless. Like the feeling when you carry six bags of groceries in from the car and finally set them down on the kitchen floor. What a relief not to be lugging all that around any more. I feel hopeful, feel positive. I don’t feel like anything is missing. In the cosmic sense of things. I feel like I’m doing my part in the bigger picture. If I’m not doing my part then I ain’t shit. And I hope he feels good, too, after reading my reply email. If people are making a legitimate effort, consistently, if I can see that they are honestly trying to leave their volleyball days behind then they deserve more than simply being held in contempt. Forever. I can see him as human, faults and all, just as Sara had reminded me I ought to. It’s easy to do the right thing when the sailing is smooth and the waters are calm. It’s much harder to live up to my spiritual potential when life’s complicated and messy. It’s harder when you’ve always been at war with machine X. But it is possible. If I’m willing. If I seek a spiritual path. If I’m open to walking one. #advancedsoul #forgiveness #grace #diariespodcast fleming · Jan 21, 2018 at 10:40 am Wow! It’s scary how much our minds work alike! I’ve always considered myself a “runner”…from 3 marriages, family and friends who have “done me wrong”. You have stated it so much more eloquently than I, but basically the same emotion and consequence. I want you to know I am actually learning “stuff” from you and want to thank you! I enjoy how your quirky mind works! And it sounds like Sara is VERY good for you! ♥️ $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 21, 2018 at 10:59 am I’m glad that my words are helping you in your journeys. I think that’s a big part of why we’re here. Not on Facebook, but in the bigger sense. And yep, Sara makes me a better person. :) $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; klaurindabrey · Jan 21, 2018 at 7:09 pm That’s cool you embrace that Travis! Our partners and other frienship relationships should bring out the best version of ourselves. I hope and pray that when the cosmos align 😊, I will find that relationship too. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 21, 2018 at 9:29 pm You wil! The cosmos is just picking out the right relationship for you. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; klaurindabrey · Jan 22, 2018 at 2:32 pm Thank you so much for that Travis! You’re writings, pieces are wonderful. Writing has served a great purpose in my life as well. Thank you again! My best to Sarah! ! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 22, 2018 at 8:03 pm You are most welcome! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; gutierrez · Jan 21, 2018 at 11:11 am The great game of volleyball has been besmirched. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 21, 2018 at 11:19 am Haha! I hated volleyball when they forced me to play it in high school so I guess it’s a good metaphor for me. 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Walker · Jan 21, 2018 at 2:37 pm I really needed to hear/read this today. People dont change most likey will just keep on being the assholes that they are. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 21, 2018 at 4:39 pm I need to hear it often as well 😉 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Jan 22, 2018 at 1:10 am I’ve kept most correspsondence since before that. I also read old emails for inspiration and refresher courses. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 22, 2018 at 8:35 am For sure! Email (besides work) has always been more about personal correspondence akin to the letters I used to write to my peeps in the 80s and 90s. Believe it or not, letters from SGC in Wichita were one of the highlights of going to visit my dad (PGC) after my parents divorced. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Jan 16, 2018 · podcast: Feb 18, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180116 - I've always been at war with machine X I can only feel hurt and blame someone else for so long. And after that time is over I have to either say something or let it go. I don’t have the right to hold onto my hurt for years if I’m not gonna do anything about it. Not doing anything other than hurting, well, it’s not fair to the other person and it’s definitely not fair to me. Living with that hurt keeps me from being the best me that I can be. That hurt stands in the way of all of my relationships. There’s a lot to be said for saying something out loud. When things are up in my head I can’t make sense of them. My thoughts are like a whirlpool or tornado. Or both. They’re just going around and around and they don’t make any sense. My emotions are all muddy and I can’t get the clarity to know up from down. I don’t sit with things very long in the here-and-now because I’ve learned that life lesson. That I’m only going to be hurting myself and most likely innocent bystanders by not speaking up. Also, I never write something in hopes that someone else will read it. That misses the point of everything I just wrote. Just go talk to him → #protip #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Momma J · Jan 16, 2018 at 7:38 pm You are a deep thinker. You think about things that I don’t even think to think about! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 16, 2018 at 7:53 pm And it’s never my idea to think of them. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Monohon · Jan 17, 2018 at 12:14 pm I wish you only peace and happiness you have a great family and what seems like a great life look to the future and try not to dwell on the past I know it’s hard but you can do this if you ever need to talk contact me on messenger for my phone number! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 17, 2018 at 7:47 pm Thank you!! This was actually something I wrote 2-3 months ago but didn’t feel like posting it at the time! But that you, you’ve always been a good guy, a good friend. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Ryan Waters · Jan 18, 2018 at 1:37 pm Oh my! I really just need to say “ditto and thanks, Travis- I really needed to read and ponder your words!” $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 19, 2018 at 9:51 am Thank you! And happy Friday! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Dec 6, 2017 · podcast: Feb 16, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171206 - Almost two years have past Not long after my ex-wife moved out I couldn’t stand to be in the house alone in the morning. Like after Maggie went to school the stillness was unbearable. I couldn’t wait to leave to go to work. Now that almost two years have past I’m sitting in the family room, just watched Maggie get on the school bus, and physically I’m in the same place but emotionally I’m a 1,000,000 miles away. I’ve made the house my own, got rid of furniture, replaced it with new things, and now I’m okay just being here by myself in the morning. In fact, I really don’t want to go to work this morning. I’d rather sit and dink around with the Christmas lights than drive my work desk. Anyways, we make it through the hard times. Let go of what once was and embrace what now is. The pain of the present becomes the fading memories of yesterday. If we do the right things for the right reasons, when all is said and done we’ll be okay. #lettherebehope #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Dec 21, 2017 · podcast: Feb 12, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171221 - I can be a fruity butterfly If you're not familiar with AA's Twelve Steps, don't worry none. Just follow along and you'll get the gist. When I worked Step One I was in horrible, emotional pain. Nightmarish pain that’d wake me up at night. Day in and day out pain unlike anything I’d felt in my life. And that pain was with me up until after I’d worked my Fifth Step. Then after Step Seven I started to really feel that peace, that everything was gonna be okay. That overwhelming and underlying good feeling that comes from walking a spiritual path. When I started making my Eighth Step list I wasn’t motivated by pain so much anymore to finish the steps. I was motivated because I wanted something more than what I’d always had in life. I wanted more of the happiness that I’d been given. I was still willing to do whatever it took to stay sober but the willingness came from a different place. For maybe half of my life I’ve been unhappy. Discontent with how my life was going, what I was doing. Sitting where I do now I know that unhappiness is on me. Sure, I was just doing what I knew how to do but I’d made myself miserable. I wanted something more from life and I knew that making the Eighth Step list and making my Ninth Step amends would help change fundamentally who I was. I’m passive in life and stepping outside of myself, going beyond my limitations was something I knew I could do. And it all started with asking god for help. And being willing, of course. ... So when I got home from work today I tried to take a nap but I just couldn’t rest for whatever reason. I went downstairs and the cats were yelling because their food bowl wasn’t full enough. Then the robot vacuum tangled itself up in the Christmas tree skirt and was about to tumble down the stairs. With not getting a nap and the cats and the vacuum, I was losing my patience. Ugh. Plus, I hadn’t had dinner yet. So then I’m eating cereal and trying to read my meditation books, snap me out of whatever funk I’m in. I picked up the first one and rolled my eyes. Ya, I know about that. I picked up the second one and was like, “fuck I’ve read all of this before.” I felt like the disgruntled person that I’d been most of my life. Restless, frustrated, and overall just discontent. When I picked up the third one it’s about a caterpillar on a leaf. YES. It sounded a straightforward bell, something simple that I could latch onto. A concept without complex thoughts and overly wordy spiritual truths. So the caterpillar spends much of his life eating the same leaves, day in and day out. But then something happens and it grows into something more, it turns into a butterfly. It can fly wherever it wants, sample the sweet nectar from a whole world of flowers. It’s not limited to the leaves that it’s always had. It’s been graced with a newly found freedom. It got me thinking that I can eat the same leaves I always have. I can have my same life. I can be constantly frustrated and throwing my hands up in the air. Or I can let go and do something different. Be something different. I can be a fruity butterfly. I got on my knees afterward and prayed, asked God for help, help me live that better kind of life. That I know about. After I said my prayers the cats came over, trying to love on me. And then I gave them some love back. Life’s just not about me. When I get outside of myself and do for others, life takes on a new meaning. One that feels full. Even though I’ve been sober I still need to pray for willingness, still need to pray for help. It’s that old saying that “just because I got sober doesn’t mean I get to stay sober.” Sometimes the dysfunction kicks in and I just want to give up, hide from my responsibilities, and not deal with life. But really I don’t want that life anymore though. I’m willing to do whatever it takes just like I became willing to make my amends. I want my life to have meaning, to have purpose. I want it to be big. Cosmically big. Butterfly big. #advancedsoul #twelvesteps #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Nov 30, 2017 · podcast: Feb 10, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171130 - PechaKucha Night (cont) In follow up to tonight's earlier PechaKucha Night in Batavia This lady was eating popcorn with complete disregard for public safety I was sitting in a room full of people that obviously have the same kind of interests that I do. But I didn’t know anybody. So I did the next rational thing which is to get on my phone, post on Facebook, and visit the event website. For some reason I had it in the back of my mind this was all related to anime or Pokémon or something.[1] I was quite wrong. It’s more akin to TED Talks but it gives everyone a chance to present. “Great!” I thought non-sarcastically. I read more from the FAQ. This Q/A stood out: Is PechaKucha Night a social network? We believe there is nothing social about online social networks, so get out from behind your screen and get to a live event, with real people, real communication… Oh. So there I was at a live event, reading from the event website that I should put down my phone and socialize. This is a tricky scenario for me. I don’t do well in groups of people, even more so when I don’t know the humans. It’s part of the story when I relapsed. I want to hang out with other like-minded people but group settings make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Overstimulated. Like I’m in a swimming pool and there’s constant splashing. And too many people talking. And I have water in my ears. And there’s beach balls flying around. And I’m trying to keep myself from drowning. Maybe it’s not exactly like that but it’s close. Drinking makes social gatherings easier. It lubes the conversations with people I don’t know. It feels like I’m wearing a life jacket when I drink. It takes the edge off. And I have too many edges. Too much shame and too many bullies when I was a kid or something. I doubt if I’ll ever feel confident or at ease in public. And then also drinking makes me feel normal around other people. Like I fit in then. I’m part of a tribe that I’ve never belonged to. When I relapsed I was in a similar situation, a venue serving alcohol, surrounded by creative people enjoying themselves. And I was out of place. Without social skills. I didn’t know how to swim. And then I got a drink. And then the pool party wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t really a pool party but you get the analogy. And then that one drink last for ten years. But I wanted to be at tonight’s PechaKucha event, wanted to get to know people in the area other than those in recovery. Not that there’s anything wrong with the latter but I also have a magnetic attraction to another set of people, ones who are artistically passionate. Because we’re similar. Same expressive wavelength. The art makers and art lovers. I’ve got something to say creatively, just as they do. When I read the “get out from behind your screen” line I knew that I was doing it wrong. So I put my phone away and walked over to the greeter who had taken my money when I came in. I asked her how I could get one of the name badges some people were wearing. The lady told me those people were either helping out with the event or presenting that night. I asked her what time would I get to present. Because when I feel awkward I make jokes. She smiled and told me that I needed to fill out a form and maybe I could present at the next event in February. That was good enough. I then saw Jaime and his wife across the room. He had invited me so I was happy to see him. And he wasn’t with a group of people. I hate when I feel like I’m standing on the perimeter, waiting for my turn to talk. I won’t even bother with that anymore. Anyways Jaime, his wife, and I had a nice chat about the event and then meditation which was kinda surprising. But cool. Then the presentations got underway. I left the event a little early to go to a 12 step meeting. I enjoyed myself at PechaKucha, got a dose of artistic socializing but it’s important for me to remember that if I hang around non-alcoholics too much there’s a good chance I’ll start to think that I’m non-alcoholic as well. But I’m not. When I drink at social gatherings I continue drinking afterward at home. On a Thursday night, well past my bedtime. And then when non-alcoholics are having their morning coffee I’m having a morning drink. So I guess my takeaway for the night is that it’s important for me to get out. Replenish my artistic well. If I sit at home I’ll have nothing to write about, nothing to talk about. Other than my sad songs from yesterday. Well that’s not completely true but you get the point. And finally social skills are like any other. I won’t be good at them unless I practice. Put myself out there. Go outside. (Albert gasp). #pechakucha #socialproblems #alcoholism #lettherebehope #diariespodcast Maybe because I was pronouncing PechaKucha like Pikachu. That little yellow guy with the black tipped ears. ↑ jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 2:45 am thank you t. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:23 am Yep 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
I only saw her rage

I only saw her rage

2021-02-02--:--

content: Nov 5, 2017 · podcast: Feb 2, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171105 - I only saw her rage Last night I heard an Al-Anon speaker say that she was very angry with her husband while he was drinking. But really she was scared. Scared for a variety of reasons, if he was going to really hurt himself, and so on. When I was drinking my ex-wife was also very angry. The kind of anger where it felt like I couldn’t do anything right. And I took that very personal because, to me, it just seemed like she was constantly upset with what I was doing and what I wasn’t doing. It really struck a chord with me, what the speaker said yesterday. Looking back now I can see that my ex-wife was also most likely scared. And frustrated. And hurt. I wish I could’ve seen through to her fear at the time. Seen her hurt instead of her aggravation. Seen her loneliness instead of her judgment. I feel sad that I only saw her madness and didn’t or couldn’t see what was underneath. After I’ve moved on and things have passed, it’s easier for me to have an objective look on what was really going on. But in the moment it’s too hard to detach from the then and there, even more so when emotions are high. We've all heard that anger is just a cover up but I only see the rage when it's directed at me. I started to tear up listening to the speaker because I felt like if I would’ve seen my ex-wife as simply being hurt and scared I would’ve done things differently when we were married. Instead of reacting defiantly to her anger, I would’ve tried to react lovingly to her pain. #alcoholism #relationships #diariespodcast jimi hindrance experience · Nov 7, 2017 at 12:11 am i was just thinking about this today. thankies for the share. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Nov 8, 2017 at 7:22 am I think I might think about it a little more often. 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Nov 20, 2017 · podcast: Jan 28, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171120 - I really did paint my couch Well, not all of it. And of course it didn’t go completely according to plan. Maggie and I were going to be gone all weekend and I had a time window of about 30 minutes on Friday to do my thing. I wanted to do it in that particular window, too, so the cushions could be drying until I got back home on Sunday afternoon. When I brought them back in yesterday I wasn’t tickled. There’s a certain elation that I like to feel when a project is done and with the pink cushions I felt none. But I was a smidge hopeful they’d grow on me after I got them back on the couch. But they didn’t. The paint was still damp, probably because the temperature has been colder, freezing at night, and so on. And the garage doesn’t have any air flow either. No breeze, no circulation. And no sun light. So the cushions went out into the yard where I was hoping they’d de-fumigate in the afternoon sun and fresh air. After the sun went down I brought them back in. Still not dry after their four hour sun bath. And still fumey. Maggie noted that it look liked somebody was murdered on our couch, that I could’ve just washed them to try and get the stains out. That’s not how I do things though. There’s this emotional drive, this overwhelming urge to put my stamp on all my stuff. I can’t help it. And what’s more: when I was painting them I was in a hurry, just trying to cover up the stains. Too much function and barely a drop of form. I didn’t have whimsy fun on my mind nor was I creatively expressing myself. I ran out of fabric paint in a matter of minutes so I resorted to using regular pink spray paint. Because I was gonna get them done in my time allowance. I was determined, focused, and intent. Tunneling down a path and there was no changing course. And they looked like it when all was said and done, too. But I knew there was something to Maggie’s thought of putting them in the wash. It might tame them a bit. I’m not above listening to another’s feedback and if there’s something there, if it feels right I’ll act on it. So off the cushion covers came and down to the laundry room we went. Now normally when I’m being artistic and fancy, I pause and ask the cosmos for guidance. I do this because I fuck shit up when I do it on my own. Seriously. Even when it comes painting or sculpting or any kind of building, I need to channel the universe’s energy and the like. And back on Friday I was the boss, rushing through the sofa makeover like I was hosing down prisoners. Anyways, I Spray ‘n Wash®'ed where the stains were, set the washer to whites, added a splash of bleach to the soap, and then waited for the second round of results. And I’ll be damned if most of the paint didn’t come out along with all of the stains. The covers were 90% perfect. “Did the spray paint really come out in the wash?” you ask. Yes, almost all of it really did and I suspect it was because the paint wasn’t completely dry and the fabric itself is like a linen, canvas material and not like a cotton t-shirt. Later when I was talking with Sara, she said that the fabric may have been sprayed with a stain-resister, too. Which makes perfect sense. I washed them one more time to lighten them a bit more and then they were good to go. So there ya have it. The couch is as exactly as I want it to look. It’s clean with a hint of color just like Albert’s socks. Maybe a little more subdued that I originally planned but more often than not if I let the cosmos be my guide, things will turn out better than I could’ve ever imagined. Be it relationships or careers or spray painting your couch. There's still one ink stain from a pen on the left but I can live with that for the time being. #photos #homeimprovement #pinkcouch #advancedsoul #diariespodcast jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 3:01 am Albert’s socks. GOD DAM I SAID GOD DAM! I enjoyed Albert’s socks at least as much as Uma enjoyed the go-juice she hoovered off the bathroom sink. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 3:03 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2_vbou3kxE $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:25 am Uma’s the coolest! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Nov 11, 2017 · podcast: Jan 26, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171111 - Can I spray paint my couch? Well, I guess there’s nothing that would actually stop me but what are the pros and cons? The ebbs and flows? The ups and downs of such a Jackson Pollock maneuver? Granted he used brushes and had more of a splatter/drip/drop technique with the reds and the blues and the blacks. Also, in his most delightful biographical movie, starring Ed Harris, Pollock did in fact urinate in someone’s fireplace. Which of course I would never do. But still, this isn’t the kind of painting operation your average Home Goods shopper thinks about, let alone strongly considers. So back to the couch makeover. Before answering, know beforehand I’m not intending to cover the whole couch with spray paint, only accenting the three seat cushions. I was thinking more along the lines of background emphasis, similar to this I'm a Mess t-shirt that I made. You maybe wondering what kind of fabric the couch has. That is a very good question. It’s a soft linen fabric, white in color. It’s a bit lighter than cream but not a bright white either. It’s lost it’s luster and is kinda drab. I’m not a big fan of drab. I like color. There’s also stains here and there because kids and I’d like to reverse that with some, possibly pink, artistic flare. Throughout my life adventures I’ve never spray painted such a fabric. Or a couch. Do you think this material is absorbent enough to hold the spray paint? Will the drying time be less than a day? See, I actually do want to use the couch again at some point and don’t want it taking up space as a nonfunctional art piece. I really don’t want to be wearing it. Also, how long might the cushions smell like paint? I’d rather them not be fuming up the place well into the new year. Thanksgiving is coming up and all and I’d like any and all vapors to have vanished by then. Even though no one‘s coming to my house for Thanksgiving, my cats will be home and I don’t want them high as kitty kites, glossy eyes, silver mouths, that whole bit. I want to avoid them getting hooked on and huffing spray paint, stealing it from the neighbors, and/or whatever the hoodlum alleycats are doing these days. I also don’t want them dead. You maybe wondering if I’ve inhaled too much paint exhaust as well. I can answer, honestly, that I have not. I simply live alone with my daughter and that affords me the freedom to explore whatever whimsy comes to mind. I have, however, learned throughout my various adventures not to rush into things such as this without first seeking expert upholstery and medical advice beforehand. Thoughts? #homeimprovement #helpwanted #pinkcouch #diariespodcast keamoose · Nov 12, 2017 at 1:09 am They make a paint specifically for this purpose: https://www.michaels.com/fabric-spray-paint/M10117037.html?dwvar_M10117037_color=Glitter $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Nov 12, 2017 at 8:37 am Perfect! I was ready to use the same paint that I used on your shirt. 🎨 😉 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Nov 12, 2017 at 9:35 am I haven’t tried it, but I suspect the fabric paint will give a better result for a high-wear area like a couch. You don’t want the paint coming off on people’s clothes. Also it comes in glitter colours, so it’s win-win. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Nov 12, 2017 at 9:39 am Ooh. You know what else you could do? Sharpie makes a set of fabric markers. You could illustrate your couch. Just test first, because the ink bleeds a bit on some fabrics. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Nov 12, 2017 at 11:13 am Yep, I used fabric markers on your shirt for the lettering. They’re one of the best things ever invented. I ordered this paint earlier this morning so we’ll see how it does as a base. Maybe I’ll bust out the sharpies for some focal points 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Nov 12, 2017 at 11:24 am Can’t go wrong with “Brite Pink”. Except maybe on a spelling test. 🤔 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Nov 12, 2017 at 5:15 pm I was kinda thinking about Rainbow Brite when I was checking out. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Nov 15, 2017 · podcast: Jan 22, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171115 - Each and every single target Sometimes I’m driving along, got something on my mind. And then I get the feeling that whatever I'm thinking about, well, I think that I should be worried about it. And then I start thinking, “why the hell am I not having a panic attack?” Like this is some serious shit Why am I not freaking out? People could figuratively die. Even more than that, what will people think of me if this goes south? This could confirm that I am indeed “not enough.” And then I think that I shouldn't worry, that everything will be okay and things will work out. And then I second-guess myself, like maybe I’m being cocky. And then I think maybe this is just how regular people live. They don’t race to work in a state of terror, needing to make sure whatever is causing them panic, the trembling, is fixed and fine. It feels kinda nice not to live in a constant hysterical state. Even more so when I’m driving. I’ve had most of my panic attacks in the car. Because there was nothing that I could do. In that moment. I was helpless. Had to sit with my emotions. Feel all the bumpers. There was no escape. Anyways, I don’t have to live with my heart racing. It’s pretty awesome not to. And even if life does melt down, I can be okay. Even if my silvery, steel ball needs to slam each and every target before going down the drain. #advancedsoul #lettherebehope #diariespodcast jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 4:19 am Gonna get me a little oblivion, baby Try to keep myself away from me —-Counting Crows $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Oct 26, 2017 · podcast: Jan 19, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171026 - Super Target has Blue Diamonds One time my brother ate a whole bag of walnuts. And my mom was furious. She still talks about it to this day even though said feeding happened sometime in the 80s. Apparently the walnuts were a gift to my mom from my grandpa during one of his nation-wide adventures. I think they came from out west but nobody knows for sure since he was known to disappear for weeks on end during his “fishing trips.” One time grandpa bought a whole everglade forest or something in Florida. On a whim. I had always hoped to see it someday, to see if the elusive feathered-bigfoot-alligator was a real thing. But that never happened because the older I got, the less swamp sounded like fun. I see I’ve drifted off on a tangent. The above paragraph is neither here nor there to this post. It is not in a fox. It is not in a box. It is not in a boat. It is not in a moat. Anyways, my mom had planned to make these nutted brownies[1] with the supposedly delicious western walnuts. Alas, she was forced to make brownies sans nuts. And seriously, chances are 92% that if I (or anyone else) ever mention walnuts to her, even in the casualest of conversations, her face will still flush with the fury of a baker betrayed. Now then… I would like to make restitution on behalf of my walnut-eating brother[2] (and his 80s afro) to my mom and get her a new bag of walnuts. No, I don’t have to do this but I’m sure my mom’s face would also flush if she ever knew about one of the times I [redacted]. Therefore I’ve taken it upon myself to try and fix this little piece of history. Will it work, beloved and devoted readers? Well, that’s where you come in: where is the best place to get the best walnuts around town? I’m not looking for the best price, I’m looking for the best nut. Chopped or otherwise. Not ground though. Who the hell can do anything with ground walnuts this late in the season? Certainly not me. And not more than a pound. I’m not stalking up for seed apocalypse here. Also, be aware: any answers that start with “Super Target has Blue Diamonds” will be publicly mocked. #helpwanted #diariespodcast Is that what you call them? Nutted brownies? Or brownies with nuts? You pick. ↑ You maybe asking yourself why he ate a whole bag of walnuts. I wondered myself when I was but a boy. The only thing I can come up with is that he smoked one of his doobies and that put the hunger in bones. ↑ Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Oct 17, 2017 · podcast: Jan 14, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171017 - There's a gentleman we'll call Gary So we all know that our phones are a huge part of our lives. We take them pretty much every where. They say that they’re generally the first thing we look at in the morning and the last thing we look at before going to sleep. However, I’ve came across a situation where another’s phone usage has me bepuzzled and I wanted to get the worldly consensus. Yes, I realize that virtually all people will be looking at this post on their phones, and yes, that may skew the results but I acknowledge this and will persist. There’s a gentleman we’ll call Gary. I doubt if the gentleman is actually named Gary but he very well could be. If so, it’s purely coincidental. Also, this man is not your friend or relative named Gary. No, I don’t know your uncle Gary or your boss Gary. Finally, I don’t have any friends that go by Gary. Which is why I chose this name. Well, I actually chose it because after Bruce Wayne retired along came a Batman named Gary[1] of all things. I was rather disappointed that the writers chose “Gary” because it does not compare to the power that comes from saying an almighty name such as “Bruce.” Also, if your name is Gary I’m sorry but you cannot be Batman. Anyways, back to the man I have aliased Gary. I’ll get right to it… Gary was watching a movie trailer in the public restroom at work a few moments ago. He was hidden within the stall but his phone did indeed bellow with the cellos and sing with the strings and pound with the pianos, and all in such a way that I knew whatever action-packed movie Gary was previewing was gonna be good. I felt a smidge frantic because I hadn’t anything but the movie music to go on. How in the world would I find this movie in Fandango later? Shazam was obviously out of the question. But once the audible excitement of whatever film Gary was trailering had worn off, I felt disheartened, disenfranchised, disengaged, dis and more dis. Almost like I’d shared a moment with Gary that, not only I shouldn’t have, but also that I didn’t really want to. Sure, I get sucked into movie magic as much as the next Doug…but once I was washing my hands firmly back in reality, I knew beyond a doubt that I don’t want to have any kind of moments with Gary in a public restroom. Ever again. With public restrooms I think people should get in and get out. And more importantly: let strangers get in and out as well. If you’re going to watch the YouTubes or whatever at least keep your phone on silent so you don’t suck others in. Better still, don’t make any sounds at all. Don’t grunt, gasp, or sigh. If possible, hold your breathe. Remain mysterious. Elusive. Don’t give the other guests any clues as to who you are or what you’re doing. You could very well be Bruce Wayne or Selina Kyle. Use your anonymity to your advantage! Okay, so I’m not like everybody. I don’t like making noises or chit-chatting with strangers while visiting the communal washrooms. If you do, that’s fine. I won’t judge. To each their own. You got the right to do your business. So my question… Since Gary was watching and listening to his phone in the restroom, publicly filling the airwaves with theatrical music for all, would it have been appropriate for me to say, “Sounds pretty good, what movie is that?” #socialproblems #movienews #publicrestroom #diariespodcast Editor's note: there wasn't a Batman named Gary. Terry was his name. I've gone too far to change it now. ↑ Punque70 · Oct 17, 2017 at 6:21 pm You had me at Batman. I am not sure how it is in men’s rooms, I am not a shy person, but I would not ask. It’s almost as if you are in a privacy bubble when you are in a closed stall. I would be able to ask for tissue of course, not that I don’t check first to be certain. If your curiosity is insatiable, the worse that could happen is Gary/Terry/Batman telling you to mind your own beeswax. All this being said if someone tried to make eye contact through the crack in the door, I am not above yelling at them to take a picture, but I digress. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Oct 17, 2017 at 7:34 pm Yes. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 18, 2017 at 2:56 pm This is all great, but my favourite part is that after you’ve said Gary 1000 times it turns out Batman’s name was actually Terry. I say you could have asked, BUT there’s a good chance it would have led him to engage you in conversation, which you probably wouldn’t enjoy. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 18, 2017 at 3:09 pm I know! I spent like an hour yesterday searching for a Batman named “Gary” on Wikipedia. Subconsciously I was probably thinking that he looked like a Gary though. Manly type that does what he wants. When he wants. Most likely a car salesman. “You’re going to buy this car or else I’ll throw you in the trunk and then you’ll realize how dumb you are, laying in a trunk, with no car, like a moron.” In related news… I was practicing reading my podcast last night at the dinner table while Maggie was doing her homework. Every time I said “Gary” her eyes would roll. There came a point when all parties agreed I should read quietly to myself. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 18, 2017 at 3:24 pm Funny, the only Gary I know is a tall, thin, 60-ish civil engineer with a ponytail who bikes to work and runs marathons. I also had a high school physics teacher with a small mustache and elbow patches named Geary (pronounced Gary). He erased the chalkboard row by row, walking all the way across like a dot matrix printer. So I guess, we have very different images of “Gary-ism”. I’m concerned about Maggie having eyestrain after all those Gary’s. Did she eventually have to lay down with a cool wet washcloth over her eyes? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 18, 2017 at 3:26 pm BTW, “searching for a Batman named Gary” would make an excellent tagline for SOMETHING. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 19, 2017 at 7:09 am “Searching for a Batman named Gary” — I think it’d also make an excellent personal ad on craigslist.org. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 19, 2017 at 10:41 am Yes, it would, though I don’t know why a millionaire crimefighter would reply to an ad on Craigslist. You’d likely get a lot more replies from guys sitting in their parents’ basements wearing plastic capes than from genuine Batmen. Batmans? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 20, 2017 at 12:17 pm I kinda like “batmen” as it gives them a sense of camaraderie although “batmans” sounds more inline with the DC universe. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 20, 2017 at 12:33 pm I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I preferred “batmen” over “batmans”, but I think that’s it. I’ve also been advised by tism that “batsman” is right out, as it’s a cricket term… the plural of which is “batsmen”. I’m unreasonably annoyed by “batsmen”; it’s like some kind of double plural. Like there should be at least 3 or 4 of them. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 21, 2017 at 9:04 am There should definitely be more than two batsmen and definitely more than four batsmens. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Oct 21, 2017 at 10:40 am Batsmens! 🤣 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
They deserve it

They deserve it

2021-01-11--:--

content: Oct 13, 2017 · podcast: Jan 11, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171013 - They deserve it When I was drinking I would hurt people, because that’s what I did when I was drinking, and then I would feel bad and avoid them. Sometimes go out of my way not to see them. And then when the day came around that I did, I would hang my head in shame and hope that they had forgotten. My guilt would pile up like garbage. The trash can would be overflowing, shit falling on the floor, and I’d just ignore it. But then I’d walk by the guilty trash pile and step on something and it’d stick to my shoe and I’d be like... "Dude just get off" And that’s how I lived. We talk in 12 step meetings about how the steps change us, make us better people. How they awaken our spirits. And with that I was thinking about Steps 8 and 9 recently and the cool thing about working them is that years later when I have something to do, amends to be made, or whatever I know that there is freedom after I walk through it. After I sweep up and take out my trash I’ll feel better. “Freedom from bondage of self” as it’s written. The first time I was making my list, preparing to make those amends and so on, I had all kinds of anxiety and fear because I’d never done something like that before. Not something that monumental anyways. I didn’t have much experience with facing not only what I had done but also facing the other person. I didn’t know what was going to happen or how it was all gonna work out. So many unknowns. And unknowns are scary. Plus, I felt bad for what I’d done that led me to the person’s door in the first place. People in the meetings said it was going to be okay and I knew that it was going to be okay just from earlier step work. But right then it wasn’t okay. Because I hadn’t made them. I was still living with the burden of my trash heap. So in the here and now, because I went through the whole amends process, became willing, and knocked on people’s doors, I know there’s good stuff on the other side. I can rely on my past experience of taking action. I have that benefit now. The steps not only clear away the “wreckage of the past” but also give us the skills to live a clean life moving forward. Steps 8 and 9 are “training for Step 10” as John recently said. Walking around with something on my mind, something that I need to do it really bothers me in the here and now. After having a clear conscience and knowing what a blue sky feels like, whenever my conscience isn’t clear it grinds on my emotional gears. It’s like life comes to a halt. It interferes with my relationship with god, with the cosmos, with you guys. Today, I don’t have to walk around a trash pile. I know what to do. I can reach out to whoever now and be done with it. I won’t have to wonder if someone’s still mad or hurt because I can take responsibility for what I did. I can simply say “I was being an ass. And I’m sorry.“ It can really be that simple. Then all that burden, all that discord, it goes away. Doing that kinda thing is how come I’m happy today. It’s how I get to live my life fully in the present. Not looking back, not feeling bad, but enjoying everything this very moment has to offer. There’ll be no fucking trash on the floor. Also, just knowing that a relationship can be repaired or set back on track is a wonderful feeling. Just knowing that it will no longer be an obstacle, that I don’t have to avoid someone or not look them in the eye. Just knowing it’s gonna be okay gives me hope, gives me relief, gives me the motivation to clean it up. And it will also make the other person’s day just that much better. They can have and share in that same freedom, in that same closure. They deserve it more than I do. I’ll never forget the look on his face after I said, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” His eyes teared up the same as mine as we shared that moment, as we both let go of a shard of glass that was holding us back. That was keeping us from having the best relationship possible. We shared in that release. I’ll doubt if you’ll find something better than that. #alcoholism #twelvesteps #relationships #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Jan 11, 2021 Video (MP4): 20210111 - Steam Locomotive Musical Audio (MP3): 20210111 - Steam Locomotive Musical Here we have a 1930s steam locomotive with drums, an upright bass, a couple of pianos, and a string section. The original video was over 18 minutes long so I chopped and rearranged to fit the music I put together. I guess this is the kinda thing I do in a pandemic. I had originally planned for the music to go with some winter driving footage but that didn’t pan out. When I came across New York Central Railroad clip I knew that was it. I’ve always had a love for trains, might have something to do with my dad being an engineer when I was growing up. The original black and white train footage came from The Mighty Hudson Steam Locomotive. 🚂 🎹 🎻 #HeavyMachina #diariespodcast #diariesvideo threecrates · Jan 12, 2021 at 9:44 pm Hot damn! I really like when this one gets going! 🔥❤️ $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 12, 2021 at 10:19 pm Thanks man! I think this was the first time I’ve tried to make an actual song 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tism · Jan 13, 2021 at 10:37 am Very nice indeed. 😎🎶 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Jan 13, 2021 at 10:52 am I watched it last night. Nice. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 13, 2021 at 9:25 pm Thanks guys! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; crosbie · Jan 13, 2021 at 5:32 pm Im not a train enthusiast. But I’ll take it, who knew a train can jam out $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 13, 2021 at 10:05 pm Thanks! I’ve been wanting to do a train set to a piano hurricane for I don’t know how long. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; James G · Jan 15, 2021 at 12:57 am Cool video, not a big fan of the music though. It sounds kind of.. droning $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 15, 2021 at 8:45 am For sure, purposely repetitive! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; the cat boy · Jan 15, 2021 at 5:22 am This was an old movie everyone $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 15, 2021 at 8:43 am Yep, I called that out in the description 👍 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; the cat boy · Jan 15, 2021 at 9:18 am Thx $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
My gear in mouth

My gear in mouth

2021-01-08--:--

content: Oct 4, 2017 · podcast: Jan 7, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171004 - My gear in mouth There’s this saying, “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” Sources have various versions, from Mark Twain to Abe Lincoln to that pesky critter King James. Anyways, who said it first and how they said it is irrelevant. It’s good. Me not chiming in with my ignorance makes the world a better place. There’s too much noise and bullshit out there already. So this is easy for me to remember because I come out looking like a winner when I stay silent. Instead of talking and looking like a boob. However, there are two more related truths that are a smidge trickier for me. See, along the same line as King Twain Lincoln it’s just as good for me to not feed the trolls. Keep quiet when someone else is raging in my direction. Not throw counter punches in fights I cannot win.[1] It’s better for everybody involved if I just let the troll run out of gas or just move along. Ya, sometimes I follow them down the rabbit hole because my emotions take over and I think they’re full of shit. I'll try to force them to see how they’re wrong and then get them to apologize. Or I’ll try to force them to listen to reason so they won’t be upset or whatever. None of that’s ever gonna happen. But what will happen when I don’t retaliate is that said trolls can sit in their own shit. Take their medal home and wear it with pride. Revel in the prestige of being an asshole. They’ll most likely know it, too. Unless they're a real boob. Just don't count on the troll backing down. Because chances are good they won't. Anyways, when I’m up in arms the last thing I wanna do is listen to somebody else tell me that I’m doing it wrong. If I’m doing it “right” I’ll let other people be wrong as well. Including the trolls. I don’t need to engage in every atrocity. And then there’s the times when I’m the troll. I open my mouth when I shouldn’t. That's not good. I’m never mean-spirited on purpose but people who don’t know me don’t know that. I need to exercise caution more often than not. I won’t go wrong with err’ing on the side of hesitation. Really, at the end of the day me not putting my gear in mouth is the generally right thing to do. When in doubt consult a spiritual advisor. PS– I’m not preaching to you. I’m preaching to me. Because I’m really not that cool. PS2– When recording the audio I transposed gear and mouth. So I changed it every where. PS3- Ya, I said tomorrow's date in the audio. Because today really should be Thursday. PS4- And also in the audio version beloved listeners can hear me snap my fingers at the cats. Because I'm good like that. #advancedsoul #protip #diariespodcast Like all things the only black and white rules are the ones that are gray. ↑ Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
With the wrong key

With the wrong key

2021-01-04--:--

content: Oct 2, 2017 · podcast: Jan 4, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20171002 - With the wrong key About an hour ago I put the wrong key in my back door. Like a moron. And then gave the knob a confident twist/push. And of course it wouldn’t turn. Or budge. It never does. With the wrong key. In that fatal moment I all but wanted to call a locksmith. To take over from there. Kinda like when I started digging an escape tunnel through the foundation in my basement. Sometimes you need to call the pros in when you hit a water pipe. Really, I just wanted to go inside after I got home from work. I got enough problems without needing to channel Houdini to make it past the deadbolt. The thought of Trader Joe’s Halloween cookies on the other side are the only thing that kept me going. I’ve had four so far and even though the vanilla creme is orange, they’ve changed everything for me. But wait, to make matters worse: while I was standing in my back door shame I remembered the two kids riding their bikes in the alley when I pulled up. I’m sure they were both staring at me. Staring those incoherent, pitying stares that kids have when they see an adult “doing it wrong.” I didn’t bother to look at them. I’m sure they were throwing dumbfounded scorn every which way. The neighbors are surely all talking by now, too. I won’t be able to show my face in the cul-de-sac or even leave the house for the next several hours. Probably until daybreak. I guess I’ll order China Wok delivery for dinner and just assume I won’t be invited to the Christmas cookie parties this year. Other options for delivery dinner that won’t break my bank? I’m not Thurston Howell the III over here and am also not sure binging on Vegetable Lo Mein is such a good idea at this point in my career. And then there’s the neighbor’s little dog. He loves to bark through the fence whenever he sees me. Oh does that little dog love to bark. And laugh. He seriously cackles and busts a rib every time I fumble those keys at the backdoor. But eager, avid, endearing readers let it be known that on Saturday I foiled that little Napoleon’s plans forever more. I put plastic shutters along the fence in his favorite barking spot. They’re kinda dingy, pink shutters1 I trash picked from somebody in the alley but that’s irrelevant. Henceforth his barking will be a one-way ticket to nowhere. Also, I have two Halloween cookies2 left if anyone’s interested. Contact me so I can review your credentials first. Yes, I screen everybody I share my cookies with. #thestruggleisreal #cookies #diariespodcast The dingy, pink shutters ↑ Trader Joe's Halloween cookies ↑ keamoose · Oct 4, 2017 at 10:50 am You’re sounding a lot more comfortable on the audio :) $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 4, 2017 at 11:01 am Thanks! I just had to find my groove. And get my workstation all in place. I don’t think I ever posted photos of the new workbench I set up but I’ll do that later tonight. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Dec 30, 2020 · podcast: Jan 1, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20201229 - House Burning in Black and White Video (MP4): 20201229 - House Burning in Black and White A few piano melodies while a house burns in black and white 🎹🔥🏠 Reminds me of the lower end of the Peanuts theme in certain parts. #diariespodcast #diariesvideo JFK Clone High · Dec 30, 2020 at 4:44 pm Hey is it okay if I use this video on my channel? It’s gonna be the same thing but a different shade $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 30, 2020 at 5:28 pm Sure! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; JFK Clone High · Dec 30, 2020 at 5:38 pm thanks $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 1, 2021 at 11:03 am A little symbolic now that we’ve said goodbye to 2020. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Jan 1, 2021 at 6:43 pm Are you playing the keys? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 1, 2021 at 6:50 pm Yep 🎹 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Jan 1, 2021 at 7:10 pm If you watch in the middle section the house will dance a little bit to the piano, too 😉 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Jan 1, 2021 at 7:40 pm I noticed! Nice 👍 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Jan 1, 2021 at 7:45 pm Ain’t nothing but a house party $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Sep 29, 2017 · podcast: Dec 31, 2020 Audio (MP3): 20170929 - Fire hydrant flushing on the east side of Geneva This post originally appeared on the Facebook group, What's happening in Geneva, IL. I'm reposting here just in case someone decides the writing isn't as exceptional as the Campana flame wars. I mean discussions. Guys, they’re doing fire hydrant flushing on the east side of Geneva today and from what I gather the happening is primarily in neighborhoods around the Fox River. This is important because I’ve never actually seen a hydrant being flushed. I’ve always felt they were akin to the elusive Sasquatch and Yeti up north. Signs for this city event, sure, we’ve all seen them. But a horizontal fountain spray? Never in all my time spent living in this wonderful city. Wait! This story doesn’t end there. Low and behold I did see water gushing from a hydrant on my way to work, in all of its bubbly, watery glory. I almost wanted to stop and splash around but this particular hydrant was in somebody’s yard on Division Street. I’d rather splish, splash, parade around on concrete cement like they get to do in the inner cities. Now that looks like fun. And I don’t like mud on my feet. It’s a little chilly this morning, too. 57°F according to my weather app. If I hadn’t been almost late for work I’d have at least stopped to hang out with the city worker and his wrenches. I doubt if he’d let me actually hold any of his tools so I’d just get a stick, poke the mud, and chime in with “Yep, good pressure. That looks about right. Valve turn okay?” I’d have taken a photo or two to share with you guys, but “hands free driving” guys. It’s the law. In conclusion the guy doing the flushing didn’t look nearly as enthused as I felt while driving by. This is probably just day-in and day-out stuff for him. Another thing on his work to do list. I been there. I, however, was simply delighted with what I saw. Another thing off my bucket list. #photos #facebook #publicworks #diariespodcast tcr! · Sep 29, 2017 at 4:49 pm I snapped a picture of the Division hydrant on the way home from work. It’s not the best since I applied le zoom but I was quite pleased they gave her a fresh coat of red paint after the flush! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Sep 29, 2017 at 5:24 pm If that story doesn’t make people’s days better, I don’t know what would. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Sep 29, 2017 at 5:26 pm Although, I wouldn’t really want to splash in that water. There’s a reason they flush it out. Stagnant water in the lines is a breeding ground for all kinds for gross stuff. (This is the downside to being a water treatment engineer.) $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jimi hindrance experience · Sep 30, 2017 at 4:01 am Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. These writings have improved my day (noc) on a day (noc) that needed improvement. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Oct 1, 2017 at 3:48 pm keamoose- I yep, after your comments on the retention pond I tend to shy away from public water in this fashion. 😊 jimi- you are most welcome! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Sep 4, 2017 · podcast: Dec 29, 2020 Audio (MP3): 20170904 - Relapse and Reservations Video (MP4): 20170904 - Relapse and Reservations After I’d been sober for a number of years I relapsed. It wasn’t something that I thought was gonna happen. And also, it didn’t “just happen” either. So with that being said I feel qualified, I feel confident, I feel like I’m able to talk about relapse overall. I have experience with it. I didn’t have any deep, dark, dank secrets. I didn’t hold anything back when writing my Fourth Step and I didn’t hold anything back when sharing my Fifth Step. I made all of the amends on my Eighth Step list. I was more spiritual than I’d ever been my whole life. So why did I relapse? Because I quit going to meetings. I quit hanging out with people in recovery and hung out instead with “normal” people. that drank like normal people do. We had a lot in common those “normal” ones, similar interests and so on. We could bond over things I couldn’t with people in the meetings. And really we alcoholics aren’t that much different from them. I’ve known plenty of “normal” people who had resentments, who’d been plagued with fear their whole life, who felt lost and couldn’t find their way. Anyways with my relapse, somehow I had convinced myself that I was okay, that me drinking was okay. Plain and simple: I’d lost touch with where I’d came from. And I write this because I hear people talk who say that the reason alcoholics relapse is because they have reservations. And I think it’s bullshit to say that everyone who’s relapsed didn’t work the steps to their full ability.[1] I’ve heard that in meetings. And further I’ve known people who have relapsed or were in the midst of a relapse who were and still are more spiritual, more kind, more compassionate and caring then those 20+ year sober guys who think they know it all. And obviously something is lacking in their program if they’re up there pounding their fists at the soapbox about a relapse they never had. Yes, some people do relapse because there’s a secret that they don’t want to tell or they never found the humility or willingness to make a certain amend or whatever. But that’s not fucking everybody. Okay, obviously I have some emotion behind this but just to be clear, just because you’ve never relapsed that doesn’t mean that you can come along and tell me that I didn’t do something right the first time. Or that you can make some broad assumption, or borderline accusation against everyone who has relapsed. Be careful with airs of intolerance or ones of arrogance. They’ll get you in trouble. Further, you’re the authority on your recovery, not mine. And further still, my relapse doesn’t discount my previous recovery. It doesn’t wipe the sobriety slate clean or take away the decade plus I was sober. It only makes my recovery now that much better. And lastly while I’m picking bones… Who cares if I would have been sober for over 25 years if I hadn’t relapsed. I’m not keeping score. Why are you? #alcoholism #twelvesteps #diariespodcast #diariesvideo Okay, I concede to the fact that I fell down on Step 12 before I relapsed. Step 10 and 11, too. But not working steps 1-9 to the best of my ability didn’t have anything to do with my relapse. ↑ jimi hindrance experience · Sep 4, 2017 at 9:11 pm Because he has enlightenment as his aim, a bodhisattva-mahāsattva is so called. I still have Walter Becker on my mind but I was very struck by your comments, as usual. “Bodhisattva” is of course a rockin’ lil’ number by Steely Dan. In other news, I feel like I’ve said these things before. I’m not thinking plagiarism, just that you are so completely in tune with things I’ve thought for a long time. I am super-qualified on relapse. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; keamoose · Sep 5, 2017 at 4:29 pm I don’t expect I’ll ever really understand this, but the way you write about it always just sounds so honest that it makes it more ok for me to talk about the stuff I have issues with. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 5, 2017 at 5:17 pm Somewhere in one of my recovery books it says something along the lines of, “when sharing our pain if it helps just one person with their pain then it was worth it.” I’m happy that my sharing is helping with your sharing 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
Pandemic Violins

Pandemic Violins

2020-12-27--:--

content: Dec 26, 2020 Video (MP4): 20201226 - Pandemic Violins Audio (MP3): 20201226 - Pandemic Violins It's winter in a pandemic. It's Christmas time. I'm on vacation. I sit and write and record music. After listening to The Beatles sing about Eleanor Rigby on a two hour loop, I got hooked on violins stabbing and stomping about. The music sounds best with headphones. Nothing happens in the video. I needed something visual because most of the social medias don't do just audio. The footage is public domain and fairly boring. 🎶🎻 #diariespodcast #diariesvideo threecrates · Dec 26, 2020 at 10:39 am Oh yeaah… this is good stuff. Definitely digging it alongside the visuals. 🤘🏻🎅🏻🤘🏻 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 28, 2020 at 9:21 am Thanks man! I like rocking out the strings more than the guitars these days 😎 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Momma J · Dec 26, 2020 at 9:19 pm Very dramatic - very Game of Thrones”esque” $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 26, 2020 at 9:30 pm I should listen to the GoT theme back to back with the above, to be sure I didn’t accidentally reproduce the tv show theme. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Momma J · Dec 26, 2020 at 10:40 pm Good idea $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 27, 2020 at 9:02 am I listened to the show’s theme and I’m pleased that mine is a similar style but different melodies, etc. I got nervous for a minute. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; ILeftTheBeansOn · Dec 27, 2020 at 1:47 pm Certainly fitting $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Team Leader A0x12w · Dec 27, 2020 at 3:12 pm as you do $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Gotta Cache ‘em All! · Dec 27, 2020 at 8:26 pm I did not search this but I like it $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 28, 2020 at 10:00 am I’m glad that you do! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Farfan · Dec 28, 2020 at 12:57 am Wow $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Colin · Dec 28, 2020 at 4:02 am music $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Hardee · Dec 28, 2020 at 4:39 am This is damned impressive. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 28, 2020 at 10:01 am Thank you so much! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Done Donager · Dec 28, 2020 at 2:38 pm It’s definitely a thing that exists,,. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 29, 2020 at 8:52 am How do you mean? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; My Name Is Donk And I Love To Honk · Dec 29, 2020 at 12:38 pm If this played in the background as I am dying, I wouldn’t mind. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Dec 29, 2020 at 1:43 pm That’s the best comment I’ve ever read ❤️ $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Aug 22, 2017 · podcast: Dec 23, 2020 Audio (MP3): 20170822 - Essentials rules for loving someone If someone loves you then love them back. Don't think about it. If someone loves you then pay attention to what they do. Often times they're telling you, without words, that they do. If someone loves you then sometimes they won't tell you. That's okay. Tell them that you love them anyway. If someone loves you then don't wonder if they do. Questions on your side can lead to questions on their side. If someone loves you then comprehend this as an utmost responsibility. If you love someone then love them first. Tell them now. If you love someone then tell others that you do. You'll realize just how much. If you love someone then find another reason to. Better: find two. If you love someone then stay in that moment. Don't go anywhere else. If you love someone and haven't told them in a while then what are you waiting for? If you love someone but are having a hard time then ask god what they think. #protip #relationships #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
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