Can you believe it? I put something in the feed! Below you will find a rough first draft of a script that was never completed, but would have likely ended up as episode 2.3 or 2.4. It has some problems (John’s still working for Galactic Express; Bill doesn’t exist; It feels kind of short and could possibly use a “B” story line) but I like it.

The storyline was inspired by “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” one of the more fun plays written by Shakespeare. The title was inspired by “Kiss Me, Kate,” one of the more fun plays not written by Shakespeare. I have no idea why I merged them together but hey, that’s the way it works sometimes.

Enjoy

KISS ME, KATIE

Stargate Cafe Episode 2.?

————SCENE1 (Rebel (5), Steve (3), Emma (2), Pete (1), Katie (6))

(Laser bolts, explosions)

01:REBEL: I’ve got to get to the hangar!

01:STEVE: Halt! You’re surrounded! Give up!

02:REBEL: I’ve got the plans to the Empire’s battle station, all I need to do is escape!

01:EMMA: What /is/ all that rukus?

01:PETE: It’s a rebel, he’s got some data tapes or something. He’s using our doorway as cover.

02:EMMA: Katie, could you…

01:KATIE: I’m on it.

(particularly loud explosion)

03:REBEL: Okay… If I take out that one soldier… I should be able to…

02:KATIE: Excuse me…

04:REBEL: What?

(laser bolts stop)

03:KATIE: Yeah. I don’t know if you noticed this sign or not…

05:REBEL: Sign? Look, lady… I’m kind of in a fire fight here.

04:KATIE: Lady? Anyway, the sign. No loitering.

(pause)

06:REBEL: Are you SERIOUS?

05:KATIE: Very. Only customers are allowed to stand around out here. Now, if you’d like me to get you something…

07:REBEL: Miss. I am part of the rebel alliance…

02:STEVE: And a traitor! Take him away!

08:REBEL: (fading) You… You… distracted me! The plans! I didn’t escape with the plans!

03:STEVE: Thank you, Katie.

06:KATIE: You’re welcome. Hey, you soldier boys don’t forget, at six o-clock we’ve got happy hour, half off all your drinks.

(general assent by the guards, some whistles)

————SCENE2 (Announcer (1), Pete (1))

(music)

01:ANNOUNCER: (Announcer stuff)

01:PETE: The Stargate Cafe is recorded in front of a live audience of cast members.

————SCENE3 (Geoff (1), Emma (5), Fred (5))

(Bar, busy)

01:GEOFF: Emma, my dear, a Stellar please, if you would?

01:EMMA: Sure thing, Geoff. (Yelling) Fred! (pause) Fred!?

01:FRED: Yeah?

02:EMMA: Stellar with cheese.

02:FRED: Hold it. Stellar. T… E… L… A… R… Cheese or not?

03:EMMA: *WITH* cheese.

03:FRED: With. Got it. Give me 10 minutes.

04:EMMA: (sighs) One minute, Fred.

04:FRED: One?

05:EMMA: Yes. If you let it sit for 10 minutes it’ll be charcoal.

05:FRED: Got it. One minute.

————SCENE4 (Geoff (7), Emma (7))

01:GEOFF: New cook?

01:EMMA: 3rd one this week. You don’t know what you’ve got ’til they’re gone.

02:GEOFF: Al was quite the cook. Oh well.

02:EMMA: What’s that you got there? You know we don’t allow outside food or drink.

03:GEOFF: (laughs) This? My dear Emma, this is not a drink. This is an illicit, illegal drug.

03:EMMA: Really? Should you be carrying it around?

04:GEOFF: I confiscated it from a nefarious individual down in basement Z. He was trying to sell it to an unwitting female.

04:EMMA: Unwitting?

05:GEOFF:

Yes. He *said* it was a love potion. Can you believe that? A love

potion. Who ever heard of such a thing. Preposterous.

05:EMMA:

Actually, they say Veneros-8 actually works. It has a pheremone

enhancer in it, so whoever takes it falls madly in love with the first

person they see.

06:GEOFF: Veneros-8? That’s what he called this stuff. Hmm. You really think it’s legitimate?

06:EMMA: Dunno. That’s just what I heard.

07:GEOFF:

Well, if it /is/ legitimate, then it’s even worse. Imagine if something

like this came in contact with the general public?

07:EMMA: Well, keep it close then.

————SCENE5 (Fred (9), Emma (10), Geoff (3))

01:FRED: I got your Jovian ready.

01:EMMA: Nobody ordered a Jovian.

02:FRED: You just ordered a Jovian. With cheese.

02:EMMA: Fred. I wanted a stellar.

03:FRED: Wait. Which one is a burger?

03:EMMA: The stellar.

04:FRED: Stellar. That’s what you ordered.

04:EMMA: YES. Is it what you made?

05:FRED: Yes it is. Here you go.

05:EMMA: He gets blaster bolts with that.

06:FRED: Oh. Yeah. Hold it. Right… here. There you go.

06:EMMA: Thanks Fred.

07:FRED: Can I take my break now? I have to…

07:EMMA: No. Here you go Geoff.

01:GEOFF: Ahh, thank you my dear.

(crunch of biting into something frozen. mabye iceburg lettuce0

02:GEOFF: Aaaagh! This is *frozen*!

08:EMMA: FRED!?

08:FRED: Yeah?

09:EMMA: You need to put it in the cooker for a minute… and then… TURN THE COOKER ON.

09:FRED: Turn it… oh man. I *always* forget that.

10:EMMA: Make another one. Geoff, spit that out. You may want to rinse your mouth out, that was uncooked meat…

03:GEOFF: (spit) I’ll be right back. (fading at end)

————SCENE6 (Pete (5), Emma (3))

01:PETE: Emma?

01:EMMA: Yeah, Pete?

02:PETE: I need you to make a Liquid Crystal for me. I still can’t get the lime to float on the Beetle Juice…

02:EMMA: Okay. Watch this side of the bar.

03:PETE: Got it.

(pause)

04:PETE: Hmm. Who left this bottle out? Just put you back… there.

(bottle clanking noise)

(pause)

03:EMMA: Okay. All done.

05:PETE: Thanks.

————SCENE7 (Fred (4), Emma (4), Geoff (1))

01:FRED: Stellar.

01:EMMA: Cooked?

02:FRED: (annoyed) Yes!

02:EMMA: With cheese?

(pause)

03:FRED: Hold on.

01:GEOFF:

Okay, my dear. I’m back. Is that stellar ready? I’ll need it to go, if

I’m going to get this bottle back to command… Where’s the bottle?

03:EMMA: It was right here.

04:FRED: Here it is with cheese.

04:EMMA: Bag it to go, Fred. Where is the bottle? Pete!

————SCENE8 (Pete (6), Emma (5))

01:PETE: Yeah?

01:EMMA: There was a bottle on the bar.

02:PETE: I put it back behind the bar.

02:EMMA: Where?

03:PETE: Over there.

03:EMMA: Which one was it?

04:PETE: I… don’t remember.

04:EMMA: You did it like thirty seconds ago.

05:PETE: A lot has happened in the past 30 seconds. Wait. It was… this one.

05:EMMA: You’re sure?

06:PETE: Of course I’m sure.

————SCENE9 (Fread (1), Emma (1), Geoff (1))

(bag)

01:FRED: Stellar with cheese. In a bag.

(bag)

01:EMMA: *thank* you. Geoff. Here you go. And here’s your bottle.

01:GEOFF: Thank you. Good day.

————SCENE10 (Pete (4), Holland (11), Emma (6))

01:PETE: Holland!  Good morning.

01:HOLLAND: Hey, Pete.  Gimme a shot.

02:PETE: Of?

02:HOLLAND: I don’t care.  What’s that bottle?

03:PETE: Dunno.

03:HOLLAND: Then one of those.

(pour, drink, glas on counter)

04:HOLLAND: Pah… Hm.  Not much of a kick to that one.

01:EMMA: Holland, I’m glad you’re here.  Your tab’s getting close to a hundred credits.

05:HOLLAND: I’ll… Pay… Hrm… This is odd.

02:EMMA: What’s odd?

06:HOLLAND: I never noticed, before.  The light.  When it hits your face…

04:PETE: Holland?  You feelin’ okay?

07:HOLLAND: My dear, dear Emma. I do not /believe/ I’ve ever been in the presence of a woman so fair.

(pause)

03:EMMA: This isn’t going to get you out of your tab…

08:HOLLAND: My tab!  My tab!

04:EMMA: A hundred credits.

09:HOLLAND:

Is that all?  For you, my dear, anything.  Would you… Could you?  I

shy from asking…  Emma, my dear dear Emma.  Would you permit me the

favor of a dance?

(pause)

05:EMMA: A… dance…

10:HOLLAND: Come, my sweet.

06:EMMA: There’s no musi-OH!

11:HOLLAND: (fading) Our love will be the only music you need!

————SCENE11 (John (12), Holland (3), Pete (11), Emma (9)

01:JOHN: Hey hey… HEY!

01:HOLLAND: Sorry, John!  Dancing here!

02:JOHN: I see that.  Pete?

01:PETE: Don’t ask me.  He was all normal and then started dancing.

03:JOHN: Oh… Kay…

02:PETE: So, what’cha need?

04:JOHN: Nothing.  I’m just stopping in on my way by.  Check… THIS out.

03:PETE: Oooh. A ring. Is that a /real/ faux diamond?

05:JOHN: Bona-fide.

04:PETE: I’m flattered.  But, I’m really not interested.

06:JOHN: (laughing) Shut up.  It’s for Bridget.  I’m going to propose.

05:PETE: Get OUT!  Really?

07:JOHN: Yeah.

06:PETE: Well congratulations.  Let’s have a drink to celebrate.

08:JOHN: Okay.

07:PETE: Here, let’s try this new stuff.

01:EMMA: (panting) No, Holland.  I’m done.  I really think you should go home now.

02:HOLLAND: The fire in my heart tells me to stay!

02:EMMA: Do /not/ make me call the cops, Holland.

(pause)

03:HOLLAND: All right.  Until we meet again, my dear.  My dear, dear Emma.  Emma.  My sweet.

03:EMMA: Don’t forget the hundred credits!  Oh my pod, Pete, I need a stiff drink.

08:PETE: Pouring.

(pouring, swallowing, glass on counter)

04:EMMA: Pah. Hm.  Not much of a kick to that one.

09:JOHN: Hey, Pete, let’s have ours, too.

05:EMMA: John.  My word you’re looking good today.  I /do/ love a man in uniform.

10:JOHN: Oh, thanks.  I mean, it is just the Gal-Ex uniform but, HEY!

06:EMMA: (giggle)

11:JOHN: You *pinched* me!

09:PETE: Emma?

07:EMMA: Pete.  Leave us.  I need to make a *special delive