🎙️ EP 314: Tennis Champs, Toxic Massages & the Return of Mel the Menace

New motto, new chaos, same unfiltered truth.
This episode is a full-body experience—like a massage that should’ve relaxed you but instead left you questioning everything about life and bathroom etiquette.
From Jared being a certified lunatic (again), to the gym being church, to why America’s mad at a 66-year-old man for liking hot women… let’s talk about it all.

💭 Jay’s New Motto:

"With a positive attitude and plenty of money, you can solve all your problems."
Is it deep? No.
Is it true? Absolutely.
Say it out loud. Now say it with your chest.

💩 Jared Update: Butthole of the Week

Sends me his “five-step process” for how he processes my answers to his own stupid questions. This is serial killer behavior.

Won a local tennis tournament and is now walking around like he’s sponsored by Nike.

BREAKING NEWS: He’s engaged. I can’t believe she said yes. But if this means I get fewer texts… God bless that woman.

🧴 Buzzed Buddy Update:

Fourth of July Sale: 20% OFF + Free Samples
Your liver’s best friend is throwing a party and you’re invited.
🎯 www.buzzedbuddy.com

💆‍♂️ Massage Horror Story:

100-minute massage. Thought I was treating myself.
Halfway through? Nature calls, chaos ensues.
I hate massages. I should’ve known better.

🎩 Butler Service = Life Upgrade

Is it bougie? Yes.
Do I care? Absolutely not.
Having someone fold your laundry while you sip espresso in a robe changes your entire outlook on life. 10/10. No notes.

🫣 What Are We Doing Out Here?!

Diddy out here being Diddy, and the receipts are nasty.
Hollywood is just Florida with a bigger budget. That’s all I’ll say.

🌹 The Golden Bachelor Debacle:

Look—I’ve been a Bachelor fan since day one, but this new Golden Bachelor guy, Mel Owens, is getting lit up just for saying he likes women with a certain look.
He’s 66, not dead. And if being honest is now cancelable, we’re all in trouble.

🏋️‍♂️ Why I Still Love the Gym:

I looked around mid-cardio and saw every walk of life—young, old, jacked, struggling, hopeful.
And I thought: THIS is the place.
Different people, one goal: get better.
If that doesn’t fire you up, check your pulse.

🍽️ Nutrition/Fitness Tip of the Week:

Magnesium spray on your feet before bed.
Sleep hits different when your nervous system chills the hell out.

🔥 Message of the Week:

Sit at the table of the dreamers, the go-getters, the star gazers, the warriors, the change makers. The conversation hits different. If you’re tired of small talk and fake vibes, maybe it’s time to change your damn table.

🎧 Press play now. Laugh, nod, cringe (at Jared), and maybe even re-evaluate your opinion on butler service.
This is Happy Hour… the Jay way.