Clinginess is not desperation. It is the body's attempt to secure safety in a system that has only ever known insecurity. What many people label as "needy," "too much," or "attached too quickly" is actually a trauma-driven response rooted in one core belief: I do not trust anyone, including myself.

In this episode, I break down the attachment injuries that create clinginess, the developmental history behind it, and why it is not a durable personality trait. You will learn how clinginess forms in environments where attention is inconsistent, affection is unpredictable, words and actions do not align, or reciprocity is missing. When you finally experience genuine safety, clinginess softens naturally. Not because you force yourself to "be less needy," but because your system stops bracing for disappearance.

We also explore how clinginess shows up in adult relationships and in healing spaces like therapy and group programs, including:

• Wanting constant reassurance
• Texting excessively between sessions or dates
• Panic when you do not hear back
• Fear of disappointing others
• Fear of being too much
• Attaching quickly before assessing trustworthiness
• Bracing for abandonment
• Leaving before you can be left

These are trust injuries, not personal flaws.

You will leave this episode with clear, practical steps to build the kind of trust that naturally softens clinginess over time, including how to communicate your needs early, how to set realistic expectations, how to avoid give-to-get patterns, and how to identify where you are compromising in ways that create more anxiety.

I also offer reflection prompts to take into therapy or your healing container so you can identify which Parts are using clinginess as a survival strategy and what they need to feel safer.

Your clinginess is not who you are.
Your system is still trying to locate safety.

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop
Live on Zoom.

If you have the time and the money for your healing but no real plan, this workshop is for you. Over four live sessions, I teach "The Map" for a two-year "had CPTSD" journey so you can stop improvising and start following a diagnosis-based plan that actually makes sense. You will leave with clear direction, practical next steps, and the confidence to move forward with purpose.

→ Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship?
→ Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave?
→ Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again?
→ Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life?
→ Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit

Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns.

About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast

Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why.

Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system.

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD in Education and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution.

If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.