049: THE VALET KEY - Boundaries and Expectations
In this episode, hosted by Mike Olsen, we discuss boundaries in relationships and in the workplace.
What is the definition of “boundaries”?
What kinds of problems are created with un-defined, un specified, lack of clearly defined boundaries?
Undiscussed boundaries lead to resentment, disappointment, anger, frustration, sketchy behaviors, then excuses.
What happens when boundaries are overly rigid?
Isolated, boring life, stifling creativity and spontaneity, suffocation
What does it look like when you have healthy boundaries:
Negotiated between the parties, third party approval, free and safe to explore who they are / what they want to become, safety and security, permission to explore life, shared control.
Why men lack assertiveness in boundary setting? Fear, laziness, people pleasing
Effective ways to set boundaries? What are the words to use?
“I” statements: discuss what you are willing to do, NOT what the other MUST do.
Don’t duck out. Don’t quit. If you need to take a break, do so, but don’t walk out entirely and not come back to it. Believe that at the end, there will be a solution, make it so.
Be as emotional as is warranted, and be free with those emotions
Put them in writing if you feel you can't communicate them verbally
Learn how to argue and negotiate, be gracious in your ‘defeat’
Accept that conflict is going to happen and be mature enough to endure it
“What do you expect the boundary to look like”
Define the boundary title. What is it you are trying to decide?
Examples of when a boundary is crossed?
“Dates” or involvement with other people
What is a HEALTHY way to deal with a crossed boundary
Relationships are continually re-negotiated based on new information or new situations as they come up, be mature and wise enough to see where you may have been wrong-humble and teachable
Move out, sleep in a different bed, do what you gotta do.
Communicate effectively, right time and right space, that the boundary has been crossed.
Allow your partner to prepare
Let them know that there has been a boundary crossed and it’s important to discuss.
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