DiscoverThe Alpha Quorum Show053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution
053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution

053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution

Update: 2020-04-17
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Description

In segment two of a two-part series on healthy relationships, we explore the role of commitment and conflict resolution in healthy relationships.




Questions answered in this episode:



  • What is the role of commitment in good relationships?


  • How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?



Other topics discussed:




HOW DOES THE TYPICAL, UN-EVOLVED DUDE DEAL WITH COMMITMENT



  • Holes in the fence


  • Flirty


  • Lusts after others



DEFINE COMMITMENT



  • In the short-term, to the decision that you love this person


  • in the long-term: the decision to maintain that love.


  • These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship.



DECIDE TO LOVE THEM



  • They’ve probably changed


  • Decide to be their person, always


  • Me now vs. us always



DECIDE TO MAINTAIN IT



  • Do the work


  • Decide to stay


  • Decide to be loyal


  • Know where the pitfalls are



BOUNDARIES



  • Stay true


  • Don’t jeopardize it with poor boundaries



HOW DOES THE TYPICAL DUDE FIGHT?



  • Gaslighting


  • Avoids


  • Rolls eyes


  • Complains about her crying


  • Attack mode


  • Passive aggression



ESTABLISH RULES



  • In UFC, hockey, and even war there are rules



YOU HAVE TO FIGHT



  • Avoidance of conflict: one of the  greatest predictors of divorce


  • Conflict IS intimacy



    • You’ve never had a true friend if you didn’t have some squabbles





MAKE AN APPOINTMENT



  • Is now a good time?


  • Take a time out if needed



STATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS WITH EMOTIONAL WORDS



  • Our emotional vocab is so limited


  • Know when to express frustration vs. annoyance vs.


  • I feel __________ when _______ happens


  • Try not to even say “YOU”



NO YELLING OR NAME CALLING



  • In court, there is none of this, even though parties HIGHLY disagree.  Why? Respect for the institution!



NO OLD STUFF



  • Bringing up the past is a weapon used to WIN



APOLOGIES and FORGIVENESS



  • Apologize when you’re wrong


  • But don’t demand one if they are


  • Forgive



Relevant Links:




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053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution

053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution

The Alpha Quorum Show