058: WHIPPED CREAM - How to Validate Your Partner
Validation. In its simplest form, it's recognizing your spouse or partner. When you validate her, you see her - you get it. That's what she wants and needs from you. Today, we're going to talk about what validation is, how you can provide this need to your partner, and how being a high-value man is the ultimate validation.
Questions to be answered today:
- What is validation, and why do we need to validate our partners?
- What is the ultimate source of validation in a relationship with a woman?
- How and when should I validate my partner?
- Do you know your partner and what kind of validation she needs from you?
What is validation?
- Direct feedback - you see the actions and contributions
- Acceptance for who she is. Her thoughts/feelings are valid.
- being with her without judging her
What validation is not ?
- You don't have to agree or accept her ideas as your own.
- You don't have to give up your ideas to accommodate her.
- Not correcting her if you perceive faulty logic (just being emotional) (invalidation)
Why do we need to validate our partner?
- Validation elicits participation - promotes communication, intimacy (better sex)
- Let's your partner know you are engaged (Red 9) and on the same page
- Maslow's hierarchy of needs - validation is a part of esteem, this makes her feel protected, less isolated, less vulnerable, and safe.
You! An Alpha is a high-value man.
- You are a leader- the kind of man she's proud to be with. Be a WIN for her.
- High-value validation- it feels good when someone at work notices your contributions, but when the big boss notices you, it's on a whole other level.
- You meet and exceed her expectations - you get it.
How does being a high-value man validate her?
- Not reactive, you're in control (exactly what she needs when she needs validation)
- Honest with her when you need to be (this adds value to your validation, she knows you won't just patronize her, your talk isn't cheap, it's genuine)
- You being with her is social proof that she's a high-value woman.
Your self-validation makes you a high-value man.
- When you validate yourself, you lead by example. The stronger influence you have in her life, the more she will mimic you (follow your lead through mirroring)
- Living by Red 9 principles makes you a high-value man
- An Alpha is balanced, he keeps her inspired, his words matter because he lives up to his ideals (he has validity).
- Don't be disingenuous. That will just make her suspicious (does he just want to get laid)
- Be consistent. Consistency will prove your authenticity.
- Be truthful, say what you see.
Other tenets of validation
- Be present, paying attention, not multi-tasking, really listening.
- Acceptance - there is no right or wrong, no judgment, no fixing
When do you validate her?
- Good to be consistent, but don't make it something you check off a list each day, reserve it to when needed so it remains genuine.
- When she's not expecting it, be engaged enough to notice any changes in mood.
- Especially during a bad/stressful day, be discerning.
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