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In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.

Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.

You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.

If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.

Takeaways

• Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
• Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
• Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
• Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
• Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
• Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
• You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.

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