#149 How To Get Turned On By Life, and Sexually with Juliet Allen
We're keeping the sexual embers alive and burning on the podcast today. Australia's leading sexologist (and SuperFeast's favourite), Juliet Allen, talks to Mason about post-birth sexual desire, how to funnel sexual energy into all areas of your life and filling your cup first so it can overflow with more energy for yourself and others. Almost eight months after the birth of her son, this conversation reveals another blooming layer of Juliet that we've never seen before. She talks very openly about her lib*do, while fully immersed in the role of motherhood, her evolution as a sexologist with such longevity in the industry, and why advocating more time for self is so connected to our sexual vigour. Mason discusses the best herbs and practices for supporting our Jing/Kidney essence and how to maintain long-term sexual vitality well into our old age. Make sure you tune in, you don't want to miss this episode.
"I feel all those things contribute to sexual desire, and that's not just coming from me, but for the hundreds of people with whom I've worked. A lot of the work I do with people when I'm coaching is evaluating their life and going, "Okay, what's working? What's not? How can you get more time to yourself?" or whatever it is. As soon as they get their ducks in a row, become more organised, and start advocating for themselves and what's important again, the lib*do is like BOOM. 'Oh, surprise, surprise. You want to have sex again', every time".
- Juliet Allen
Mason and Juliet Discuss:
- Sexuality in isolation.
- Lack of lib*do shaming.
- Birth and sexual energy.
- Excessive leaky sexuality.
- Jing essence within the Kidneys.
- Self pleasure without ejaculation.
- Leaking Jing and long-term sexual vitality.
- The Yin/Yang expression of sexual essence.
- SuperFeast tonics for sexual essence / lib*do.
- Why advocating for time to self is so important.
- Tantra; Choosing with awareness what brings joy.
- Juliet's postpartum journey with her sexual desire.
Who is Juliet Allen?
Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Tantra practitioner, host of the Authentic Sex podcast, and head teacher at the Pleasure School.
Juliet comes from a background in psychology and sexology, is a qualified Yoga Teacher, and is trained as a Kundalini Tantra practitioner.
Juliet is a committed mother, passionate entrepreneur, and lover of all-things sex and sensuality. Known for authentically sharing her own experiences as a sexually empowered woman, Juliet is committed to freeing people from mundane and disempowered sexual relationships and opens up the conversation of how to have great sex every day.
Now Australia’s leading Sexologist, she resides in the hinterland of Northern New South Wales, Australia. Juliet spends her days with her family, making love and swimming in the ocean.
Q: How Can I Support The SuperFeast Podcast?
Check Out The Transcript Here:
Mason: (00:00 )
Hello, Australia's leading sexologist and SuperFeast's favourite sexologist, friend of the show.
Juliet Allen: (00:07 )
Hi, Mase. Thanks for having me back.
Mason: (00:10 )
Yeah. I think this is round three, I think, for the SuperFeast Podcast. I think-
Juliet Allen: (00:18 )
I think so.
Mason: (00:19 )
Remember the first one you came to that we sat in that spare room of that house I had I think up in Coorabell? That was the first one for the SuperFeast Podcast.
Juliet Allen: (00:30 )
Yeah, I remember that. That was fun. Yeah. I think it's around three. I was trying to think about that this morning, as to how many we've done now together. It's always fun though, so I'm glad to be back.
Mason: (00:37 )
Yeah, and I'll never forget the one over on my old podcast, the Mason Taylor Show, masturbation in utero.
Juliet Allen: (00:45 )
Oh. What a great title.
Mason: (00:46 )
Yeah. I think that still just randomly trends every now and then. It just enters into the charts of top downloads. I'm like, "Oh yeah, there it goes again."
Juliet Allen: (00:56 )
Yeah. You can't go past that one.
Mason: (00:59 )
Thanks for coming on. I know you're postpartum right now and I know you're in that baby bubble, and I just really appreciate you coming on. We're having a libido month as you know at SuperFeast, which can mean any number of things when you're coming at it from the way we talk about sex and libido and daoism. I just really value your take always on how to more... I mean, someone said to me yesterday, they don't like me using the word sustainable, and I think because it's been politicised and turned into green washy, shitty businesses going, "We're super sustainable." Just like, "Dude, you're a fucking beer company. Shut up."
Juliet Allen: (01:39 )
Oh, I said that to Nick the other day. I got some promo from a clothing company saying, "We're sustainable." I was like, "What? Does that make me just want to buy your clothes, now that you've just put a sentence on the end of an email saying you're sustainable?" Like, it just, I don't believe a word of it. I don't believe a word.
Mason: (01:59 )
No, I mean let's, we could go on about that. Businesses should just be in reality, do the best they can and stop patting themselves on the back so much. But in terms of sustainability, talking to you about libido and sexuality, you've been doing this for so long, and you have this amazing ability to go into, have those fun taboo conversations that burst through these layers of mental programming. They're like, "You're not allowed to talk about libido that way or anal that way," or whatever it is.
Mason: (02:30 )
Then at the same time, this is what I talk about a lot in the podcast when I talk to practitioners, I like practitioners that can treat symptom and disease, but know that they need to provide the bridge over to never coming back to the practitioner ideally as well. Which you have that ability to bring people into this beautiful world of sexual essence, everything, sex, love, and then know that we are bridging over to that essence and that reawakening and renaissance of people connecting their sexuality, connecting and integrating to their life so that they have a real, sustainable, in harmony life where that's integrated. That's why I like talking to you and why I wanted to jam about libido with you. So yeah, what's on your mind and in other places and things?
Juliet Allen: (03:20 )
What, with libido or life?
Mason: (03:22 )
Yeah, I mean libido mostly.
Juliet Allen: (03:24 )
Well, I was saying to you off air, let's call it, that my libido is actually, since giving birth has been... Well, no, I lie. I gave birth and then straight away my libido was bam, back on. Literally within a couple of days. I was, like, "Whoa, this is amazing." I thought I was like a unicorn, because I'd heard so many stories. Obviously this was my second baby, so I'd been through it before. But I'd heard so many stories from clients who had said, "My libido hit rock bottom, and it was really challenging." I'd never really experienced that.
Juliet Allen: (04:05 )
So then my libido came back online straight away and I thought, "Yep, it doesn't happen to me." Fast forward about two months postpartum and I just, my libido disappeared. I got to two months postpartum, and my libido just disappeared. I'm now seven months, seven and a half months postpartum and I still don't have much of a libido, which is really new for me. As you know, my libido is always pretty high, and I have quite a... It's quite consistently high.
Juliet Allen: (04:41 )
It's cool though. I really love it, because it's giving me an opportunity to feel what it's like to have a really long period without really feeling like sex, except for when I'm ovulating. I'm all for it when I'm ovulating. That happens to a lot of women. Yeah. That's where I'm at with it. But I'm also really cool with it. Because I'm like, "Yeah, this is a season in my life where I'm parenting my new son, and I'm being super present with him and we both are, and that's a priority for us." We co-sleep and I'm breastfeeding on demand and all the things that feel good for us.
Juliet Allen: (05:25 )
Occasionally I say to my partner, Nick, "Baby, are you okay?" Because I'm not used to being the partner who's not up for it so this is new for me. I'm like, "Are you okay?" He's like, "Babe, I'm fine. This is our season to just be with Soul and it's going to change and it's okay." We still have sex every now and then. So I wanted to be honest about that because here I am talking about libido and mine's quite low at the moment, but I also think that that's really normal and that there'd be so many people listening who'd be like, "Oh my God, thank God. It's normal."
Mason: (06:05 )
Yeah, I was hoping to have a few thank God moments. I love talking about the spiciest of topics. Then we were just talking about the Byron Bay tantra scene and just thinking about little hot pockets. I'm thinking about the Ashram communities over in Costa Rica, everywhere, just how they're sacred little places where everyone can be excessively sexual and create these abnormal expectations on libido. All of a sudden all the personal practises, whether it's Daoist practise or tantric practise, starts revolving around sexual essence and libido.
Mason: (06:41 )
So it's good to go through those little initiation bubbles, but when that expectation becomes the norm, it's really, I find it disturbing to think that people have to go into that level of isolated dedication to sexuality and libido. Always being at this, probably if you think about over a 50 year period, it's very unreasonable to expect yourself to be at that peak that our mind tells us is actually healthy. Then at the same time, you've got to juggle processing your, let's isolate anger and let's process our anger. Then let's isolate our mental acuity. Then let's isolate the gaining of skills and then isolate being a good husband or wife or partner. It's all these isolated things, it's like they're good for a moment or a period to isolate and study, but then it has to become integrated so you're not thinking about these things and it becomes a wholeness.
Mason: (07:44 )
I'm interested there. For you, if libido not being present, but then what is there? Because libido is like a dangle, as we were talking about earlier. It's a dangle to talk about this, but your libido's not gone. Your libido's connected to other parts of your body. I'm sure you're getting lots of insights as to as Nick said, going into maybe a winter season around the yang expression, which is maybe that's what we call libido, the yang expression of sexual essence. What are you learning about the different sides of the libido conversation?
Juliet Allen: (08:18 )
Yeah, that's a really good topic. I love talking about this. What I'm noticing is, and what I see libido as is also an expression of our creative energy and that they're quite similar, that our sexual energy and creative energy is one really to me. It's interesting because I'm not feeling to connect sexually much. I think that's due to many reasons. I guess we could talk about how different things impact our libido. For me at the moment, I know it's lack of sleep at night because Soul's up a fair bit. I'm not, if I were to be honest, food prepping as much as usual so my nutrition's probably gone down. We still eat amazingly, but not as good as we would like to. I think that's impacting, and then lack of solitude is impacting my libido. I'm making sure I schedule it in, but it's so little compared to what I had before so that definitely impacts me.
Juliet Allen: (09:30 )
Then I think I get to the end of the day, or I wake up in the morning and I've been breastfeeding a lot. When you've got a baby on your hip all the time, you're always in contact with something. So the last thing I feel like is then going back into contact and intimacy with my partner. So they're, just backtracking, some of the things I think have been impacting me with libido. But what I'm noticing is because I'm not dropping into that energy with myself or with Nick, I've got so many creative ideas. It's like a bubbling pot in my head and it's actually, I'm trying to get more organised in my week so that I can actually schedule in the morning, which is called my creative morning or whatever we are going to call it, where I can just get all the ideas out of my head onto paper and then look at it and go, "Okay, how could I manifest these? How can I create them? How can I get my team involved?" But I think that what I'm noticing, is that now that I'm not engaging in sex as often, the energy's being redirected into new creations.
Mason: (10:48 )
What is that showing you? There's so many things going on in my head. The one hearing you, I just can see the value of understanding that there's certain things you're not able to do when you're in this bubble of nurturing your little one, that it's okay. Maybe it's just not the time, but you're doing enough and being aware of just because it's winter, keep the embers, let's just do enough to keep the embers going, knowing that it's going to come back. Because I think it's probably a good thing to be aware of, for people not to get it down on themselves when it goes right down, but really try not let those embers go out. I think a lot of people do have that year or two or three years sometimes after birth where the libido flame goes. Right?
Juliet Allen: (11:35 )
Yeah. They do. Yeah. It's a good one, the embers thing, because yeah, I think it's important not to let it go out completely. I don't feel like for myself that that's happened at all, and it's definitely picked up in the last month since Soul's gone on solids actually, because he's having a tiny bit less feeds. It's like I'm having that bit more of space to myself. But yeah, you got to keep the embers just simmering away, whatever you say. I think that's what's great about using, and this wasn't intentionally a plug for SuperFeast, but every day I use the SuperFeast products, and I think they help me and they definitely help Nick. He swears by them for libido, help the embers just keep hot.
Mason: (12:27 )
Yeah. The tonics, even if we, and we'll use them as a reason to talk about this concept of keeping the embers alive. If we're not having the pressure to have to be, and it doesn't have to be postpartum. I know a lot of guys. I know I've gone through this phase where I've been come the closest I've ever come to a depression or a self-hatred and after having some what I considered monumental failures, and everyone's like, "Your failures are your biggest lessons," and I'm like, "Yeah, they are now." But at the time, my whole identity is crumbling and it's hard, so I definitely, I've had that phase.
Mason: (13:13 )
And of course when I talk about the tonics and lifestyle, it pales in comparison to having open communication with for me with my lover or even if you've got just a good friend, if you're alone or journaling with yourself to be like, "This is what's going on." Just that alone can keep those embers alive and not let it go out. But then talking about tonic herbalism, it's where they fit in a lot of the time. And people do associate taking say the deer antler or Cordyceps and being like, "I'm horny, I'm hard." But sometimes it is about taking them during convalescence periods, postpartum periods. It's just they're not going to let you, they're going to help you just not tip over the edge.
Mason: (14:02 )
Same as you saying, I think this is an important one because I feel like there's a lot of subconscious no libido shaming sometimes in our culture, especially in our circles, and you saying you've got Nick, you're talking to Nick, and he's like, "I've got awareness of this is a season of our life." You're trying to have moments where you do book in your solitude, which seems like it's obvious. It's like, that's hard when you've got a lot going on. That just keeps it alive without necessarily I think with the tonics even taking tonics, not expecting them to just turn the libido on, not seeing it as a failure that they don't immediately, it's not all bubbling over straight away. But it is a just keep hanging on, keep those embers alive and just clinging on that little bit. I think that's a really important distinction. Glad you we danced there.
Juliet Allen: (14:53 )
Yeah. It's a long term thing I think with the tonics too. It's not just like, "Oh, I'm going to take deer antler this morning in my cacao." I mean, Nick swears by deer antler though. He's just so protective of his jar of deer antler. If I haven't put it in, he's like, "Where's the deer antler? Why didn't you put it in?" However, I don't think-
Mason: (15:11 )
Nick's a winner, though. Nick's a winner. That's why.
Juliet Allen: (15:14 )
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it. Yeah. But I think with the tonics, for me it's a long term thing. I know that if I have them, which I do daily, they're keeping me just simmering away, but also looking up to my health long term, which is what my vision is. I'm going to be in my sixties, seventies and still enjoying a really great sex life and not get to 60 and be like, "Yeah, now I have cobwebs and I'm never going to have sex again." That kind of mentality. I want to feel vitality and I want to feel libido and I want to enjoy a great sex life for a long life. I know people and mentors in my life who have that and that's my long term vision. So incorporating things like the tonic herbs is part of that long term vision for me.
Mason: (16:05 )
I think that's because when you think about that vision, we're going 50 years into the future, it's impossible to hold onto all of those. I want good bone structure. I want good mental health. I want good libido. I want to be able to be generous. I want to be able to receive. I want to be able to dominate. I want be able to also submit. It's too much to hold. I think this is again why I appreciate talking to you about sex so much is that we just such a deep dive into the subject and then such a relinquishing of the isolation of the subject and watching it bleed over into a real life that doesn't have idealism within it to be where it's boring and hard to... It's the most interesting thing, but in an Instagram world, it's the most boring thing to try and market this reality.
Mason: (16:57 )
But yet I know I like the SuperFeast podcast and having conversations with you. I feel like I've been a custodian from that road to Rome that you sit in, where people go, "Wow, at some point I really do forget about libido and I really do forget about sexuality in isolation. I become integrated and harmonious so that all of those things by happy accident are there when you're 60 or 80." I want to talk to you about that. Because the tonic herbalism is about having the capacity for say spontaneous joy. You have the capacity for libido to emerge, which is different to giving you libido. Here right now you've cultivated capacity for it to emerge.
Mason: (17:44 )
I don't know if you've got any insights there around that relating to your own sexuality and your own libido in order to make that, to be able to perceive how it's something that is bubbling under the surface and you're cultivating and it comes out at a natural time without possessing you. Yeah. That's I guess my question I'm roundabouting.
Juliet Allen: (18:08 )
Oh, a couple of things pop up for me around that. What did you say about joy with the tonic herbs?
Mason: (18:15 )
It's especially from the Ayurvedic as they talk about taking the tonics in order to cultivate a capacity for spontaneous joy.
Juliet Allen: (18:24 )
Ah, that's so good. Because tantra, which I teach and which you mentioned, and I've studied lots and experienced and travelled the world learning about. Tantra for me, the definition I was told by a mentor of mine is choosing with awareness what brings joy to our life. So tantra isn't just about like, "Let's have a orgy and all the kind of myths around tantra," although there is a lot of that going on, but choosing with awareness, what brings joy. So it just popped in my mind, the link there between the herbs and what you just said about joy and then tantra, which is for me choosing a lifestyle and a life that brings joy. But for me, when I feel joy, I also feel like the embers are alive and that I'm feeling turned on by life.
Juliet Allen: (19:22 )
That's the most important thing for me. The most important thing for me is not having sex every day and having multiple orgasms and all the stuff that's in Instagram at the moment, squirting and this and that. If you do this in the G-spot and all these things that are becoming more and more spoken about, which is awesome, because it's downing the stigma. But for me it's like how can I feel turned on in work? How can I feel turned on within my family and not in a, you know what I mean by that? How can I feel really, yeah, excited by life, because when I feel excited and when I feel joy, then I'm more likely to feel like I want to share that with others, including share it sexually, share that energy.
Mason: (20:16 )
I mean, look, I know you brought up getting turned on in life, turned on within family and then we got to be like... But I know what you mean, but I think about it quite often. It's how we want to deny in birth that that came from sex and love. So we're like, "No, not allowed to have any of that near," which I get, because it's a very, that's a very nuanced conversation that a lot of people new to the conversation would be like, "Oh, hey, you can't bring that energy near children." Which it's like, yeah, hear your nuanced conversation, but don't literally throw baby out with the bath water. I think it's a symptom of that isolation. Like, all right. Sex sits over here and that energy sits over there. Then that energy can't come anywhere in real life or around other people. You do that where only God can see you and then God's watching dirty little [inaudible 00:21:16 ], you know?
Juliet Allen: (21:18 )
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, with the birth stuff I could get into that big time around, yeah. I don't know whether we go there, but how that energy brings the child in, and then we're not encouraged to enjoy that energy when it comes into the birth space in general, unless you have the midwife I had or the birth team of your dreams that does encourage that. But yeah, so much there.
Mason: (21:51 )
I mean, by all means jump into it, but I just wanted to bring up that it's like a real syndrome that people are trying to cut that part of themselves that they associate purely with sexuality and libido and that feeling and that energy from anywhere else in their life. But if you get out of the Western colonised way of thinking, you'll see it's not just pure sexuality. It is like a lustre for life.
Juliet Allen: (22:16 )
Yeah. That's what it is. When I say turned on by your family, it's not like I'm feeling all horny when I pick up my son. It's not that. That's what mainstream would be, "Oh, yeah, she's a fucking whatever you call it."
Mason: (22:30 )
Exactly. They would.
Juliet Allen: (22:31 )
It's like, no, I'm talking about I'm excited when I walk into the family home and Nick's in the kitchen with Soul on his hip and my daughter's in her bedroom at the moment because she's 15 and a half and loves hanging. But you know, when my daughter's in the house, it's like I'm feeling excited by that. I'm not feeling like, "Oh God, back to the family or okay, locking in for dinnertime." You know, I want to bring that energy into everyday life. Yeah.
Mason: (23:06 )
I mean, I would love because I think we're close to birth as well, so I'm always interested to talk about birth and the reality of the energy of birth. But just very quickly, and I think you've covered it a lot on your podcast and I think we've probably talked about it before, but just some basic maybe some kind words or some guiding words for people who maybe they love their life and they love their family, et cetera, but it's just that spark is perhaps not there. Perhaps they could do with a few real practical things that they can do or practises perhaps from the sexual realms of themselves that they could explore to see what's emotionally energetically or sexually in the way of them just getting that spark back when they walk into work, family home, when they're going to bed. Any just little guidance?
Juliet Allen: (23:56 )
Oh, there's so much to that.
Mason: (23:57 )
You have one sentence, one sentence to nail it.
Juliet Allen: (23:59 )
Stop it. Neither you or nor I are a one sentence person when it comes to these topics. Look, for me, it's like coming back to where, and this is so cliche saying this, but how can we fill up our own cup so that we walk into the family home feeling full within ourselves so that there's this bubbling brook just overflowing so that we can then share that with our family. That is so easy to say and quite challenging I would say for a lot of parents. You know what it can feel like to have a child and want to give them everything and then you can neglect yourself. I can neglect myself because I just want to give so much. So for in particular parents, it's like defining what's going to make you feel like you are overflowing so that you can give that to your family.
Juliet Allen: (25:04 )
Because when I feel overflowing, I feel like, "Okay, now I can give." Whereas when I'm coming from the dry well, it's resentment. Resentment begins to build and that's just a killer for relationships. It's a killer for your relationship with your kids, if you're resenting them. Catch yourself if you're feeling any sort of resentment and then communicate that and then get help, like therapy, coaching, mentors, whatever you need. Yeah. This feels like really basic stuff but it's stuff that really helps me.
Mason: (25:41 )
I mean, well I guess again, if we are talking about it over a 60 year period, you are going to come back to the basics I think constantly. It's just whatever releases the dam. I mean, I will go quickly because I know people don't want to hear from me. They want to hear from you, but-
Juliet Allen: (25:57 )
No, they probably do want to hear from you. I would.
Mason: (25:59 )
Maybe, maybe both. Me too, secretly.
Juliet Allen: (26:04 )
Mason: (26:11 )
I think you've just reminded me though of what is often a dam for myself and remembering different ways to fill up my cup. I guess one of the ways I forget that I can fill up my cup is, because sometimes I'm like, "God." I'm moving, I'm even doing some meditation. I'm really trying to make sure that I have time with Tahnee and my kids, and something just still feels like, Great. I go to therapy. What the hell is happening?"
Mason: (26:41 )
I think I've spoken to enough guys that I know for me, this isn't an all the time practise, but maybe a once a year period where I'm really good at not feeling, which is I think a stigma for men, but I feel like for everybody. But I think you see there's a renaissance of especially on Instagram of women going like, "I'm actually going to get in touch with my essence of my sexuality," and they put the videos up. It's all lovely and never would I suggest this for guys to do that, but the essence of that, where-
Juliet Allen: (27:16 )
I'd love to see you do a dance video. Could you please? They'd like it.
Mason: (27:19 )
I mean, I've got my character. I've got my character, the Conscious Cucumber, that I do.
Juliet Allen: (27:23 )
Oh my gosh. Yeah. I think you've written about that.
Mason: (27:27 )
I've got an influencer as well, Masella-Moon.
Juliet Allen: (27:29 )
Oh, I love the influencer. You could do a merge of the two and do a really amazing dance video where you're feeling into. Yeah. Anyway, sorry.
Mason: (27:39 )
Oh, I was just going to say sometimes for me the thing that I need to release the dam of me getting some colour, because I'm just really, I'm just so good at hiding from my feelings and pretending. I'm a good actor. Is just that 20 minutes of self-pleasure without the focus being on release and ejaculation. I remember when I first came across that practise, for me people listening to me would know I'm pretty comfortable talking about sex and talking about my sexuality. I've had open conversations with Tahnee about it on this podcast, with yourself.
Mason: (28:14 )
But actually again, it sometimes can be like, "Oh, I've gone into a little bit of an act of my outward identity. Can I sit there for 20 minutes touching myself and feeling myself?" It's like I'm getting the [inaudible 00:28:29 ] for myself. I'm just not a finished project, but that's when I do do that, I put it like, "Okay, I'm going to focus on that this week," and maybe two or three or four times, I am able to do that. It completely releases the emotional dam for me, because I just can't hide from feelings that I have towards myself when I'm in that space. I can when I'm stillness or standing meditation or qigong formations or yin yoga, but when I'm in a self-pleasure without a focus on ejaculation, it's like, yeah, I think it's pretty significant. So yeah. Bringing it back to basics.
Juliet Allen: (29:09 )
Yeah. Thanks for sharing because not everyone's going to share about stuff like that, so it's cool that you feel comfortable to share that. I think it's a really good one you've brought up, is how can we connect with ourselves like that without having the goal of orgasm at the end? It's just connecting in with our sexual essence and our sexual energy, and you're right. You can't hide when you're doing that. You can, I find I can in stillness or silence or meditating or whatever it is. But when I'm just laying there with myself and connecting with that energy, there's no hiding from myself. It's like, "Oh, I can't even bring myself to, what is it, touch myself right now. What the fuck is that?" Jesus, that's... So whatever comes up for you, I'm not saying that's me, but if that came up for me, I'd be like, "Whoa, okay. There's something there." So it's yeah. It's like a self-exploration without the pressure of the big bang at the end or the fucking multiple orgasm or whatever, without having to write about it on Instagram afterwards, without having to talk about it. It's just like, "How can I give this to myself?"
Mason: (30:27 )
I definitely, I think we've talked about this quite a bit and it's fun. I really have fun talking about the cringiness of the excessive sharing and the excessive leaky sexuality that I've definitely been there in this community. Again, it's a phase. It's an initiation phase. Then for me, hopefully, there's an integration where I don't need to feel like that person's touching themselves in front of me at all times and moments at me all the time. But again, it's a phase. Definitely no judgement . I think it's a precious time when someone is going through that and sharing a lot and being really vulnerable, even on Instagram and sharing all their insights and their meditations. But I think there needs to just be, I think we are alluding to a little bit of a maturation in the conversation to be like, "And perhaps then there will be a time where you may not need to go and share that and really play with that without it being good or bad. See what happens when you don't share as much."
Juliet Allen: (31:29 )
Yeah. It's an interesting time. It's really interesting because I've seen it change so much on social media from when I first started working as a sexologist to now, where I was one of the only people and now there's so many people out there talking about sexuality and their experiences, and I think that's really great. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I do, I think what it's done is polarise me into the opposite because I used to share more and I used to talk lots about my sexual experiences, and now seeing so much out there has polarised me into the opposite of like, You know what? Some things have got to stay sacred."
Juliet Allen: (32:14 )
I've always been that way, but even more so now I feel like the most potent amazing experiences are the ones that nobody knows about that I don't feel the need to jump on and talk about afterwards. There's magic in that. I think for me, when I share too much, it takes the magic out of those moments, especially for myself and Nick too. So yeah, I think eventually, there's no judgement on people who feel that that's their avenue to express, but also I think eventually there does come a bit of I like the word maturation. It's a different level of a different stage or phase or level of awareness.
Mason: (33:01 )
Yeah. I wouldn't describe, because I think your energy is very different to when we first spoke I think seven years ago.
Juliet Allen: (33:09 )
Fuck. Yeah. So different.
Mason: (33:10 )
But I also wouldn't, because I don't see you swinging, I don't see that being so much of a pendulum swing where you are in opposition because you're not. I can feel you're not in opposition. As you said, it's just a moving down the path.
Juliet Allen: (33:24 )
Yeah, and life changed too. Like, oh my God, seven years ago, what the hell was I doing then? Probably in the orgies, in the orgies just travelling around slutting about in a really wonderful way. Now I'm in this beautiful monogamous relationship with a new son and it's just like we go back to, the seasons of our life change. So for me, I need to honour that and I love that.
Mason: (33:58 )
I won't get too philosophical here, but it brings up a little connection to Jing. I know we talk, people can see, you can become ideologically, you can fall in, which is kind of good I think for a moment, where you fall into whether it's that that tantric world, the orgy world, whatever it is. Polygamy. You can see how it can either be a I've never really gone into the depths of that space. For me it was this different dietary kind of ideological things. But it served the same purpose where I'm like, "Oh, I've gone a little bit too far away from myself. Let's integrate those experiences."
Mason: (34:40 )
I just want to point out two things. Jing essence within the kidneys, in which libido is said to emerge from. Especially that yang Jing is where we feel the vaporisation of the water and bringing the fire to the water, so the water, the yin, the potential heats up and the waters can go and fertilise everything within the body. It's how I see libido and yin being the potential for libido. It completely drains with over ideology and also opposition.
Mason: (35:12 )
Because I think that was a key distinction I think there, what you've said. You're not in opposition to those people who are doing maybe similar to what you were doing, which is a real easy trap I feel like, especially when we've got careers as we do, and I felt it towards extreme health people, extreme raw food people, where I've been. If you form your identity through opposing them, rather than just smiling and moving along on your journey, it's a Jing like trap. I think that people don't realise the hook that that, forming your identity from that rather than letting go and starting afresh and being in that vulnerability. It's important long term libido.
Juliet Allen: (35:54 )
Yeah, definitely. One of the words you said was integrate, and I think it's important that if we do go into the extremities of something, like for you it was dietary stuff, for me it was sex stuff let's say, then it's coming back into centre and going, "Okay, how can I [inaudible 00:36:13 ] about me coming back into my own centre," and catching myself and thinking, "How can I integrate this now into life?" No more workshops, no more fucking retreats, no more this, no more that. How can I now integrate this into everyday life so that I choose what parts of it I loved and what parts I didn't and how do I remain in my truth in a way and not get caught up? Yeah. So for me, that was big, to just stop everything and find what works for me rather than what I feel I should be doing or what I feel I should be exploring.
Mason: (36:54 )
For you, what are the top, when we talk about a lifestyle that is going to facilitate you, you said moving along within your truth, which I know is a huge thing to try and perceive. Well, I can't perceive it. Only you can perceive it, and we're trying to all describe what we're talking about through these really unique feelings that we have about ourselves and our own journey. But for you, when you look back over the last couple of decades, have there been particular patterns or practices within your life that have helped you burst the bubble every now and then, and be like, "Okay, now in order to stay on that path of my truth this is where I need to go, or I need to stop and move on now?" Is there anything in particular that helped you stay in touch with that purposefulness?
Juliet Allen: (37:44 )
Yeah. Something that comes to mind is, well, my children are always my biggest inspiration for pulling myself back into centre. How can I... I hate sounding so cliche all the time. I feel like lots of these things are bit cliche, whatever. How can I be really authentic to what works for me in life so that I can be that model for my daughter so that when she flees the nest and grows up and is finding her own way, she has had some sort of transmission from me as her mother of a woman who can come back to centre and who can also honour her sexuality and yeah, all the things that I value. She's been my biggest inspiration actually. She's nearly 16 so it's been a long journey with her. I had her when I was 23, so a long time, but yeah, she's always brought me back into line, her energy and her presence in my life. She's my biggest teacher in a way, my biggest inspiration. Yeah. That's something that comes to mind.
Mason: (39:10 )
I find it's going to be trippy when we're 60 and 70 just to look back and see what the pattern of consistency was. It's so easy to get lost in these different phases.
Juliet Allen: (39:21 )
Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's so easy to get lost. Yeah. The other thing I keep talking about is having time to myself. So just time to refocus, time to just go for a freaking swim by myself. All the simple stuff that I know if I get in the ocean that I reset my body, things like that, that I have to advocate for, because at the moment I have to advocate. I'm like, "I need this." And not feel guilty for wanting it too, because there's that parental guilt and lots of parents will relate. Mothers, I think, especially of like, "Hang on, I'm supposed to love this 24/7." It's like, I do love him and I do love this, but I also love myself enough to be like, "Hey, take the child, I'm going to the beach," and I'm okay with that. I'm not going to feel guilty. You know, stuff like that. That's on topic for me.
Mason: (40:21 )
Yeah. Well again, I mean like you say, it's a cliche, but I remember thinking, "Oh, it's going to be a cliche to say, 'Hey, let's come back to the breath,' during Aya's birth." It was not. It was, Tahns is just like, "Wow, that was the best." I think about in these instances, it's just like, "Hey lady, you really need to advocate for that time." It's the most obvious thing, but it's like, bring it up [inaudible 00:40:49 ] hundred bajillion times and they'll be like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." It's like, "He's going to bring it up again."
Juliet Allen: (40:53 )
Yeah, and not just for parents though. Even people who are stuck in a really full-on job. Not stuck but they're choosing to be in a really full-on job or they're in a relationship that's really codependent where they're doing everything with their partner and it's time to go, "Actually, I need a Saturday to myself." Whatever that brings up in you is your shit, but I'm going surfing all day and that's going to fill up my cup and I'm going to be a better person for that.
Juliet Allen: (41:23 )
So all those things, let's bring it back to the topic, I feel really contribute to libido and that's not just for me, but for the hundreds of people who I've worked with. A lot of the work I do with people when I'm coaching is evaluating their life and going, "Okay, what's working? What's not? How can you get more time to yourself?" or whatever it is. As soon as we get ducks in a row like that and they become more organised and they start advocating for themselves again and what's actually important, then libido just boom. It's like, "Oh, surprise, surprise. You want to have sex again." Every time.
Mason: (42:11 )
I think that's a really beautiful place to leave everyone pondering that. Everyone reach out to us. Hit us up on Instagram or email or wherever if you'd like Juliet to come back and I know that conversation around birth, sexuality, and libido is a huge, one.
Juliet Allen: (42:31 )
Yeah, that's a big one.
Mason: (42:32 )
Yeah. So if everyone's interested in that, yeah, hit us up and you should go over and follow all the things that Juliet's doing. Best places, Instagram, websites, all that. Anything bubbling under the surface right now?
Juliet Allen: (42:48 )
What, for work stuff, work offerings?
Mason: (42:50 )
Juliet Allen: (42:52 )
I'm doing my best to keep the bubbling just simmering at the moment with all the ideas I have, because I even tell my team, I'm like, "Do not say yes to me. Just do not say yes." But if people are interested in learning more, they can go to my website. There's a couple of things that I have that they can join. Or my podcast is another place to get heaps of information and I have an online school. So it's juliet-allen.com and Instagram is @Juliet_Allen. Yeah. You know what I thought? For another episode, if people are keen, we could do a Q and A if they send their questions, so we get to answer some of their questions about all these topics because then we really get to know what they want to hear about. I always find those ones fun.
Mason: (43:40 )
I think that's good. I think that's good to do. What I've actually, what I want to do is have... Because SuperFeast is really coming into its own. That's why I've done a lot to listen to SuperFeast's voice and not project my voice onto this really great mission. But naturally that's meaning that I'm having to go and get my own itches scratched. My podcast is slowly rearing its head again. That's actually the model that I was going to do, is I was just going to constantly do Q and As and jump on and stream it live on Instagram at the same time.
Juliet Allen: (44:20 )
That's a cool idea.
Mason: (44:22 )
I think that's something maybe we can do on my Instagram as well, really cut loose and have some fun. I definitely want to hear what everyone's interested in at the moment because those two years have probably brought the essence of what everyone needs to the surface.
Juliet Allen: (44:38 )
Most definitely. I think that's a really good point. The last couple of years have brought so much to the surface and people's priorities have changed a lot and within relationships so much has changed in people's relationships and it's just added a whole different, weird, crazy dynamic, but cool too, you know?
Mason: (44:59 )
It's been cool.
Juliet Allen: (45:02 )
Yeah, really cool.
Mason: (45:03 )
I know it's been tumultuous for a lot of people, and I did bring up earlier that when was going through my hardships, it was hard to be like, "Don't worry, it's going to be cool, Mase. You learn lots." There may be a few people listening to this of like, "Hey, it's not cool for me yet," but I'm definitely, I'm with you. I can only see going through the pressure cooker. If you can really, that's why I bring up, it's like, "Well, what's going to bring out the context for you to get in touch with what you need?" That's time alone, maybe time alone with your sexuality, not being able to avoid your feelings. I think that's when you naturally are like, "Is this job for me? Is this relationship for me? Do I need to alter my priorities in life"" I think it's been a cool two years for that.
Juliet Allen: (45:59 )
Hell yeah. It's been awesome. Yeah.
Mason: (46:01 )
Yeah. Let's do it. Everyone go and follow everything. Juliet does, Juliet Allen, especially. Yeah. The backlog of your podcast is awesome.
Juliet Allen: (46:15 )
Yeah. There's so many episodes there. Yeah.
Mason: (46:17 )
Yeah. I mean, you can just go through the titles. It's really well-titled so you can land on what you're wanting pretty easily. Unlike mine sometimes are a bit mysterious, like Masturbation in Utero. It's like, "Do I want that?"
Juliet Allen: (46:29 )
You're like, "What is he on about now?" Yeah, I get really specific.
Mason: (46:35 )
Yeah, I think it's good. I think it's an endearing quality. Yeah. Hope you and the team fall into a nice sync with ensuring that those ideas can come to fruition.
Juliet Allen: (46:47 )
Come to fruition. Yeah. Yeah, they will.
Mason: (46:51 )
Awesome. Love to the family.
Juliet Allen: (46:52 )
Thanks, Mase. Thanks for having me.
Mason: (46:54 )
Yeah. Pleasure. Hope you can get to the beach today as well.
Juliet Allen: (47:00 )
I'll do my very best.
Mason: (47:02 )
All right. Lots of love.
Juliet Allen: (47:04 )