Today’s Headlines: Hogwarts Recklessly Endangers Students for a Year then acts surprised when someone dies! Sources said, “Honestly, f*ck that school.” Front Page: Lark praises Snape for the second time! What is the world coming to?! Editorials: Lockhart is still the worst! Classifieds: The basilisk is so hungry! Education: Has Harry learned anything useful this year? Maybe not! Corrections: ALL OF THE CORRECTIONS. THIS IS ALL INCORRECT. Read all about this and just so much more in this extremely long episode of The Gayly Prophet!

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