#23: Rosemary Ravinal - Showing Up as the Real You
#23 Rosemary Ravinal – show up as the real you
Is there a difference between filtering and misrepresenting?
Is it dishonest to use a virtual background?
What message do I send if I show up on Zoom in my pajamas?
These and other urgently relevant questions will be answered when Zoom mastery expert Rosemary Ravinal joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.
Authenticity can make or break our careers, our reputations, and you know how difficult it is to fix them once they are broken. So the stakes are very high.
When COVID began, we felt it was temporary and didn’t make much effort:
kids running around … somebody's lawn mowing the lawn… I'm in my sweats… I haven't even combed my hair.
A year later, we're still doing it, and now we’re going into in person meetings again.
It's like creating a set. But the authenticity part is that that you create, that really reflects who you are, as a person with like your company's values
Am I being somewhat hypocritical if I set standards or I espouse standards that I'm not, I haven't reached yet? Or if I filter elements of myself, because I don't feel that they're attractive? Is that inauthentic?
How would you show up to a physical meeting? Would you show up with running shorts? You would be respectful to the people with whom you're meeting by being appropriate to the occasion.
It's so easy to lie when you don't look at the person in the eye. An example would be, you know, I hear from friends who are using online dating apps. And I might hear from a gentleman who would say, you know, women just don't put their real photos on there. Not only do they lie about their ages, but they don't use current photos.
If you're going to show up in a video meeting, you need to have your camera on and have an executive presence on virtual calls. Otherwise, it shows a lack of respect for the other people that you're not showing up as you really are.
Anything we can do to make ourselves more committed to reaching a higher ideal, I think is really the essence of authenticity.
You want to have a sense of personality, warmth. So for example, I encourage people to have some hints and cues about their passion. If you're a baseball fan, if you love to play guitar; you might have some movie posters behind you.
It goes to trust, right? Because if you are consistent, every time it builds trust.
I'm talking about the authenticity of the that we present. I think that there's a challenge we have today we see it in the media, we see it really all over the place. The relationship between the message and the messenger.
Check your facts, research, because we often say things that someone said, so let's say the rabbi and I make up a false fact. And then you repeat it, and then they repeat it. And pretty soon, we take it as truth.
Respecting people is not that doesn't mean that we have to agree with everybody. We can be forceful at times, in expressing our thoughts and our points of view, and still have it done with civility with respect and with an openness to hear the other side.
The word of the day is stultify, which means to cause a loss of enthusiasm, often, through ridicule, or causing embarrassment.
Studies have shown that people believe that sarcastic people are more intelligent, really, and that's a really troublesome fact to me, because it encourages us to be sarcastic. I'm using a rhetorical device to discredit the speaker to discredit the idea without actually engaging.
I urge everyone to think about how are you presenting yourself in the images, the sounds, the words, the facts.