28 - Summer Reading Program (R)
The Library's Summer Reading Program has begun, sending the town into a panic. Plus, a tough new mandate from the City Council, a list of useful things, and changes afoot in the Freemasons. (episode originally released Aug 1, 2013)
This episode was co-written with Ashley Lierman.
Weather: 'New Mexico' by Carrie Elkin. carrieelkin.com
Live US/Canada Tour of 'All Hail' (April 2017)
final West Coast shows of 'Ghost Stories (February 2017)
welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows
Welcome to Night Vale: The Novel (now in paperback)
welcometonightvale.com, click on book.
Music: Disparition, disparition.info.
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
United States and three cities in Canada we are coming for you rest of the world we are coming for you later that's right new tour we will be taking a brand new touring show all over the country this April this new is called All hail that's right about exactly what you think it's about working on and it's going to be a truly memorable life experience we're kicking off the tour with a four night run at the Bell House in Brooklyn come see this new show in an unusually intimate venue then Montreal North Hampton Boston Albany Ithaca Philadelphia Washington D C Durham Knoxville come see in his hometown show Atlanta Louisville St Louis Kansas City Iowa City you know those are cities because it's in the names Minneapolis trip that went to city the names of clear Madison Chicago Detroit Columbus Pittsburgh Buffalo and hello Canada Toronto tickets go on presale toward owners on January eighteen this Wednesday start donating today to get in on that and then to the general public on January twenty that's Friday Atlanta and Columbus shows are little different because of how special those cities are so their donor priests and will be Wednesday the twenty fifth tickets on sale for everyone on the twenty seven other cities pre sale the eighteenth on sale the twenty also of course we are going to Vegas and Diego Santa Barbara Sacramento hello Canada again Vancouver in just about a month with the last run of her beautiful and terrifying show ghost stories don't miss those dates ok we're happy now to present the classic Night episode re mastered for better sound quality and with a couple small updates new episodes resume on February first check out our store where we have Valentine's Day cards drawn by the inimitable inimitable drawn by the inimitable Jessica featuring messages of love like past performance is not a predictor of future results and the entire Love sonnet from episode one and check out your local bookstore with Welcome to my thoughts now out in paperback see you soon see you on the road and hey all here does it even matter how many living things you talks today or where they all are now well go to jail the uh the the summer reading program for children and teens has begun at the nine Vail Public Library this comes as an alarming surprise given that the program was abolished by the City Council thirty years ago though parents and teachers have asked on several occasions to reinstate the program the City Council has maintained its position citing lack of taxpayer funds the extreme danger posed by books the peril of exposing children to librarians and of course the incident that precipitated the ban which the town's older residents will refer to only as the time of knives nevertheless in a show of civic dedication or mindless blood loss and they really are so similar like veils librarians have banded together in defiance of authority to reinstate summer read a colorful posters with appealing statements like get into a good book this summer and we are going to force you into a good book this summer and you are going to get inside this book and we are going to close it on you and there is nothing you can do about it have appeared overnight around the library entrance and in local shops and businesses all sporting the clever tagline text the flesh eating reading bacteria share a secret police have responded by interrogating the proprietors of businesses where the posters have appeared and by removing and confiscating the posters themselves although to be honest listeners the graphic design work is really cute I mean have you seen um the little flesh eating German with his son happy and library book using a screaming semi skeletal human victim as a beach chair are adorable after fierce debate today the City Council has officially declared murder illegal a crime that has until this point been handled using informal vigilante squads the head of one such squad Vincent love fart of gravel and Sacco mum argued that night Vail has gotten along just fine for years without the government meddling investigation or punishment do we sometimes catch the wrong guy said Vincent sure most of the time we're not sure we've ever caught the guilty one usually we just grabbed the first person we see one time we tried to arrest the dead body but it got away proponents of the bill argued that most things in ninth veil are already illegal anyway so citizens would hardly even notice the change the law goes into effect in two weeks and citizens are advised to get any necessary murders done before then although there will be a three day grace period after the deadline for those who are forgetful or whose victims are hard to catch some summer tips to beat the heat first off have you tried to reason with the heat humans temperatures angels and chairs are all equally real and sentient which is to say that we're all not real nor are any of us actually sentient but give reason I shot it is never not once in history worked but it might just work this time if the Heat won't listen to reason try denying that it's hot doesn't seem hot today you might say to your profusely sweating neighbor a little chilly even you could continue slipping on a sweater and making exaggerated bird as the glaring sun plants the idea of cancer in your skin and if denial does not work then your best bet as with all problems in life is exhausted resignation this as been summer tips to beat the heat and now a public service announcement here is a brief list of everything that is helpful the share its secret police cloud his anger the City Council the affection falling just short of love the ceiling fans long the other sundry organs malls government helicopters the two thousand by Honda accord secrets with spurious ultimately nothing anything not specifically named in this list should be considered not helpful and potentially dangerous it's not just good sense it's the law and updates on the Summer Reading situation fourteen young people between the ages of five and seventeen have already been reported missing and are feared to be be in the public library and possibly learn eying the attempts by the sheriff's secret police to enter the library rescue the missing children and put an end to all summer reading activities have failed as all doors and windows have mysteriously disappeared from the library exterior just like it was before the renovations our tax dollars paid for those doors and windows and we shouldn't be expected to stand for library administrators just deciding to disappear them on a whim even for a valid reason like jealously guarding their possession of our stolen children without at least putting the issue to a popular vote anyway in light of this development the City Council has declared a Level Orange fear alerts they advise that all night Bill citizens avoid the public library and provide the council with any information they may have on the whereabouts of the missing children on librarians secret weaknesses or on good books they've read lately any citizens who admit to having read good books the council added in an impromptu press conference televised from a book proof bunker will be immediately scheduled for re education and subsequent D education the share of secret police meanwhile have instituted a curfew for the entire town effective immediately after seven pm all should be at home and under adult supervision and absolutely no reading researching online information seeking educational games documentary TV or having a lifelong love of learning will be permitted as their catchy new slogan puts it once it gets dark forget everything you ever knew and be silent words belong to our enemies and our enemies are words so B is mute and few or as a bone bleached clean by our desert signed by our desert saw and the police have also stated that any night Bill citizen in countering a librarian and entities suspected of being a librarian or any excessively organized and helpful individual with a working comprehension of information systems is encouraged to shoot on sight they also added that this goes for teachers as well sense what the hell as long as we're at it we'll have further updates on this story as it develops and Now A Word From Our sponsors congratulations you are eligible for a free thirty day trial this free thirty day trial comes with everything you need including a free arrest free charges free arraignment and three conviction guaranteed shipping and handling not included defense lawyer also not included we Have You surrounded the more you struggle the worse it will before you put that down put it down put that down this message brought to you whether you like it or not the Freemasons have announced some changes to their hierarchy these changes are the following whereas before the Freemasons were under the authority of the stone Masons worldwide they will now be an independent subsidiary of the hallowed Mason Council which itself will be split into four branches corresponding with the four directions we glance when nervous the hollowed Mason council will also provide guidance and financial support to the retail Masons the wholesale Masons and the discount Mason's except in cases involving enter masonry disputes which will as before be subject to the small Brotherhood of the large chamber the large Brotherhood of the small chamber or the properly fitted Brotherhood depending on the patterns discerned in Bones cast by a fully licensed member of the May Sonic drone Legion or one of their proxies now of course the Masons will continue their proud fraternal associations with the Illuminati however the Illuminati will itself be splitting into ten distinct factions as follows Red Green the goal of action for the real Illuminati the other real looming on the red again Alf of wind behind and hungry Man Brand frozen foods officially sponsored Illuminati this place will be overseen by the Council of Three which will be supported by the Council of Five and monitored by the Council of zero elections for the Council of zero will be held never and will result in nothing discretionary funds for the Illuminati and Freemasons Alliance Committee will be funneled through a number of secret bank accounts their numbers known to and their secrets kept for ever all of this is in accordance with the general secret agreement of the general secret alliance of the general secret community representing all Brotherhood and organizations of skewer and he did including the harpoon lead the Flying Kate the six ancient truths and the dental underground the Freemasons would also like to remind you that none of this may be known to you and that they are only telling you this to demonstrate your fragile mind which barely parse the words as they were spoken and have already forgotten the secrets contained just moments later you will never know anything and you will not even know that breaking news despite the best efforts of the share its secret police and citizenry we have received confirmation that over a hundred children and adolescents have disappeared from their homes beds part time jobs or summer forced labor camps and are now presumed to be inside the night Vail Public Library and subject to the Summer Reading Program unfortunately it is my sad duty to announce that this includes in turn Paolo a high school junior who has been helping to organize the radio station archives over the summer months to the parents and family of Paolo our hearts go out to you in this time of fear and uncertainty as in all other times of fear and uncertainty which is all of them really may you find comfort in the knowledge that though your son may have been lost in the library at least he unlike many of his peers actually went inside one of those at least once the situation has wait hold on just one moment a bigger part in listeners but I just received alarming news an alert citizen has called in to report in human shrieking that make me tea sounds and a copper re rotten smell of Gore and visceral coming from the now sealed and impenetrable night Vail Public Library which are of course all fairly standard elements of the summer reading program as described in the library director's original proposal painful though it may be it seems that all we can do now as so often in our dull beleaguered lives below a microcosm of horror and beauty is wait wait and hope and know that our hopes are immaterial and powerless and our wishes will go unheard by the indifferent multitude of stars if indeed a The stars are even real but there are still some comforts that remain to us while we wait small shining baubles to distract us from the endless march of time towards events we have no control over outcomes we never imagined and so ladies and gentleman I give you the weather The the eye eye the for the the the the the know the the and I F The The The The The e the the er e he the the The The The The the the the the the the The The E The the the the the the the the the the The The this trusty in listeners we've received reports that the entrances to the night to Vail Public Library have reappeared and the missing children have begun to emerge from the inside the building the children have been described as wild eyed feral some staggering right and some running fours like animals Kate in a flue VR and far than the time of their absence would seem to account for but otherwise well healthy and unharmed the head of the dazed and trembling pack was there of parent chosen leader twelve year old tummy full in her mouth clenched in a blood crusted snarled and carrying the severed head of a librarian hand and a Gore streaked sticker chart in the other eyewitnesses who dared to get close enough to read the chart reported that to Mika had even finished cry The beloved Country which is very impressive for her reading level well son to me the Indy congratulations are in order for old the young people of night fail who participated in reading program for proving that neither abduction or captivity neither horrors beyond imagining nor unfamiliar vocabulary can prevent you from embracing the pleasures of a lecture of years to you boys and girls and remember even while we congratulate Amy Coe for winning with her sophisticated comprehension and extremes of berserk or violence that the real victory once a day has been for stay tuned next for our countdown of last words from stop telling me how to drive all the way to it's okay it's okay it's okay goodnight night good night the Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night the presents this episode was written by Ashley Lieberman with Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kramer and produced by Joseph think the voice of Night Vale and Cecil Baldwin original music by dispersion all they can be found at dispersion dot info for it desperation Band Camp dot com This episodes weather was New Mexico I carry out can find out more at Cary L T and dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night no radio or look up the difference between a lake and a C check out Welcome to Night Out dot com for more information on this show and for amazing Valentine's Day cards for the people you think you love the air consider clicking the donate let's all help each other today's proverb you have some teeth in your food the