295: Dr. Sue Johnson on Navigating Romantic Relationships
Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, and an internationally recognized leader in the field of couple interventions. She is founding Director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant University in San Diego, California, as well as Professor Emeritus, Clinical Psychology, at the University of Ottawa, Canada. In this interview, Dr. Sue Johnson discuss her best selling book, “Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” and her groundbreaking research of helping couples to enhance, repair, and keep their relationship.
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In This Interview, Dr. Sue Johnson and I Discuss…
- Her book, Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- The wolf parable and how therapists act as the third wolf for couples.
- Relationships are often stuck in fear and anger
- Emotional disconnection causes distress in relationships.
- Humans are wired for close connection with others.
- Attachment needs continue into adulthood, most notably in romantic relationships.
- Common conversations in distressed relationships are known as “demon dialogues”.
- Relationships stuck in predictable patterns is referred to as the “Protest Polka”.
- “Freeze and Flee”means one person gives up on the relationship.
- “Find the Bad Guy” in other words, It’s not me, it’s you”
- Understanding the circle of criticism, or the “dance” you’re stuck in.
- Learning to blame this “dance” rather than each other.
- The “hold me tight conversation” that creates safety in the relationship.
- Understanding the negative cycle that causes disconnection.
- Creating a positive cycle by creating a secure bond
- “ARE” – Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement.
- Talking about fears rather than acting on them leads to bonding.
- Emotional connection in a relationship is a source of joy and strength.
Dr. Sue Johnson Links:
TalkSpace – the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere at any time. Therapy on demand. Non-judgemental, practical help when you need it at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. Visit www.talkspace.com and enter Promo Code: WOLF to get 65% off your first month.
DoorDash – Don’t worry about dinner, let dinner come to you with DoorDash. Get $5 off your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter promo code WOLF
Westin – their reason for being is to help you travel well – eat well, move well and sleep well. Welcome to wellness. Explore at Westin.com