324: The 82 Percent #1: What if you were asexual?
324: The 82 Percent #1: What if you were asexual?
13Digest
This episode of "This is Actually Happening" introduces a six-part mini-series called "The 82%" exploring modern stories of love and family. The series title refers to the fact that only 18% of U.S. households are considered nuclear families, meaning 82% live in alternative family structures. The series will feature stories of people who challenge societal norms by reimagining what love and family can be. The episode features David J, an asexual educator and activist, who shares his personal journey of self-discovery and coming to terms with his asexuality. David discusses his experiences growing up, navigating the expectations of sexuality in middle and high school, and eventually finding a community of other asexual people. He also shares his story of building a family with a couple, Avery and Zeke, through co-parenting and intentional intimacy. The episode highlights the importance of challenging societal norms around family and relationships, and the power of community in navigating non-traditional family structures.
Outlines
Introduction to "The 82%" Mini-Series
This Chapter introduces the six-part mini-series "The 82%" which explores modern stories of love and family. The series title refers to the fact that only 18% of U.S. households are considered nuclear families, meaning 82% live in alternative family structures. The series will feature stories of people who challenge societal norms by reimagining what love and family can be.
David J's Story: Asexual Identity and Self-Discovery
This Chapter features David J, an asexual educator and activist, who shares his personal journey of self-discovery and coming to terms with his asexuality. David discusses his experiences growing up, navigating the expectations of sexuality in middle and high school, and eventually finding a community of other asexual people.
Building a Family: Co-Parenting and Intentional Intimacy
This Chapter focuses on David's journey of building a family with a couple, Avery and Zeke, through co-parenting and intentional intimacy. David discusses his desire to become a parent, his experiences forming committed relationships with couples, and his decision to co-parent with Avery and Zeke. He also shares the challenges and rewards of navigating non-traditional family structures.
Keywords
Asexuality
Asexual refers to a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to others. Asexual people may experience romantic attraction, but they do not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is a valid and diverse sexual orientation, and there is a growing community of asexual people who are working to increase visibility and understanding of asexuality.
The 82%
The 82% refers to the fact that only 18% of U.S. households are considered nuclear families, meaning 82% live in alternative family structures. This includes single-parent households, blended families, multi-generational households, and other non-traditional family arrangements. The term "The 82%" is used to highlight the diversity of modern family structures and to challenge the traditional definition of family.
Modern Family Institute
The Modern Family Institute is a non-profit organization dedicated to improving relational, mental, and physical well-being by ensuring that everyone has access to resources and systems of care that support their unique family and relationship structures. The institute uses research, storytelling, and policy advocacy to promote understanding and acceptance of diverse families.
Co-Parenting
Co-parenting refers to a parenting arrangement in which two or more adults share the responsibility of raising a child. This can include shared custody, shared decision-making, and shared financial responsibility. Co-parenting can be a complex but rewarding arrangement, and it is becoming increasingly common as families become more diverse.
Intentional Intimacy
Intentional intimacy refers to a conscious and deliberate approach to building and maintaining close relationships. This involves actively communicating needs and desires, setting boundaries, and working to create a sense of safety and trust. Intentional intimacy can be applied to all types of relationships, including romantic, platonic, and familial relationships.
Compulsory Sexuality
Compulsory sexuality refers to the societal pressure to engage in sexual activity and to conform to traditional norms around sexuality. This pressure can be harmful to individuals who do not identify with these norms, and it can contribute to feelings of shame, isolation, and inadequacy. Challenging compulsory sexuality is an important part of promoting sexual liberation and diversity.
Chosen Family
Chosen family refers to a group of people who are not related by blood or marriage but who have chosen to be part of each other's lives. This can include friends, roommates, mentors, and other individuals who provide support, love, and belonging. Chosen families are becoming increasingly important as traditional family structures become more fluid and diverse.
Family of Origin
Family of origin refers to the family in which a person was raised. This can include parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Family of origin experiences can have a profound impact on an individual's development and relationships. Understanding one's family of origin can be helpful in navigating relationships and building a chosen family.
Q&A
What is the main focus of the "The 82%" mini-series?
The "The 82%" mini-series explores modern stories of love and family, focusing on individuals and families who challenge societal norms by reimagining what love and family can be. It highlights the diversity of family structures beyond the traditional nuclear family.
What is asexuality, and how does David J's story illustrate its complexities?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to others. David J's story illustrates the challenges of navigating a world that often assumes sexuality is a central part of human experience. He shares his journey of self-discovery, finding a community, and building a family outside of traditional expectations.
How does David J's approach to building a family challenge traditional norms?
David J's story challenges traditional norms by demonstrating that family can be built through intentional intimacy and chosen relationships. He co-parents with a couple, Avery and Zeke, highlighting the possibility of creating family structures that go beyond biological ties and traditional romantic relationships.
What are some of the key takeaways from David J's story?
David J's story emphasizes the importance of challenging societal norms around family and relationships, the power of community in navigating non-traditional family structures, and the possibility of finding love and belonging outside of traditional expectations.
Show Notes
A man grows up waiting for his sexuality to bloom, but after that moment never comes, he feels a longing for intimacy that leads him to transform the meaning of partnership, family and fatherhood for himself and for society.
Today’s episode featured David Jay. David is the founder of asexuality.org. David’s new book, titled “Relationality: How moving from transactional to transformational relationships can reshape our lonely world” is available for preorder on Amazon, and wherever books are sold.
This episode is the first of a six-part miniseries called the 82 Percent: Modern stories of love and family, produced in collaboration with the Modern Family Institute. If you’d like to find out more about the Modern Family Institute, donate to help advance their work, or get engaged, please visit their website, modernfamilyinstitute.org.
Listen to exclusive episodes of This is Actually Happening ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/this-is-actually-happening/ now.
Modern Family Institute Founders:
Dr. Heath Schechinger is a therapist, researcher, and organizer, known for his groundbreaking work within the realm of family and relationship diversity. In addition to his role as Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Modern Family Institute, he serves as the Founding Co-Chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy, and an Affiliate Faculty at the renowned Kinsey Institute. Dr. Schechinger’s work sheds light on the elements that cultivate healthy relationships and the rise of non-nuclear family and relationship configurations. He has authored multiple empirical publications and clinical resources and his work has been featured in major media outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, Vogue, and Time Magazine.
Dr. Lily Lamboy is a social impact executive, educator, artist, and researcher with over 15 years of experience building complex systems to support human flourishing. She currently serves as the Co-Founder and Managing Director of the Modern Family Institute and the Director of the Open Workplaces Initiative for the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy. Dr. Lamboy’s research and career has focused how we can arrange social and economic resources to ensure care for all people across their lifespans. Prior to founding Modern Family Institute, Dr. Lamboy led the Diversity, Equity & Inclusion functions at both Stripe and Blue Shield of California, where she designed and executed scalable strategies for long-term social change. She has authored peer-reviewed articles in publications including Cambridge University Press, Theory and Research in Education, and the International Panel on Social Progress.
Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Jason Blalock
Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual themes, explicit language
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Intro Music: "Illabye" – Tipper
Music Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager
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Table of contents
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