328: The 82 Percent #5: What if you were a seahorse dad?
Digest
This episode of "This is Actually Happening" delves into the personal story of Caden Coleman, a transgender man who challenges societal norms and redefines what it means to be a father. Caden candidly shares his experiences growing up, including his struggles with gender identity, his mother's abuse, and his journey of self-acceptance. He recounts his transition, the challenges he faced in dating as a gay trans man, and his unexpected journey to becoming a father. Caden's story highlights the complexities of navigating societal expectations, the importance of self-love, and the power of embracing one's true identity. He also discusses the unique challenges of being a seahorse dad, a term used for trans masculine individuals who carry and birth their own children, and the pushback he received from both the trans community and society at large. Caden's story is a testament to resilience, self-acceptance, and the power of challenging societal norms.
Outlines
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Introduction
This Chapter introduces the podcast "This is Actually Happening" and its focus on real experiences, often including traumatic events. It also mentions the six-part mini-series called "The 82%" which explores modern stories of love and family.
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Caden Coleman's Story
This Chapter introduces Caden Coleman, the guest for this episode, and the theme of the episode: "What if you were a seahorse dad?" Caden shares his personal story, starting with his childhood and his experiences with his family, including his mother's abuse and his relationship with his father. He also discusses his journey of self-discovery, his struggles with gender identity, and his transition.
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Caden's Transition and Self-Acceptance
This Chapter focuses on Caden's social transition and the impact it had on his life. He describes the challenges he faced in getting on testosterone and the sense of liberation he felt when he started presenting as male. Caden also discusses his journey of self-acceptance and how transitioning helped him embrace his femininity and find comfort in his own skin.
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Caden's Housing Insecurity and Relationship with His Husband
This Chapter explores Caden's experiences with housing insecurity, which was often caused by his mother's actions. He also shares his relationship with his husband, who accepted him fully despite the challenges he faced as a trans man. Caden discusses his decision to get top surgery and his marriage to his husband.
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Caden's Unexpected Pregnancy
This Chapter focuses on Caden's unexpected pregnancy. He describes the lack of symptoms, his initial disbelief, and the emotional rollercoaster he experienced upon realizing he was pregnant. Caden also discusses the societal and medical challenges he faced as a trans man navigating pregnancy.
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Caden's Public Announcement and Pushback
This Chapter details Caden's decision to go public with his pregnancy and the mixed reactions he received. He discusses the pushback he faced from both the trans community and society at large, including being told he wasn't a real man and that he was an embarrassment to the community. Caden also explores the reasons behind this pushback and the importance of challenging societal norms.
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Caden's Second Pregnancy and Postpartum Experiences
This Chapter focuses on Caden's second pregnancy and the challenges he faced, including navigating pregnancy during the COVID-19 pandemic and the lack of postpartum care. He also discusses the unique challenges of being a black trans man in maternal spaces and the importance of advocating for oneself. Caden shares his experiences with postpartum depression and the importance of seeking support.
Keywords
Seahorse Dad
A term used for trans masculine individuals who carry and birth their own children. It is a metaphor based on the male seahorse, which carries and gives birth to the offspring. The term is used to celebrate and acknowledge the unique experiences of trans masculine individuals who choose to parent in this way.
Transgender Man
A person who was assigned female at birth but identifies as male. Transgender men may or may not choose to transition medically, which can include hormone therapy and surgery. They face unique challenges in a society that often fails to recognize and respect their identities.
Gender Identity
A person's deeply felt sense of their own gender. It may or may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth. Gender identity is a complex and personal experience that can be influenced by a variety of factors, including biology, culture, and personal experiences.
Postpartum Depression
A mood disorder that can occur after childbirth. Symptoms can include sadness, anxiety, fatigue, and difficulty bonding with the baby. Postpartum depression is a common experience, affecting up to 15% of new mothers. It is important to seek help if you are experiencing symptoms.
LGBTQIA+
An acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual. It is used to represent the diversity of sexual orientations and gender identities within the community. The LGBTQIA+ community faces ongoing challenges in achieving equality and acceptance in society.
Caden Coleman
A transgender man who is the subject of this episode of "This is Actually Happening." Caden is a vocal advocate for transgender rights and a proud seahorse dad. He uses his platform to share his personal story and challenge societal norms.
Modern Family Institute
A non-profit organization that works to advance understanding and acceptance of diverse family structures. The institute provides resources, education, and support to families of all shapes and sizes. They are committed to creating a more inclusive and equitable society for all families.
This is Actually Happening
A podcast that features real experiences, often including traumatic events. The podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories and connect with others who have faced similar challenges. It is hosted by Whit Missaldine and produced by Wondery.
Wondery
A podcast network that produces a wide range of podcasts on various topics, including true crime, history, and personal stories. Wondery is known for its high-quality production and engaging storytelling.
The 82%
A six-part mini-series on "This is Actually Happening" that explores modern stories of love and family. The series focuses on individuals who have challenged societal norms by reimagining what love and family can be.
Q&A
What is a seahorse dad?
A seahorse dad is a trans masculine individual who carries and births their own children. The term is a metaphor based on the male seahorse, which carries and gives birth to the offspring. It is used to celebrate and acknowledge the unique experiences of trans masculine individuals who choose to parent in this way.
What are some of the challenges Caden faced as a transgender man navigating pregnancy?
Caden faced a number of challenges, including societal and medical biases. He was often misgendered and treated as if he didn't belong in maternal spaces. He also had to advocate for himself to receive the care he needed, and he experienced a lack of support from some members of the trans community.
How did Caden's experiences with his mother impact his life?
Caden's mother was abusive, and her actions led to him experiencing housing insecurity and feeling unloved. This had a lasting impact on his life, shaping his views on parenting and his desire to create a different kind of family dynamic for his own children.
What is Caden's message to those who might be struggling with their gender identity?
Caden's message is one of self-acceptance and embracing one's true identity. He encourages listeners to be kind to themselves and to seek support from others who understand their experiences. He also emphasizes the importance of challenging societal norms and creating a more inclusive world for all.
How does Caden's story challenge traditional notions of family?
Caden's story challenges traditional notions of family by demonstrating that love and family can take many different forms. He shows that a family can be created through choice, not just through biological ties. He also highlights the importance of embracing diversity and challenging societal expectations.
What is the significance of Caden's decision to go public with his pregnancy?
Caden's decision to go public with his pregnancy was a bold and courageous act. It challenged societal norms and helped to raise awareness about the experiences of transgender men who choose to parent. His story has inspired many others and helped to break down barriers for LGBTQIA+ families.
What are some of the key takeaways from Caden's story?
Caden's story highlights the importance of self-love, embracing one's true identity, and challenging societal norms. It also demonstrates the power of resilience, the importance of seeking support, and the beauty of diverse family structures.
How does Caden's story relate to the theme of "The 82%"?
Caden's story perfectly embodies the theme of "The 82%" by showcasing a modern family structure that challenges traditional norms. He is a transgender man who is a father, which is a unique and often overlooked experience. His story highlights the diversity of family structures and the importance of embracing all forms of love and family.
What is the role of community in Caden's life?
Community plays a vital role in Caden's life. He has found a strong online community that provides support and encouragement. He also emphasizes the importance of building real-life connections and finding people who understand and accept him for who he is.
What is Caden's approach to dealing with trolls and negativity?
Caden has developed a strong and resilient approach to dealing with trolls and negativity. He recognizes that their actions often stem from their own insecurities and chooses to focus on the positive aspects of his life. He also uses his platform to educate others and promote understanding and acceptance.
Show Notes
Assigned female at birth, Kayden Coleman navigates abuse, racism, housing insecurity, and a deep questioning of gender, but after finally accepting who he is and transitioning fully to being a man, he finds out he’s pregnant.
Today’s episode featured Kayden Coleman. You can find out more about him on Instagram and TikTok @kaydenxofficial. If you’d like to reach out to him, you can email at Kaydenxcoleman@gmail.com.
This episode is the fifth of our six-part miniseries called the 82 Percent: Modern stories of love and family, produced in collaboration with the Modern Family Institute @modernfamilyinstitute. If you’d like to find out more about the Modern Family Institute, donate to help advance their work, or get engaged, please visit their website, modernfamilyinstitute.org.
Listen to exclusive episodes of This is Actually Happening ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/this-is-actually-happening/ now.
We are hosting a live This Is Actually Happening event on July 24th in San Francisco at Manny’s to celebrate the series. To find tickets to the event, go to www.welcometomannys.com/events and find “The Other 82%” or, for a direct Eventbrite link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-other-82-living-and-loving-beyond-the-monogamous-nuclear-family-tickets-940666046467
Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Sara Marinelli
Content/Trigger Warnings: child abuse, post-partum depression, suicidal ideation, sexual themes, explicit language
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Intro Music: "Illabye" – Tipper
Music Bed: “Cylinder Four” – Chris Zabriskie
Services
If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988
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National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
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Wow. What an incredible story. What a strong person and inspiration. I can only imagine how hard it must be to just “be” for that man and from all sides. I loved the story.