Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story

Patty had a life most people would admire.

Forty-five years of marriage. Four children. Seven grandkids. Retirement. A kind, steady husband.

From the outside, it looked like she had it all.

But inside?

Patty was scared.

Not because she didn't love her husband.
They laughed together, they got along.
But underneath the "good," there was a quiet ache.

A deep disconnection she didn't know how to fix.

And as retirement began and the rest of life slowed down, and the thought of spending more time with her husband began to feel like a weight in her chest, she realized... she couldn't keep going like this.

Love Your Husband, Even When You Don't Like Him

Every few months, things would blow up. Patty and Greg would hit a wall and neither one really understood why. To make it worse, Patty carried deep embarrassment that she hadn't "figured out" marriage after four and a half decades.

She'd tried to talk to friends. They were in same boat as her. She'd tried Christian counseling and received such troubling advice that Patty believes it would've led to separation—maybe even divorce—if she had followed it. Nothing was working. And it brought even more discouragement and hardness around her heart.

So when Greg sent her a few Delight Your Marriage podcast episodes, suffice it to say, she felt "prickly" about it (her words!) They rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't ready to hear it.

But God was pursuing her heart.

A Compassionate Clarity Call Felt Like a Breath of Fresh Air

Three months later, in one of those hard "every-few-months" moments, Patty found herself on the Delight Your Marriage website. She clicked on the button for a Clarity Call—not quite knowing why.

What she found on the call wasn't pressure or judgment.
It was peace and grace.
Someone gently saying, You're not alone.

No guilt. No shame. Just a safe space to say: "I love my husband… but I don't always like him. And I don't want to keep living this way."

Letting God Change Your Heart

Patty shared with us that she had spent years thinking, "If he would just change, if he would be more tender… then things would change."

But in the program, a shift started happening. Through practical tools, biblical truth, and the ability to ask anonymous questions, God helped Patty see that healing didn't start with changing Greg. It started with a softening in her own heart.

And as she changed? Greg did, too.

He noticed her gentleness. He felt her respect. And without her asking, he responded differently.

Patty happily shared with us, "I'm pleasantly surprised. I can feel the way I did when we were first married." (What a celebration!)

Letting Him Take the Lead

Not long ago, Patty and Greg needed to have a hard conversation with their daughter and son-in-law.

The old Patty would have jumped in. She would've taken over and shut down her husband to avoid conflict with the kids.

But this time, she stepped back.

She prayed, she supported him, and she let him lead.

And the result? Peace and connection. For everyone involved.
A moment of unity they never could've created in their old patterns.

"I see how God is using even this to change our family legacy," she shared through tears.

Love in Retirement

At first, Patty wasn't sure if she belonged in the program. 1) She was older than many of the other wives in her group. 2) She'd never been in a sexless marriage—but she hadn't fully enjoyed intimacy in a long time either.

But as the program went on, she found something unexpected: Healing, joy, and even desire.

She found herself no longer choosing girls' shopping trips over time with Greg. She wants to be with him instead. (Yes, really!)

Now, she looks forward to intimacy.

And most importantly?
She's renewed her intimacy with God.

Because now she sees it clearly: the closeness God wants in marriage is a picture of the closeness God wants with her.

Final Thoughts: It's Never Too Late for a Change of Heart

Patty says she was afraid to go into retirement with things as they were. But now? She and Greg are about to take a long-awaited trip to Hawaii.

And it's not just a vacation—it's a celebration.

A celebration of tenderness restored.
A celebration of intimacy rediscovered.
A celebration of God's faithfulness to give beauty for ashes—even after 45 years.

So if you feel like it's too late, rest assured, it is never too late.

No matter how long it's been—

God can still give you a new heart.
And He delights to do it.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap.

PPS - Already familiar with our coaching programs and wish you could bring them to your church? You can! We are launching our In-Person Training program in churches around the country in January 2026. For more information, please visit delightyourmarriage.com/ipt.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I initially came into this program excited for the challenge, ready to work, and looking forward to change. What was quickly uncovered was that I was deeply wounded and deep down hated my husband...I wrestled with my flesh through most of the course, but then hit a breakthrough over the last few weeks...I've learned to see the blessing of God in the midst of deep struggle and trust him fully as I seek to obey him. [And] God has ignited in me a passion over the past 2 weeks to intentionally pursue my husband sexually, thanks to the Song of Solomon. God is changing my husband! He is listening to me more intentionally and with genuine interest, he's chipping in to help without asking or complaining, he is speaking words of gratitude to me, he's being more playful, he seems to be taking the lead more."