DiscoverJammerz: The Selfish-Help Podcast58: Hammer Tits 'N Pussy Guns
58: Hammer Tits 'N Pussy Guns

58: Hammer Tits 'N Pussy Guns

Update: 2018-05-23
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It’s been over a year since these idiots started selfishly helping the masses, so this week, the Jammerz take a break from saving the world and have a good ol’ fashioned, trash-talking Jamsesh! In between grinding old-timey cowboy spurs into her bug bites, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) spews out sexy stories from her most recent romantic vacation. Stephen (@thepenta) finally admits his age AND gives fun tips for verifying the age of youngsters ’slipping into your DMs’. Wendi (@wendibird82) reminisces about her rape show, sext-shames a fellow Jammer PLUS, the girls devise a foolproof plan to become an elite superhero duo using nothing more than their sex organs!



If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com



COME SEE US LIVE

NYC!!!

gLaMoUrPuSs

Saturday, June 2nd

730pm

Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St

glamourpuss32.brownpapertickets.com



Megan Rice

Instagram: @handsomepartybutt

BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshop



Wendi Starling

Twitter: @wendistarling

Instagram: @wendibird82



Stephen Penta

Twitter: @thepenta

Instagram: @thepenta

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In Channel
75: Big Dick Psychic Energy
While waiting to be rushed off to urgent care, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) tends to a freshly broken toe, Stephen’s (@thepenta) shoulder pops out of place and Wendi’s (@wendibird82) discovers a demonic parasite! Have the Jammerz run into a spell of bad luck, or are they under the curse of a psychic witch!?! Probably the former, but it’s Halloween season so they’re trying to be spooooooky. PLUS, they debut a weekly news segment THEN, challenge each other (and YOU) to keep a dream journal! That’s right, document and share the strange things in your brain that will most likely only be meaningful and interesting to you. It’s peak Selfish Help!If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com Megan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshop Wendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* come see this bitch LIVE: gLaMoUrPuSs!!  Saturday, Sept 29th at 730pm Zinc Bar, NYC Get tix: glamourpuss34.brownpapertickets.com *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* PRICELESS: Stories From The Underbelly ~~~> patreon.com/wendistarling **submit your stories at: pricelesstails@gmail.com** Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepenta This weeks' end of episode Jamz is a 90's rave throwback: Moby "FEELING SO REAL" Find all the Jammerz music features on our Spotify playlist: goo.gl/w27Q9x All the official Jammerz theme music is by our talented friends at hyperballadmusic.com

75: Big Dick Psychic Energy

2018-09-1901:01:09

74: Science is Fun and Cool (with Matt Kirshen)
Burnt out from planning their theme park adventures and future careers as the new Elvira, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) take a break to have an informative chat with comedian, writer and science enthusiast, Matt Kirshen (@matt_kirshen)! The Jammerz learn about sex robots, cranial echolocation, and the classic time-machine murder defense. PLUS, they callout racist fruit-haters, get horny for humidity, and Stephen (@thepenta) sparks a lighthearted conversation about pedophilia!If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.comFollow Matt Kirshen! Instagram: @matt_kirshen Twitter: @mattkirshen Podcast: Probably ScienceMegan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82 _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~* come see this bitch LIVE: gLaMoUrPuSs!! Saturday, Sept 29th at 730pm Zinc Bar, NYC Get tix: glamourpuss34.brownpapertickets.com_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~* PRICELESS: Stories From The Underbelly ~~~> patreon.com/wendistarling **submit your stories at: pricelesstails@gmail.com**Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepentaThis weeks' end of episode Jamz is Francis Lai "Vivre Pour Vivre" Find all the Jammerz music features on our Spotify playlist: goo.gl/w27Q9xAll the official Jammerz theme music is by our talented friends at hyperballadmusic.com

73: Pied Piper Pussies

2018-09-0501:02:52

66: The Sound Of Giving Up (w/ Tyler Mead)
Have the Jammerz selfishly helped themselves into boring old ladies that read and make dog puns? Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) have been swapping liquor for lemonade (with charcoal thankyouverymuch) BUT are still very young, hip and relevant thanks to their helpful millennial pal, Tyler Mead! Tyler (@meadbymead) teaches Megan to unlock the not-so-secret functions on her new fangled phone and she repays his kindness by threatening to transplant one of his body parts onto her face. Plus, Stephen (@thepenta) is reminded that rape can happen even to the friendliest of faces THEN, our vivacious young guest comes dangerously close to losing his freezer snack privileges after tattling on his fun drunk Aunt Wendi for innocently shaking hands with an ‘alleged’ drug dealer.🚨LoS AnGeLeS🚨the first ever #jammerzque is TODAY (if today is Wednesday July 18th) and consummate professionals @handsomepartybutt & @wendibird82 have no real plans other than a sunrise hike and eating canned goods by the pool so let these bitches know if they need to pick you up some beanie weenies! 💥DETAILS: Kicks off with a 6am hike, then we’ll prob do a bunch of dumb shit and eat white trash delicacies all day. Bring whatever food/drinks you want. A list of provided treats will be emailed to attendees sometime Tuesday the 17th.💥TICKET PRICE: Free! Suggested donation of $20 to cover food, drinks and get Megan’s bf a Hotel so he doesn’t go to jail for homicide. You can donate cash money or venmo the girls: (@)megansloanerice & (@)wendistarling 💥WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?? Calm down, narc. It’s at Megan’s place. When you email us (jammerzpod@gmail.com) to make your reservation, we’ll send you the address, find out E-X-A-C-T-L-Y how you like your tuna stuffed jalapeños 🐟🌶 AND make sure you have completed Suzy Kline’s literary classic ‘Horrible Harry and the Green Slime’. DO I HAVE TO SHOW UP AT 6AM??? Nope! It’s gonna be an entire day of fuckery, so message us here when your ass gets up and moving and we’ll let you know where we are.***If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com Megan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshop Wendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82 Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepentaThis weeks' SUPER JAM is the one and only _RICHARD FUCKING MARX_ "_Hold On To the Night_" with bonus jam _The Rubettes "Sugar Baby Love."_ Find all the Jammerz music on our Spotify playlist: goo.gl/w27Q9xAll official Jammerz theme music by our friends at hyperballadmusic.com
64: Going Vertical (Getting Zen with Alex Engelbert)
Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) come outta the gate slinging’ sweet summer tips like how to integrate genital shaving into a low carb lifestyle, the proper way to speak into a dickhole, AND debut the new segment ‘Hot Goss!’ They then get into the business of overcoming trauma, finding strength in your vulnerabilities and making peace with yourself in the present with phenomenally fun guest, Alex Engelbert (@Alex_Engelbert)! She goes into details about her yoga sabbatical which triggers Stephen (@thepenta) to reminisce about his favorite tale of female self-discovery and pizza. Alex then accepts the girls’ nomination be the Mayor of Jammerz as she is the ONLY candidate running on the Hufflepuff ticket and championing the largely overlooked problem of lateral movement!! PLUS, can you do yoga and still drink your face off? What haven’t Megan and Wendi done while on drugs?? Most importantly, have the Jammerz broken their own “No Nazi” policy?!?If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com Megan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepentaThis weeks' end of episode Jam is Cloud Nothings "Up To The Surface." Find all the Jammerz music on our Spotify playlist: goo.gl/w27Q9xAll official Jammerz theme music by our friends at hyperballadmusic.com
61: Jammerz: Miserable Assholes
Ya know how sometimes you get together with pals and the entire night is a laugh riot lovefest and OTHER times you just stare at opposing walls and take turns crying while simply talking about your day? Well this Jamsesh is one of those OTHER times for the Jammerz but gosh dang if they don’t buck the fuck up and find the strength to talk about their magical week AND fun things like uterine lining, topical creams and suicide! THEN, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) gives out hot tips for scooping up discount fish and getting high with bugs, Wendi (@wendibird82) attempts to pay a street Shaman in cigarettes and Stephen (@thepenta) uses magic as tool to rob the Jammerz blind one quarter at a time. PLUS, how many coffee makers does one person need? How long can the girls last without their sweet, sweet poison?? More importantly, how long will YOU last listening to these chicks talk about their periods?!?If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.comCOME SEE US LIVENYC!!! gLaMoUrPuSs Saturday, June 30th 7:30pm Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St glamourpuss33.brownpapertickets.comMegan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepentaThis week's Jamz is the grinding brainfreeze of Death Grips' "Giving Bad People Good Ideas" Follow the Jammerz playlist on Spotify: goo.gl/w27Q9xAll the official Jammerz theme music by the good people at hyperballadmusic.com
60: MAGIC ADDICTS
It’s another edition of ‘Jammerz: After Dark’ and the girls may or may not have been drinking prior to jumping on mic with their very special guest, Magician Andy Still! A regular on Glamourpuss, Andy (@mischievousbastard) is a true NYC magic man, performing everywhere from theaters to Washington Square Park and has come into the studio to teach these idiots (and you) a simple trick to impress drunk people in dark bars. Stephen (@thepenta) revels in the arc of Andy’s journey though a childhood of Magic conventions all the way until magic almost got him sexually assaulted! By a crying woman!! PLUS, does Wendi (wendibird82) know the difference between doctors and magicians?? Which cursed potion led to Megan’s (@handsomepartybutt) magical evening of hanging out with Fergie then blacking out and breaking into her own apartment?!? THEN, Megan and Wendi stumble upon what may be their most genius money making scheme yet. They only need a sewing kit and a couple of one-way tickets to David Copperfield’s private island and… TADA!! They’ll be rich, drunk, dead and covered in glitter. If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.comCOME SEE US LIVE NYC!!! gLaMoUrPuSs Saturday, June 30th 730pm Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St glamourpuss33.brownpapertickets.com Megan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshop Wendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82 Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepenta This weeks' end of episode Jam is HOLY FUCK "House Of Glass" You can follow all the Jammerz music on Spotify: goo.gl/w27Q9x All the official Jammerz theme music by hyperballadmusic.com.

60: MAGIC ADDICTS

2018-06-0601:00:54

59: Wangin' Around with Wegan and Mendi
Lights! Camera! Snorting Splenda! After the Jammerz get sentimental over childhood memories of bullying weaker kids into ripping out their eyebrows and covering their faces in makeup, they give YOU tips on screenwriting, acting and director-of-popcorning. THEN, in an effort to overthrow the patriarchy and take back the night, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) come up with a brilliant plan that not only keeps men in their places, but will also help the girls stay connected during their inevitable rocket-ride to mega fame! Emboldened by their own genius, the girls call out Stephen (@thepenta) for his participation in ‘Men’s Meetings’ then unlock the secret to their future success as model podcasters and overlords of Jammerzwood. PLUS they dole out sexy summer craft ideas using just your body and a citrus juicer!If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com***COME SEE US LIVE*** NYC!!! *gLaMoUrPuSs* Saturday, June 2nd 730pm Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St glamourpuss32.brownpapertickets.com Megan Rice Instagram: @handsomepartybutt BAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshop Wendi Starling Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82 Stephen Penta Twitter: @thepenta Instagram: @thepenta This weeks' end of episode is The Bird and the Bee "Los Angeles," You can follow all the Jammerz music on Spotify: goo.gl/w27Q9x and as always thanks to the fine gentlemen at Hyperballad studios (http://hyperballadmusic.com) for designing all the Jammerz official theme music.
Grandpa Dog Suck
Last week, Jeff Sewing drilled the Jammerz about everything sports and now they’re back to pass off stories of defeat, but quickly rebound into a disturbingly delightful Jamsesh. Megan (@handsomepartybutt) literally gushes over UK naked dating shows and the timeless disco classics of ABBA. Wendi (@wendibird82) tries extra hard to use her big girl words after a full week of waking up at 430am then, in a not-shocking turn of events, she exposes her terrifying browser history. At the mercy of his female counterparts, Stephen (@thepenta) gets 10 whole minutes to be sincerely emotional, but he doesn’t take the bait and INSTEAD uses his ‘safe space’ time to complain about the walls in his new apartment. This is a hot one, so tuck your dicks, pull out your pants, and get schooled in the difference between 'fluffy' and ‘billowy’ PLUS a surprise appearance by Preston AND the erotic tale of a forbidden love between a pug and a duck. If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com***COME SEE US LIVE***NYC!!!*gLaMoUrPuSs*Saturday, June 2nd730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd Stglamourpuss32.brownpapertickets.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is the only British artist to write an iconic song blasted for generations in American sports arenas... and find himself just neck deep in billowy child pornography: Garry Glitter - "I'm right, You're Wrong, I Win"

Grandpa Dog Suck

2018-05-1600:47:50

Grandpa Dog Suck
Last week, Jeff Sewing drilled the Jammerz about everything sports and now they’re back to pass off stories of defeat, but quickly rebound into a disturbingly delightful Jamsesh. Megan (@handsomepartybutt) literally gushes over UK naked dating shows and the timeless disco classics of ABBA. Wendi (@wendibird82) tries extra hard to use her big girl words after a full week of waking up at 430am then, in a not-shocking turn of events, she exposes her terrifying browser history. At the mercy of his female counterparts, Stephen (@thepenta) gets 10 whole minutes to be sincerely emotional, but he doesn’t take the bait and INSTEAD uses his ‘safe space’ time to complain about the walls in his new apartment. This is a hot one, so tuck your dicks, pull out your pants, and get schooled in the difference between 'fluffy' and ‘billowy’ PLUS a surprise appearance by Preston AND the erotic tale of a forbidden love between a pug and a duck. If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com***COME SEE US LIVE***NYC!!!*gLaMoUrPuSs*Saturday, June 2nd730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd Stglamourpuss32.brownpapertickets.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is the only British artist to write an iconic song blasted for generations in American sports arenas... and find himself just neck deep in billowy child pornography: Garry Glitter - "I'm right, You're Wrong, I Win"

Grandpa Dog Suck

2018-05-1600:47:50

MICE ON TOAST(Art Appreciation W: Zachary Benson Friedberg)
After a few drinks and a bad day, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) spent a pretty penny on a painting, so the gang drags in the artist to give them a lesson in art appreciation. Zachary Benson Friedberg (@speczacular) schools the Jammerz in the masterful craft of barfing up loads of fancy sounding words to convey the meaningful symbolism (or lack thereof) behind a piece of artwork, spitballs pun-centric restaurant ideas and reveals the subversive, cult-sanctioned mission that sent him spiraling back 3000 years to start the band Morbid Eclipse! Then, Wendi (@wendibird82) spills the details of her latest sketchy relationship and Stephen (@thepenta) talks shit about the Aquabats. PLUS, fun breakfast recipes with leftover horse meat, thoughtful ways to fart on your loved ones AND flirty new ways to incorporate pistachios into your sex life!If you need more Zachary Benson Friedberg in your life:ART: speczacular.com/FART: www.fartbymail.com/AND METAL: themorbideclipse.bandcamp.com/If you want to force this crew to shout you out on the show, answer your questions, or play out your own very specific performance-art masterwork get your very own JAMALAMZ at jammerzpod.com***COME SEE US LIVE***NYC!!!*gLaMoUrPuSs*Saturday, April 28th730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd Stglamourpuss31.brownpapertickets.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaYou know all if this weeks' Jamz are fucking Morbid Eclipse... who are so Metal Spotify won't allow their future shreddage... but the rest of the Jammerz Jamz are on Spotify "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x Follow it!
CESSATION SUCKS (Quitting Smoking w/ Krystyna Hutchinson)
The gang is back after one of their most difficult challenges yet: kicking cigarettes. This jamsesh is extra special because they have a guest that fired up about life without smoking. Krystyna Hutchinson (@krystynahutch) is finally released from the basement prison of her own design and allowed to speak audibly during a Jammerz recording! She reveals that Stephen (@thepenta) drove her smoke with a back-handed compliment and shares the tricks that that have kept her (mostly) tobacco free since her 30th birthday. Megan (@handsomepartybutt) crushed this challenge and avoided ciggs by doing fun things like not taking breaks during a 10 hour work shift, but broke down and lit up in honor of her dear friend’s Monkey Torture Party. Wendi (@wendibird82) did not fully stop smoking, but blames her tobacco addiction on an organ transplant from a holocaust survivor. PLUS, the ladies pitch their latest genius, pro-eating disorder book idea: Jammersize! THEN, they surprise a listener with a literal call for help and get tips for successful smoking cessation, find out if vaping is really any better for you AND share a hearty laugh over shouting slurs at the youth of America.*******++++++++*******++++++++*******You can find Krystyna Hutchinson @KrystynaHutch, buy her book "FUCKED", listen to Guys We Fucked (the antislutshaming podcast) and catch her on tour at sorryaboutlastnightcomedy.comFOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jam is Car Seat Headrest - "Stop Smoking (We Love You)Follow all the Jammerz jamz on spotify:"Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
M.M. Fellatio
The girls are off the rails outta the gate this week; could it be due to sleep deprivation OR, are they obsessing over butter coffee in an effort to avoid announcing what just might be their most difficult selfish help challenge to date?! Before getting down to business, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) dive into some serious ‘detectiving’ which leads them to uncover the sinister motives of Wendi’s roommate, Stephen (@thepenta) admits to committing heinous acts of violence THEN, the girls conceive yet another hit film! A movie for the kiddos, their latest brilliant idea is an animated historical fiction featuring a non-verbal autistic mouse as the hero. PLUS, the coolest way to murder someone, an update on the lesser known #meecetoo movement and I guess these trashbag women are gonna quit smoking or whatever.***COME SEE US LIVE***NYCSaturday, March 31st730pmGLAMOURPUSSZinc Bar82 W 3rd Sttix: glamourpuss30.brownpapertickets.comFOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jam is the great Jay Retard - "It's So Easy"Follow all the Jammerz jamz on spotify:"Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x

M.M. Fellatio

2018-03-2801:02:42

My Dad's A Real Piece Of Shit
Buckle up Jammerz. The crew gets intense outta the gate. Well, first the girls bitch about that lying bitch Lisa Frank and lament over the nonexistence of glitter-shitting rainbow unicorns BUT they get serious right after that. Kinda. Megan (@handsomepartybutt) opens up about the hyper strained relationship with her Father, Wendi (@wendibird82) shares a sexy story about getting her head slammed into a car window and Stephen (@thepenta) gets to live out his NPR fantasy of moderating a discussion between two cool bitches having a (and I quote) “real ass” conversation.THEN, how to tell if YOU are in a toxic relationship!! The Jammerz have a red flag checklist that includes subversive abuse tactics like:1. Choking a bitch!2. Hitting themselves on the head!3. Pushing a dog in a sticker covered stroller!PLUS, actual helpful advice on getting out of a shitty situation AND the inside scoop on how to give yourself a serious medical condition by consuming a product with the same name!Abuse Hotline:www.thehotline.org***COME SEE OUR ASSES LIVE BABY***NYC!!!GlamourpussSaturday, March 31st730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd StGlamourpuss30.brownpapertickets.comFOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jam is Cayetana - "Hot Dad Calendar"Follow all the Jammerz music on spotify:"Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
Get Erections, Don't Cum (w/ Author Ross Asdourian)
After (definitely not) mastering the art of the foreign language, the Jammerz bring in a real, live guest! With a real, live book to promote! Ross Asdourian (@ross_do), author of 'Broken Bananah', shares his inspirational journey of recovery, self-discovery and healing after breaking his mother f*cking (or at least, mother ‘admiring’) DICK. Wendi (@wendibird82) is extra fired up this episode because she lost Uber privileges for the time being and had to take the M train like some kind of broke-ass podcaster, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) has an unexpectedly emotional reaction to the prospect of a future where construction workers aren’t yelling about her sweet tits, and Stephen (@thepenta) regales the group with a tale of sober clumsiness that almost put his ass in the hospital. AND tips on how to properly accessorize your catheter bag for a wedding, how to tell the difference between ball pubes and troll beard hair PLUS flirty ways to plan a murder in one of the most popular romance languages!!*******++++++++*******++++++++*******FOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jam is Cameo - "ATTACK ME WITH YOUR LOVE"!!! If you don't walk around with Cameo in your headphones... WHY ARE YOU FORSAKING EVERYTHING???Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
Poor Duck, Rich Apples (the Language Jamsesh)
?Fueron estos tres idiotas capaces de aprender un nuevo idioma en una semana? In this week’s jamsesh, the trio breaks down exactly how they attempted to add some culture to their lives by learning a new language y es muy feo. Wendi (@wendibird82) has the clear advantage after a week of communicating with her roommate using an intricate system of spanish and bodily functions. Stephen (@thepenta) discovers his inner Trump supporter when he realizes he would rather shoot of Walmart guns than learn how to make fun of animals in a foreign tongue. Meanwhile, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) is being haunted by a virtual zombie and still hasn’t found out what’s going on with her pussy!!! They also dig into the pros and cons of traveling alone as a woman, publicly apologize to an enraged listener AND debut a new segment where they read shit that fellow Jammerz email them in confidence!! PLUS fun, sexy ways to communicate with your loved ones using just your fecal matter!!!*******++++++++*******++++++++*******FOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttBAKED GOODS! @mistersbakeshopWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jams are classic J Dilla - "Workinonit" and Bully "Feel the Same"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
Meat That Matters (Valetines Day Jamsesh)
Have the Jammerz become to big for their britches?!? These jerks come outta the gate denouncing their fans in exchange for (potential) corporate sponsorship and immediately get to task off seamlessly weaving advertisements into this Valentine’s Day Jamsesh. In between plugs for deadly weapons, trash and epic cheerleader dramedy films, Wendi (@wendibird82) puts one lucky (?) listener in an Uber to a surprise location, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) uncovers a deep-seeded sexual kink and Stephen (@thepenta) faces the horrific reality of his impending Hawaiian vacation. The trio also gives tips about the best drugs to do while listening to John Denver, the most effective orgasm-inducing exercise machines PLUS, helpful advice about dealing with a spontaneously combustible pussy! THEN, the girls brainstorm even MORE genius, billion-dollar additions to the Jammerz empire that will keep you fit, fucked and feeling seXXXy every time you slip into your undies. Love! Fucking! Cat Dicks! This Vday jamesh has everything you never wanted... except maybe the cat dicks.*******++++++++*******++++++++*******SEE US LIVE BABYNYC!!gLaMoUrPusSw/ Wendi Starling & Krystyna HutchinsonSat Feb 24th 730pm@ Zinc Barglamourpuss29.brownpapetickets.comFOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode jam is the Zombies (who... let's face it wrote the best love songs if you live in a Wes Anderson world) "Ain't Nobody Gonna Love You"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
Skateboarding Off The Grid (Investing W: Paco McCauley)
Now that the Jammerz have a handle on living within their means, they are ready to invest and get rich!!! But how does one fail upwards to become a bazillionaire? These three idiots have no idea, so have called their friend Paco McCauley (@pacomccauley) to teach them them they ways of the one percent. The girls are exceptionally delirious after a day of moving and visiting their parents in hospitals, so Stephen (@thepenta) takes on the role of pretending to understand bitcoin and blockchain while Megan (@handsomepartybutt) gets distracted by Wendi’s wayward hair and Wendi (@wendibird82) is increasingly distracted by her volatile, father figure-loving pussy. SPOILER ALERT: This episode of Jammerz may contain actual helpful advice BUT, they also breakdown the difference between bodegas and mutual funds and Mormonism vs. Scientology. Get out your notebooks and join the trio on their quest to live off interest and indulge in the finest of sandwiches from the comfort their cash-stuffed couches.*******++++++++*******++++++++*******SEE US LIVE BABYPHILADELPHIA!!!Friday Feb 9thWendi Starling headlines Philly Comedy Club 7 & 9pmtix:www.phillycomedyclub.com/events/wendi…09-18-0700pmNYC!!gLaMoUrPusSw/ Wendi Starling & Krystyna HutchinsonSat Feb 24th 730pm@ Zinc Barglamourpuss29.brownpapetickets.comFOR JAMALAMZ! & EVERYTHING JAMMERZ: JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is a deep 90's cut - DAISY CHAINSAW - "LOVE YOUR MONEY"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
Paper Towel Casserole
After straight up crushing their last challenge of playing a game (eye roll emoji times a thousand), the Jammerz attempt to save a little cash to invest in the unlikely event that they do not become billionaires from their brilliant board game idea. Stephen (@thepenta) was able to save upwards of $130 by cutting out food delivery and (gasp) venturing out to a grocery store, while Megan (@handsomepatybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) resorted to more streetwise tactics like eating expired food, cleaning supplies and (double gasp) NOT buying booze or drugs!! The trio also gives surprisingly helpful tips on how YOU can trim your budget by indulging in hot sauce, taking care of your outer pussy or simply ceasing to exist! PLUS, they reveal a genius plan to keep the government from getting their grimy hands on your future earnings.*******++++++++*******++++++++*******This episode is brought to you by the sweet sweet H8 of Jordan's JAMALAM!!! Support the podcast by picking up a JAMALAM on JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comSEE US LIVE BABYPHILADELPHIA!!!Friday Feb 9thWendi Starling headlines Philly Comedy Club 7 & 9pmtix:https://www.phillycomedyclub.com/events/wendi-starling-fuse-tv-ft-maddy-smith-02-09-18-0700pmNYC!!gLaMoUrPusSw/ Wendi Starling & Krystyna HutchinsonSat Feb 24th 730pm@ Zinc Barglamourpuss29.brownpapetickets.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is Killing Joke - "MONEY IS NOT OUR GOD" ... because OF COURSE IT IS.Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x

Paper Towel Casserole

2018-01-3101:05:50

Secret Homeless (Games Jamsesh!)
The Jammerz spent a week board gaming like a bunch of nerds andStephen (@thepenta) is especially cocky because it’s one of the first challenges he successfully completed! After bragging about his mastery of Patchwork and attempting to justify his fashion 'hat chances', he puts a listener on blast and aggressively demands a Jamalamz. Megan (@handsomepartybutt) responsibly invites her adult friends over for a night of halloween hummus served in the finest ceramic sunglasses and played a game that is for sure a subversive tool of London’s transportation department, while Wendi (@wendibird82) interprets the challenge as an excuse to get fucked up in a hotel room and play Jenga with degenerates. PLUS, the trio brainstorms in an effort to create a realistic game of ‘Life’ where abortions are handed out and the winner has the least amount of fun! THEN, the girls discover they may be psychically connected through a system of magnets and hidden cameras, and Stephen digs deep to find out exactly what would make him happy. PLUS, how can you find fun ways to implement the word ‘Jenga’ into your daily life? Who would you call in the case of excruciating diarrhea?? Can YOU decipher between a homeless person and Jammer that just needs a shower?!?*******++++++++*******++++++++*******You can support JAMMERZ and coax (read: bribe) Stephen to crush more sweet Jamseshes by picking up a JAMALAM shoutout on JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is The Garden- "All Smiles Over Here :)"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
ROOFIES: THE GAME(w/ David Piccolomini)
In an effort to become gamers, the Jammerz are starting with the basics: board games baby!! This week, the trio is joined by comedian, podcaster extraordinaire and 'Grade A' nerd, DAVID PICCOLOMINI!! David (@piccolomeany), a former Goblin King, schools the Jammerz on larping, competitive quilting, the OG Monopoly rules and fun ways to introduce the possibility of anal into literally every game you ever play! They also learn which games are best to play with your racist family, whether or not blind people are any good at scrabble, and address the age-old question: Why the fuck is there so much math in something that is supposed to be fun?!? THEN, in an unexpected turn, Stephen (@thepenta) bums everybody out by admitting he’s a fedora guy. Thankfully, David (Knight of Gelaware), is there to rally spirits with the upbeat tale of his father’s crippling addiction!! Finally, after showcasing the top 8 games people (nerds) use to get laid, they actually play one! Can the Jammerz complete their first on-air, group challenge OR will Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) completely derail the game by playing house instead of attacking monsters?!? PLUS, would anyone besides these monsters play a queef-based party game? What exactly is the ‘macro’ version of pinball?? AND, how to tell if the werewolf in your life is on drugs.*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Come see us LIVE!!!***NYC***GlAmOuRpUsS (Hosted by Wendi Starling & Krystyna Hutchinson)Friday January 19th at 7:30Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St, NYCglamourpuss27.brownpapertickets.comSupport the podcast by picking up a JAMALAM on JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode Jam is Mutoid Man- "Melt Your Mind"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x
My Grandmother's Tongue
After barely surviving the holidays and Bomb Cyclone, the Jammerz are back baby! They’re violently hungover and rocking adult diapers but god dammit they showed up to break down exactly how they dismantled and devoured their poor, defenseless meals. First, in his never-ending quest to prove his punk, Stephen (@thepenta) goes above and beyond by draping himself in bearskin and blood before venturing out into the dog eat dog world of the local grocery store. Then, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) murders an entire family of crustaceans, captures the whole thing on video AND inadvertently creates the the first pair of high-fashion survival jewelry! Finally, with little to no cooking resources available, Wendi (@wendibird82) cons someone into taking her out to a fancy restaurant and orders the chef to bring her face-to-deep fried face with her main course.PLUS, are people stealing your bank information every time you pick up your phone? What exactly did Stephen’s family put him through that made him ‘Pennsylvania as fuck’? Can Megan and Wendi make it through the entire episode without vomiting or shitting all over themselves?? Most importantly, will Jack ever listen to the show again, or will this be the episode that pushes him off the ledge???*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Come see us LIVE!!!***NYC***GlAmOuRpUsS (Hosted by Wendi Starling & Krystyna Hutchinson)Friday January 19th at 7:30Zinc Bar 82 W 3rd St, NYCglamourpuss27.brownpapertickets.comIf you enjoyed Jack's JAMALAM support the podcast and get your own at JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode ripping Jam is Odonis Odonis- "Nasty Boy"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x

My Grandmother's Tongue

2018-01-1001:05:43

Hogs & Whores
New year, new selfish-help adventures! This week, Megan (@hamsomepartybutt) journeys to Kansas City and drinks whiskey in an abandoned brothel with their guest, badass butcher Sarah Brieby (@queenofthebottoms). Sarah spills secrets of the secret lady butcher group, gushes about her love of skinning rabbits and poetically describes the grossest thing she ever did for ten bucks. Inspired by their new surroundings, Wendi (@wendibird82) comes up with a billion dollar business idea that will bring locals the finest cuts of meat and pu$$y. Then, the girls discover a new and exciting way to annoy Stephen (@thepenta) by simply recording in an echo chamber filled with the ghosts of blow jobs passed. The jammerz have a special (and silent) second guest… Megan’s boyfriend Preston! He quietly drinks whiskey the whole episode. In a dark corner. I’m not sure which is creepier, the ghosts of the whores, the delicious murdered animals downstairs, or the presence of an angry man! PLUS, is it more compassionate to murder and eat an animal that lived a hard life, or one that had a family? Who in the hell are ‘Boogans’, and could they be putting Sarah’s life in danger? Will Megan survive the whiskey and meat binge?? Can Wendi think of enough cow puns to overcome the shock of learning the slang term “Hank Jr.”?!? Most importantly, how will Stephen ever edit this into a coherent episode?!?!*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Don't waste your hard earned bucks on back alley Hank Jr's! Help reimburse Megan & Prestons' Travel Fund by getting your Jamalamz Shoutouts at JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's screaming is Cannibal Corpse "Hammer Smashed Face" and the end of episode jam is an oldie but a goodie: Cibo Matto "Beef Jerky"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" goo.gl/w27Q9x

Hogs & Whores

2018-01-0301:01:22

Life Is Screaming! (the anti-social media jamsesh)
What exactly is Jammerz? Like, what is the show’s ‘mission statement’? Is any of this shit actually helpful or is every episode just ANOTHER excuse for Megan and Wendi to fuck around??? This week, the trio is forced to explain the half-baked mission of this podcast because of a hypercritical email from ‘Thomas’, a new listener that happens to be banging Wendi. Before dissecting what shall be referred to as ‘THE EMAIL’, the Jammerz recap their week on a phone diet and a follow-up on Wendi’s recently condemned apartment. PLUS, Stephen (@thepenta) brags about his negative STD test results and dangling from skyscrapers THEN, Megan (@handsomepartybutt) and Wendi (@wendibird82) present a dramatic popcorn reading of the lengthy, most man-splaning email ever written. But… does he actually have good advice? Can the gang benefit from his suggestion to start microdosing while taking a cold morning shower?? After defending the efficacy and entertainment value (it’s a fucking COMEDY podcast, bro) of the show, they leave you with only one lingering question… where in the world did Megan and Wendi get their best friendship toilet?!?*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Support the screaming in your life!!! Get your Jamalamz Shoutouts at JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaThis week's end of episode (screaming)Jam is Gouge Away "Wildflowers"Follow all the Jammerz Jamz on spotify on "Jammerz: The Selfish-Help Playlist" https://goo.gl/w27Q9x
Sleepy Lil' Bitch! (Painting w/ Alanna Vanacore)
The Jammerz are back with another LISTENER INSPIRED EPISODE!!! Australian Jammer, Sarah, challenged the trio to selfishly express themselves through the art of… ART! Specifically drawing, painting AND vomiting colored milk onto a blank canvas. To help guide them through this sketchy, new territory, the gang calls on dear friend and obnoxiously talented artist, Alanna Vanacore (@alannavana)! While searching for inspiration, they each dig up painful memories; Stephen’s (@thepenta) abusive teachers, Megan’s (@handsomepartybutt) narcissistic lover and Wendi’s (@wendibird82) knock off welfare barbie dolls. Alanna attempts to encourage them to allow the art to flow through them, but have they unleashed new inner beasts? Can their friendships survive horrifically offensive interpretations of each others’ faces?? Is their guest using mermaid witchcraft to create her masterpieces?!? Can Stephen’s jizz really jack up the resale value of used flowers?!?For all of Alanna's obnoxiously talented paintings etc. (including sales & commissions): http://alannavanacore.com*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Come see us LIVE!!!***NYC***GlAmOuRpUsSSaturday, Dec 2nd at 730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd St, NYCglamourpuss27.brownpapertickets.comWanna support the show? Get your Jamalamz Shoutouts at JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaMusic JAMMZ! All painting music isThree 6 Mafia because of course it is. End of episode jam is Dai Burger "New Everything"
BE YOUR OWN MICKEY (w/ Community {service} Expert Petey DeAbreu)
Sometimes in life you plan for things to go one way and then they kinda, sorta totally change. Like, say you start a podcast episode thinking it’s going to be centered around being selflessly volunteering in your community but INSTEAD you become inspired to start committing mail fraud. Wait. Actually that perfectly describes this week episode. But fear not! Megan (@handsomepartybutt) Stephen (@thepenta) and Wendi (@wendiburd82) take a cue from their guest, the ferociously funny Petey DeAbreu (@pdeezjokes), and improvise to bring you one of the most inspiring episodes of Jammerz to date! Marvel at Petey’s journey from a broke kid in the Bronx, to a wealthy hustler flashing his new rims all over South Beach during a hurricane, to the humble, idealistic community-serving comedian he is today. It’s a hilariously heartfelt discussion about keeping your chin up and your face smiling when life seems to be fucking with you everytime you turn around.Follow Petey: @pdeezjokes and check out his podcast Hope of the Hood on iTunes: https://goo.gl/Er12JL*******++++++++*******++++++++*******Wanna support the show? Get your Jamalamz at JAMMERZPOD.COMFollow on Instagram & Twitter: @jammerzpodE-mail Us! jammerzpod@gmail.comMegan RiceInstagram: @handsomepartybuttWendi StarlingTwitter: @wendistarlingInstagram: @wendibird82Stephen PentaTwitter: @thepentaInstagram: @thepentaCome see us LIVE!!!***NYC***GlAmOuRpUsSSaturday, Dec 2nd at 730pmZinc Bar 82 W 3rd St, NYCglamourpuss27.brownpapertickets.comMusic this week is Pete Rock "The Boss" at the top and American Football "My Instincts Are The Enemy" wrapping things up... because we're the kind of podcast that can start Pete Rock and end Polyvinyl Records in the same episode.
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58: Hammer Tits 'N Pussy Guns

58: Hammer Tits 'N Pussy Guns

Megan Rice, Wendi Starling & Stephen Penta