58 - Monolith
A stone monolith appears overnight in front of City Hall. Plus, a former high school quarterback playing college football, opening ceremonies at the Drawbridge, and updates from the desert otherworld.
Weather: 'Anything I Want You To' by The Rizzos (therizzos.bandcamp.com)
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
listening to old episodes of Welcome to Night Vale is kind of like time travel if you're not picky did you know there is even more recorded Night Vale to what's in this archive we have recordings of our past full length night filled life shows available for sale at nite fail to band camp dot com or on iTunes these are stand alone feature length recordings with celebrity guests like wil Wheaton Andrew W K Mara Wilson share of lying about share and that's just the start there's so much more night fail to enjoy go to welcome tonight hilltop com and click on What's New or show or store or books there are lots of links with lots of things to learn hey thank you very much if it looks like a duck and quacks like a top you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions well tonight The The The The The The The The The The The The listeners someone built a monolith in front of City Hall overnight last night there was no fifteen foot tall two foot thick rectangle made of blue slate towering over the faded grass and weakened tulip garden in front of City Hall but now they're either it's a monolith within different geometry and a long sharp shadow cast by the low morning sun it is an ominous construction channeling ancient powers and long day gawd it's perhaps it is even connected to our primordial extra terrestrial ancestry and now just a few days before Christmas this looming dark stone shows up mysteriously in the night casting scorn for shadows across both our dreams and our primitive understanding of the world it's super festive and I love it whoever put that thing up good Schaub in this way twenty tons don't know how you did but way to get us all into the holiday spirit I talk to Carlos the other night listeners he's still trapped in the oven not trapped I told him I'd stop saying he's trapped in the desert of the world he is doing work there he said after a few months of feeling helpless he's made some friends like the giant soldiers dog and Alisha and even gotten a lot of research done he doesn't feel trapped at all I told him that he was locked in that alternate desert against his will and has been unable to return so that seems to me like a pretty strong definition of trout he said he used to feel that way but now he no longer feels threatened by the rumbling beneath the sand or the strange armies that move about the baby's waist escape none of them fighting only wondering he feels like this desert the most scientifically interesting place and the other world is where he needs to be for now he quoted that old adage When God closes a door God opens a window then God cracks a few knuckles then God kicks a pine cone up the sidewalk God also choose a whole bunch of dumb God recently quit smoking Andy's relief City CA list used that classic saying to point out that this desert is a great opportunity for his career as a scientist and I respect that I asked if he found an old oak door with only one side that could possibly bring him back tonight fail he said he hadn't but then he asked Cecil if I find that doorway would you maybe come here again just for a visit I want you to meet Elisa Elisa has to be shown for say the size of a Prius and is really into astronomy they also showed me some planets and Comets they really like also the constellations change every night here there are new shapes of mythic heroes in the sky every night I'd love you to come visit our list told me we'll see some nicer than I remember I said to me he said I'd love to be the year Carlos again we had a great time talking nearly every night but it's hard to know how much meeting on A's or touching hands means until it's gone plus I could use a vacation other than that brief escape through the same desert other world the spring I don't think I've been out of Night Vale cents WOW in lieu for Spitz time flies Kama is weird oh big news this Wednesday afternoon is the opening ceremony of the revitalized Old Town Hall pri sch because of massive setbacks two years ago and a complete lack of a body of water that would even necessitate the troll bridge the opening was delayed by fourteen years including a budget increase of over twenty million dollars so technically we're still twelve years away from completion but the city council thought we might as well have the opening ceremony now we've already burned through the twenty million dollars the City Council announced in unison via conference call from a cruise ship the council were all wearing matching sunglasses and floppy hats and drinking a pastel liquid through long curly straws out of one large pineapple the opening ceremony will be held in a collective shared daydream of Wednesday afternoon so make sure your doing something that is un challenging both physically and mentally on Wednesday so you can drift off into this fon Community Teen Dream of that we're starting to get complaints about the new that appeared overnight in front of City Hall the monolith has begun to hover I mean not by much don't freak out over a hovering it's like two or three inches not a full foot or more the complaints though are not about the hovering there about the placement of the monolith our town and country for that matter was based on the separation of ancient long dead religions and state what he did Jefferson Head of the community organization Night Vale for nothing announced her group's protest against a prominent symbol of old gods and possibly our primordial extra terrestrial origins being displayed on government property the City Council retorted by slurping their cocktail loudly from the still active Skype connection on a nearby Acer laptop but no how to turn all Jefferson added B s sae they all were God's hse then bit into a small metal pipe wrapped in a hot dog bun while she chewed we could still hear her speaking clearly the US she said her clothes about moving in slow undulating cast iron crunchy it's several others have come to Jefferson side in this issue claiming that while they still fervently worship all gods many showing off blood stained shoes and sharp rocks wrapped in strips of flesh they do not believe it is the government's place to express these beliefs so publicly the eye the wall I came in the City Council's reply from the computer more on this controversy as it grows out of hand but first a word from our sponsor today's show is brought to you by silent self reflection are you aware of what's inside of the window and asked soft meats and deadly microorganisms oh more than what makes you YOU how were you able to acknowledge that you are even a thing separate from the rest of the universe do you find yourself casting about in the white noise of the living world your eardrums called with the feel of existence we here at night failed Community Radio recommended silent self reflection give it a try here's some silence during the silence reflect on yourself reflect on your life your PDA those who are the days and just reflect the lead is no sign it's no cellphones and reflect the ready the year go I teach you reflect that was a sigh u sae ie Do you how that silence was it was a few weeks you've been unconscious for two full weeks you've been pronounced legally dead your family misses you but you're finally free to be The Living Ghost you've always dreamed of being I congratulations enjoy life free of legal consequence and now an update on the monolith some protesters have shown up that city hold carrying signs against the monolith the signs read No hse on city property and then a slash through that phrase which is confusing because that seems like a double negative but when you look closely there's also a line through the no part so it's a triple negative which reduces down to a single negative there are other signs that are just painted solid colors so it looks like the monolith has lost the support of the abstract expressionist community as well fortunately the Sheriff's Secret Police have already gently have told the protesters into a fenced in section of a distant parking lot where no one can see or hear their protests thus keeping public order and still allowing for freedom of speech a win with counter protesters have also arrived in support of the monolith demonstrating their distaste for people against the monolith there holding signs that have a picture of a monolith or maybe it's the letter by war or L or the number it's it's hard to say what with this on Sarah fonts being all the rage these days police have placed the counter protesters into a pen next to the original protesters and covered both hands with an opaque and sound proof velvet drapes oh we're getting word that the monolith is vibrating and loudly humming also it's glowing but I don't know I can't feel or see that so not really my problem now is it let's have a look at sports the Night Vale High School Scorpions had a rough twenty fourteen season it was capped off by a scandal involving junior running back may leak a rare of the Scorpions had to forfeit Bowl wins in which Herrera played because he violated district rules by never truly existing One of the team's best defenders senior safety Jessica Lexington was sidelined most of the season with a spinal parasites she got in late September after refusing to yield on a highway off ramp additionally sophomore quarterback Henry Lexington Jessica's younger brother struggled in his first season as a starter by year end he showed some improvement as coach Nasser Al Mujahid worked with Lexington on holding the ball with his own hands and throwing the ball with his own arms not other peoples as he had been doing early in the season but on the bright side it looks like former Scorpions quarterback Michael Sand arrow has gone on to great success after graduation and a many of you know Michael was recruited by a university called knits again Mitt miss mich again Mitch again miss again yes again I'm not a big sports fan myself so I have no idea what state the University of Michigan is located in but apparently they have just completed an undefeated season with Michael as quarterback and will compete in the College Football playoffs against another school called Obama again it sounds like a private school I've I've never heard that name before Michigan is favored to win the title this year and Michael is a frontrunner for the Heisman Trophy given to college football's best player his control over whether elements and powerful pyro can Isa skills proved invaluable to a previously struggling MIT again off fence good luck Michael your hometown is cheering for you an update on the glowing and shaking monolith the earth below it has split open and the secret police have issued a statement saying they regret silencing the original protesters they have sense let the protesters out asking them to protest a little harder also protest closer to the monolith ok the secret police shouted out the confused protesters whose eyes were still adjusting to the bright daylight after being in a dark head all afternoon to try getting dry on the Thane and protest day the officers cold from the high and their cruisers the secret police also asked counter protesters to try talking to the monolith you like it so much why don't you it the secret police team used before adding no no seriously go talk to that saying OK it is freaking us out bought poll protesters have scattered from the scene a monolith is now shaking violently I can I can hear it here in the station I can feel it throughout my body my guests did and it is rattling I can see the great green glow it is so bright the cement walls of our stations seem almost too beefy day so as our physical being becomes either ran into a tall make missed or subsumed by a sphere of cosmic energy let me in my final act as a tangible BA to bring two days whether the the the uh The The The The The whale The monolith split open there was a deafening crack of shuttered Stow in a flash of blinding light the stench and taste of sulfur as we felt Rocky dust settling upon our cowardly crouching backs in the hazy aftermath we looked for the dead and found none we look for the wounded and found none we looked for damaged streets and buildings and found well we found presents we found city streets strewn with gold wrapped toys and parcels of fine chocolates there were ornate bags filled with silk scarves and swirling gilded red bins and glittery notes wishing every person in Night Vale season's greetings along with gift cards to popular stores like Target and the Ralph's and hatred the look I hate to rant but given that night veil long ago abolished materialism this seems like a cruel holiday prank I'm glad no one was hurt but this hold monolith Fein was early and ate it was not a deadly threat to our city or our lives merely a time wasting tribute to the worst qualities of the old gods it took most of the afternoon to clean this mess up but thankfully it's all been swept away and dumped into the landfill the city council upon hearing of the storm of holiday presents upon our town swiftly and notably returned from their tax funded island vacation and offered their condolences for us having to witness this consumerist us all they reminded us that Santa is a C I A Creative mint and the holidays shouldn't be about buying things or getting names or even giving day it's Christmas they chanted in unison is about being a little less distrustful of neighbors of casting our guys down more respectfully when we pass hooded figures or people wearing some kind of official looking firearm Christmas is about being at home with family doors locked everyone speaking clearly and within range of the hidden cameras at that moment a low flying police helicopter passed over City Hall its Searchlight frantically flashing across the terrified faces of every single citizen it was truly a magical Christmas moment and the whole crowd would wince with holiday cheer one lone person cost but isn't Christmas a religious holiday should the city really be promoting a religious holiday the City Council quickly replied Not that where aware and the secret police kindly ushered that grumpy Scrooge off to a less public place like they'll sometimes we see something strange and different and our first reaction is to loathe and fear it to bring rage and scorn against its very being but that's not the Christmas spirit this is the time of year we must learn to not shout down things we don't know or understand but simply hide from Dell and later pretend they were never there at all and today we mostly did that we mostly did Good Night Vale maybe it will be a merry Christmas for everyone maybe this is an auspicious start to the holidays that's the best part about the future anything you want to be possible is possible as long as you don't think about it too hard to stay tuned next for the sound of something clawing its way