59 - Antiques

59 - Antiques

Update: 2015-01-016
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The Antiques have escaped from the Antiques Mall. Plus, a very scientific update from afar, new management at StrexCorp, and the return of Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

The voice of Carlos was Dylan Marron.

Weather: 'State of Mine' by Stöj Snak (music.stojsnak.com)

Music: Disparition, disparition.info

Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com

Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.



Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:

it's not darkest Before The Dawn it's actually darkest after all the stars have going now it's very dark and welcome to the The The The The The The The The we begin this new year with some troubling new Apprentice Donald saying owner of the antiques mall has reported that some of her antiques have escaped she said that when she fed them this morning they were all accounted for but when she went back for the usual mid afternoon watering the fence had been cocked over half of the antiques were to say they didn't skate she corrected reporters who were just trying to talk to were a bit about what it happened we're just doing their best to help or how and so didn't need to have their heads bitten off for using a different word but whatever they didn't escape she said they were set free all surveillance cameras in the immediate vicinity and this is not a particularly interesting or dangerous part of Night Vale so there were only three hundred and forty four had been disabled or moved to point away from the antiques and or had their tapes replaced with VHS cassettes full of Matlock episodes recorded and re recorded over each other so that each tape shows ghosts of every Matlock at once a single unified Matlock through the flicker and war of video a secret police warned citizens that antiques are wild animals and while generally friendly their behavior can be unpredictable if you see an antique do not approach it simply put your hands over your chest scream Where all about to be eaten and run blindly away although it's possible this may cause the antique to instinctual ego into hunting behavior and chase you we didn't bother to check look we were kind of busy or something stopping you from doing this research the Sheriff's Secret Police concluded before shaking their heads and melting back into the walls strikes corpse interests ink the companies you might remember her as our former unfriendly overlords or you might not remember them if your memory has been altered or erased anyway struck score is of course now owned by beings that are difficult to describe without using the illegal term angels but who are whole named Erica as part of their continual process to turn the power of strict score for the betterment of our world the characters have started the process of releasing those people whose lives strikes corp took possession of the back during what could be termed its bad boy day is or does Toby and capitalist Hell Days which ever you prefer among those released is Janice Rio from down the street last seen entering the condo which you should definitely never do never go into our condo also released Lucy and Hannah que Tierra its former owners of the former whites and ice cream shop that's bankruptcy led to their lives being confiscated by straps they are looking well and fit no worse for the wear than any ordinary person who is say imprisoned by the City Council in the abandoned mine shaft outside of town for voting incorrectly on municipal elections we all experience extra legal extended imprisonment at some point in our lives after all they pledged to restart their ice cream shop and are currently running a Kickstarter to gather together the funds in order to get better results the Kickstarter is labeled as being for a blender you can plug an iPhone into to get real time blending stacks and earned blending points on the blending community it is not actually for that though it's for an ice cream shop and I don't know about you but I can't wait to have another bite of that magical Gutierrez ice cream Chad Bowman ger who lives in the sham bling orphan housing development down by the haunted Baseball Diamond said it is a sadness what we do to each other it is a weeping and gnashing of teeth I don't think this was in relation to struck score or kick starter but he walked by and said that to me so I thought I'd throw it in Baghdad and now another edition of The Children's Fun fact science corner stick out your tongue a farther farther or is that really as far as you can get it I bet you can get a little farther than that wow that's like three feet honestly he expected an inch or so all now it's at five feet how long is your tongue how long is a tongue supposed to be a two week get someone to check on that this is starting to freak me out alittle your endless tongue this was supposed to be a fun and challenging exercise but now I'm questioning everything about myself and my life I'm I'm shivering your tongue is reaching out the door it's down the street it's rolling out of town look how far your tongue stretches you have not done well the young child but you've certainly done something you certainly have and somewhere the tip of your tongue is still rolling tasting real world but neither it nor were you can see say Are you related to nevermind it doesn't matter oh god oh god that that hunger that hideous infinite hunger this has been the Children's Fun fact science corner they are all or many reports coming in about the missing antiques people have seen antique trucks have heard creatures rooting around in their garbage grazing on their long looping through their backyards it has been difficult to tell which direction the antiques are moving because many of these reports contradict each other and most are likely people mixing up the antiques with other similar looking animals like owls for Venus or bacteria in turn Maureen who has old told been in turn longer than anyone I can remember well done anyway Maureen is back in school right now so her friend Hector is taking over for a bit Hector great to have you on in turn Hector is waving he's saying hello he doesn't have a mike so his Halo doesn't exist for you nothing exists for you outside of my voice saying he does anyway actor to be a favor and go check out what's going on with the escaped antiques reports are and we need someone on the ground so to speak in the ground as they say very deep in the earth as the saying goes To understand what's really going on here actor he's nodding now that gnawed exists for you by Hector until we see you again very soon and very well onshore now with this imagine a man this is a simple command leading to millions of conceivable scenarios imagine this man every possible physical form location and condition that a man can be it perhaps this man has been dead so long he is boss perhaps you are imagining dost and perhaps you are not all imagined a man imagine him there is a buzz seemed liked bold above him he is standing on what could loosely be cold the porch of what could loosely be cold a tin Shack the lightbulb vases and buses he looks up in irritation you were wrong to imagine him as dots you have him now do you know what he looks like imagine a man now now I'm sorry know you you were incorrect I and so the weekly find them and I'm thinking of contest will roll over to the next week this is the three hundredth consecutive week without a winner and the prize for next week will be the three hundred and one custom made pencils that say I won a saying I hope someone wins soon the giant box of pencils here starting to get the way of things oh oh guess who's in the studio with me well not actually with me but projecting himself into our physical plane that's right my favorite scientist and yours but mostly mine Carlos icy sole Karl OHS I know we just talked last night one or the listeners why don't you tell us what's new out in the desert other world you're trapped in the desert of the world your spending some time and well I've been doing so much interesting research I've learned the composition of the rocks which are not of our world and the composition of the components of the rocks which are of our world strangely and I'm trying to figure out how many stars there are I mean they're always changing size and position but I do think they're a lot of stars that sounds very scientific oh it is so scientific the most scientific I don't think I've ever been more scientific and you know how much I love science oh yes I am also very into science but I miss seeing no touching I miss NS listeners you can see but I'm trying to hold his hand and my hand is just going through him because he's not actually here I know that's why I'm working on a way for you to visit I think you'll like it here it's super interesting and there is so much science class the people are way friendlier here people in I fail can be little no I I know I suppose it couldn't hurt to take a little visit but I need to be back in my radio desk soon it can be difficult to ask station management for time off work great so I'll let you know when I figure out exactly how to get you here I cannot wait to see you in person again me neither can not wait or not okay me neither it's going to be the thank you so much for this highly relevant report that had important information for everyone in town thanks Carlos by Cecil bad news listeners it seems that the antiques have gathered around City Hall and all are behaving in threatening ways toward anyone trying to leave or enter we are getting reports that while City Council has already safely evacuated using a rocket sled that they keep for this very purpose Mayor Dana Cardinal is still trapped inside the Sheriff's Secret Police are responding quickly by issuing press releases to explain why it's definitely not their job to deal with this situation because frankly it seems pretty dangerous and scary they said that they have activated all available officers to work hard on deflecting responsibility away from them as the share its secret police slogan goes not our job not our problem and no I'm being told that the antiques have found a way into City Hall the pack is entering the building city hall has been infiltrated by hungry antiques with no one left to protect our mayor who will protect Dana someone someone must will know one step forward will know what is anyone even listening to this what what kind of town are we what kind of talent in our We also here's the weather the we uh well listeners well well listeners it seems it seems that all is well we don't know how your beloved mayor is safe once again a person of unknown identity appeared on the scene running into the city hall and single handedly defending the mayor's office against the pack of antiques this was foolish of that person that person could have been killed or gravely wounded if it were we don't know who the person he is for Boehm think went and so their fate he says non existent as anything else I do not or cannot voice mayor Cardinal gave a message of thanks saying whoever you are thank you I do not speak for the town or for the city government I speak for myself as a person has a human full of blood had to worry thank you for keeping me safe she said Pamela when schl director of emergency press conference is held an emergency press conference in which she added to the mayor's statement by saying clouds are the belt of the sky a cinch them tighter make the clouds go tighter make the sky calm close air before hurling herself into the sky until she was just a dot in the upward distance is so old that seems to be another crisis diverted albeit in a the side in me and if I may be frank as a journalist narrative Lee un satisfactory way perhaps we will never know who that unknown Savior is or who the unknown lift the Raiders of the antiques was perhaps we will never know anything we have certainly never know anything yet oh but wait in turn Hector is returning on Hector did you see who the unknown benefactor was Do you have any information no actor is hack care is holding up his arm there is a tear the skin a knee and jacket full he has been bitten actor was Hugh Ross and I send you to report and instead you involved yourself and I thank you for doing so ordinarily that would be a violation of journalistic standards which clearly say we should never help and we could merely watch but Dana Dana is a friend of mine and so I thank you for ignoring our sacred rules just this once be honest I wouldn't have thought Hector was the type to do something like that were even physically strong enough to fight off an entire pack of antiques but people can surprise you that is one of the things that people can do but I buy you know what happens to someone who was bit by an anti actor is people to speak has been unable to speak since he arrived listeners course anyone bitten by he becomes an antique themselves turned her if only there was something for you all he is transforming and his body is elongated in lowering his shoulders turned to home she is his arms to Weems his feet to one bladed multi legs he is becoming an antique before my eyes and I can do nothing for him for this brave young person who saved my dear friend Dana after his half sigh how I can hear the click shrink government must fully transformed into an antique err or is there any trace of your old self love for all you will all hunting be critical to student or he he he can come in here Candy here are battling the ceiling and there is a year this case substance dripping onto my desk I dare not look for its source and coming up next hopefully ah the sound of my successful escape from this room which is Touch Me actor actor well this is it one way or another here I go listeners and here you go off into radio silence into places and times where my voice can no longer guide you good Night Night Vale night the why of all the family and friends of inter active Welcome to Night Vale is a production of commonplace books it is written by Joseph A and Jeffrey trainer and produced by Joseph ng The Voice Of Night Vale Cecil Baldwin the voice of Carlos was Dylan mare and original music by desperation all they can be found at desperation dot info or a desperation shot Van Camp dot com This episodes weather was state of mind by stories not find out more at music dots toys not dot com That's S T O J s and AK comments questions email us at Night Vale at commonplace books dot com or follow us on Twitter at night fell radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on this show as well as all sorts of cool night fail stuff you can own in order there
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59 - Antiques

59 - Antiques