63 - There Is No Part 1: Part 2
An exciting conclusion to the day-long Sand Golem saga at City Hall. Plus, repairs at the bowling alley, Children's Fun Fact Science Corner, and who won that auction?
Weather: 'Heel Turn 2' by The Mountain Goats (mountain-goats.com)
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
there is no Part one This is Part two Well God tonight The The The The The The The The The The The listeners A won't waste your time recapping everything that happened in the earlier part of this broadcast there were so many events of such tremendous impact and significance that they were surely locked forever in your memory so let us a town with an imperiled mayor and a brutally injured Sheriff how under attack a town in the middle of something that we are seeing through from start to finish let us continue right where we left all Harrison Kip adjunct professor of archaeology at the Community College announced once again that he is super sorry about accidentally raising the sand column by whispering sweet nothings to that talisman he found out in the desert the team of six wealthy sponsors who backed this project and who he has only ever spoken to by phone and told him that this was what mysterious talisman slight talisman is love to be alerted with in a sexy whisper The Anonymous sponsors had told him although they never mentioned that doing so would cause a sand column to rise and turn against the humans around it by bat Harrison said gravely continuing most deaf my bag before fleeing into the desert receding from human form to distant human form to doctor to smudge to misplaced pixel on the horizon line to memory too vague recollection to an idea just out of reach to something I knew ago but now cannot grasp enough to feel its absence to send Gollum along with thousands of angora rabbits which were released from the night Bill petting zoo by unknown malicious parties have reached the upper floors of City Hall and or attacking anything that moves or doesn't move or just exists anywhere on the spectrum of motion with its huge sand fists and their soft harmless for director of emergency press conference is Pamela Mitchell held a non emergency press conference explaining that the situation seemed too urgent to distract everyone with the usual emergency press conference she read a statement written by Mayor Dana Cardinal indicating that the mayor has given up on her previously announced plan to barricade the door and then found her subsequently announced plan to hide was ruined when she released a statement announcing it and so now she is announcing her current plan which is to fight to fight and to win listeners I would gladly help the mayor but as I've been regularly expressing throughout the morning's tragedies and this afternoon's attack I have conflicted feelings here yes Mayor Dana is a dear friend and one of the citizens of this town I trust the most bought bought the last time I helped or it was done without mine will not against my will with out I was used as a puppet to save a good friend and good friend though she is it is not a feeling I wish to experience again I'll tell you what I think it is I believe the culprit is whoever bought Lot thirty seven from the Sheriff's Secret Police auction last year lot thirty seven One Radio host one Cecil Palmer one maybe I believe whoever owns that Lott has manipulated me into the role of hero like an action figure limp in the sticky hands of a child I do not wish to be manipulated again except in that way that anyone who lives in an all seeing authoritarian state is constantly manipulated for their own health and wellbeing such is the wish of all people to be manipulated in ways that are good for them but all to say maybe someone else can help Dana this time more and more on this soon as there has been that much and much before construction work is already commencing at the bowling alley after the shocking incident we reported on earlier today I know I'll never look at one of those ball return machines the same way again Teddy Williams said the space should again be available for bowling by Wednesday at the latest that league night is set to continue as scheduled and that he's had enough just enough there's only so much one person you know that one person can take and that limit was reached several months ago and he's just been coasting a you know coasting trying doing his best and now this now this right now this he doesn't know what next what now he doesn't know what he's going to do probably not this anymore he doesn't think how old you have to be to retire how old is she doesn't know the answer to those questions but he'll find out and then Hill know you know Hill know and again league night is continuing as scheduled which who wouldn't be a good week for me without league night and now another word from our sponsors you already know who we are we introduced ourselves earlier let's not waste time reiterating the benefits of our product how little it costs how easy it is to get how unwise it would be not to buy it and where exactly we took your loved ones instead let's concentrate on the legally required disclaimers we ah we forgot to do those and our lawyer God really about it if you ever seen a nad lawyer their ears stand straight up and they won't stop barking at you it's terrifying so we need to and that using our product could result in sterility see melody hearing loss vision loss finger D composition major toe swelling like a lot of toe swelling that might not sound like a big deal but wait until you see how big your toes get scratchy ness of the throat throat loss part palpitations and screaming also when we said hearing loss we meant you'll be able to hear loss as plants age as pets die as marriages break apart or even bald or settle from a fluttering of hands to a loose intertwining fingers as children leave home to go wherever it is that children go after the age of ten all of these common forms of loss you will be able to hear it will be deafening oh we could go on all day about the ways our product will severely ruined you physically and emotionally but what are you going to do not buy it I think that you and your for the moment safe loved ones know that you will buy our product no matter what we say so let's not waste anymore time our lawyer has stopped barking buy our product this has been another word from our sponsors oh I'm sorry listeners there is a knocking on my studio window it is a man in a tan jacket holding a deer skin suit case it is difficult to describe his features as they escape my mind the moment my eyes leave his face is waving indicating that he would like to come in and speak to me and presumably to all of you um yeah I wanted the but how would we even get there I've never heard of that place I I don't remember what I was just saying I think someone was speaking to me and to all of you out there about something that seemed a very important but now now I can't remember you will hurt him too do you remember what he said Oh sweetie I think I remember him offering or some piece of paper I didn't take it maybe I should have taken it I don't know speaking of notes I am being handed another one by in turn Hannah hopefully it is better than the note she handed me this morning during the earlier section of this broadcast was such an awful note I mean I don't have to tell you right so sad sad in all four you remember also kind of funny though just a pretty sad all four funny note really but this notes well it seems that no no no no no it seems that once again during this recent bit of missing time brave radio host Cecil Palmer has stepped in and helped Mayor Cardinal fight off the sand Gollum and the angora rabbits Cecil showing strength beyond his stature held the sand Gollum down while Dana wiped away the writing on its forehead that gave it a natural life dispersing it to inanimate sand and then we just kind of shooed the rabbits they were just rabbits and even in great numbers were not at all threatening this left the mayor safe with only a few bumps and bruises and a wrecked office covered with sand that probably will never be completely cleaned away certainly better than what happened to the sheriff that poor man I'm being told that Mayor Cardinal indicated deep gratitude for my help I'm being told this because I do not remember this because I am certain now the owner of Lot thirty seven the owner of Cecil Palmer once again he used me only to protect day know that is oh I love to think about what that is but first a continuation of our previous children's fun fact science corner children it's now time to go check on those last files we prepared earlier in the broadcast if you mixed everything right and placed it in the warm dry place like we told you to what you should be able to now observe the start of the tendrils don't get close to them those tendrils have a strong grip one could call their grip unbreakable or even poisonous you might also hear buzzing do you hear buzzing listen closely science is all about observation write down what the buzzing sounds like in detail draw a graph to show the buzzing what the buzzing is telling you is that the pain in the viola has marked you as its prey you need to run a Oh you should have started running the moment you heard the buzzing I'm sorry I should have said that before the rest of this stuff if you don't hear anything then congratulations you can move on to the second part of the experiment lay down plastic sheeting in the room and we'll be back to give you the full instructions later this has been part two of the Children's Fun fact science corner this day started bad and it does not appear to be getting better anytime soon I however unwillingly and unconsciously help the mayor fight off or attackers and yet even that act was not enough to end this ordeal Hyrum McDaniels literal five headed dragon and the faceless old woman who secretly leaves in your home both former mayoral candidates have taken City Hall once again captive Hiram is preventing anyone from entering the front door using his massive body fire breathing and harsh language Mayor Cardinal has issued a statement through her mouth shouting out of an upper floor window that the faceless old woman is stalking her through City Hall Dana can hear bare feet scattering across the hallway ceiling can sense the memory of motion in the air when she turns can feel breath on her neck dry and cold like breath never is she has come for me Dana shouted made orally I will not be able to avoid her forever I will not be able to do anything for ever Hyrum in response to questions asked by a group of lightly scorched secret police currently trying to Taser and arrested him admitted that he and the faceless old woman have been conspiring against the mayor for quite some time convincing Pamela when schl to enter a disastrous retirement staging a blatantly consumerist Christmas display involving gift cards and an ancient monolith freeing the antiques from their Panda funding the day that led Harrison kept to find the sand columns talisman and ceiling and freeing the army of tiny people under Lane five of the Desert Flower bowling alley an arcade fun complex this morning working to sabotage the ultimately successful defense led by the sheriff today against the tiny army from which the sheriff miraculously emerged unscathed then causing the salts I clone that swept through the sheriff's office not injuring him at all but really messing up his draperies and then finally sending their share of an angry letter which resulted in the serious paper cut he is currently recovering from and now all of these measures unsuccessful in removing Dino from power Hyrum and the faceless old woman have been left with no choice but to attack the mayor directly just tried to stop us said Hyrum just try I'd like to see you try the reward another one of these heads although not the one you think well certainly I won't try I've had enough of this mayor saving business my job is to report that is what I do reporting that is why they call me what they call me a journalist now let me report and only report we are taking you all to the weather oeuvre the uh uh uh uh uh the the the the uh uh the uh the the the the the even get her to be an upstanding loved about town in your child's spot valley goes down but I try to use I don't wanna die I don't wanna die the The The the sound point the The The The The the I Don't The The The The The The The The The don't comes after the the the the the the all the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The News the the the the the the the the I the the the in the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The the the the the the the the uh the the the the the the ah he the the the the the the year I am listeners whoever I am here it is the mii that is which ever miie I am you can guess what happened I think once again it was brave Cecil who saved the mayor throwing his body between her and the wrath of the faceless old woman and Hyrum it was not an easy fight and not an easy fight for me to remember here is what I know IRA McDaniels is no longer at City Hall with my help the secret police almost apprehended him but our efforts while just enough to prevent his continued siege were just under what was needed to capture a literal five headed dragon and in the scuffle Hyrum disappeared he could be anywhere so it's Moriah the secret Lost Pet City on the moon or even a still in Night Vale even that here is what else I know the face this old woman who secretly lives in whole of our homes was able to complete her malicious plans against our mayor and is now secretly living in all of our home still she did not need to change anything in order to hide these two rebels who are against the mayor rightfully chosen for us by forces we do not understand will not rest quietly I have no doubt of it I know that there is more coming as always this is what I know me o Here is what I do not know why the owner of Lot thirty seven who bought me at that auction and did nothing with their prize for so only to now use me again and again with one purpose to protect one person the day no Cardinal mayor Cardinal are my friend the law here is who I do not know but thought I did the Cardinal my friend and I am starting to fear the one I am starting to doubt are the owner of Lot thirty seven could she be the who else would be so invested in protecting her and only her day know you could it be because it couldn't couldn't but still it's still the the state to next for Part Three and Part four and many more parts each succeeding moment after the one before and some you will hear and some you will know and none of them will be true exactly but all of them will be an honest attempt at the most accurate fiction possible goodnight to our recuperating share a good night to a mayor I once thought you all goodnight to old woman Josie and the rest of the bowling team all C Whitley Night and Good Night Night Vale good night welcome to life as a production of commonplace books it is written by Joseph A and Jeffrey trainer and produced by Joseph and the voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin original music by desperation all of it can be found at dispersion dot info or a dispersion got band camp dot com This episodes weather was the world premiere of heel turn to buy The Mountain goats from their upcoming album Beat the champ find out more at Mountain dash goats dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on this show as well as all sorts of cool night they'll stuff you can own and while you're there consider clicking the donate me that because of today's proverb history is written by the victors and then forgotten by the victors and then victors by two