65 - Voicemail

65 - Voicemail

Update: 2015-04-017
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You have reached the voicemail of Cecil Gershwin Palmer.

Weather: 'Tag!' by Scarves (scarvesmusic.bandcamp.com)

Music: Disparition, disparition.info

Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.

Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.



Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:

you've reached the voicemail of Cecil Gershwin Palmer that might seem like an easy thing to do but think about how long you had to stay alive just to learn how a phone works and who I am congratulate yourself on that give yourself the vigorous pat on the back and don't forget to leave a message after the heavily distorted sample of a man saying I just couldn't eat another bite hey sweetie Carlos I know you're probably busy talking or not talking it seems like you're always talking or not talking you know so I'll try again in a bit but I just wanted to let you know what's up here what's up this guy okay okay that is a funny joke but it is also scientifically accurate one I only tell scientifically accurate jokes I don't get how people can find inaccurate jokes funny like okay so a horse walks into a bar and says I feel used as a species even I feel used and so then the bartender who was also a horse because you know this is the horse district where the horses live when they're not being used by the humans and the horse bartender says Don't I know it body and the first course as I'd like your body and many says Man I'm sorry I'm so sorry that was awful of me it's the anger so that's another example of a scientifically accurate job things are going really well here with the help of Doug and Daily Show and the other members of the mask army that live in the strange desert of the world even starting to build an infrastructure of course I had already set up a temporary lab but now we've dug up the stones that were used in the old settlements on the mountain and have been building important basics of life like shelter and roads and blood stone circles it's starting to look downright homey around here if you ignore that disquieting wasteland beyond so it's just like the rest of the world really there's lots of material to work with because get this didn't just finding stuff lately microwaves tool boxes old tennis balls to look like they've been here while I'm not sure how this stuff ended up here but I'm going to find out who reminds me I'm thinking of getting a tattoo with the definition of science straight out of Webster's dictionary so it'll say quote I don't know but I'm trying to find out okay end quote and then it'll have a skull and some roses well maybe an anchor to make it look all tiny I'm still working on how to get you here but I will how I don't know what I'm trying to find out okay okay okay I love you talk again soon he saw Michelle from the Cal record calling the new Woody Guthrie album isn't for you police are listening to that stuff yet because it is electro punk period were all listening to archival recordings of these now commit for your stupid Allen O'Shea the b sound player here and maybe you could hang out for awhile because I'm lonely and need for human contact Woody Guthrie the bases all know you said it was a lovely many voice mails on his phone you marched around the room waving your arms and say Steve calls for the emails when you try to convince me that voice mails are real but couldn't because I know what is what around here no one is one but anyways I just want to make a quick call to see agendas could stay with you in a few months look you doing emotionally quiche and you just the two bus somewhere romantic like the warehouse district or the sand wastes or Arby's you of all people know our romantic only categories can be which is to wait a minute is just a nice gift when I printed up all those teachers who Carlos there looking up the lights you got all weird about it but I don't mind sorry beach city can just get back to me but the Janice B or answer her radio show while reading about me either way it's fine everything's going well Carlos hope everything's just going with fifteen goals hopes to wield Hokkaido key Cecil to me complain here and calling to let you know that me and the rest of the missing children having a book drive we're taking books and herding them out on the Long Trail sleepless nights on our horses books clear from our feet out to a horizon gone dusty with the dreary stop a spine page upon her the sad Yelp of books taken in the night but Coyotes are librarians I don't know how long will be gone but when my horse's neck deep in the Colorado and I'm watching that round carcass of some book that will never find a reader again float away on that relentless current I'll think about you also it will probably be Thursday will be back Thursday night taking the books that are they can't walk in the audience enchant so this'll be a short one hour ago night film by Marissa pestle is looking restless and I'm worried it'll start a stampede hi it's me sure I'd love to come back into another segment of cooking stuff with Pearl Harlan I have this great recipe for pumpkin pie there's so much less blood splattered than you think but listen I'm trying to schedule a little more time in my life for my son it's hard for both of us what with me having a full time kitchen job was going straight from being a childless teenagers to middle aged man an eleven year old I mean they have Sesame Street episodes about it that you can show your kid but even with PBS is help trying to explain how your time has the time it is unimaginable my son's name is Roger I finally asked him and he told me was that easy and it was and I gotta get back to the kitchen we have a lot of orders coming in plus it's on fire cookie soon Cecil in the eighteen eight the forty nine eighteen eight he won a the the you and your the he the eighteen one eighteen three the four the case heard a call again so soon i now we talked about space and boundaries and all of that especially with this whole Lot thirty seven thing you're going through God have time to think and Cece I understand the time to think I have made an important scientific discovery and you know the rules are different when an important scientific discoveries made an important scientific discovery is grounds to interrupt anything I found people here in this desert other world we me and the members of the masked Army saw human shapes coming towards us the masked Army opted as is their way for something of a warlike response but I convinced them that it was important to discover the facts before formulating a response and India to which the Guru Lord in a fearsome voice that makes total sense school chat with them and see what's up and here is my sweet Cecil what was up these people were citizens of Night Vale they had been lost from their home as of today for exactly two years and they have apparently been wandering the desert since they are had traumatized by their years in the feature lists wasteland accompanied only by a distant rumble and a bright light that they fell primarily in the roots of their teeth and so they haven't told me at how they got here but I have them resting in the hot yoga studio we recently built so I hope to hear their story soon and when I hear the story you will too and then you know I'm sure everyone who listens to her show will blabber mouth you know it would upset me if it weren't just who you are so much of each other would be annoying if it weren't also the essence of us ok more soon the Hello faithful if Dad is sentient catch of Hayes has a new ad copy I wanted to run by you and I want to disregard any petty human feelings you have about it and that I want to run the ad on the air here goes Okay I drift above you I see mostly the top of your heads you are pitiful from that perspective your hair troops or falls out or hangs flat I haz above you stand Heatley you slog below me humanly sentient catches of Hays we are the future we are also the past you or even the props you are the backdrop so if you have any issues or questions at all about that ad don't hesitate to not tell me hope you're having a great day ok Cecil but by the Cecil the woman who secretly lives in your home and in your class and listening to Last seen her since they make such a lovely crunch and tear I just wanted to reach out in regards to protecting your former intern Dana against Iran denies good work toward destroying her foiled us more than once I won't forget that Cecil I forget nothing unlike in you brain and dusty surface easily blown clean my memory cakes on it stains walks my memories erosion is on the very surface of the human fingernails on your back now don't I could do so many things to attack you feeling remember that if you remember nothing else which seems likely these days Carlos I said hi and was liked and added my way or I will destroy you just as these months I kind of exciting Harry and your closet are destroying all of your clothing Cecil here with Eric and Erica just checking to see if we can get a ride to leave night later my cars in the shop because I stop believing so if you can fit it all in there we'd appreciate it I can't use my left hand lately so it might be a little tricky but we're still going when will crush them Cecil has sent its name it's Dana L P doing okay he seemed kind of mean lately lately then isn't it weird how we talked more of an abstract in that distant desert other world now and we work a five minute ride from each other it's funny how life works that would mean the opposite of its usual meaning that it's funny too I guess I know you think I bought last thirty seven but you're wrong I was denied bail at the tourney yes I projected myself into the auction that day but I only bought some collectible spoons and a Lee Marvin autographed baseball from a brother that's although it's helpful when you can see the reasoning for someone's feeling toward you while knowing holy that they're wrong I wonder sometimes it may double could've done better or if I in the double whether the regional me would've done better did I destroy my better half and maybe add is lucky that even half the meat is better once upon a turn I see so I do my best with what a half I don't have much help will talk soon night and needs me as much as it needs you everything comes down to it stand for that before anything else it's my job ok the the cake took a quick update and then again from your voicemail put some of the junk we found and some of the people we found in my lap and I'm studying them using microscopes and files of bubbling liquid and me making thoughtful expressions and saying things like I so am really using all of the available scientific tools right now who I feel like I'm on the verge of something big here is something new will call you soon hi this is so exciting the Coyotes easel Frank chin here yes Frank chin with one hundred percent certainty that is who I am so Frank Ginn normal human with one voice NO other voices interrupting that main voice make me sound anything less than you can hear is I can't I were all there is that boasted just normal Frank Ginn played a joke with funny voices want to hear the mayor told you any plans she might have on curious cuz I'm a citizen and voter this was a bad plan the the the Purple Rainbow Brite come around cause we're in this together just right Frank Ginn average person of normal hit amount sayin' goodbye dear Aunt Cecil hello this is your daily update from the automated Weather Service here is the current weather The thank you for using our automated Weather Service have a nice day Cecil Cecil did it I understand I hooked everything up to computers and I said a lot and then I asked the people to talk about how they ended up in the desert and it turned out they were all blurred into the dog park during Poetry Week and then the gates closed on them and they've been in this desert ever since and I thought about this I thought about how Dina came in here with them on that same day and about all of the stuff I found which I think is junk that people got rid of by throwing them over the walls of the forbidden dog park and I realized this is the dog park this whole desert the mountain light up on the mountain we're in a vast perhaps endless and definitely endlessly for bid in dog park which means you can visit now just have to walk through that dog park ate and then you know walk a few more hundred miles after that to where ever we're in this huge desert and then you'll be able to take that vacation here Colby as soon as you get this see full o' Honey poised hubby he'll be able to visit talk soon I love you the Hey ah we haven't spoken to Not so that unpleasantness that everything has been super pleasant since then the days i been working on something I like to show you I think you'll be just jazzed about it back to me ASAP okay until next time see so until next time the Welcome to Night Vale is a production of commonplace thus it is written by Joseph ng and Jeffrey Kramer and produced by Joseph think the voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin the voice of Carlos Guillen mare and the voice of Michel Wynne was Kate Jones the voice of Steve Carlsberg was how Loveland the voice of to make a flan Nicholas Anthony Sanders the voice of Earl Harlan was wil Wheaton the voice of Fay was Molly Quinn the voice of Deb was mega bash winner the voice of the faceless old woman was Mara Wilson the voice of old woman Josie was read to the voice of Mayor Cardinal was to seek a Nicole the voice of Hiram McDaniels was Jackson public the voices of the automatic phone service were Erica Livingston and Christopher lor the voice of Kevin was Kevin R Free Original Music by disposition can be found at desperation dot info for it desperation Band Camp dot com This episodes weather was tagged by scarves find out more at scarves music band camp dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night Belle radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on the show as well as all sorts of cool night feel stuff you can own and why you're there consider clicking the donate link and be cool if you consider the proverb today I just have some important news about the stray cats that live outside my apartment there's the usual one named Bisquick who is missing one ear and is terrifying but today I saw second one was fatter and less terrifying who I've named the bear and keep you updated as events unfold
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65 - Voicemail

65 - Voicemail