69 - Fashion Week
It's Fashion Week, Night Vale's hippest event. Who will be spared from the sphere? Plus, ongoing investigations into the disappearances at the Shambling Orphan housing development, an update on the opera house, and an important News announcement.
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
but don't you see you never needed anything else the weird was within you the whole tithe well come tonight they the the the the the the the listeners later new capital and but forget about that first news lowercase n it's Fashion Week in nine veil that exciting time of year in which we all get to decide what is fashionable and what is not to use the charming colloquial is um we decide what is in the sphere and what is spared from the sphere this is like Bill's hippest event and everyone is there because it is required by law so everyone is there and scared and it is hip as heck Michelle when is the only one that doesn't look scared this is her favorite holiday and she is wearing a vintage summoning cloak and a dog catchers cap and has two tiny signs attached to a face indicating her eyes she is the most fashionable person in town and certain to be spared from the sphere others or less lucky town Clerk Veronica Rothschild is running around saying Oh No Ono and adjusting her and fashionably distressed my glasses casting glances backward at the sphere which is moving impeccably to devour the un hip and absorb the outdated soon she will stumble and in the sphere will be upon her it's like the popular joke Why did the hipster burned her mouth because she survived the sphere and was able to eat her pizza before was cool and sure enough Michelle pizza in hand to his cackling madly watching the chaos and listening intently to headphones are plugged into nothing at all the Sheriff's Secret Police are seeking any liens or witnesses in the case of the disappearances up the housing development of the sham bling or fender over the last several weeks at least twelve people have vanished without a trace except for our memories of their previous existence which according to a roving gang of pedantic philosophers who has been interrupting secret police press conference is does in fact count as a trace memories are as real as any of our constructed experiences of the world said one philosopher without invitation interrupting important information about the missing persons I bet you think reality has a thing he continued much to the delight of his fellow philosophers and not a single other person in attendance the philosophers were last seen high fiving each other while drinking cheap but locally made hand of the year the missing persons were last seen at home and on the street about town about their lives just normally living until suddenly an unaccountable e they no longer were seen anywhere at all residents of the Champlain orphan and the nearby development the Desert Pines expressed mild concern over their strong fears about their abject terror more on the story as we grasp at narrative threads that can assuage our helplessness in the face of inexplicable tragedy listeners last week I had my niece Janice over while her parents were taking a romantic long weekend in the Kingdom of the data loss deep within the Hollow Earth which is of course easily accessed by ordering any item from the Arby's Market Fresh menu that was really nice to get some time alone with Janice she's getting older you know and is moving from a child which is something of an abstract concept to a person with adult ideas and thoughts and feelings a human being who you can relate to and with which is also an abstract concept we talked and watched movies she let me put on Cat Blue five times in a row because that was scoreless and I's movie night thing and I'd been missing that we ate popcorn I asked her about any girls or boys she might be interested in and she diverted me politely but awkward lead to other subjects letter it's not for me to pry that's the government's job and if I'm ever curious I can look at the public registry of middle school crushes which is constantly being updated via mind scanning satellite Janice gave me a feeling of family I rarely feel anymore and was a good feeling I hope I'll be able to visit Janice regularly in an earlier program we brought you this week's Community Calendar however it appears that there were a few errors in reporting so we would like to offer some corrections to our previous calendar the Monday we said was free hot chocolate day at the moonlight all night diner in actuality Monday will be the day that a great craft crashes down from the heavens and old will surround the ominous bulk of it still glowing hot and smoking from the impact whispering and wondering helpless to act Tuesday we said was signing day for the night fail adult kickball be in Mission Grove Park we were right about an event taking place in the park but it appears that this event will instead be a creature emerging from the craft towering over us and in a language we should not understand and yet and yet we do understand demanding that we worship it Wednesday we described as being just a nice day to go outside and take a walk just a really nice day for it he said stretch those jams we said we said the word jams over and over seemingly unable to say anything else as it turns out Wednesday is actually the day we will stage a brief but ultimately unsuccessful resistance against the horde of slimy many appendage alien pouring out from the landing craft Thursday would be the day that beings from another world fully defeat us and we will line the roads and avenues on our heads bowed in recognition of our new masters our new law turns out we were a hundred percent right on that one so we didn't completely get the week schedule wrong Friday we said would be the day that your citizen renewal packets you know the reams and reams of paperwork probing every personal detail that you have to fill out and work it remain a citizen of the veil well it's still the day to do that but instead of turning it into the city count soul who will at that point be locked in a hyper dimensional Prison by the occupying extraterrestrials you will instead turn it into the supervisor of your assigned human pod so that they can gauge how much energy can be extracted from your body Saturday we said was after day we didn't mean anything by this we just thought it would be funny people didn't find it funny they wrote and called the station demanding an explanation Janice Rio from jump street seemed especially to stir what you mean it scatter day will be attacked by cats Cats built huge black cubes all over town will be forced to enter a strange black tube that will absorb the essence until there's nothing left of me I am allergic to cats Janice crossed well no Janice and I am sorry for causing a panic Saturday will actually be the day the invading aliens start beating on us so worry no cats that day Saturdays just a fun word to say hey and Sunday well we were right about Sunday so there you go just as we said that Sunday will be the day that to me K Flynn and the beings who claim to be Angels team up to lead a dramatic attack against an occupying force with the hope of every night till driving away and reinstating our old masters who are brutal awful but phew at least are a brutal and awful we stand this has been Corrections or the community calendar community corrections this has been what it was fashion week continues and the steer is huge and Paul saying everyone is screaming and running and looking just as fashionable as they ever have been there soon to be ended the lives director of emergency press conferences and a wind chill is ostentatious living using decorated cigarette holders of ludicrous lengths despite the fact that she's not smoke she's not holding them delicately between her first two fingers but instead gripping hundreds of cigarette holders in her fist like a quiver of arrows see how hip she is saying in the booming voice Leavitt aiding quite fashionably three feet off the ground see how absolutely of the time I am the sphere homes next to her for a moment and it rolls by leaving her be so it seems like this year holding a quiver of cigarette holders is very scared from the sphere Indy the good survival tip there the old woman Josie speaking from the headquarters of strikes operatic Limited said that the new old Night Vale upper house is complete and that rehearsals are under full swing for opening night on June fifteenth of a brand new opera written composed directed by and starring legendary screen actor Lee D who will also form the entirety of the cast and will be selling concessions during intermission Joshi said that night all citizens should expect some of the usual disruptions resulting from rehearsal of any kind of live performance namely stop and go traffic in a several block radius around the theater a wake of Buzzards circling over the city and a slight uptick in the number of patients at the emergency room so it sounds like this opera whatever opera means and whatever it is will be the last and now traffic the man came and went he was here before and now isn't briefly the moment is before the inlets was he was not a serious man but then this is not a serious life we all heard him speak did we know we still do his speaking still even though he is not anything else at all how comforting the continuation of communication past that point he was our tour guide through the cosmos he would say and then apologize for saying it he was not a serious man but then this is not a serious life a man came and went he was here before and now isn't it we miss this as being the traffic the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home made a public statement that she will not wait any longer she will destroy Mayor Dana Cardinal once and for all and claimed the mayor ship for herself in her statement which was stitched into the inside lining of my jacket this morning she said You want opera you want grand performance on opening night you will see a spectacle indeed a spectacle in the meanwhile still no word from hiring McDaniels the literal five headed dragon and the faceless old woman's previous partner in crime according to local normal citizen Frank Chen IRA left town weeks ago and won't be seen around here again thanks other foreheads agreed except the purple head which had a bag over it and was mumbling Please don't include me four skeins every day left to me things would be very different things are different every time it is up to me the other heads Haas the head with a bag over it and reiterated that they are just a regular guy like you were me or anyone else who identifies as a regular guy with things like the pickup and pieces of denim clothing and enjoyment of certain types of music and being completely winless despite how powerless this must be hope that listeners the time has come this fear has arrived at the station it hums looming it considers how amazing it looms the sphere will decide whether the station and the souls within it are hip enough to be spared I tell you now that I is not to prepare for this fear for God it is that I do not care and I'm not afraid I don't know were leather pants and white shirt and baseball hat made of honeycomb and just for the same thing I slept in last night if I get ingested by a fashion conscious fear for wearing comfy casual clothes and that'll just be what happened to me I don't write the story of my life my only live it so all this fear does whatever it will do next I take you all well all of you hip enough to still remain to the weather uh the uh the the the the uh the the the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The back of the weather still hear the sphere moved on and is now out in the scrub lands and sand wastes deciding which cacti and cotton tail rabbits are of the now and which must be assimilated into the pulsating dark innards of the sphere of course radio was always hip radio is timeless community radio exists outside of time and space and so is the most fashionable thing of all of course we all know this so it's good that our station was spared and that I will continue doing radio for the foreseeable future I'm not stopping radio broadcasting I won't be doing it here but I'll be continuing to do it right so I guess it's time then at the start of all this I promised news capital N here is the news my next broadcast as host of Night Vale Community Radio will be my last night they'll buy them moving to the desert of the world to spend more time with sweet talented Carlos and the community he has built out there in that vast sand the alternate dimension there is a radio station they are built by Kevin who seeks to harm himself pretty under control and the studio only have a little bit of blood so I should be able to continue doing what I'm doing just fine I won't be doing it in a way that you will be able to hear but that too is just fine I've missed greatly and I've also grown weary of a mayor that can protect herself of the town that fears outsiders of the faces old woman who secretly lives of my home and publicly wants to do me harm and I think of a desert of the world where it is always sunny and mountains or Creole there is a helpful massed army that can build and weighing and your cell phone battery never dies even if perception is orgy at best there is the question is Night Vale worth it is Night Vale good is it a good town well I will for the first time in lived somewhere other than night they'll buy it as a poet once said No matter where you end up still from your hometown the doctor visit from time to time of course I need to see Janice and my old friend Joe sees and many others besides I am not going but I am going and going to live somewhere I can feel good about somewhere newer and better for me the state to next eventually for me reporting on the opening of the Opera House and in not reporting on anything else here ever again an ultimately good night might fail good night welcome tonight Val is a production of commonplace it is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kramer and produced by Joseph A The Voice Of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin original music by dispersion all that can be found at dispersion dot info right desperation Band Camp dot com This episodes weather was Evelyn by Kim and Tillman and silent films find out more at twitter dot com slash to him Tillman T I L L and A and comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night Belle radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on this show as well as all sorts of cool night they'll stuff you can own and Mike were there consider hitting the donate link that because with you today's proverb dress your dog for the job you want not the job