76 - An Epilogue
In just a few days the whole story will be known. This is what happens after.
Weather: 'Endless Dream' by God Is An Astronaut (godisanastronaut.com)
COMING OCT 20: WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE: THE NOVEL. PRE-ORDER HERE: welcometonightvale.com, click on novel.
OCT - NOV 2015 NIGHT VALE TOUR DATES (Jeffrey & Joseph book tour PLUS Live shows in US & Canada
AUSTRALIA / NEW ZEALAND TOUR FEB 6-13: welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows.
Music: Disparition, disparition.info.
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
hi this is Joseph ng over a year ago I told you to mark twenty fifteen on your calendars as the best year for this week is the week we deliver because in five days on October twenty at the Welcome to my fil novel finally comes out Jeffrey and I have been waiting for the world to be able to read this thing broke for so long and we could not be more excited to have it out there couple quick things you definitely are going to want to know and then gone poof if you have pre ordered the book in any format you can go to her for perennial HC dot com slash welcomes night Phil and get a free audio excerpt of the audiobook I guess it would have to be audio expert right anyway you can get there right now that's something you can do in this exact present moment go ahead POS me I won't care or your back great after the book release will be going on a huge bookstore to talk to some of our favorite people including all of you and to sign books for anyone who wants us to write on them to face her spot will be in Boston talking to Laurie Penny in New York with left Grossman a live reading by Cecil Baldwin in Chicago with the Law Kar Di Ann Arbor with Tessa darling in Saint Paul as part of the talking volumes series with Kerri Miller and life music crappy Wolf in Seattle with pink green in Portland with pink green again in San Francisco with my very favorite authors claimed if gold in L A on holla ween talking with Felicia Day patch be a very special one Atlanta With Chuck Bryant of the Stuff You Should Know podcast in Washington D C with NPR's Linda Holmes in Chapel Hill with I can't believe this John peel off the mountain goats in Dallas with Shelly can even be in Waco with Jim McKeown in Austin a free event the day before a light show their stuff opiates in Toronto again a free event along with her live show there a couple weeks earlier know come to both in Milwaukee with Patrick Roth is in Philadelphia was Cecil Baldwin and inspiration in Brooklyn with Ashley Ford in Jersey City with one of our favorite people Maureen Johnson and finally at the Miami Book Fair with Wilson Center we hope to see you all there if you don't live in one of those places that I feel cast is at the same time we're doing a book or doing a tour of our full live show to Montreal Toronto Winnipeg Edmonton Vancouver holla ween show Sacramento San Diego Denver Oklahoma City and Austin so you can get full length life experience this month in any of those cities there's so much more I can say but it won't just say that this has been my dream since I was a child and I could not be more proud of this novel you wrote I hope you love reading it as much as we left writing it thank you so much for listening to the show for coming to our live shows and for putting us in a position where we can do this thing we left most see you soon and thanks in just a few days the whole story will be no this is what happens after well God to the day the the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The last couple weeks as we all know have been fed for what is going to go over everything again we'll know what happened we are well read well informed people who have paid attention to the recent teams City affair we know about the terrible ordeals that Diane crate and Jackie hero to her we know how their troubles old dock and we know the truth about them and in the tan jacket we know a whole about him now because of what Diane and Jackie found out though I will go over all the fat instead I'll talk about the Perris to district which is experiencing a severe population spike also as a result of that whole King City Day there are just so hopeful people wondering town asking us if we want non fat or two percent and if they can get us a blueberry scone with that you can't open a whole closet or tunnel under your own lawn without a Perris that jumping out at you asking if you want to trade for all of the coffee they're going to give you so much coffee whether you want it or not here it calms a crushing amount of coffee don't run you'll never escape do you want to trade with more on this ongoing aftermath in a moment but first the new government released a statement Friday disavow in knowledge of any events which resulted from a recent gardening supplies sale that they may or may not have been involved with a representative of the US government in association with the world government the Shadow Government The lizard People and the watchers from beyond the stars wrapped in a burlap cloak and speaking in a low Crow King voice said so yeah we recently surplus and use materials from a variety of secret government projects and experiments all disguised as gardening supplies and yes the resulting effects on human life and on the very nature of time were unfortunate and yes people died in ways that we did not previously think we're even possible in this particular universe but basically it comes down to this America Love It Or Leave It when asked about any efforts that were being made to provide aid to those who were dislodged from the natural laws of the universe as the result of dangerous experimental materials sold in night fail under the guise of simple home goods and gardening where's the representative only repeated America Love It Or Leave It each iteration a little rounder a little more abstracted from human communication until it was only a series of guttural sounds in the vague shape of what use to be words as the representative retreated further and further into their burlap cloak until it collapsed empty upon the podium smelling of compost and grain alcohol all in all a pretty typical statement from the government and hopefully this clears up that whole thing with the Flamingo is due to the recent events we all have read about the librarians have been more active than usual witnesses who were paid to go witness by others who were afraid to get close enough to see report that there is steam and sparks flying out of the public libraries many chimneys howling can be heard both inside the building and from the bowels of the witnesses as through the windows they glimpsed the terrible physical forms of the librarians there is even a few unconfirmed reports that in the confusion of recent events and the resulting damage done to the library build a one of the librarians may have escaped of course a disaster of that magnitude hasn't happened since oh I guess it would have been last year so that doesn't seem likely truly it would be awful if it did though we've lost so people from so many different places the last time a librarian escaped one of the witnesses James Patterson no relation to the famous local dairy farmer James Patterson reported that perhaps the librarians have developed the power to mentally influence those around them since the closer he got to the library the more strongly he felt the urge to read books are there any good novels coming out soon he began foolishly asking blind to the dangers that books present oh man I could really a new he babbled the port thing not even understanding the ghastly words spewing from his mouth we have no idea if this event was an aberration or if librarians have truly developed the terrifying ability to make people want to actually read books but all citizens would be well advised to stay clear of libraries and any dangerous books they may seem in bookstores everywhere quite soon I mean you should always avoid books and libraries but now it might be worth taking extra precautionary measures like scooping your eyes out with grapefruit spoons and triple bolting your door and now back to today's epilogue the baristas are continuing to multiply all over town businesses that were recently useful normal things like gas stations and antique malls and screaming sheds are now suddenly coffee shops full of identical baristas demonstrating their ability to illustrate using steam the milk on coffee the exact moment of your death this crisis makes me think of the man in the tan jacket who was with us in so many crises through our town's recent history what would he have done with this situation perhaps it would help to start the beginning the beginning is usually an awfully convenient place to start right trying to find the beginning grappling with the question of time scientists have a game where they try to explain time to each other without laughing no one has ever won the men came to us first almost three years ago a newcomer in a tan jacket I remember him standing by the side of the road in the small puddle of light cast from a burning refrigerator and that is that they are remembering when he was here we did not remember how we forgot him constantly a Specter in a tan jacket now he is not here and we remember him perfectly years of stories and experience come flooding back to us we remember him scampering over the walls of the dog park we remember him showing us a map to a place very far from here a place we did not understand at all we remember him passing out pieces of paper the content of which was a mystery the physical properties of which were a nuisance but here again I cover story we already know because we also recently experienced an old woman Joe C released a statement to me in person as part of a conversation we were having privately without her saying it was a statement it was stuff I think she said to me during the conversation anyway here it is she said I always like that man in the tan jacket even when I was afraid of him and suspicious of him even when he showed up at my door in the middle of the night with that suitcase of his suitcase that constantly buzzed knocking on my door and babbling about how he needed help desperately we had to help save his home even then as I was ignoring him in his hour of need I like them even when I forgot him completely and had no idea he even existed I liked him you know this fruit salad Carlos made is just delicious and I agree with Joe C statement the fruit salad we were having had our lunch together was super good and I wolf down even though I've been trying to cut back on my meat consumption lately IRA got a little sidetracked there to get back to the point we are all likely going to be destroyed by an endless stream of Barbara Starr's which is of course a direct result of the recent events involving Jackie and I had solo there's that listeners looks like we're in need of a new inter intern Danielle has stopped coming to the office I mean Danielle had all these crazy conspiracy theories about how radio in turns are doomed so she wanted to stay inside and focus only on computer work she steadfastly refused any field reporting assignments so I complied with her wishes and let her run our social media accounts which I thought would make her happy but a few weeks ago after giving her the simple and fun job of taking pictures of cos Shack our radio stations live in cat for our official station MySpace as well as to my personal Google Plus and snap chat accounts she just stopped coming to work I guess she just didn't have it in her anymore but listen if your to learn about a career in radio than Danielle we'd love to have you come in turn here at the station all you need to do to become a community radio in turn is not run away when station management surrounds you outside your home shouting this one is next this one is next and now word from our sponsors personally I find the content of this had distasteful given my earlier warning but I'm informed by station management that I have to read it as written here goes many of us like books none of us like to admit it we know that reading makes us devious perverts freaks many of us might say on the radio for instance that books are dangerous and should be avoided even thinking the words are I like books to ourselves makes us shudder with the secret shame we know that we should only be reading government pamphlets and the prophecies on the back of cereal boxes but again and again we find ourselves returning to the dark sickness of literary language who among us can say that they do not have buried in a box of linens under their bed a well read copy of Brand New ancients by Kate Tempest or a collection of any bakers Vermont plays given all this should we ban together deviant with deviant a DB it's so natural that it is no deviant at all but an ingrained motion of the heart a secret desires so common that it is no more secret than the sun should we begin to admit together that we all sometimes like to talk and read books no of course not we should be ashamed and hide our love of books from each other heaping scorn and hypocritical anger upon anyone who dares to reveal that they have the same desires we do Harper perennial all of our literature is shipped to you in unmarked brown paper wrapping its charges will appear on your credit card statement as definitely not books no one has to know you are a book reading for re this has been a message from our sponsors books the population of the wrist the district continues to grow doubling almost every hour Bruno known to modern science antique science or reverse science Carlos is working on a solution but in the meantime townspeople are overwhelmed and scared by the coffee options suddenly available to them they are screaming they are screaming and running away Larry Leroy out on the edge of town told me that he can see them now the worst is that they are beautiful and Sir J There are hands holding so coffee they are bowls soul helped pull this might be it Larry is saying anything could be it his continuing any moment could be the last one we should always be prepared for the eventuality of no more eventuality zz we all live on the narrow precipice but also get this bar is the thing is really going off ha he concluded perhaps if the man in the tan jacket were here he would have some ideas some solution or even would just be there to add a comforting forgettable presence to this ongoing disaster but of course he is not here and we all we all know who he really is now oh oh Corliss is texting me oh okay he says that he has a solution to this whole list of things they once played for her it also takes care of that other problem you know the one I don't even have to explain to you right now because it was so frightful and all consuming and freshen ok while Carlos does his clever plan will do what clever plan of my old which is taking you to the weather the the the The The The The The The the the the the uh uh and now here we are in the after Carlos is planned well we read about what it was and how it turned out no need to summarize here what do we do after such huge events have transpired after the ones in danger no longer are meaning either that they no longer are in danger or that in an existential sense they just no longer all are well I'll tell you what I'll do I'm going to go bowling with Carlos League Night is tonight and we've got the team back together with old woman Josie of course she can use her left hand again now now that this affair we've been talking about is all over so our scores should be up and what else the sky of course always that let's start there and work are we down to earth other cities other places this city this place I imagine that soon this town will settle back into the routine of its existence until a new peril arises again soon like a heartbeat a sudden violent movement and in between a lull in itself a rhythm a counterpart the silence between the beats Night Vale in the low the doctors at the hospital going about their mysterious routines the pawn shop its name changed now of course after what happened recently the office district and oh it looks like there is a large family of tarantula is heading and they do not look happy I would hate to be whoever it is that they're looking for the moonlight all night diner where I'm sure Steve Carlsberg is going to stop by on his way home for a slice of invisible pie our mayor Dana getting ready to finish her work Carlos is lab where he is also finishing up his work see you soon Carlos end and something else over a housing tract across town I can see a doctor in the sky floating high above one of the house is twirling and swirling higher I can't quite seem what it is but it's lovely and dedicates an entire town swinging back to the normal getting on with life in the after after all of the things that we all all the books except of course one person a person missing a person who we all mixed up person impossible to remember a person now impossible to forget the man in the hand check what next well the I think there maybe other people other stories to tell we are each of us a vast story waiting for someone to tell it stay tuned in just a few days or depending on where you are in time any day you decide to get around to it for a four hundred and one page factual report about the events that led to this apple all available in hardcover ebook or audiobook from your favorite factual report retailer in the meantime from after the whole of what you haven't yet read Good Night Night Vale good Nye the Ballet's production of Night Trail presents it is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey trainer and produced by Joseph and the voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin original music by distortion all it can be found at desperation dot info or desperation Band Camp dot com This episodes weather was and the list dreams by God Is An astronaut find out more at God Is An astronaut dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night got a radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on the show as well as all sorts of cool night fell stuff you can tune in while you're there consider clicking the donate think how cool that would make today's proverb late capitalism is such a sweetly optimistic frames