86 - Standing and Breathing
They are not from here.
The voice of Melony Pennington was Molly Quinn.
Weather: 'Well-dressed' by Hop Along (hopalongtheband.com)
NEW! Europe Tour Dates:
Oct 3-23, 2016
welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows.
US Tour Dates:
East Coast & Midwest Apr 2-24, 2016
South & West Coast Jul 7-22, 2016
welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows.
New Books: Night Vale Podcast Episodes, Volumes 1 & 2
now available for pre-order
Welcome to Night Vale: The Novel. welcometonightvale.com, click on book.
Music: Disparition, disparition.info.
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
hain Europe what's been going on haven't talked of it I have some news for you and it'll take me less than ninety seconds right now we are taking our live night Phil show ghost stories around the United States I'm getting to Europe but hey if you live in the US check out her website because there's a good chance we'll be in your maybe we're even right now but we haven't forgotten about you Europe that's why I will be coming to tell you our ghost stories this October and we really are going out of her way to hit as much of Europe as we can and try to get to places we haven't been able to get to before so if you live in one of those places please tell your friends tell your enemies tell everyone we want to have a great show and be able to come back all right we're going to get ready for it Paris Madrid cologne Copenhagen Stockholm Oslo Amsterdam Munich Berlin Warsaw Prague Dublin Brighton London and Manchester who ghost stories is my favorite live show we've done yet it is creepy and sad and weird and everything we want when we bring people in a room together and tell the story tickets go on sale this Tuesday April nineteen eleven am Central European Time full schedule and ticket links on our website and you folks in the US if you're still listening remember to go there too because we're probably doing a show next year house tonight I mean statistically speaking and hey thanks I believe the children are our future they are also our past and are present this is how children work in linear time well the the the the the the uh the the The The The The The The The The The The The The The Dean a cordial and noticed that last night's air raid sirens were nothing to be alarmed if I were or the missing street and highway signs nor are the angry people who were assigned to hold the signs and wave them about using the maritime tell a graphic language of some before and who are now standing around dumbfounded and empty handed though or should we get concern ourselves with mailboxes which have all been filled with what postal workers hope is just hair gel following a meeting with the sheriff and the City Council Mayor Cardinal says she believes this all to be the work of pranksters perhaps the return of the feral dogs once defaced several concrete walls with libertarian street art but the mayor and the secret police are not ruling out more sinister activity Sheriff Sam added while whittling a piece of balsa into a polar bear that it's deftly these foreigners moving here from Desert Bluffs City Council said nothing they mostly stood around behind the press conference podium texting and giggling all of them had fresh haircuts crisp upturned polo collars and manic years the mayor said she would work closely with Sheriff Sam to find the culprits bought in the meantime there's no need for alarm Sam added that there was a need to remove all foreigners or on the story as it develops but first an update on the trial of hiring McDaniels unable to find a jury of peers for a literal five headed dragon the court agreed to create artificial intelligence to simulate what Five headed Dragon peers would be like and then place that AI on the jury for this project they hired expert computer programmer Melanie Pennington who joins us now by phone welcome to my show Melanie to your shell and hi hello it turns out you welcomed me it doesn't make sense to welcome you sorry my mind was you know the expense the back the out there I mean my mind is elsewhere my mind is everywhere wonderful and how are you ever look at the stars the stars you know the stars not each star but some of the stars I mean every single one of the stars at once I mean the whole night sky added at the overlook at the some of the stars the night sky as an equation beauty as a math problem which it is everything beautiful is that everything beautiful is a problem what was your question How are you doing well fine nobody you so familiar to a sound familiar you just said that so I guess I do you have that one of my programs or not that none of them are sentient you can tweak things that have no sentence well I guess you could be like their pile of rocks I'm Melanie just to see what happens as a business a dogma for social engagement my wish a had a dog have you ever met a rock which is good well I'm what I'm saying is that I probably sound familiar because all my programs have the same voices me that the computer programming what have you ever programmed a computer that broadcasts on radio station specifically one that recites random numbers oh yes the local number station w Z Z Z Yes that was one of my early programs and the wind chimes are two random included messages to points but also a few pudding recipes and a funny crypt elegy Palmer to sue you designed fatty the voice of W Z Z Z O the program has not made absolutely no sentient not every program with sentient that w Z Z Z program only recite numbers and towns that's all it does and all it ever will do it doesn't know exists about that see there was the thing that happened a couple years ago I listened to me babbling on line You had me on to talk about that right yes well I understand there has been some controversy around the ethics of making a jury of peers from artificial intelligence rather than actual five headed dragons there are a lot more problems and just ethics are ethics even quantify what is right I mean let's assign a number on how ethical a computerized jury is going to say it's a low number like one point five or two but let's make it on a scale of zero to three so that's pretty good everything's going fine ethically speaking anyway but the programming has been tough have you ever even tried to program a computer I barely know how to turn one on say as long as I have a real computer expert on do have some basic computer tips for me and our listeners a public service like that would be really ethical like a two point five or even a three on applicability scale what a good idea here are some basic tips for the computer novice who is hoping to one day write code that advances us closer to the singularity tip one computers can make you angry anything can make you angry computers are anything tip to Peter played then that's probably illegal you need a license to plug in a computer tip three computer programs are a lot like humans are full of bugs mostly theoretical and invented by overly caffeinated lonely people in dark rooms for the thing about the stars already yes good if I create a strong password the most secure password possible is you'll never guess this where the hell is replaced with a zero and the Els replaced with zeroes and all the other letters are replaced with zeroes a string of nineteen euros is the most secure password I added an exclamation point at the end of my password exclamation points are impossible to have you are very secure six There are two main types of computers the first or PC's personal computers personal computers know your name and things about your life or casual and friendly sometimes the overly personal and you end up having to say this is all too much back off computer the second type of computer is the house cat these are in the light robotic went to peds use but the secret police to monitor our domestic behavior and try to understand why people like to stroke robots and talk in high voices to that this has been very hopeful I thank you for saying that I love to be helpful this trial has been so challenging and everyone is upset these days I don't feel helpful these days they feel kind of useless and it gets me down oh I know that feeling you know sometimes when I'm sad I like to sing old hymns to myself meet you which one's your favorite I got the eye of the Thai egg or five major dance in the because I shan't be in the home the passage from the Old Testament I feel better already all thanks melody I'm sorry I get your name by the the the the mayor's Office reports that perhaps their earlier calls for not being alarmed was a bit premature and that we could all stand to be a little more of our several dead animals have been found all over town on sidewalks in streams and fields animal corpses everywhere this has happened before listeners many of you remember the glowing cloud all hail that pass through Night Vale years ago dropping dead animals on all of us and since that first terrifying and bloody visit the glow cloud all bow before the mighty cloud has since settled down as a citizen of this town even joining the school board as the glow clouds child attends Night Vale Elementary it's hard to believe that the glow cloud all praise the malevolent clown who rules my every puny desire etc etc would return to such dreadful acts of violence against animals and rooftops but again it's hard to know why anyone does John Peters you know the farmer standing out in his freshly sown field of imaginary corner near his pastures said he saw a couple of mangled swirls and expired possums he added I've seen them strangers to the once but don't move cept for their breathe and just breathe and breathe sometimes get a little closer and you think they were second to go despite not looking like they were even moving he also said he finally a card from his brother Jim who left town years ago to fight in war the message it simply read Happy twelveth Birthday little brother only three months into my mission you fierce Johnson covered his face and pointed to one of the strangers cornfield air it's definitely them strangers what's killing these animals John then the birthday card on it a farmer caricature holding balloons and a caption reading I Love You cows you're my brother tightly to his heaving chest and now word from our sponsor Today Show Is brought To You by Papa John's Papa John's we make pizza with only the freshest ingredients using old world recipes passed down from our families many generations of pizza makers nearly all of these pizza makers are still alive making pizza and passing down recipes they live in the back were running out of room for them we've long given up on thinking they'd eventually die why don't they die I mean we love them but there are close to fifty people in our family dating back to at least the eighteen hundreds their bodies are aging and failing but not ever you know dying perhaps it's our secret recipes causing that you think so but it's not because a few members of our family have actually passed away although now that we're thinking about it those were public executions for treason back during the First World War and another couple were car accidents it is the sauce either way visit your local Papa John's order a delicious pizza how hard can it be in mortality we be Papa John's it'll be fine and now look at traffic they met through mutual acquaintance they shook hands and met eyes over food and drinks and among friends they laughed and told stories occasionally their eyes lingered occasionally one looked away first they shared a brief but quiet and private moment in the front porch it was getting late people really think it was a new moon that night either but remember that part one of them said goodbye as they headed to their car the other said goodbye back they hug both thinking in that short embrace about the other's body against their own about the topography of forgiveness and the geography of tomorrow see you again soon I hope gets you two they parted as the one drove away later the other drove away it was a fun party with good friends good food and drinks they would remember the laughing and the stories they would not remember the mood or the name of the other it wouldn't come up again they later met other people and still other people later they would drive home and drive home they never met again they both lived meaningful lives laughing drinking eating and driving home this as been traffic while officers from the shared secret police are now responding to a series of power outages and broken water mains witnesses have reported a strange sight at the city's dog park hooded figures which are sometimes glimpse inside the dog park were all lined up outside the dog park as if standing guard along the row of dark cloaks and hoods humming witnesses kept a great distance from the scene simply noting the hooded figures for all and imposing stature spaced evenly around the forbidden Municipal Park the sidewalks in front of them were empty for one young couple and their dog who walked slowly past the centuries and perturbed figures imitating a crescendo of white noise witnesses watched the past the park and disappear from sight the witnesses reported that just around that corner where the couple had walked with a different the stranger staring right at the witnesses did not recognize the person had no noticeable features the stranger did not appear to move for its steady no single witness saw the stranger move but suddenly it was closer merely feet away from that one of the witnesses said we should run away another agreed yes let's run away they did not go anywhere now that stricken on the weather the the the the moon the the issue the Louisiana ad is the the is the the the the the the the eye long and the the and Louise The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The Moon The elected the the noon The The The The The The The The The The and The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The and the if you can hear me Night Vale it is because you are one of those still with electricity or whose home is not on fire o Breaking News there are a bunch of fires across town they're spreading from Hold Hold Fire Chief Ramon Encarnacion said that she believes the fires were started by the neglect of common but dangerous things like kitchen ranges candles cigarettes and blood stones Encarnacion said the strangers are appearing at doorways and windows and inside showers and from behind refrigerators just staring in breathing and otherwise not moving upon seeing the strangers the residence of those homes became frozen in fear and thus incapable of tending to their flammable items never leave a blood stone on it ended Night Vale Encarnacion cautioned Mayor Dana Cardinal finally relented to the sheriff's request to try to round up the strangers Sheriff Sam responded with a jumping heel click and they won't be sorry Mayor as they ran out to start making arrests Sam has long held that the strangers are just trouble makers who've moved here from the collapsed town of Desert Bluffs our former neighbors but upon arriving at several of the burning homes Sam began to have a change of the belief the strangers were not from Desert Bluffs at all the strangers Sam now police are something else they are not from here Sam said Not here meeting night they'll But you're Sam then indicated the brightness of the term here by swinging their arms slowly to indicate the entirety of the tangible world we all pretend to know and understand the secret police instead of arresting or detaining or even getting near the strangers began to move the petrified residents of each of these homes safely away to an undisclosed location which I assume means the same thing as a safe location since the secret police or law enforcement professionals strangers never moved other than their steady breaths even when they sometimes appear dramatically closer than they were before the stranger seemed to have no goal other than to threaten our well being Knight Bale Sam explained wordless Lee using only a long ribbon and floor dance routine to express the dire situation we are all facing my Secret Police and I will work to serve and protect you secretly of course this is off the record in the meantime Stater homes and lock your doors if you see a stranger keep moving and call us or none listed number Actually so maybe e mail Sam said with a flick of their ribbon and a double somersault like hell I think back to the words of Little League coach and Ghost Lucia Terrace Chico they're no longer common they're here and we cannot stop something that wants nothing to think of the image of a young couple and their dog blithely passing the row of beautiful hooded figures out it was more ring that boy can that be such a good kid but the goal so so cute it's old but I fear for whatever it is SHINee and that boy and dog are involved in eating our share of tonight like they'll stay safe in your home get away fast if you see one of them stay tune next for words ordered intentionally and confidently saying something understanding nothing and is always Good Night Night Vale who may be locked those windows too good not the welcome tonight is a production of Night fail to sense it is written by Joseph ng and Jeffrey crater produced by Joseph and the voice of Ninth and O is Cecil Baldwin the voice of Melanie Pennington was Molly Quinn original music but desperation all of that can be found at dispersing dot info or at desperation Band Camp dot com This episodes weather was well dressed by hop along find out more at Hop along with the band dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night Phil radio check out Welcome to the dot com for more information as well as all sorts of cool night the stuff you can own while you're there consider clicking the donate link we really appreciated today's proper call me old fashioned but I believe there should be only one continent wind it's because sometimes you forget to record your wife before she leaves in a month on too