93 - Big Sister
New guests arrive in town. Plus, a bake sale the elementary school, the start of football season, and changes at the Night Vale chapter of the NRA.
Weather: 'Mary on a Wave' by Okkervil River (okkervilriver.com)
New Books: Night Vale Podcast Episodes, Volumes 1 & 2
Available September 6!
Welcome to Night Vale: The Novel.
welcometonightvale.com, click on book.
Come see Night Vale at LA Podfest
Sept 23-25, 2016
Or if you can't make it to LA, you can livestream it from home
Details at Lapodfest.com
Night Vale European Tour Dates:
Oct 3-23, 2016
welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows.
Music: Disparition, disparition.info.
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.
Following script is auto-generated by Speech to Text Technology:
today I'm here to talk to about one thing and one thing only books I like and I like them so much that we are releasing two books this week mostly Voight partially star's welcome tonight Phil episodes volume one has every word of our first year of the show plus our live show condos and a ton of illustrations commentary on every episode where the people that make the show and an intro by Corey doctor oh the great glowing coils of the universe welcomes night office it's going to is our second year plus the live show the debate again with illustrations commentary and an intro by Maureen Johnson bestselling author and I fail in turn know every single one of these episodes backwards and forwards then you'll love seeing our resident artist Jessica Hayworth interpret them and hear the behind we've never told before never listen to any of these episodes then this is a quick and fun way to get caught up freed of books me to be to these books will be out on September six that's in just six days face in Spanish chest in Boston Harbor in the universe a link which we waltz be years to celebrate we will be doing a book tour with conversations and signings in Brooklyn Cincinnati right back Menlo Park San Francisco San Diego and Los come see the various amazing writers and performers we will be having conversations with all of the info on the books and took offense at the exact circumstances of your death or at Welcome to Night Film dot com swatch books and hey folks are cool phoned it in your heart you'll need to break past the rivers and then scoop it out but it's in there and you need to find it quickly welcome to the the the the the uh uh the news today there's a bake sale this Saturday afternoon at Vale Elementary this is to raise money for aid and sculpture to honor the great contributions made by the current school board president low clouds glow cloud is mighty and magnificent all hail the powerful glowing cloud which rules our every desire our every action our very existence all hail that which did not create us but can certainly destroy us the sculpture will serve as a physical manifestation of our fuel to you to the benevolent get oppressive cloud who has helped increase standardized test scores in every school as well as graduation rates at night they'll high low clouds all day also help to build a brand new Fine Arts Center and rehearsal studios for music programs at the junior highs so good work well deserved in unrelated news several five headed dragons have been seen around a veil that veils most famous Five headed Dragon really the only dragon know with MacPhail is hyper McDaniels who is currently in prison slated for execution for his attempt to kill Mayor Dana Cardinals none of these new dragons are Hyrum but they are all five headed and quite large my intern Karim reports that the apparent leader of these new Dragons is a doll some McDaniels Hiram sister not sure what their intentions are but I bet they're innocuous to some dragons passing through Karim argues that their intentions seem rather sinister for instance they nearly burned down the Pinkberry by the mall you know a few weeks ago I asked for mo shi on my order at that Pinkberry and they put crushed peanuts on it as if anybody likes that garbage so I don't know innocuous sinister Six One Way half a dozen the other one point five times for another way listeners can I just take a moment to thank our intrepid intern Karim he's been at the station for a long time a dedication few of our interns have ever shown in fact most radio interns leave in the first few weeks an effort to be heard from again and not Karim he is truly loyal to this station and to his radio dreams I think ill have a long career ahead of him Karim is talking his head and raising one eyebrow at me kind of a face paced thumbs up I suppose you're welcome Karim let's have a look now with sports The Night Vale High School Scorpions kickoff their season this Friday night at Memorial Stadium against the Pine Cliff lizard monitor night fails new quarterback sophomore Mallory Willingham won the starting job over junior Andrey Lexington who really struggled last year with some of the basic concepts of throwing like which arm to use in the season finale last December Lexington brought a third arm he found in the vacant lot out back the routes use that arm to throw for five touchdowns in a victory over the Stone Meadow with shark nurses even with this impressive finale coach Nasser Al Mujahid said he preferred the consistency Willingham brought to the position Willingham has great vision coach Al Mujahid said while crouching behind a large cardboard box in the corner of his office she can see things no one else can the coach screamed his body quivering she can see your sole right to him to wait he whispered while still screaming she's coming she's coming he said suddenly as he barricaded his office by hammering wood planks over the door Willingham sounds like just what this team needs to make the playoffs once again Jim Langley head of the night Bill chapter of the Inn or a announced today some changes to their charter saying that from now on the NRA will no longer use the words gun rifle pistol semiautomatic or revolver instead those words and related words will be replaced by the word kittens as in kittens don't kill people people kill people and going down kittens ablaze eying and well if you're holding my head Langley said the word gun carries too many negative connotations the word kitten does not lend the stressed the importance of positive language when attempting to rally a public behind an organization with such monstrous political beliefs Langley and the NRA and distributed fliers across town that read Don't let the government take our kittens which cause several excited residents to call city hall they demanded to know whether the government really planned to come to their homes and take away their kittens because the residents at their cat just had a bunch of kittens and are having trouble finding homes for them so if the government wants to take some kittens please by all means come to our house and take them this excited the members of the City Council who apparently eat kittens they rushed out answering every call for kittens but then upon seen that many of the residents who had kittens also had guns in their homes of the City Council ordered the guns removed we've lost our appetite for kiddies the council snarled in unison we're now entering every home in a tail and taking away your guns an update on the Dragon's Dream scored a prison interview with hiring McDaniels Abrams gold green blue and gray heads have been sentenced to death for trying to kill mayor Cardinal according to Karim Hyrum has been shackled inside a large stone room just outside his barn window hybrid can see prison guards inflating colorful mylar balloons that read execution day and contracts and lordy guess who's forty but forty has been crossed out and replaced with a handwritten being terminated is by the head will be spared since he did not participate in the attack on the mayor and in fact for good the assassination attempt just last month Iran's file it had received the sheriff's Black Heart Medal for bravery and service to the community Sheriff Sam himself pinned it right onto violets think scale e skin Karim reports that in spite of his impending execution Hyrum is in good spirits Myron Scholes had told Karim son I'm not worried I got some plans in the works some really smart plans then hire him winked four times with one eye on each of his four heads up for execution Violet did not drink only flowered saying the government the vibrant screen had snarled complaining is not a strategy we need solution based contributions Karim hire him that these plans involved inviting his sister and all the other dragons into town I run went fine now that's not it at all his gold replied that's not logical it makes no sense for her to be here the Pirates who had stayed the night they lose you but I am too so who cares his great head concluded more on this as it develops but first a word from our sponsor roll rectangle on your wall making a big rectangle wider than it is tall put it at eye level across from your sofa then color it in all black a big black rectangle on your wall now erase the black coloring and then draw a picture let's say of Nathan Philly in from the TV show Castle next to him draw the actor Molly Quinn who plays his daughter Alexis on the show you like Castle it's a good show let's say it's your favorite scene from Castle where Rick and Alexis reconcile their differences after an important court case so they're talking to each other Rick is about to say I'm sorry okay got that now erase that and rolled the same scene again only Dave moved ever so slightly Rick is just beginning to open his mouth now got it good now the race that and do it again Rick's mouth slightly more open as he begins the first sound of the word my name maybe draw a Lexus gently lowering her ties to receive his statement still a bit unsure about what is to come keep doing that erasing and redrawing frame by frame each fraction of the second until you have fully and made the scene I'm consuming isn't it perhaps you should get a Samsung Smart TV will flicker all these images and stories that you without you even having to move no offense but were much faster at it that you are also Nathan billion looks nothing like that do you think we said Nathan Lane I mean he's a talented actor too but he was never on Castle rethinking of Modern Family we bet you are thinking of Modern Family Samsung stop drawing on your wall intern Karim says he has seen her dossier in downtown near City Hall accompanied by several other multi headed dragons she's a full ten feet taller than Hyrum and like high from the Dawson has exactly five heads but instead of being several different colors each are green each one shouts simultaneously overlapping though not in use and things like Bring me my brother R and I will crush your human skulls in my claw laws and that's not a non life this is a NARAL are going toward the sky a great breath of Fire which screams that did not resemble a knife at all just an aside listeners green has always been a bit of a set neck used to say he didn't think I remake Daniels was really a five headed dragon but elaborate metaphor I made up for a dangerous man the strange point of view for a young man who openly acknowledges the existence of angels so I hope he understands now that the dos is knife comment is a metaphor the dragons themselves are a little reality anyway it's good that these young interns get a chance to see the world for themselves rather than just in textbooks and classrooms I do hope that cream is getting a lot out of that and on I just got word from Karim that he thinks he broke his ankle diving out of the way of to dos is flaming breath as she stormed toward City Hall to use metaphors lightly Karim dragons are real young man Mayor Cardinal and Sheriff Sam have appeared on the steps of City Hall Karim who is trying to maintain consciousness in the face of crippling pain says they are confronting the Dawson directly Dana is extending an open palm as a welcoming Show of Peace Sam is clinching their shotgun and shouting at the Dragon's Keep Your Way Gone you overgrown salamanders behind them a large cloud glowing and rumbling dropping dead animals all a few of the dragons are whispering upon seeing the cloud approach but not done so Dana is waving a hand to both Sam and the glow clout to stand down but the Dragons are closing in on her listeners has had all succumb to finish what Hyrum started a full green get out of there but also to get closer to the action really try to get that story but also to get very far away as we wait to learn Dana state let me take you now to the weather the room in the the the the the the the the the uh the in the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The the In the the would The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The the all The The The The on The The Dream has gotten himself to the hospital to get his ankle looked at seem silly to be in a cast for a few weeks but fortunately before he passed out from the pain he managed to get a report of what happened it's all your court has stepped forward also and welcome her to the city was cautious and graceful sneered at Sam and their shotgun until Dana told Sam to lower the Augusta screamed at Dana we do not come in peace we come with boy then several dragons and direct fire into the sky apparently an agreement were to signal that they were the lawyers for or perhaps they saw some idiot bird fly too close to the to dos I introduced her cousin Miriam evil men and two of her close friends to her Partridge and her entries were all lawyers fought here to discuss the imprisonment and threatened execution of a citizen of their world Sam said no not welcome here and then to emphasize their point crafted a peep or B Shea For know plenty of artichokes hours later after Sam finished the sculpture Dana said but you are welcome here we welcome all people the Dawson said we are not people all seem to disagree you are sentient cares about families and careers and community you loving you fear others I respect you when you respect me because we are all people even if we are not all human for track and respect does not need to include getting four fully understanding but simply acknowledging that those things are possible because of sovereignty incentives because we respect people as people you are welcome tonight fail there was a long silence then sheriffs and slap their forehead and groaned twenty two May this is a blanket is Austin The Globe Pub shrunk away disappointed course can possibly bored or something it's hard to tell exactly how clouds feel just by looking at Dana and Sam argued over how welcome to try to work until the dos are bored thank you Miriam agree or beige head saying this will do nicely I find us a Super Bowl extended stay hotel Miriam is maroon head said the costumes she seems Klein Syrians purple head muttered kindness and trust on not relay team Dana and the Dragons shook hands the applause as did Sam overlook to the doctor shouted We begin negotiations next week so it looks like we have some new residents a night they'll really appreciate a nine her openness to people from all backgrounds she's one of the kindest and most they are people I know I cannot think of a better mayor but given what happened to Kareem today worried about the violent nature of dragons not intentionally destroys necessarily but just the physical destruction that comes with beans a dozen times or sauce of cream to stick to me by the way Jesus into the show right now from hospital he says When elephants dance the grass gets trampled cream sounds confused are no elephants in town and very little grass so you know what I'm going to tech screen back and explain him what an elephant is I mean know the two next for the sound of distant drums and Ken as always could not make bail the the Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Bell presents it is written by Joseph H and Jeffrey trainer and produced by Joseph and the voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin original music by distortion all of it can be found at this tradition got info practice for rationed at band camp dot com This episodes weather was Mary on a wave a brand new track by Oscar Bill Ritter from their new album a way out September nine find out more at the Kerrville River dot com comments questions email us at info at Welcome to Night Vale dot com or follow us on Twitter at night Bill radio check out Welcome to Night Vale dot com for more information on this show as well as all sorts of cool night pale stuff you can while you're there consider clicking the donate Now it really helps out today's proverb drive it like you stole it but you stole it because you really loved it he would not like to see it damaged basically drive careful the